Love is the Answer
by danswritergirl
Summary: This is the sequel to Questions.  Captures Hallie and Regan's romance and eventually explains how Daniel could be Dan's son.  Answers all questions from first story-chapter by chapter. I love reviews...
1. His Answer

_**Note: These characters (with the exception of the BWG's offspring) are not mine. They belong to Random House.**_

_**This is the sequel to my story called Questions. Some of this tale may not make much sense if you haven't read the other story first.**_

His Answer

Sometimes, there are places which hold significant meaning in our lives.

For Hallie Belden Regan, this place was a deep crevice in the earth at the back of the Wheeler's game preserve in Sleepyside, New York. The high rock walls on either side of the little trench had always reminded her of the dusty desert areas not far from her childhood home in Idaho. Whenever she would visit her cousins as a little girl, she often found her way to this spot and imagined she was living in the time of her mother's Native American ancestors; she would dance, chant, and create native looking carvings and paintings on the mud-caked ledges. It was a place of self-discovery. A place where she and her cousin Trixie had at first engaged in some of the most volatile of arguments, and then later forged the closest bonds of friendship. It was where she retreated to deal with her grief when her boyfriend Dan Mangan had passed away from cancer at nineteen. Returning, years later, with her sixteen year old son, she still viewed the crevice as a wealth of spiritual connection. There was something recorded on those walls that she simply had to share with Daniel.

As the pair rode on horseback towards the ancient crack in the earth, there was an open discussion of recent events and family business. Hallie was grateful to get this time with her middle child, especially now that her oldest son Will was living on his own. She let Daniel guide the conversation in any direction he wished.

"Mom, I think Will was happy to see us today. Not just because we told him we were going to help exercise the horses, but…well…just because. Do you think he misses living at home?" Daniel obviously missed having his brother down the hall.

"Oh, we're only five minutes away, and I think he's a little too busy to be homesick." Hallie responded confidently. "He certainly has done a lot to fix up the stables since he took over as the Wheeler's groom. Did you notice the new coat of paint in the office? I'm impressed."

"I think Candace had something to do with that. She's a pretty good influence on him. I like her. What do you think about her?" Daniel wagged his eyebrows and gave a grin at the mention of his older brother's girlfriend.

"She's a keeper." Hallie said with a smile. "If he lets that one get away, he's crazy."

"You wouldn't freak if he suddenly wanted to get married?"

"I…think it's a bit early for that. After all…she's going to need to finish her degree and he just got himself situated in the apartment…Of course I would freak, Daniel. They're barely twenty. She may be the right one, but it's just too soon."

Hallie had already been a little worried about Will moving too fast, but she knew her husband Bill had recently tackled that conversation with their son. She decided not to let Daniel's teasing make her nervous about the issue again. Will was the level-headed child out of her three. She didn't feel the need to question his decisions; however, if it had been her daughter Fiona they were discussing, Hallie would have been in a panic. Fiona was as passionate a person as there could be. She let her emotions dictate her actions, and she had always harbored bit of her father's quick temper. Hallie was thankful that the fifteen year old had not yet proclaimed to be in love with a boy. A frightening thought suddenly came to her.

_I was her age when I started dating Dan._

As if instinctively knowing whom his mother was thinking about, Daniel interrupted Hallie's thoughts to keep the conversation light.

"I think Fiona likes Candace, too. And she's a really hard sell. I don't think she's liked any of Will's other girlfriends. You're right. Candace is probably the one."

The two rode in silence for a while before Hallie decided to turn the tables on Daniel.

"And what about you? Fiona said there were several girls at Ten Oaks who bugged her daily about you when you were in the hospital. Are you interested in anyone special?"

Daniel gave a nervous little snort; Hallie knew she had hit the right button for ultimate embarrassment.

"I don't know…I mean…there's nobody special…um…really…I think some of those girls just liked me because I played football. Matt's more popular than I am."

Hallie laughed at her son's modesty. She knew better. The phone rang off the hook when Daniel got his leg caught in a poacher's trap, and most of the calls were teenage girls who were worried about the handsome boy. Her cousin Brian's son, Matt, may have been the school's star quarterback, but Daniel was the local favorite. Hallie was proud of him for not getting an ego and for being too picky to choose a girl from his superficial fan club.

She gave her son a sideways glance and marveled at how much he had grown up in the months since his injury. He had gone through intensive and painful physical therapy without complaint, had quietly given up on his dream of earning a football scholarship to NYU, and had even started a volunteer chapter of the Hudson Equestrian And Riding Therapy organization at their family's horse farm. The special outreach group, called H.E.A.R.T. for short, had appealed to Daniel for many reasons, and it was obvious to everyone involved that he had found his calling. He had wanted to help others with physical injuries, like himself, those with emotional difficulties, like his autistic cousin Emily, and kids with terminal illnesses, such as Dan had. He was making a big difference in the lives of others; Hallie had never been more proud of him.

It wasn't long before the mother and son duo were arriving at their destination and slipping from their horses. Daniel had some difficulty making his way down the sloping embankment toward the crevice, even with the help of his cane, so Hallie went before him and helped to brace him. She knew Daniel's leg would never be as strong as it was before his accident, yet she was so thankful it didn't have to be amputated that she didn't mind when he needed help.

By the time they reached the floor of the trench, Daniel and Hallie were winded and needed to take a minute to catch their breath. They sat on a rocky outcropping and stared at the amazing crags before them. It was quite an odd looking place to be found in the middle of such a typical forest. The yellow-orange walls jutted upward toward the grassy ledge above. Several gnarled roots could be seen twisted within the dried clay and dirt.

When she thought he had rested long enough, Hallie took Daniel's hands, pulled him gently to his feet, and slowly led him toward the entrance to the crevice. It was wide enough for the two of them to walk through in tandem. Daniel lifted his eyes and was instantly amazed at what he saw.

"These drawings…you…you did these?"

"Mmmm, most of them. I was just a kid, really."

Daniel knew his mother had gone to art school and was a skilled art dealer, but he had never really seen much of her own handiwork before. He was struck by how talented she was, even as a child.

"They look so…authentic. Like real Nez Perce artists drew them, or something."

"Oh, you're silly. They're just scribbles." But, Daniel could see underneath his mother's humbleness and knew she was flattered that he admired what she had done.

She smiled at him as he took in the images of animals and people. The scenes of happiness and childhood whimsy were mixed with natural colors and textures. After a while, Halllie touched the boy gently on the arm and pointed to a specific area further down into the large crack in the earth.

"Look at these over here. Trixie, Mart, and I created our own name totems. We were probably around nine and ten years old, give or take a few years."

Despite the weathering of the walls' surfaces, the colorful etchings could still be seen clearly, and Daniel was astounded at how detailed his mother and cousins had made their drawings. He knew that names were extremely important in his grandmother's culture, and these kinds of images were supposed to reveal personality and the significance of one's name to his or her being. He thought his mother's name totem captured her temperament exactly.

Around each letter of the woman's name was a different type of wildflower. A jagged bolt of lightning was striking the middle of her name, and a shooting star was flying off the end, as if escaping into the sky.

_That's Mom, alright, _Daniel thought to himself. He knew she was just as wild and beautiful as those flowers, as quick and brilliant as the lightning, and as free and dreamy as the shooting star. He gave her a quick hug to show her how much he appreciated her.

"I guess Mart really knew himself pretty well, huh?" Daniel asked, pointing at Martin Belden's name totem and laughing. "Are those hamburgers?"

"I think so…no…wait…they're supposed to be sloppy Joe's." The two laughed together.

"Yeah, but the dictionary says it all." Their giggles echoed off the close walls.

"And Trixie's is just as perfect. Look at hers." Hallie said, pointing.

The mystery lover had painted a magnifying glass and a can of strawberry soda beside her name. A pleasant vine of honeysuckle wound itself around the letters and ended in the clasp of a familiar looking bird.

"Oh, a bobwhite!" Daniel exclaimed. "Wow! Did she draw that?"

"Well…I helped," Hallie said proudly.

"These are great, Mom. Thanks for bringing me here."

Hallie took a deep breath and began to pull Daniel even further into the crevice.

"There's more." She said quietly.

Daniel could tell that what she wanted to show him next would be something very important.

"Once, when Trixie and I had been at each other's throats for a few days, we suddenly found some common ground and made up…and …I did this one. I guess I was about your age, then."

Hallie pointed to an elaborately sketched image of her name and Trixie's name, beginning as two separate words and ending up merged into one at the last two vowels. The letters were the limbs and roots of incredibly detailed trees with leaves that held shimmering drops of dew.

Daniel blinked in awe at its beauty.

"I…I told Dan about it, and I…I brought him here to show it to him. He said that there were times when he and Bill didn't quite see eye to eye…and…then…they would be in sync again, like Trixie and me…and…well…he felt like he needed to make one, too."

Hallie stepped aside and revealed an image on the earthen wall behind her that she had been concealing with her body.

It wasn't as big as the other pictures, but it was by far the most significant to Daniel.

The name totem began with an R and E sketched in brown letters on the back of a horse. The third consonant was a mixed image of a G in brown, tangled up with a D in blue, and it suddenly seemed to blend itself into a cityscape around the letters A and N in indigo. Dan had blended his name with Regan's to show how the two had become close, despite not even knowing about each other for many years. They were so different and yet so much alike.

Daniel knew why his mother was showing this to him.

He had asked her when it was that she had begun to love Bill Regan more than Dan. He understood now why the line between her love for the two of them was not so distinct. Why even he could not bring himself to separate them in his mind when it came to the idea of a father.

Daniel turned to his mother and fought back the emotion rising within him.

"Why…why didn't you ever…you know…finish it with your name? I think the A in Dan's part here would be the perfect place to…"

"I was never one with Dan the way I am with Bill." Hallie's voice was soft but held no regret. Daniel stood silently and let the reality of her words sink into his understanding. How odd it seemed to him that there had been such limited physical intimacy between the two people whose DNA had blended together in his conception.

"Besides," Hallie continued, "This is a man's totem." She reached into the saddle bag she had been carrying over her shoulder and pulled out a box of oil pastels. She pulled off the top cover and offered the color choices to her son with tears in her eyes.

"Go ahead," she whispered, "It is your right of passage to become the son of your fathers."

With more love in his soul than he ever believed he had the right to feel, Daniel chose a bright red hue and began sketching an I, an E, and an L beside the N on the wall in front of him. Never stopping to consider what symbols spoke best of him, he quickly drew the outline of a heart and the logo for his volunteer riding organization.

Now, it was complete.

The fullness of it suddenly overwhelmed him. He stood, staring at it with a new understanding of who he really was.

He had once asked Mart to tell him about Dan, his real father.

As he reached up and placed a shaking hand on the blended image of the three names before him, he knew… he had the answer.


	2. Her Answer  Part One

"Dad?" Fiona Regan called out the screen door to her father Bill. "Where did you say that book was?" The teen flicked her raven hair over her shoulder and listened carefully for an answer to come from across the yard. She didn't realize that her dad had already come back into the house and was coming up behind her.

"What book?" Bill Regan asked patiently. He had emerged from the kitchen with a cup of water in one hand and an apple in the other.

"Oh! Daddy, you scared me to death. I thought you were out in the barn."

Bill chuckled at his daughter's dramatics. She wasn't nearly as startled as she feigned to be. He shook his head and patted her shoulder gently.

"Sorry to sneak up on you, sweetie. What book do you need?"

"You said we had a book on herb gardens. I looked in the bookcase, but I didn't see it. Do you know where it is?" Fiona had been itching to get into gardening since she'd been given some organic seeds from the research greenhouse owned by her mother's cousins Bobby and Mart. She knew the current autumn weather was not good for starting much more than a kitchen herb garden, but that would certainly be better than having to wait until spring to get her hands dirty.

"Well…" Regan started, "I'm not sure. I think it's in my office."

"Um…that's weird. Since when do you care about gardening?"

"Hey, I've been known to grow a few things here and there." Regan said with an air of offense.

"Besides mold on the fence posts?" Fiona couldn't resist teasing the big man before her. He looked tough, but he was nothing more than an old softy.

"Alright, you!" Regan reached out and tugged the girl's sleeve gently. "I've got to get back out in the barn. Feel free to check my shelves; just don't mess with the paperwork on my desk, okay?"

"No prob, sarge!" Fiona said with a quick salute. She smiled up at her father as he bent and kissed the top of her head on his way out.

After checking one last time for the book in the family room, Fiona headed to Bill's office on the other side of the house. She browsed the high build-ins looking for anything related to herbs. When she saw the book she wanted, she pulled over a footstool to help her gain the extra height she needed to be able to reach it. The petite girl stretched her slim arms as far as she could but was only able to reach the bottom corner of the sought after prize. With a rapid lift of her toes and a bit of a jumping motion, Fiona was able to push up at the corner of the book and send it hurling to the floor with a fwump. She scrambled down from her perch and noticed that some papers had flown out of the text when it fell.

"Hmmm. What's this?" She asked herself out loud. The items on the floor had a slightly yellow hue to them, as if they were old. Fiona picked them up and inspected them carefully.

One item was actually an envelope with several other pieces of literature in it: a pamphlet, a business card, some leaflets. Fiona looked at the professional logo and had a pretty good idea what this packet was all about. The envelope had the name _Cryobank_ printed on it. She felt too embarrassed to read through those things. Her mother had explained to her about the special clinic when she learned that Daniel was really only her half brother, and she just didn't want to think about that right now. With a blush burning up her neck and into her cheeks, she quickly shoved the envelope into the back of the book.

The other item she had retrieved from the floor looked like a letter. It appeared to be the penmanship of a woman; at least, Fiona figured as much because of the neatness and curvy style of the letters printed on it.

It was addressed to her father, and to the young girl's horror…it wasn't in her mother's handwriting!

Fiona quickly unfolded the paper and skimmed the last line of the back to discover who would be writing such a personal message to her father. Her blood boiled when she recognized the name.

_It's that Joan!_

Fiona knew that her father had once dated the daughter of one of his equestrian associates, Mr. Stinson, and she didn't like the woman one bit! She seemed pushy and manipulative. As far as Fiona knew, Joan had been married at least four times. She knew her dad had no feelings for that woman, but she couldn't help but feel a protective sense of anger rise in her at the sight of the message.

_What could she have possibly said in that letter to make him keep it all these years?_

Without stopping to consider what she mind discover, Fiona decided to read it.


	3. Her Answer part two

Fiona Regan sat down quietly in one of her father's leather office chairs and read the note she had found:

_Dear Bill,_

_ I know we said we were going to put this behind us, but I just can't stop thinking about what I saw that night in the restaurant. I think you're getting too close that girl, and not in a good way. Bill, you need to stop and think about what's going on! You're very vulnerable right now. She's obviously taking advantage of you being so sympathetic. You really should be more careful! She's just a kid! _

_ And honestly, dear, it's not just because of that one time, either. So, your nephew asked you to take her to get something to eat. I understand that. But why were the two of you all over each other in the waiting room when Dan had that surgery to have his lymph node removed? I know it sounds like I'm jealous, and well, I guess I am, but you never break down like that with me. You never let me know how hard this is for you. Did you think I had fallen asleep like the others? Well, I didn't. I saw you. You were bawling like a baby in her arms. I'm sorry, I know this sounds childish. You just don't know what that made me feel like, to see you trust her with your emotions and know you won't do that with me. Why won't you do that with me?_

_ Why won't you let me help you? I know I can be better for you than some teenager who doesn't even live here. Let me get you through this. Confide in me. Talk to me. You won't call me, but now you're suddenly on the phone with her whenever I come over? She calls you all the time, long distance, and you won't put her off. I just don't know how much longer I can take this, Bill. Just tell me. Is all of this because she's really worried about him, or is there something going on between you two?_

_ You know what, never mind. I think maybe I need to give you some space. You won't let me help you, and I am obviously the one with the problem if I'm letting myself be jealous of a skinny little nobody from a hick town in Idaho. I've waited on you before, and you came right back to me. I'll be here for you. When you're ready to grow up and stop hanging out with those kids, I'll still be here waiting._

_Love,_

_Joan _

Fiona's anger surged within her. "Why that…OOOOHHHH, I'd love to claw her beady little eyes out!" She grabbed the edges of the paper, completely ready to rip up the letter, when a thought suddenly occurred to her. Did her mother know about this note? Was this really the final "Dear John" message that broke Joan's relationship with Bill Regan forever, or was there more to this story?

She decided to confront her father with this.

Holding the herb gardening book in one hand and the old girlfriend's letter in the other, Fiona stormed from the house, out across the yard of the Sleepy R Horse Ranch, and right into the main barn. Her father heard her coming and slowly rose up from where he was bending to inspect the shoes on a dapple grey mare. He could sense his daughter's hostility immediately.

"Whoa, there. What's wrong? What's that?" He pointed at the items in her hands.

"A love letter. From your ex-girlfriend!" Fiona spat. "Did you know this was in here? Does mom know about this?" She held up the letter and then the book.

"Wait…let me see that." Bill moved quickly to face his daughter and took the paper from her hand. He skimmed it briefly, gritted his teeth, and then crumpled it up with a look of disgust. With a shake of his head, he threw the wad violently across the barn. Horses in the paper's wake flinched and stamped uneasily at the instant disturbance to their quiet domicile.

"That's not even worth our time." Bill said, growling angrily. He turned around and went back to his work. "I didn't read past the first few lines the day she gave it to me, and I refuse to give it any more attention than that, now. I don't care if your mother wants to read it. Let her. She'll think it's hilarious. The idea of …" He let his words die out in frustration.

Fiona, seeing her father's response, was beginning to cool; she realized that her dad probably had that book with him one day while at the hospital with Dan, got the Cryobank packet and Joan's letter at the same time, absentmindedly stuck them both in the book, and then simply forgot about them. She was relieved Joan's pathetic attempt at an ultimatum had meant so little to him.

"Oh, Dadddy, I'm sorry…I just." Fiona felt stupid.

Bill stopped what he was doing and sighed. He stood up, led the pretty little horse that was in front of him back into her stall, and then turned to speak to his daughter with a tired look.

"Baby, what do you want to know? That I thought Joan's jealousy was completely ridiculous? I'm sorry, but at the time, it was. I had more important things to do than worry about keeping up with a girlfriend. I didn't care what she said in that note. I knew it meant that we were through, and that was all I needed. I really didn't ever even read it. Honestly, I was glad it was over. She was crazy."

Fiona thought about his last statement. "Maybe she was just very observant…" she mused aloud.

"Humph!" Bill snorted. "She thought I was running around with your mother behind Dan's back. How insane! He was so sick, he couldn't even hold his head up. We would've been some rotten people to even think of doing something so wrong. How dare she accuse us like that?"

Fiona couldn't help but laugh at her father's indignant outburst.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh, Fi Fi?" Regan pulled the girl into a tight embrace and ruffled the top of her hair after jibing her with the hated nickname. He stood with her in a gentle hug for a minute and then held her at arm's length to look down into her small face. "You know I could never betray anyone I love. Not Dan, not your mother, and not you. You believe, that, right?"

"I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't want any more surprises. You _did_ keep one really big secret from us kids for a pretty long time." Fiona bit her lip and her eyes pleaded for understanding.

"Yeah, I know. But, that was for your own good. It was kind of a grown up thing, and we had to wait until you were grown up enough to understand."

Fiona realized now that she did understand. Despite her father's adamant beliefs to the contrary, she could tell that her parents had, in fact, been subconsciously falling in love the entire time they were letting go of Dan. Joan's letter couldn't have made that any clearer. And, yet, she could see how much her mother's old boyfriend had meant to them. Now that her parents' relationship was finally secure in her eyes, she felt that Dan's role in fathering her brother Daniel was no longer a threat to her sense of family. She had found the peace she needed about that.

After sensing that her father had also returned to a state of peace, she decided to tease him about the other item she found in the book from his office. She pulled the Cryobank envelope from the back pages and held it up in front of him.

"So, I guess this was information for Dan and not for you, then, huh?" She giggled.

"Wow, that's…um…embarrassing." Bill reached to take the packet from her and immediately blushed when his eyes read the word _sperm_ in passing in front of his fifteen year old daughter. He was instantly reminded of several similarly humiliating moments from the past and wondered which one had been the most awkward in comparison with this…

_**YES! It's that time again! Fun with Flashbacks! – I hope you are enjoying the chapter by chapter answers to my first story's questions. You must know, then, what's coming up! **_

_**By the way: I'm trying to finish editing my lengthy stash of stuff I've written for these stories before I have to go out of the country for a while – I NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT – Drop me a review and let me know if I should continue – thanks.**_


	4. ultimate answer pt 1

_**Flashback in Regan's POV**_

Bill Regan discovered Dan Mangan standing on the Wheeler's boat dock, angrily canting rocks into the lake with a slingshot, and instantly felt relief wash over him. The young man had been looking everywhere for his eighteen year old nephew. There had been something odd about the boy's behavior earlier that afternoon, and Bill had begun to wonder if Dan was upset about something. He knew now that he had been right.

_Something must have happened at the doctor's office, today. _Bill thought to himself.

He swallowed down the bitter taste of guilt at having not gone along to the appointment with his nephew. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't help but feel badly about it. He'd been tied up with some responsibilities relating to his job, so he'd trusted Dan's old guardian, Mr. Maypenny, to go in his stead. Looking at the air of vulnerability surrounding the teen at the moment, Regan had to remind himself that his nephew was now a legal adult. He could make his own decisions about his healthcare. He didn't necessarily need Bill to accompany him. But, Regan couldn't help himself from wanting to take care of Dan; he'd grown to love him as deeply as if he were an extension of himself. Like a little brother. Or, a cherished son. That kind of bond was something new to Bill.

He silently watched Dan, considering the best way to approach the youth. He knew Dan didn't get upset as quickly as his hot-tempered uncle, but when he did, it could be very intense. Regan didn't want to start an argument that might make the sick young man even more ill, for Dan had just recently been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a type of cancer that had also taken the life of his mother, Bill's sister.

"Dan?" Regan asked quietly.

The boy turned briefly, with a look of frustration, and then whirled back away to launch another rock.

"What?" Came his cool response.

"Are you…okay?"

_What am I saying? _Bill admonished himself, silently. _Of course, he's not okay! Less than a month ago, he found out that he has a potentially fatal illness! How could I ask such a stupid question?_

"I've been better." Dan quipped and chunked another rock. He kept his face turned away, unnerving his uncle.

"Um…wanna talk about it?"

Dan pulled back the rubber sling in preparation to send another stone flying, but then, as if all fight and air had gone from his body, he stopped mid stretch, brought the slingshot down with slouching shoulders and coughed to mask his emotional state.

"Can…can you just…let me have some time to myself for a minute, first? I'm…a little…I need to…I'm dealing with something, right now."

It was as if the young man's words were shards of glass being thrust into Regan's heart. Dan had never been anything but patient and brave about his situation, and this sudden change in attitude was very frightening to the red headed groom. He had to force himself to back up and not rush forward with comfort. Everything within him made him want to stay and drag whatever was hurting Dan out of him, but he sensed that it was important for the boy to be alone. He decided to honor his nephew's wishes.

"Okay, sure." Regan said, backing away some more. "I'll…I'll be in my apartment. When you want to, we can talk. I'll have some supper ready. Have you eaten?"

"I'll come eat with you in a while. I won't take too long. Promise. Just…give me minute. Please." Dan's voice had broken off in a shaking plea.

"Absolutely. No problem." Regan assured. "I'll um…go get dinner ready."

The walk back to his apartment and the wait that followed were some of the longest moments in Bill Regan's life. He tried not to imagine why Dan was so shaken up.

_He's just realizing the seriousness of all of this. It's okay. He's going to be fine. He was just trying too hard to be brave. This is normal._

But, Regan couldn't stand the thought of the tough looking young man being scared of anything. He was a nervous wreck when the dark-haired boy finally came through his door a little later.

"I'm sorry…" Dan began.

"No, it's okay," Regan interrupted him. "Anytime. You just take all the time you need."

"I'm not scared, Uncle Bill." Dan said quickly. "It's not about that."

Regan hadn't realized he had been holding his breath, but it was suddenly apparent as it escaped his body in a long release. He was amazed at how much Dan's words had assuaged his own anxieties. He repeated the offer he had extended out on the dock.

"Want to talk about it?"

"This is…kind of…not something…easy to talk about," Dan said shyly. He sat timidly on his uncle's couch and ran his hand through his long, black bangs.

Regan decided to cut through the tension by teasing him.

"Does it have anything to do with a certain Belden from Idaho?" He figured Dan's girlfriend was a safe topic to joke about as he sat down beside him on the couch, but he was stunned when the young man suddenly jumped up in frustration and crossed to the other side of the room.

"Please…don't tease about her…this isn't easy." Dan said in anguish.

"Dan, I'm sorry." Regan breathed. "I…I had no idea this involved her…I mean..what happened? Did you two break up?"

"No! Uuuuggghhh! It's not completely all about her…it's…it's just." Dan slammed his palms down on the little kitchenette table and hung his head. "Just…let me do the talking, okay? This is humiliating enough for me. I…can't joke around…right now." He stood there, leaning on the table with his eyes closed. It was a stance Regan had been known to make when he was locked in an internal struggle. The sight of it in Dan's posture made his gut wrench.

"Whatever you want to say…I'm listening." Regan said, sobering quickly.

_**Can you guess what Dan is so upset about? Read on and see.**_


	5. love is ultimate answer pt 2

_**Flashback in Regan's POV Continued: Warning! This chapter deals with some of the embarrassing side effects of cancer treatments – mentions sex – can be a bit heavy emotionally**_

Dan didn't make a sound or even move for a few long minutes, but when he did finally stir, he wandered even further away from where is uncle was seated on the couch. He stepped to the room's only window and leaned his head against it, wearily gazing out into the coming darkness.

"You know I'm not afraid to die." Dan said softly. "Everyone thinks a parent's greatest duty is to teach a child how to live, but really, that's not it. It's a natural part of life for our parents to teach us how to die. Mom did a good job of that for me. Seriously, Uncle Bill, death isn't what bothers me the most. Death is the easy part."

There was a long pause in Dan's speech, making Regan anxious. He fought the need to say something and waited with tightened breath for his nephew to continue.

"And, even though I know chemotherapy is going to be torture, I don't think I'm even really scared of that. You know I can cope with pain." He turned glistening eyes to Regan and gave him a knowing smile. "I guess we've both been beaten down physically, a time or two. Makes you numb on the outside, huh?"

Bill felt a lump rising in his throat. Even growing up in the orphanage, he knew he hadn't experienced anything like the physical abuse Dan had endured when his parents had died and left him alone in the city. He felt his own defenses weakening.

_Stay strong. Don't crack. He needs you to listen. _

Regan forced himself to not turn his eyes from Dan's.

"After talking to those doctors today," The teen continued, "I'm a little more afraid of living with the consequences of this cancer than I am of dying from it. I mean…I always thought…if Mom could have just held on…if she could have lived…but what kind of life would she have had? By the end, her body was so…"

Dan stopped. The memories were too much for him. His shoulders shook as he gave in and wept against the window.

Regan choked down his own sob and fought with himself about what to do next.

_Go to him!_ His mind screamed. _Hug him!_

Touch was not something Regan sought or initiated with anyone. It wasn't something Dan accepted easily, either.

But, nothing felt more right to either of them when Bill finally threw his insecurities to the four winds, swiftly closed the distance between them, and grabbed Dan to his chest.

The walls between and around them crumbled instantly.

Dinner was forgotten. They stood together for a short time, crying in a brotherly embrace at the memory of the woman they had both loved. When they could stand alone, Regan held his nephew at arm's length, gently by the shoulders, and forced himself to speak.

"What are you so worried about having to live with, Danny? Hair grows back, bed sores heal, what is it? What's so embarrassing?" He didn't want to talk about the boy's memories of the last years of his sister's life, so he skipped over that hurt and shot straight to what seemed to be grieving Dan the most, right now. "Time would make it all better, I'm sure. What did they say today to get you so upset?"

With a bit of hesitation, Dan pulled away and shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"This is so…stupid, I know."

"Dan, there are people out there who have a clinical fear of fruitcake," Regan said with a teary laugh. "You're concerns are warranted, I grant you."

"They said…I…they said…never mind." Dan suddenly looked like he was going to bolt out of the apartment, but before the teen could get to the door, Regan had caught up with him and grabbed him by the arm.

"Hey, don't go. You can tell me. You know you can tell me anything. Trust me."

"Don't…just…don't." The boy wrenched his arm free. He was panting and blushing feverishly at the thought of whatever it was he couldn't say.

Regan felt a sickness in his stomach. _What is this? What could be worse than the fear of death?_

"I'm not feeling hungry anymore, Uncle Bill. I…I gotta go. We…we can talk about this later."

Regan thought about how Dan had responded when he mentioned Hallie, and an idea suddenly flew into his mind and out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"Are you afraid Hallie won't want to be with you anymore when all of this is said and done?"

Dan stopped, still standing with his back to his uncle. He didn't move or speak.

Bill figured he was on the right track.

"Dan, Hallie's not like that. She won't care about a little baldness or…"

"Or changing my adult diapers?" Dan interrupted, spinning around angrily to face Regan. "Or taking me for dialysis because I'll have renal failure? Or how about having to adopt a stranger's child, because I'm not only going to be sterile, but most likely impotent now, as well. Sure, she won't mind! She's a saint like that! Her hopes for the future won't matter one bit, as long as I'm alive and we're together, right?" His voice has been growing louder and more agitated with each phrase, and when he finally made his last point, Dan was clenching his fists and gasping for breath. His eyes searched Regan's face desperately.

"Dan…" Regan began.

"Don't…just…" Dan held up his hand and shook his head in despair. "Just… don't say it's going to be alright. Because it isn't! Nothing could be worse for a guy than this. I'm sorry. I know it's stupid. But…it…it makes me…"

"It makes you want to hit something, right?" Bill picked up a throw pillow from the couch and held it up in front of his chest as a target.

"Throwing things is better." Dan sputtered; he seemed taken back at Bill's tactic to calm him.

"Then…um...let's eat this spaghetti I cooked and then we can… throw a few rounds of horseshoes beside the barn."

The two men stared at one another in silence for a minute, trying to process the crazy moment that had just erupted and ended as quickly.

"Uncle Bill, I appreciate what you're trying to do, really, but…I'm just…I need to go."

Regan moved swiftly to put himself between Dan and the door.

"You realize all those things they told you about today were just worst case scenarios, right? I mean, not all of those things are necessarily going to happen to you. The odds of you being completely…"

"Are about as likely as the odds of two people in the same family having the same type of cancer, huh? Or the odds of a guy like me needing double doses of everything because I'm lucky enough to have two lumps for the price of one?"

Regan felt like someone had knocked the wind out of him. He knew Dan had a mass in the lymph node of his left groin area, but he had not been told of a second one.

"What are you talking about, Danny?" He asked quietly.

"They found another lump today. This one's on the right side." The boy drug himself to the couch, sat down heavily, and covered his face with his hands. "I'm going to need enough radiation to my pelvis to make it glow in the dark. It'll probably be visible from space." The sarcasm didn't help the tension any.

"Dan…I'm…I'm sorry." Regan said, not know how to respond.

_How horrible! No wonder he's angry and embarrassed. _

"Yeah, me, too." His words were barely audible beneath his fingers.

Bill thought of stories he had read about breast cancer survivors and their personal battles with losing breasts to the disease. How even when no one could tell from the outside, many of those women would still have a hard time dealing with the reality on the inside. It was a violation to what they understood about themselves as women; as being feminine.

He knew what his nephew was now facing was an attack on his masculinity, as well as to the security of his relationship with Hallie.

_No guy should have to face this. Oh God, why is this happening to him? Why not someone like me? I've never even thought about wanting kids._

Regan knew Dan loved children and had been planning a future with Hallie. In his mind, this just didn't seem fair to either of them.

"Dr. Reinholt has given me some contacts for a local…um…sperm bank." Dan said quietly, shaking Bill from his thoughts. "I wonder if I should even bother with all that. I mean, how could I expect Hallie, or anyone else, to ever…"

Regan saw this as a ray of hope.

"Oh come on. Stop that. You know the right girl wouldn't care if that was how it had to be. As long it was yours. So, you have to…er…save some…stuff… for later…so to speak. Big deal. Hallie wouldn't care, Dan."

"Well, I do! And how…how in the hell am I supposed to explain all of this to her? It's kind of… not your typical date conversation…you know…contrary to popular belief, and the fact that everyone always gives me that look when they find out I was once in jail, I'm not Sleepyside's red hot lover, okay. I've never even once had a deep conversation about sex, much less done it! I wouldn't…I wouldn't even know how to begin telling her about any of this…"

Bill was completely shocked at Dan's candid confessions. True, there had been many rumors around town involving the street-smart kid having more than one affair with local girls, which Regan had never really put much stock in, but finding out that Dan hadn't _ever_ gotten that far with anyone seemed strange to him. Like everyone else, he'd always just assumed.

The broad shouldered man sat down on the opposite end of the couch from his nephew and tried to think of the best answer for Dan's dilemma. As uncomfortable as it might be, he knew he had to tell his girlfriend what was going on.

"You just sit her down and tell her. She'll be there for you. Come on. You know Hallie. She'll probably laugh at you and tell you to make your 'deposit' in the bank and stop worrying about everything so much."

"That does sound like something she would say." Dan chuckled and smiled momentarily.

Then, his face grew somber once again.

"But that only solves the uh…problem with…shooting blanks. What girl wants to marry a cowboy who's… gun… doesn't even fire at all?"

Bill didn't know what to say to that.

"We'll worry about that problem when you come to it, okay? There are no guarantees with this, you know."

"Yeah. No guarantees." Dan hung his head and stared at the floor dejectedly.

Looking at the wilted posture of his nephew, Regan felt an immediate sense of panic rise in him.

"Don't you dare use this as an excuse to give up, you hear me?" His words came out far more gruffly than he had intended, and it made Dan jerk his head up to stare questioningly into Regan's green eyes.

"You have everything to live for." Regan reached out and gripped Dan gently on the shoulder. He had to make him understand how much he needed him. How important it was that he live.

"There are so many people who love you, who need you. Love is the ultimate answer, Danny. It's enough for everything. No matter what you're gonna face, I promise you, our love will see you through it. We're all pulling for you. Don't you give up." He was suddenly so overcome with emotion, he choked on his next words. "Promise me…you…won't…just…give up. Please. I can't…lose you…too."

After what felt like an eternity to Regan, Dan reached over and gave him a quick poke in the ribs.

"Okay.

I'll fight to win.

I promise."

_**Hope you are beginning to understand a little bit about how Daniel came to be. More embarrassing moments in Regan's memories coming up….**_


	6. Answers continue

_As you know, the last two chapters were Regan's flashbacks- sparked when Fiona discovered the Cryobank envelope. This is another embarrassing moment he recalls related to the same topic – it's what Dan later referred to as the "Cryobank incident," also includes the last big fight Hallie and Trixie ever had, and it's the same day Joan discovered Regan and Hallie eating dinner in a fancy restaurant. – it takes place about a month after the last flashback - hope it answers many questions!_

As soon as the nurse left the room, Bill Regan began pacing beside his nephew's hospital bed.

"Cut it out, Uncle Bill, that's not helping." Dan Mangan said with a weak laugh. He had just vomited as if his insides were falling out, and he still had another couple of hours of chemotherapy to go. Trying to keep things light was his way of coping. Pacing and wringing his hands was Regan's.

"I'm sorry, Dan, I just didn't know how quickly this stuff was going to lay you low. I wish they'd hurry up with today's treatment. It's been the worst, so far." Bill stopped and forced himself to sit down.

"For you or for me?" Dan asked sarcastically, once again trying to calm his uncle. "Man, you sure gave that nurse a hard time."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have yelled at her. It wasn't her fault you got sick. I just wish she would have listened to you when you told her that you couldn't drink that stuff right now. Why can't they just listen? These nurses are such a pain!"

"Relax, okay? I'm fine. I actually feel better now that I got that out of my system. I just can't stand all these lines sticking in my arm and my hand like this. They're really starting to hurt." Dan wriggled in the bed a little, trying to get comfortable without moving his arm.

Regan felt his heart lurch when Dan winced and gripped the sheet.

"Can I help? Here, what if I put another pillow under your back? Would that feel better?" Bill asked.

"No, I'm fine. This is good. Right here." Dan leaned back and closed his eyes. His pallor still appeared greenish to Regan. "Can you ask them for a blanket, though? I am a little cold."

"Hey, I can handle that. No problem. Be right back."

As Bill was headed out to the nurse's station, a familiar face met him in the hall.

"Hallie? What are you doing here? I thought Trixie said you were flying in on Friday." Regan was surprised to see Dan's girlfriend at the hospital, not only because it was two days before she was scheduled to visit from Idaho, but also because she was alone. He didn't understand how she got there without a ride from her cousins or her aunt and uncle.

"Well, there was a really good deal on airfare that I wanted to take advantage of, but it meant that I had to leave out a little earlier than I had planned." Hallie began chatting as if being there and conversing with Bill was completely normal. "That's okay. It's summer, so I'm not missing school or anything. My folks didn't care. I just came on, and I got a good rate on car rental, too. All part of the student auto club my dad talked me into joining. Good thing, huh? So, how's he doing?"

Regan was still trying to process why he was seeing Hallie standing before him without the other Bobwhites; it made him slow to respond to her.

"Um…he's um…feeling sick…right now…wait a minute…do the Beldens know you're here?"

"I called Aunt Helen when I got to the airport. Told her I would stop by here. I thought the others would be here, too. Did they already leave?" Hallie seemed saddened by this.

"Oh…um…yes, they left to go get some dinner. They'd been here earlier with us." Regan suddenly remembered what he had been doing before he spotted the dark haired teen. "I'm going to get Dan a blanket. Why don't you go ahead and go in with him. I'll be there in a minute."

"Sure, I know which room. Got the number at the desk downstairs." She disappeared down the hall, leaving a stunned Bill Regan behind.

_She flew all this way, by herself, just to be here for him. Wow! She really loves him_, the young man thought to himself.

_I wish someone felt that way about me._

He honestly didn't think his girlfriend Joan would drive across the state, much less fly across the country to see him.

After obtaining a blanket, and apologizing to the nurse he had fussed at earlier, Regan began making his way back to Dan's room. He hesitated at the door when he saw Dan and Hallie holding each other in an emotional embrace. He considered not entering, but noticed that the two were already pulling away from each other, so he coughed nervously to announce his presence and moved into the room slowly.

"I have your blanket, Dan. Sorry to…uh…interrupt anything."

"No, it's okay."

"Yeah, no problem."

Both young people were quick to reassure him that he'd not intruded.

Bill helped Hallie spread the blanket over Dan and then slowly began to pace once more.

"Please, Uncle Bill, don't start that up again." Dan's voice was weaker now.

"Sorry…" He mumbled. He wondered if he should leave the two of them alone.

As Hallie was sitting on the edge of Dan's bed and stroking his hand gently, she smiled up at Bill and pointed to the empty chair beside the bed.

"Why don't you sit down and rest a minute. You look stressed out, Regan."

The man found her comment to be a laughable understatement, but complied with her request anyway.

"How's everyone back home? Your brothers are doing alright?" Dan asked Hallie, quietly refocusing everyone's thoughts.

"Oh they're fine. Knut just got an internship at a local publisher, and he's been bitten by the writing bug. He's actually pretty good at it, too. He hopes to make his way into an editing position first and then get his own work published. You'd like his book. Kind of suspenseful. Lots of action and guy stuff. And, Cap's still working with the national park service, you know. Nothing new with him. Cap's just Cap. I just wish he'd hurry up and move out, though. Drives me crazy all the time." She threw her hands up in the air dramatically as she discussed her brother's way of getting on her nerves.

Then, her face grew serious.

"Dan, Cap's really worried about you, too. He wanted to come with me, but he couldn't. He sent you this, though."

With a grin, the raven haired girl reached into her purse and pulled out a leather medicine bag attached to a beaded necklace. She put it in Dan's hand and then covered his fingers with her own.

"It's just symbolic, of course. Nothing crazy. He wishes you well."

Dan seemed very pleased with the gift and he struggled to sit up to put it on. As Hallie helped him, she frowned softly at the nausea the effort to move seemed to cause the boy in the bed. She tried to keep from pulling on him too much.

"I…um…I know we shouldn't take stock in superstition, I mean…we put our faith in God, not…not silly medicine pouches…but…"

"Hallie, I love it. Tell Cap I think it's great. And its symbolic power must be working. I feel better already."

Hallie smiled at her boyfriend and swallowed back tears. Regan could tell it was important to her that Dan appreciated her family's Native American heritage.

The three of them sat for the next half hour, telling funny stories and trying to keep the mood upbeat, while Dan continued to grow more and more uncomfortable. After a while the Bobwhites returned. They were surprised to see Hallie there, laughing loudly as she sat beside Dan on the bed.

"Hey, where did you come from?" Trixie asked upon entering the room.

"Methinks our parental units have neglected to give you 'the talk' if you are lacking such knowledge, dear sister." Mart interjected before Hallie could speak.

"Very funny, Dope, she knows what I meant." Came Trixie's smirking reply.

Hallie repeated the same speech she gave Regan out in the hall and ended with a casual laugh.

"Looks like I was too late for the trip to Bar-B-Que Bay, though." She said pointing at Mart's obviously stained t-shirt.

Her blonde-headed cousin gave a sheepish smile and tried to smooth over the reddish blob with his hands.

"Well, you know. It was all you can eat night. And I certainly did do that!" Mart seemed proud of himself, despite the sauce spilled on his clothes. The goofy smile on his face made Regan shake his own head. He decided Mart's humor was good for his nephew, because it kept Dan from being too serious all the time.

But all the talk about food was not good for the sick young man. Regan suddenly noticed the green color overtaking his face. Jim Frayne had noticed it, too. He stepped forward with concern.

"Hey, Dan, you're looking a little queasy, you okay?"

Dan leaned back and closed his eyes in a vain attempt at regaining homeostasis.

"Just peachy," he mumbled through shaking lips.

Bill thought maybe he should clear the room to save his nephew the embarrassment of becoming ill in front of his friends. But, as he was about to start shooing some of them out, Mart took it upon himself to distract everyone.

"Man, what happened? Did you scare off your roommate already?" He crossed to the far side of the semi-private room and flopped down on the other hospital bed. An earlier occupant had, indeed, been released to leave during the time the other young people had been out for dinner.

"I thought I told you about that snoring." Mart continued. "You nearly blew our cabin down last year when we were working at that summer camp together. Sheesh, maybe it wasn't you that made the poor guy leave from over here, these beds are about as comfortable as sleeping on rocks. Come here, Brian. You try it. You should know what kind of torture you're gonna put your patients through when you become a doctor. "

The older Belden boy waved his brother off as if to say "no thanks," but he understood enough of Mart's ploy to walk closer and play along.

"Aren't those supposed to be adjustable?" He asked seriously. "Look, you can make it feel a little better. Try these settings over here."

The two began playing with the bed's remote control, drawing the others closer to them and into their conversation, while Hallie sat gently rubbing Dan's free arm and fanning him with a piece of paper she found on the table beside him.

"How's that?" She asked quietly. Regan was impressed at her ability to sooth him so quickly. He never would have thought she was the nurturing type.

"Better." Dan's eyes were still shut tight and his mouth was screwed up with the taste of bile.

"Maybe we should go." Diana Lynch said quietly to the others. But, Mart looked as if he was afraid to leave his friend in this state. Regan felt a little sorry for him.

"I'm not going until I get my complimentary bedpan!" Mart feigned petulance to make Dan snicker, and it worked. The nauseated boy let out a chuckle and opened his eyes so he could roll them at his friend.

"You keep talking about food over there and I'll give you something to go with that bedpan." He teased back.

Regan could tell that Mart was about to let another quip fly, but he was suddenly interrupted by the entrance of another nurse.

"Mr. Mangan," she began, "There's a representative here from Cryobank, and he says that he needs to discuss a few things with you." As she spoke, the young woman stepped absentmindedly to the curtain in the middle of the room and drew it closed, separating Mart and the other Bobwhites from Hallie, Regan, and Dan. "If you're comfortable with your wife and your father staying with you, I'll just go ahead and send him on in."

Regan could hear the others giggling from the opposite side of the curtain and realized that the nurse had not only been mistaken about his and Hallie's relationships with Dan, but about the Bobwhite's, as well.

"She thinks you're another patient," He heard Honey whispering to Mart.

"Hey, Ma'am, wait a minute…" Regan tried to catch the young nurse and stop her from letting the visitor in, but she was out the door before he could stop her.

_Uh oh! This could get embarrassing. _

Within seconds, an older man in a frighteningly ugly brown suit came strolling through the door confidently. He wore snazzy alligator shoes and his thinning hair was annoyingly combed over a balding patch. Immediately, Regan felt repulsed by him. His pushy air and flashy attire made the redhead think of the typical used car salesman. This was not what he would have expected the representative of a medical clinic to look like, even if the clinic was a sperm bank.

"Hi there, Mr. Mangan. We meet at last." The man pushed his way between Bill and the hospital bed and began gabbing a mile a minute. "I understand that you had no difficulties with your initial visit to our clinic. I have with me the results of some of the screenings and tests we have done on your samples, and I needed to ask you some more questions while I was here doing my hospital stops." He leaned over and looked at the machines beside the bed. "Oooh, looks like you're getting the yucky stuff, today, huh?"

Regan didn't give Dan a chance to answer. He wanted to get that man out of there as soon as possible.

"Um…you know, Dan's really having a rough time with this, right now…maybe we could make an appointment and talk with you about this some other time… Mr….uh"

"Mike Colby is the name." The man supplied. He whirled around and gave Regan a friendly slap on the shoulder and then turned back to Dan and Hallie. "This won't take a minute, son. I'm sure your wife will be happy to get this all settled."

"Actually, I'm not…" Hallie started, but the man interrupted her and shoved some papers into her hands.

"Oh, I know what you must be concerned about, but there's nothing to fear as far as the virility of the samples goes. Those swimmers are alive and well, yes ma'am. Also, we saw no STD's or any other items of concern that might be passed along to a fetus. He's clean as a whistle." The sleazy man leaned closer to Dan and gave a slight wink. "No glove, no love, am I right? You kept it covered. Good job, kid."

Regan was about to explode at the audacity of the statement, especially in Hallie's presence, but the man wasn't yet finished with is offenses.

"So, you left a few items blank on your original paperwork, and I have to get them filled in." Mike began thumbing through some more papers. "Let's see…you have most of this part completed…type of illness is here…family history is here…relationship status says monogamous and stable…oh, here we are…you skipped this section about sexual activity history…" He gave Hallie a certain look that made Regan's blood boil, and then he wagged his eyebrows at her knowingly.

"Oh yes, Danny, dear," Hallie said with sarcasm dripping from her words.

She was also growing angry and impatient with the offensive Cryobank rep.

"We should tell him all about our wild exploits. About how we're not even married, but you knocked me up last year, and I had to have an abortion." She narrowed her eyes at the man standing in front of her. "Is that the kind of sexual activity history you want to know about, Mr. Colby?"

"Hallie, stop kidding around." Dan said quietly.

"No, I won't stop!" She hopped up from the edge of the bed and glared at the ugly little man. "It's really none of your business, you impertinent creep! You want the truth? Here's the truth. Nothing's happened between Dan and me in the past, nothing's going on now, and thanks to this cancer, there might not be any _activity_ in the future, either. How dare you insult us like this? I think you need to leave."

"But…but…" Mike sputtered.

Regan grabbed the man by the shoulder and began pushing him roughly toward the door.

"You heard the lady," he said. "Paperwork's done!"

When the man had disappeared down the hallway in a huff, Trixie snatched the dividing curtain back and stomped from the other side of the room toward her cousin.

"Hallie Belden, I cannot believe you just said that!" She said indignantly.

"Don't start with me right now, Trix." Hallie held up her hand and stared at the floor trying to compose herself.

In an attempt to break the rising tension, Honey Wheeler stepped beside her best friend.

"Oh Dan…Hallie…we are so sorry that…we heard…it's none of our business…we couldn't help it…sorry." She said timidly.

"It's okay," Dan said quietly. "Don't worry about it."

"But, Hallie should worry about the kinds of things she says to complete strangers!" Trixie pushed the issue again, angrily. "You know, your reputation is a bigger deal than you realize, dear cousin. Pregnancy and abortion aren't things you just joke about. Someone might have heard you and believed what you said was true! What would your parents think? Your last name is the same as mine, and when you shame yourself, you shame all of us."

"Trixie, don't." Brian said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't what?" Trixie wrenched herself away from her older brother. "Don't try to protect our family from nasty rumors? Come on. You must agree that what she said was uncalled for."

"And your temper tantrum isn't?" Hallie interjected.

Regan felt the situation spiraling out of control. His first priority was to get things calmed down so that Dan could find some peace and comfort, but he also didn't want to see Hallie insulted any more than she had been already.

_Why can't Trixie be on her side, just once?_

"Maybe we should go." Diana repeated her quiet advice from before. This time, the others seemed to agree.

"Trix, come on." Jim pulled her arm gently. "Dan, buddy, we'll see you later, okay?" He gave his friend a wave as he began ushering his girlfriend out of the room.

"But…" Trixie protested. She looked like she was going to start arguing with Hallie again; she gave up when Honey linked arms with her and gave her a pleading look to keep silent. The three of them took their leave with Brian on their heels.

"Dan…dude…that was…I'm sorry, man…" Mart was uncharacteristically unable to find the right words to use in this situation. He stepped close and lightly punched his friend on the arm.

"I'll see you later." Dan responded.

"Yeah, later." Mart gave Hallie a pat on the shoulder as he took Di's hand and headed for the door.

"I'll call you guys when I leave out of here for Crabapple Farm." Hallie assured her cousin.

"You just get some rest, Dan." Di called softly on the way out.

When the silence that followed the Bobwhites' absence had created a sense of calm, Dan was the first to speak.

"Are you okay?" He asked Hallie. Regan could see that she was trembling and fighting the urge to cry. He'd never seen her cry. She was always so cool. He suddenly felt very proud of the way she had stood up for herself against that Mike Colby.

"I am so sorry, Dan. I didn't mean to…" She bit her lip and fought back the breakdown that was rising up in her.

"Shhh, Babe, it's no big deal. I have a feeling Uncle Bill was just about to show him to the door, anyway. Isn't that right?"

Regan hadn't realized that he'd been clenching his fists, but Dan's question made him immediately conscious of his own nails digging into his palms. He forced himself to relax and felt nervous laughter escaping his tightened lips.

"I guess maybe I was. If Hallie hadn't chewed him out, I might have hit him hard enough to knock those hideous alligator shoes right off his feet."

The three of them laughed, letting the sound of it clear away some of the thickness in the air.

"Hallie, seriously, don't worry about any of that stuff, okay?" Dan crooned, taking her hands and drawing her down beside him once again.

"No, Trixie's right. I never should have said that. I don't know what possessed me to do such a stupid thing."

"Love?" Dan asked hopefully.

"Yeah. Desperate love." She whispered and put her forehead to his.

Regan felt like an intruder in his nephew's life. He started to excuse himself when Dan pulled back from his girlfriend and addressed the older man.

"Uncle Bill, you never had a chance to eat, did you?" He asked.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Really."

"How about you, Babe. Did you eat yet?" Dan asked Hallie.

"Dan, please. Don't make yourself sick talking about food. We're okay…"

"Look, Regan, do me a favor and take Hallie somewhere to get some dinner, alright? I've got some cash in my wallet…" Dan interrupted her.

"I've got money." Hallie and Regan responded with the same words at the same time.

The three of them laughed together again and it felt good.

"Okay, Danny," Regan said in a teasing tone. "I'll take your wildcat off your hands for a short while, so you can rest. But, I'm a little nervous being alone with her. She's mean!"

Dan gave his uncle a strong smile, which made Bill feel confident enough to leave him for a short time.

"Yeah, but she's a keeper."

Regan had to agree with that. Hallie had defended not only her own honor, but Dan's as well. That made her good enough for him in Bill's book. He decided he would take that girl anywhere she wanted to go to eat and discuss anything she wanted to talk about.

He figured she'd earned it.


	7. There's a reason, and it's love

"I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes." Honey Belden stated, shaking her head slowly. She put her hands on her hips and stared out across the open meadow of the Sleepy R Ranch, smiling to herself at the sight of her daughter riding along and chatting with several other young people on horseback. It was completely unlike Maddie Belden to be so social.

"Daniel has a way of bringing people together," Hallie Regan said from beside her. "Just like Dan did."

With bittersweet memories, the two friends smiled knowingly at one another. Yes, Dan Mangan's illness and death had certainly brought a lot of people closer. And now his son was using his own recent injury as an inspiration to help others.

Honey had just never expected that her own daughter would be someone who would benefit from Daniel's new riding organization.

Maddie was a sweet and loving young lady; unfortunately, the fifteen year old had a terrible phobia of group interaction. She didn't like to go out much, and she had very few friends outside of her family. To see the girl openly talking with others who weren't related to her made Honey's heart soar with pride.

_This is amazing!_ She thought.

"Well, I guessed she'd be more than ready to go home by now, but I see I was wrong. I'm almost afraid to interrupt her while she's meeting new people." Honey said to Hallie. "She may never be this friendly again."

"Oh, you know Maddie's always friendly. She's just a little bit shy."

"No, _I_ was just a little bit shy when I was growing up. Maddie's _a lot_ shy. She's debilitatingly shy."

"Maybe she needs someone like Trixie to come along and pull her out of her shell." Hallie said with a wink.

"Or, someone like Daniel. He's got this whole thing figured out, doesn't he?"

Hallie folded her arms across her chest and beamed proudly at the mention of her son's success.

"You know, I think he does."

"I just can't believe it." Honey reiterated her initial thoughts.

"Believe what?" Fiona Regan asked curiously, suddenly bouncing from the direction of the house to meet the two adults standing beside the open field.

"Don't be so nosey, Miss Impolite." Hallie chastised.

"Oh, Mom, Honey doesn't care if I get in on your conversation. Whatcha been talkin' about?" The dark haired girl slipped an arm around her mother's shoulder and rested her head sideways against Hallie's.

"I'm just astonished that Maddie is out there gabbing up a storm with those kids." Honey supplied. "And she doesn't look scared one bit."

"Wow, that _is_ pretty shocking." Fiona said, actually impressed. She pulled away from Hallie and stood looking across the meadow with her hands on her hips in the same fashion as Honey.

"Your brother has a gift for helping people relax and overcome their fears. Aren't you proud of him?" Hallie asked her daughter.

"Hey, as long as he mucks out his share of the stalls, I really don't care what kind of crazy club he creates. I'm just glad he's back on his feet."

Fiona's face suddenly became very serious. She ran her fingers through her ponytail and then started wringing her hands the same way as her father when he's emotional about something.

"I was really kind of scared for him when he got hurt." She said quietly. "I didn't even care that everyone almost forgot my birthday."

"Fiona Regan!" Hallie admonished. "How could you think for one minute that we had forgotten your birthday? We took you out shopping and bought you whatever you wanted…."

"Yeah, because you felt guilty. Mom, it's no sweat. I understand. Daniel was still in the hospital. I said I didn't mind; it's really no big deal."

"You know, I don't think I ever really thanked your parents for going and sitting with Daniel that day, either, Honey. I'm so sorry…" Hallie seemed to be chastising herself for the oversight.

"Please don't worry about that. You know Daddy loves every opportunity he gets to share chocolates with Daniel. That's their connection. I'm just glad he's doing better now, too. I can't believe it's only been five months and he's getting around so well. Brian didn't think he would be walking until six months, at the very least. It's a miracle."

"Oh yes. I agree. Now, he's using this whole thing to help other kids cope with their problems. Pretty incredible." Hallie wore another proud smile.

She gave Fiona a sideways glance and put her arm around her to return the hug she got from her daughter moments before. "My kids are something else." She laughed.

"That's not what you said about us this morning," Fiona teased. "I think it sounded more like 'sloppy mess' than 'something else.'"

"And I was right. Ever since your brother moved out, you two haven't been keeping up with your chores. If you want your father and I to even think about buying a car for you to share, you and Daniel are going to have to step things up around here."

"Oh mom!" Fiona gave an exasperated wail as she pulled away and stood in front of her mother. Despite her protesting, she gave a compliant little smile to show that she knew the older woman meant business.

"Oh my gosh!" Hallie suddenly exclaimed. "Emmie's trying to make a jump!" The dark haired woman pushed past her daughter to get a closer look at what was going on in the field behind her. The horrified expression on her face put Honey in an immediate state of panic, and she whirled her eyes around to see her ten year old niece galloping faster and faster toward a small fence link.

"Emily! No!" Fiona screamed.

Before anyone could stop her, the little girl had already coaxed her horse up and over the white fence. Cheers erupted from the small crowd of young people who were watching from the other side of the meadow, but Honey felt as if she were about to pass out. Emily Frayne, her brother's adopted daughter, was certainly an experienced rider, yet she was still very small for her age, and suffering from a pretty severe case of autism didn't always help her decision making skills, either. Such a riding trick could very easily have landed her a deadly fall.

"She might have been killed!" Hallie said, breathlessly vocalizing Honey's thoughts. "I'm going to put a stop to this, right now!"

The woman began marching out to the group of young people, and Honey suddenly felt sorry for Daniel. The lecture that was coming was not going to be gentle.

With a grimace on her pretty face, Fiona gave Honey a frightened look and then took off after her mother across the grassy plain. Honey realized that she should follow them. Reluctantly, she trotted over to the speech already in progress. Upon arrival, she noticed that the riding party was mostly filled with teenagers.

_How embarrassing for Daniel_.

At the point where Hallie stopped her ranting long enough to catch a breath, her son took the opportunity to interject a thought.

"Mom, Dad's the one who taught her that trick, not me! You know I would never, _ever_ put Emmie in danger!"

Honey knew it was true. Daniel was one of the few people who could get Emily to cooperate with him, and they were very close. This was not something he would have even let her attempt if he thought she would get hurt.

Hallie opened her mouth to respond to the boy, but then she stopped. She knew it wasn't Daniel's fault.

"Mom, I was younger than Em when Dad taught me to jump." Fiona said softly.

_Poor Emily,_ Honey thought. _I guess we all baby her too much._

As if she were just now remembering her, Honey turned to look at the little girl who had sparked all of the concern. What she saw made her heart flip in her chest. Emily had dismounted from her horse and was standing apart from the others, rocking nervously back and forth and muttering to herself softly. She obviously didn't understand what was happening.

_She thinks everyone is mad at her. Poor little thing._

"Mrs. Regan," a young girl from the group suddenly spoke up timidly. "It's my fault, really." The slender teen, who was obviously bald from chemotherapy, stepped forward and gestured toward Emily and Daniel with nervous hands. "Emily was telling Daniel that she learned to make the jump, and I…I asked her to show me. I didn't mean to get anyone in trouble."

"Ashley, you don't have to…" Daniel quickly stepped between the girl and his mother, as if to protect them from each other.

"No…" Hallie interrupted. "It's alright. I shouldn't have gotten so upset. Believe me, my husband will know my thoughts about this." She let out a long sigh, and Honey was relieved to see the anger had left her friend. "I just…we just…we all just have to be very careful out here, okay?" She gave the group of young people a sweeping look, to which they all replied with affirmative nods of their heads.

"Jumping can be very dangerous if you haven't been properly trained." She continued. "I would feel a lot better if none of you attempted any other tricks unless Mr. Regan is out here with you."

Her last statement received several more nods and a few "Yes, Ma'am's."

During Hallie's final comments, Maddie had quietly slipped beside Emily and began calming the girl slowly. Like Daniel, Maddie had a special bond with the autistic child. Honey was again filled with a sense of pride in her daughter. Although she wasn't as athletic as her older brother Matt, or as mathematically minded as her younger brother Nick, Maddie was still a very special young lady with hidden talents. For the first time, Honey began to feel that her daughter's fears were not going to hold her back in life.

She knew she had Daniel and Emily to thank for that.

"Hallie, you offered me a glass of lemonade when I first got here. Does that offer still stand?" Honey asked, trying to give the young people some time to finish their afternoon ride without more adult disturbance.

"Oh…um…yes, of course. I have plenty. And…uh…some fresh banana bread, too. Come on back to the house, and I'll get you some."

"I like banana bread. I do. I like banana bread." Emily began muttering to the ground.

"Why don't you come with us, Em?" Honey asked gently.

The girl's face broke out in a huge smile, but she didn't look up. She started following the two women back to the Regan home while Fiona took the reins of Emily's horse.

"I do like banana bread. Did you see me, Aunt Honey? Did you see me? I told them I could jump it. Did you see me?"

"Yes, baby, I saw you. You scared us, too. We were worried about you." Honey slowly let Emily catch up to her so that the girl did not feel crowded with someone beside her too quickly.

"I told them I could do it. Am I in trouble, Aunt Hallie? I didn't fall. Am I in trouble?"

"No, no, no, Emmie, dear. You were great. Uncle Bill taught you that, huh?"

"My trick!" Emily shouted proudly.

Honey couldn't stop herself from laughing at the child's confident outburst. It was so much like her mother Trixie. Even though she and Jim weren't the girl's biological parents, they had done a lot to shape her life. Honey could easily see their influence.

And truly, Emily had done a lot to help her adopting parents, too. After Trixie nearly died giving birth to their daughter Katie, Honey's brother and his wife had been told they would never be able to have another child. Emily brought them joy and made their little family complete.

Honey felt a sigh of contentedness escape her lips. She turned momentarily back to gaze at the young people across the meadow and began to consider how amazingly God could work in people's lives. She thought about the sick and emotionally challenged kids Daniel was helping. She wondered if he would even be doing any of this had he not got his leg caught in that poacher's trap.

_There's a reason for everything,_ She thought to herself.

Honey remembered how once she wondered if anyone in Sleepyside would ever be happy again. Dan's death had brought them all to such a low place, Hallie especially seemed as if she would never get over it. Now, with the successes of their children bringing them all together in love, Honey could see the beauty of the master plan beginning to blossom.

How far everyone had come since their tragic loss.

She stepped into the house of the Sleepy R on that crisp October afternoon and began to remember the day Hallie first found out about Dan's illness. Honey decided that the woman might have changed a lot over the years, but she still worked hard to protect people she loved…

_**Alright…time for another flashback. Stay tuned to find out how Dan told Hallie he was sick. Also, if you're wondering, you just might see Daniel's new friend Ashley again. Sound good to you? **_


	8. Dan's sick: Honey's POV

"Good grief! You don't have to protect me, you know. I _am_ a big girl."

Eighteen year old Trixie Belden put her hands on her hips in mock frustration as she narrowed her eyes teasingly at her best friend Honey Wheeler. The two of them were playing a game of Scrimshee on the veranda of Manor House, and Honey was doing everything she could to avoid landing on Trixie's game pieces.

"Well, I've played this a lot more than you have," Honey said quietly. "I just didn't want to be unfair. It's the only thing I was good at when I went to boarding school."

"Hey, you just give me time to practice, and you won't feel the need to let me win." Trixie promised. "I'll get the hang of it."

"Okay, in that case…" Honey reached across the patio table and made a final move to win the game. She could tell by Trixie's facial expression that the petite blonde had no idea why she had just lost.

"I win." The taller girl said evenly.

"What?" Trixie was genuinely confused but started laughing at the irony of the moment. "Okay, so maybe I need a _lot_ of time to practice."

The two girls laughed together.

Trixie shook her curls in disbelief and then started helping her friend put the game away. "You weren't kidding when you said you were good at this."

Despite the trivial nature of the success, Honey couldn't help but beam proudly. She didn't often get the opportunity to enjoy a victory over her quick-witted friend. Of course, it would have been against her nature to gloat; certainly, she was tempted. Instead, she settled for sending the other girl a big grin and a look that said, "I told you so."

"Do you want to go back inside?" Honey asked.

"Nah, I like it outside. It's really not too hot. Wow, I can't believe it's June, and we can still sit out here without sweating to death. The breeze is good." Trixie flopped down on a chaise lounge and started rapping her fingers on the armrest. "Honey, where did you say Jim went this morning?"

"He went to the post office. Said he had some paperwork to send off about his classes for fall semester. You know, with Dan finding out about his cancer and all, I'm really glad Jim decided to come home for the summer. Dan needs us."

"Absolutely." Trixie said with a slap of her hand on the white chair. "I know Brian would've wanted to be home, but he can't afford to take any time off. Not if he's gonna get into medical school."

She gave her friend a sympathetic look, and Honey knew exactly what Trixie was about to say.

"Personally, I think he works too hard. You know what I mean?"

Honey did know. Brian Belden was definitely a workaholic.

"He's determined, alright" Honey said with a sigh. She tried to act casual and not show her disappointment in Brian's decision to stay away at school, but she knew Trixie would easily pick up on her mood.

"Hey, don't get down, Honey. I know for a fact he's coming back in a few weeks. There's…um… something very special he's gotta do."

"Oh, really?" Honey asked. She didn't want to sound too eager, but she hoped that Brian's plans included asking her to his school's fall formal. It was the social event of the year at the university where he attended classes. She wanted to go with him badly, and she had even seen the perfect dress for the occasion in a store in White Plains.

"Mmm Hmmm." Trixie said with a wink. "He didn't give me too many details, but I think it's something you're gonna like."

Honey gripped the arms of her chair to keep from jumping up and down with excitement. She knew it wouldn't be very ladylike. Her heart was suddenly doing flips and she couldn't stop her mouth from smiling ear to ear.

"Oh Trixie!" She gasped. "You're not going to tell me what it is, are you?"

The freckled faced girl simply nodded her head side to side and folded her arms over her chest to show that she couldn't be persuaded to spill her older brother's secret.

"Just know that you will deem it to be 'perfectly perfect' when it happens."

"I think I'll die if I have to wait until then!" The girl giggled at the use of her friend's favorite phrase.

They were both giddy and silly with excitement at the prospect of Honey attending the dance with Brian when Trixie suddenly froze in her position and made a sour face. Honey turned to see what could have made the girl react in such a way. She soon realized that her friend had spied her cousin, Hallie Belden, coming towards them from a distance.

"Oh no." Trixie groaned. "I don't want to deal with her, now."

"I thought you two were getting along really well." Honey said with confusion. "You seemed happy to see her the other day when she first got here."

"Yeah, well, that was before we started getting on each other's nerves again."

"Wow, two days and you are already fighting, huh?" Honey had to stifle a laugh because she knew the real reason why Trixie and Hallie couldn't get along. They were too much alike.

She considered all the times her adopted brother Jim Frayne and their friend Dan Mangan disagreed about things. It almost seemed constant. But, she knew the reality was that the two of them had so much in common and were both so stubborn that they just couldn't win with each other. Even though it made her sad to see them argue, Honey found it almost comical to watch. At the times when the boys did decide to stop bickering, they were always fiercely protective of one other.

She knew the same thing was true for Trixie and Hallie.

Of course, with Hallie and Diana Lynch becoming closer friends lately, Honey wondered if Trixie's recent frustration with her cousin wasn't more about jealousy. Also, Dan, Hallie, Mart, and Di had already been on a double date since Hallie got into town, but Trixie's dating relationship with Jim just didn't seem to be getting off the ground very quickly.

Honey suddenly felt sorry for her friend.

_Why can't Jim be clearer about his feelings? He knows Trixie's not too young to date, now._

She watched Hallie draw nearer and felt Trixie beginning to grow tense. A thought suddenly entered her mind.

"Trixie, has Dan told Hallie about…you know…the cancer?" Honey whispered.

"I should hope so. I mean, he waited until she got here so he could do it in person, and he took her off alone for a walk yesterday. I guess I haven't asked…"

With a quick look to indicate that Hallie might be close enough to hear them, Honey silenced her friend and then stood to wave the dark haired teen over.

"Hey, Hallie. Come on up here. We were just hanging out for a while."

"Oh yeah? Sounds fun." Hallie drawled. "I just left Di's place. Mart was helping her watch her little brothers and sisters. Boy, am I glad I'm the youngest in my family!"

"You said it!" Trixie said with a snort. "Those Lynch twins can be a handful. I mean, Bobby can test you, but those kids are wild!"

As Hallie stepped up onto the veranda and took a seat across from the two girls, Honey was glad to see that the ice had been broken and Trixie was relaxing once again. Maybe they wouldn't start an argument with each other, after all.

"Have either of you seen Dan?" Hallie asked, suddenly looking shy. "He told me to meet him at the barn this afternoon, but I haven't seen him…"

"Oh, Regan took him into town with him earlier." Honey said quickly. "They should be back soon."

Trixie and Honey exchanged looks. They both knew Dan had a doctor's appointment.

And Hallie noticed the silent communication.

"What was that all about?" Hallie asked. She had a way of being strikingly direct.

As if Hallie's words were a match thrown into a dry haystack, Trixie flamed up with irritation.

"Maybe it's not anything for you to worry about."

"Well, if it involves my boyfriend, then I think it is." Hallie shot back quickly.

"Okay, um, let's just calm down." Honey interjected gently.

Hallie jumped to her feet and acted like she had been scalded with hot water.

"I'm getting a little tired of the way everyone is being secretive when they talk about Dan." She said hotly. "He's even acting really strange. What's going on? I'm not stupid, you know. I see the looks and notice the whispering." She stepped closer to Trixie and her dark eyes seemed to plead with her cousin. "Is he seeing someone else?"

Honey noticed the usually tough Hallie swallowing hard, and she was afraid the girl was about to cry.

The dark skinned teen peered down at her fair cousin. Her voice took on an uncharacteristically soft tone.

"Is…is he trying to…to break up with me?"

"Hallie…" Trixie started.

"He sure acted like it yesterday, during our walk. I mean, he started to say something really heavy…you know? Then…he chickened out. I…I've never seen him do anything like that. What is it? Is there someone else?"

"No. Hallie, listen…" Trixie tried again.

"Because I can take it, if he's just not interested in keeping up this long distance thing. I can understand. But…you know…I am thinking about moving out here… and going to art school. That's something Di and I were just talking about…"

Honey's heart was breaking for the girl.

"Hallie, just stop!" Trixie finally shouted. She quickly stood up and grabbed her cousin by the shoulders. "He's crazy about you, and you know it. It's not that."

The sudden sound of an approaching vehicle made the three girls turn and take notice. In Honey's mind, it was a welcome distraction from the intensity of the present conversation; that is, until she realized that the truck making its way up the drive was none other than that belonging to Bill Regan.

_Will Dan be angry if comes over here and sees Trixie telling Hallie his news?_ Honey wondered.

Immediately, she didn't feel very good about the situation and couldn't think of any positive outcome for it. She stood in strained silence with the other two girls, watching Regan and Dan as they exited the truck and began walking towards them.

"Well, hello." Dan said with a grin. "What are you girls up to?"

"Um…we…" Trixie didn't know how to address the awkward moment he was walking into.

As if she had had suddenly decided that she was the only person brave enough to tackle the real issue at hand, Hallie took a deep breath and then quickly maneuvered between Trixie and Honey to step down from the veranda and stand firmly in front of her boyfriend.

"I want to know what's going on. And don't tell me 'nothing' is going on."

Honey could see the shocked expression on Regan's face as he took a step back from this scene. He clearly wished he wasn't watching this.

"Okay. I won't tell you it's nothing." Dan said quietly.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Hallie was direct again.

Dan surprised them all with a hearty laugh. He shook his head and tried to take Hallie's hands in his, but she pulled them away.

"No, Babe," he laughed again, "I couldn't make it without you. I'd be stupid to even think about such a thing."

"Then…what…" Hallie looked hurt and confused.

Honey saw a dark and rigid expression flash across Dan's face unlike any she had ever seen before. Like his laughter a moment earlier, it was completely unexpected.

But Hallie didn't seem as shocked by it as the others did.

She mirrored the same look and studied him cautiously, as if she knew exactly what was coming.

"Danny, say it straight." She pleaded.

"I'm sick." It was simply stated, but his words caused Hallie to physically stagger.

"That's why I didn't make it into the police academy. It's the same thing Mom had."

"Don't …okay…that's enough. I…don't think I can hear anymore." Hallie said, throwing up a hand and spinning around to walk stiffly away. Her face was stone and her movements were deliberate.

Dan quickly caught up to her and jumped in her path. He didn't touch her, and she didn't look up, but his presence made her stop walking.

"Don't you forget what you promised me." Hallie's voice sounded hollow and robotic as she spoke to the ground between her feet and Dan's.

"When Luke and his guys had us tied up at the Inn. I was scared to death, and you said that you couldn't promise me that we'd get out of there alive, but as long as you had breath, you would fight. You said you'd go down fighting. You promised. Do you remember that?" Hallie looked up then, and Honey was amazed that there were no tears. Only a blank stare.

"I remember." Dan said evenly.

"You promised. You said you'd fight to the end. You wouldn't give up. You promised me."

Honey felt her breath being choked by the lump rising in her throat, and she couldn't help but scan the faces of Regan and Trixie to see if Hallie's words were also ripping them apart.

What she saw was that Trixie had tears streaming down her face, but Regan had bowed his head and closed his eyes.

_Is he praying or trying not to look? _Honey wondered.

"Please…Danny…you promised me." Hallie breathed out desperately. "You promised me."

"I did. I did. Okay. I won't give up. We won't give up. It's alright. We'll fight it together." Dan's voice suddenly seemed void of all emotion as he pulled his girlfriend close to him and let her sink against his chest. There were no tears, no movements, just clinging and staring from both of them.

"Then…then it's gonna be alright." Hallie finally murmured into Dan's shirt. "It's gonna be fine. Either way. Right?"

"Right."

Honey wished Hallie would just cry and get it over with, but the stoic look on the girl's face wouldn't change. And Dan looked as if Hallie were the one facing a terrible disease.

"Either way, Babe. It's going to be fine." He whispered into her hair.

"Alright." Hallie said, decidedly. "Either way. Then, I'm gonna promise you something."

She stepped away from him and looked him deliberately in the face. Honey had never seen the girl look so intense.

"I promise I'll be here every chance I get. You won't fight alone. You know I mean it, too. Every chance I get."

"Good. Because I need you." Dan choked out.

"Good." Hallie mimicked. She threw herself in his arms again.

Honey marveled at Hallie's strength. Not a single tear did she shed, despite the fact that she was obviously blown away with emotion.

_You're not made of steel! _Honey wanted to shout at her.

But later, she was glad that Honey didn't fall apart that day, because she began to realize that a day of even greater shock and hurt was yet to come.


	9. He's not scared bc love makes you brave

_**In the last chapter, we saw Honey's POV about the day Dan told Hallie he was sick. This chapter is another one of her flashbacks, but it takes place a little bit after the last one. It's an answer to the "Questions" chapter called "Shouldn't he be afraid?"**_

"Bobby Belden! What did you do to my hairdryer?" Trixie Belden shrieked from the upstairs bathroom at Crabapple Farm.

Downstairs where everyone had been watching T.V. and snacking, her cousin Hallie Belden and best friend Honey Wheeler gave each other knowing glances and shook their heads. They knew Trixie was about to read her little brother the riot act.

In a panic, Bobby jumped up from his place beside his older brother Mart and moved closer to his mother.

"Moms, you said I could use Trixie's hairdryer to dry the paint on the pine box roadster I made for scouts!" the little boy wailed.

"Yes, dear. But, why do you think your sister is upset? I told you to put it back exactly as you found it. Did you do something to make Trixie think you'd broken her hair dryer?"

At his mother's question, the ten-year-old's face twisted with thought. His eyes widened when the light bulb came on in his head.

"I might have gotten a little bit of …um…paint… on it," the small blonde said thoughtfully.

"A little bit?" Trixie said sarcastically from the doorway of the family room. Honey couldn't help but snicker at the look of her friend standing there with her damp curls clinging in frizzy jags around her freckled cheeks. The teen had red and blue paint smeared on her hands and across her chin. Clearly, she was angry.

"I went upstairs to get clean, not get paint on me! Moms!"

"Alright, Trixie, it's not worth getting so upset over. Just go wash it off. He didn't mean to."

"I'm sorry, Trix." Bobby said quietly.

"Uuugghhh! Now, we're gonna be late meeting Di at the country club!" Trixie stomped up the stairs to finish getting ready.

Despite the immaturity of her friend's petulance, Honey had to laugh. The banter between the siblings almost made her wish she had a younger brother or sister. Almost.

She watched Helen Belden pat her youngest child gently on the back and then send him into the kitchen to get himself some more fruit punch from the refrigerator. As soon as the boy was out of earshot, the older woman turned to the others in the room.

"He's still very upset about Dan," Moms said quietly. "I know I shouldn't baby him, but he's sensitive right now."

Honey caught Mart and Hallie's faces out of the corner of her eye and realized that Bobby wasn't the only one having a hard time dealing with the recent news of Dan Mangan's illness.

"Maybe I should…uh…freshen up a bit, too…before we…go," Hallie stammered. She quickly left the room and padded up the stairs.

It was if the dark haired girl's departure had taken some of the air out of the room along with her, and Honey felt her chest tighten with thinning breath.

_Oh Hallie. You don't have to be so tough all the time, _the quiet girl thought to herself.

She watched Mart stiffen and cough to cover up the emotion rising in his own throat. He flashed everyone a look that told them to change the subject because Bobby was coming back into the room, and Honey wondered how Mart was really feeling about everything; he was rarely ever serious enough to tell.

"Moms, I didn't mean to make such a mess." Bobby confessed as soon as he returned. "I just wanted to finish my car for the pine wood derby. Nobody was around here to help me. Dad was at work, Brian's still away at school, and Mart went off with Di. Dan said he'd help me last week, but…" The boy stopped and bit his lip. "…he had to go to the doctor…again."

"Well, I'm back now." Mart forced out cheerfully. "I'm not going with the girls to the country club, so I can help you finish it." He hopped up and tousled his little brother's curls playfully, but Bobby pulled away annoyed.

"Stop it, Mart. I don't need your help, now. I finished it all by myself." Growing frustration was evident in the child's voice and posture.

"Hey, that's great. Can I see it?"

"Just leave me alone," Bobby said mournfully. He was losing confidence. "It…it didn't turn out the way I wanted. It's ugly. I…I don't think I'm gonna race in the derby this year."

With tears in his eyes, the boy put down his drink and ran past his brother to fly up the steps and away from the others.

"Just let him go, Martin," Helen said gently. "Like I said. He's very sensitive. He'll show it to you when he's ready."

"I didn't mean to ignore him, today…" Mart started.

"It's alright, dear. Think nothing of it." Trying to keep things light, Helen asked, "So, Honey, how's your mother's book club coming along?"

The change of subject was welcome at the moment, but Honey was still so disturbed at Bobby's emotional breakdown that she couldn't formulate a response right away.

"She…she…um…I think she's getting a pretty…um…positive response," Honey managed to say.

"Oh, that's nice. I know I have missed several sessions, but the last one I went to was incredibly educational. We were reading _The Bridges of Madison County_. I thought I understood it, until I heard your mother explain a few things." Mrs. Belden was moving about the room as she spoke, giving Mart and Honey a distraction from the wake of the previous moment. "You know, I think she missed her calling. I could easily see Maddie Wheeler teaching literature at a university. She's very good at making the book come to life. I'm just going to have to make some time to be at her next meeting."

Honey wasn't sure what to say, so she simply nodded her head in agreement.

Abruptly stopping his current pacing, Mart gave Honey and his mother a determined look.

"I think I should see about Bobby," he stated. His rapid exit left Honey wondering if she should check on the progress of her friends, too.

"Mmmm. And I think I'll just go see what's keeping Trix and Hallie," she murmered quietly and headed for the steps on Mart's heels. She knew Mrs. Belden wouldn't take offence at suddenly being left alone.

As she mounted each rise of the staircase, Honey's mind began to reel with a million thoughts. She wondered if Trixie's recent agitation at every turn was simply her way of dealing with the unknown. Like Mart's jokes and Bobby's sensitivity. She knew Trixie was just as scared for Dan as the rest of them were; perhaps, her groaning about constant frustrations were just her own way of handling it. Truly, Trixie was a problem solver, and this was one problem the super sleuth simply couldn't solve. Honey guessed that fact was probably eating her friend up inside.

Then, Honey began to think that maybe Hallie's stiff chin routine was just a cover up, too. Maybe, underneath the stony attitude, she was really crying on the inside.

_She's certainly not going to let herself cry on the outside_,Honey thought sadly.

She had seen Hallie in some pretty emotional situations, but she had never seen the girl cry. The thought made Honey fear how deep the hurt would be if Trixie's cousin finally reached the breaking point and let years worth of pent up tears come out. She silently prayed she wouldn't have to be there if it ever happened.

When she reached the threshold to Trixie's room, Honey could hear the soft sounds of Hallie's guitar floating out of the open doorway. It made her stop and lean against the doorjamb to view the scene from a distance. The dark skinned girl from Idaho sat cross-legged on the bed, strumming the instrument gently, while her cousin stood across the room, gazing disappointedly into a full-length mirror and frantically scrunching mousse into her wet, blonde curls.

"Di is going to be really mad at us if we show up late to have dinner with her family at the club," Trixie was saying through gritted teeth. "Uuuuggghhhh! My hair won't stop frizzing!"

"Oh, Trixie, relax." Hallie soothed.

"You look fine, Trix." Honey offered from the doorway.

"There you are!" Trixie crossed the room and grabbed Honey by the hand to pull her inside. "Which blouse looks better, the one I have on…or this one?" As if she were about to make the most important decision in her life, the freckled faced teen held up a red top to contrast against the blue one she was already wearing and gave her friend a helpless look.

Honey felt herself fighting the urge to giggle.

"Trixie, they both look great on you. Really. Of course, the blue plays up your eyes, and the red really flatters your figure…honestly…you should wear the one _you_ like best."

"And Jim's not gonna be there, so what does it matter?" Hallie interjected.

Honey held her breath and silently prayed for Trixie to ignore that invitation for another standoff with Hallie. _Oh, let's don't start this now! You guys have gotten along all day without a single fight!_

"Well, I guess you're right." Trixie settled. She quickly returned the red top to the closet and surprised Honey by not even responding to her cousin's comment. Instead, she flopped down beside the taller girl and gave her an appreciative look. "That was a pretty song you were playing. What's it called?"

"I know you've heard it. They play it on the radio all the time. It's called 'Love is the Answer.' I play it a little bit slower than it's supposed to be, I guess. I'm still learning it."

Honey's mind wandered to some of the lyrics that she knew went with the tune Hallie had referred to, and the significance of the words she heard in her head made her stomach begin to churn. It seemed to match what she knew Dan felt about life and death and the whole concept of Heaven. It talked about death and coming to grips with it as an inevitable part of life. Honey suddenly felt as if she were falling down. This was not a song any of them should be thinking about right now.

As if she could read her friend's thoughts, Trixie suddenly voiced what Honey was thinking.

"Wow…um…Hallie…maybe that's not the best song for you to…um…learn right now…you know?"

The girl everyone thought of as the Indian Princess suddenly grew more somber than ever. Her dark eyes looked hard and haunted.

"It's the perfect song." She said cryptically. She turned her head from one girl to the other to give them each a long look in the eyes, and it made Honey feel cold at heart. "If you think Dan's afraid of death," she said quietly, "then you don't know him very well."

She stood and put the guitar on top of her travel tote, and then she moved back toward her cousin and friend who were now both seated on the bed.

"I know I once told you I was afraid of standing on the mountaintop and having no one hear me." Hallie continued, looking at Trixie only this time. "But, Dan came along and stood beside me, and he took that fear away. That's what love does to you. It makes you brave." She looked down at her hands and seemed to be forcing herself to keep speaking. "You know, I almost lost him right when I found him, but I sort of made a deal that bought us some time. Look, I don't want to talk about that…and I hope Dan never finds out about it, actually, but…just know that I'm not stupid about what might happen to him. And, I've never forgotten that he's already been living on borrowed time." She looked at Trixie with a strangely hollow stare. "Luke was going to kill him. And…I did what I had to do…and I bargained with God, too. I begged Him to spare Dan and he did. I can't complain; I won't complain, if He sees fit to collect on my promise."

Honey felt her mouth go dry. She was not only disturbed about what Hallie might have meant in relation to striking a deal with Luke, but if discussing her "bargain with God" made her react even more nervously, then it couldn't possibly be any better.

"And what was your promise?" She asked cautiously.

"That if God would spare him, I…wouldn't even ask to be his girlfriend. Even though I was already falling pretty hard for him, I'd walk away."

Trixie gave her cousin a playful shove and let out a sigh as if she had been holding her breath for years.

"Is that all? Good grief, you were being so dramatic, I thought you were going to say something crazy. You are already his girl, Hallie. Looks like God's okay with that."

But, Honey knew what Hallie meant, and it made her heart break for the girl. She knew Hallie was scared that her borrowed time with Dan was almost up.

Then, another thought struck Honey.

Maybe Dan did know what Hallie had done to save his life. She recalled the strange way he didn't move to touch her when he'd stepped in her path after he'd told her about the cancer. The way he always let her make the first move whenever they hugged. It was an unspoken understanding of a personal darkness that suddenly seemed so obvious. Honey had a new appreciation for Hallie's unbreakable strength. She met the girl's blackberry eyes and gave her a sympathetic half-smile.

Hallie returned the look gratefully.

Then, she turned back to her cousin and continued speaking with her original intensity.

"And, honestly, if you think I'm afraid of being all alone on that mountain again," Hallie said with determination, "then, you don't know me very well, either."

"O..kay." Trixie drawled. It almost seemed as if she was mocking Hallie's way of speaking, but clearly it showed just how much of her cousin's confessions had just gone completely over her head. "So, then, what _are_ you afraid of? If it's not losing Dan."

For the rest of her life, Honey would remember the way Hallie seemed to tremble when she answered the question. The way the girl forced the words from her lips as if she wanted them as far away from her body as she could possibly get them. Hallie swallowed hard and clenched the hem of her shirt as she spoke.

"I'm scared that when all of this is said and done, I'll look over at the person standing beside me on that mountain…and it won't be Dan."

_**Confessions, confessions! Stick around, and you'll hear more of them! Hope you are enjoying!**_


	10. We still look after one another

Sometimes, there are places which hold significant meaning in our lives.

For Jim Frayne, it was the large sitting area in his office at Ten Acres Academy.

Not only had it been built upon the ruins of his family's homestead, but it was placed specifically over the spot where he had first met his adopted sister and his wife; the very spot where he later proposed to that wife and made plans to build the children's home and private school that became his life's work. It was a place of comfort, beyond his busy desk, where he could go to think when he had difficult decisions to make. It was where he sat down to rest when the pressures of being headmaster became almost too much to bear.

Sitting on the antique loveseat and staring out the bay windows overlooking a thorny patch of rose bushes Trixie had planted in memory of his birth parents, Jim began to muse about his daughter's recent return to Sleepyside. Katie Frayne had decided to come back to teach at the academy after graduating from the University of Texas in San Antonio the previous spring, and it was certainly not something Jim and Trixie had expected from their oldest child. Truly, Katie was an excellent kindergarten teacher, and she had always wanted to have a job in education; but, that wasn't the surprising part. It was her willingness to return to the quiet world of her childhood that shocked her parents. As a little girl, Katie had forever talked of moving far away from Sleepyside and becoming an actress.

_Funny how growing up can change our dreams_, Jim thought.

He leaned back and smiled contentedly to himself at the idea of how even Trixie's dreams had changed as she aged. Her private detective agency with his sister Honey had lasted all of six months before she gave it up to become a mother. And, her investigative consultations with the local police department seemed to be taking a back seat more and more to her supporting role as an administrator at the school.

_Funny how children can change everything._

The tall redhead could feel a warm smile creep across his face as he began to think of his adopted daughter Emily. She had certainly changed everything…for the good. Of course, Emily's autism was very challenging for those around her, but the little girl's golden smile made every difficulty worth it. She was a bright ray of sunshine to all who knew her. She had brought peace to them in their inability to conceive another child, and her small successes in life helped keep Jim and Trixie's views in perspective.

He took another look out the windows at the twisted up rose bushes, which seemed beautiful to him despite the lack of blooms they bore in their autumn slumber, and he sighed.

_I'm blessed beyond measure,_ he thought happily.

"Mr. Frayne," his secretary interrupted his thoughts from the doorway, "Your sister is here to see you."

"Oh, send her in, Mrs. Keable." Jim moved across the room to stand at the edge of his large cherry wood desk. He chuckled to himself in remembering why Honey hadn't been addressed as _Mrs. Belden_. Once, when the kindly old secretary had first been hired to assist Jim, she had told him that a Mrs. Belden was waiting for him in his office, and he surprised her by asking, "Which one?" Mrs. Keable had cocked her head to the side in confusion and asked, "Well, how many wives does this Mr. Belden have?" Jim, of course, had never let the poor woman live it down. Now, whenever Honey, Diana, or Isabella were being discussed, Mrs. Keable knew better than to call any of them _Mrs. Belden_.

"Knock, knock!" Honey said cheerfully as she stuck her head into her adopted brother's doorway. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Not at all." Jim crossed to the door to take her arm and lead her to the sitting area. He gave her an approving glance as they sat down together. "You look very nice. Did you and Mother have breakfast with the Lynches at the club today?"

"Yes, it was our monthly date, you know. We had a lovely time talking about everyone. Did you feel your ears burning?"

"Hmm. That's what that was. I thought it was just the scarring from all the years of shrieking you and Trixie have done in my presence."

"Shrieking? Why you…" Honey gave him a playful swipe. The two shared a laugh together.

"So, what about me were you discussing, exactly?" Jim asked with narrowed eyes.

"Oh Jim, nothing too demeaning, I assure you."

It was Jim's turn to give a look of incredulity.

"Gee, thanks. You sound like that was a feat in itself. So, you feel like you didn't tell the truth, then, huh?"

Again, the pair laughed in unison.

"As if there were any truths about you that weren't perfectly perfect," Honey said with genuine appreciation.

"Awww. You're such a sweetheart." He gave his sister a hug and then held her at arm's length to look down in her eyes.

"Why the sudden visit, then? Not that I mind, or anything. It's just odd for you to come by during the school day."

Jim noticed an excited look sweep across the woman's smiling face and knew that there was something important she wanted to share with him.

"Something has happened," She said enthusiastically.

"Alright. I'll bite. What is it?"

"Do you know about the riding therapy group Daniel has organized at the Sleepy R?"

"Oh yes, it's all Emmie's talked about, lately. Daniel's got her out there talking to those other kids and everything. I'm really impressed."

"Me, too! And, it's not just Emmie who's getting the best out of this, Jim. Maddie asked me before school this morning if she could go to a sleepover at Kaylee Corbin's house this weekend. Can you believe it? Neither Fiona nor the Belden twins are going to be there. I mean, she actually wants to be with other girls her age…alone…without her cousins. Jim, this is big!"

As if Maddie were his own daughter, Jim felt the emotional magnitude of what Honey was telling him. It really was incredible news.

"I'm very happy for her, Honey. I know you worry about how shy she is. See, just like you were at her age, she just needed a little push in the right direction."

"You must think I'm a ninny for making such a big deal of this." Honey said with a laugh.

"Hey, I have two girls. I know how important this kind of stuff is to them."

As if she suddenly remembered something, Honey made a little sound and then quickly began digging in her purse.

"Speaking of your girls…or…your oldest 'not a little girl anymore' girl…" Honey produced a red, blown glass apple from her pocketbook and held it up for Jim to see. "Ms. Trask sent this to Katie. It was hers when she was a teacher."

Jim felt a strong sense of admiration at the mention of their faithful old housekeeper. She had taken her retirement several years ago, but she often met up with the Wheelers at family functions. He guessed that she must have been there with Honey and his mother at breakfast that morning.

"Wow, that was very thoughtful of her," Jim said quietly. He took the small object and fingered it carefully. He thought of all the nice things the woman had done for him over the years, and he couldn't help but feel blessed once more.

"Was she well?" he asked.

"She seemed to be." Honey replied with a tilt of her head. Both of them knew that Ms. Trask was deeply private, and although she never gave them all the details as to why she never married, they knew there was some sort of hidden sadness to her. They also knew that even if her health wasn't the best, she would never tell them. That was just the way she was.

"Well, I have to run." Honey said quickly as she rose from her seat. "Brian has very few breaks at the hospital, and I want to take advantage of his next one to tell him about what Maddie said this morning. I just can't stop smiling about it!" She gave Jim a brief hug, patted his shoulder softly, and then turned to move toward the door.

In his appreciation for Honey's news, a new thought suddenly struck Jim.

"Daniel's just like him, isn't he?" The words were out of his mouth before he could consider how they might affect them both.

Honey had stopped short with a sort of stiff jerk, and then she turned to give him a soft look of nostalgia.

"Yes," she said gently, "Yes he is. And, I know Dan's probably up there in Heaven with the proudest grin on his face at what his son has become."

Jim laughed at that and shook his head in agreement.

"Oh yes, that I can see."

_Later that afternoon…._

"Headmaster Frayne? The two boys who were fighting during lunch today are here to see you, sir."

"Yes, thank you, Mrs. Keable, please show them in."

As his secretary left the room, Jim stepped back behind his desk to give himself a more authoritative stance, but he nearly tripped over his chair when he realized that one of the young people being ushered into his office was none other than his sister's oldest son.

He coughed aggressively to cover up the small gasp that had escaped his lips.

Oblivious to his uncle's shock, Matt Belden kept his dark eyes lowered and chewed his lip nervously in the same fashion Jim had often seen done by his mother.

_At least h_e _doesn't seem to be injured in any way_, Jim noted.

However, he could tell that the other boy entering the room, one Brandon Claremont, clearly sported a swollen eye and a darkening cheekbone. The stocky senior had his arms folded across his chest and was shifting his angry stare back and forth from Jim's face to Matt's.

_Well, I guess I know who won, _Jim thought.

The older man made a stern face at both of the teenagers and let out a serious sigh.

"Alright. Who wants to tell me what this was all about?"

The venom seemed to seep out of Brandon, leaving a sheepish and embarrassed look where the angry glare had been just seconds before, but neither he nor Matt made any attempt to answer the question.

When Jim's unrelenting pause of anticipation made it clear to the boys that they were going to have to speak sooner or later, Matt finally spoke up.

"I…hit Brandon."

"Why?"

Jim suddenly felt the tension in the room increase a hundredfold. It was obvious the boys did not want to share that bit of information.

"Brandon?" Jim coaxed.

"Dude, I didn't do anything to him, and suddenly he's pounding me in the face." Brandon's outburst was accompanied by his original body posture; the crossed arms; the quick and angry glances. Jim could tell the teen didn't think he was going to get a fair judgment because of the relationship between his attacker and his principal.

"First, 'dude' is not how you should address me," Jim admonished. "Second, are you saying he just came out of nowhere and hit you? Without any warning; and for no apparent reason?"

"Well…we were all standing around talking and…"

Jim gave Brandon an objective look to encourage the young man to continue.

"Yes…?"

"I was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it." Matt interjected quickly. "Can you please just punish me and let us get back to class? I'm sorry. I am."

With a decisive effort to keep himself from getting upset, Jim crossed patiently to stand in front of his nephew and met the boy's eyes with his own.

"Why did you hit him, Matt?"

"Because he said something he shouldn't have." The boy said with a long exhalation of breath.

"About you?" Jim questioned.

"About…" Matt wouldn't say. He jutted his chin forward in a manner Jim recognized as identical to the mannerisms of his father when he had made a decision he wouldn't back down from.

_Oh, I've seen that look before._ Jim felt as if he were facing Brian Belden as a teenager once again.

But, what Jim couldn't understand was why Matt suddenly seemed to be protecting the very person whom he had just admitted to hitting. If Brandon's comments were worthy of being punched out over, why wouldn't Matt simply proclaim them and justify himself?

As if a thorn suddenly lodged itself in Jim's temple, a thought entered his mind and left the beginnings of a tension headache.

_Could Brandon have been making fun of Emily?_

The thought made Jim wonder if Matt was trying to protect _him_ from the knowledge of such an injustice. Realizing that his nephew wasn't going to budge, the headmaster decided to try his luck with the other boy, again.

"Brandon, what did you say to make Matt so upset?"

"I...um..well…see..I wasn't even talking to him. He just jumped in on my conversation with Laura and Lydia, which had nothing to do with him, by the way. "

"And, your conversation with the twins was about what, exactly?"

Brandon looked uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and looked at Matt cautiously.

"We were talking about Daniel." The boy shrugged as if it were no big deal.

_Daniel?_ Jim thought. _Where is this going?_

When no one said anything for a minute, Brandon continued to speak.

"See, we were talking about Daniel and his new horseback riding friends. No big deal, really. I'm almost sure the girls were even laughing about my comments on Daniel and Ashley, and then Matt comes barging in and freaking out all over me!"

"Who's Ashley?" Jim asked, confused.

Now, he knew he'd reached the heart of the matter.

Matt shot Brandon an angry look through narrowed eyes as if he had wanted to keep this mystery girl a secret, but Brandon had ruined that plan.

The boy with the one black eye looked embarrassed and dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Matt?" Jim asked pointedly.

"She's in Daniel's riding therapy group," the boy said softly.

"Okay…"

"She and Daniel kind of…I mean…I think they like each other…" Matt let out another long sigh and then pushed out the rest of his thoughts in one quick breath. "She's got leukemia and she's bald, and I think she's Daniel's girlfriend."

It was as if Jim's nephew had stabbed him in the heart with those words. He couldn't take breath for a moment

_Oh God, not again. We can't all live through this again, _Jim silently prayed.

"I wasn't making jokes about her being bald. It wasn't like that!" Brandon quickly pleaded his case. "All I said was that Daniel only started that riding club so he could finally get a date. It was a joke about Daniel, not her!"

Jim fought back nausea as he rapidly began to consider the deeper reason why his nephew had been so angry with the boy's statement. He felt an immediate need to get Brandon out of there.

"Okay, I think I understand what happened. Brandon, if you didn't do anything to retaliate against Matt, then I see no reason to keep you here any further. You need to get back to class. I'll make a call to your parents to let them know what happened. Shall I see if Mrs. Keable can get you some ice for your eye?"

"No, Sir."

"Then, you may go."

The sandy haired boy rose with slumped shoulders at his shallow victory and shuffled past his assailant to exit the large office.

Matt was chewing his lip again when Jim turned back to face him.

The action was one of his mother, but the face making it was Brian Belden through and through. It reminded Jim of the repentant look his brother-in-law once carried after he too committed an uncharacteristic act of violence to protect his own cousin…

_**It's that time again! Fun with flashbacks…want to know who Brian punched?**_


	11. Divine Answers

_**This is a flashback in Jim's POV: He's going to reveal a time when the usually quiet Brian Belden showed a spark of violence – shocking, is it not?**_

"I cannot believe you just did that!"

Trixie Frayne gave her husband a quick swipe on the upper arm as she pulled him away from the great room of Manor House. She had caught him as he was trying to disturb Honey, his adopted sister, and Brian, her oldest brother, who had fallen asleep while snuggled up together watching a movie. "They aren't teenagers making out on the couch, Jim."

"No, but they aren't married yet, either," he said with a mischievous grin. "Am I not allowed to protect my sister's honor?"

"Hmm. Sounds more like you just want to start trouble."

"If I start it, will you finish it?" Jim could hear his own voice dip suddenly deeper with the beginnings of lust, and he noticed the pulsepoint at the base of Trixie's throat quiver in reaction to it.

"Why, Mr. Frayne, I'm sure I don't have the faintest idea what you mean." She batted her eyes innocently in conjunction with the sticky-sweet fake southern accent that dripped like honey from her pouting lips. It made him wish they were alone in the house.

"I'm sure I could enlighten you later on tonight." He said with raised brows. The tall redhead opened the door to the veranda, allowing his wife to pass through first, and then he impulsively patted her bottom gently when he stepped out behind her. Such bold intimacy was not usually his style. He knew it would surprise her.

"Add that to the list of things I can't believe about you today!" Trixie teased with a mock look of incredulity. "You, sir, are out of control."

With a stifled giggle, the petite blonde woman turned back to face him, stepped closer, and met his lips quickly with her own.

It was almost too difficult for them to have to break the kiss when they heard the sound of approaching footsteps from inside the mansion.

"Jim? Jim, dear? Are you and Trixie still here?"

Having all the appearances of one who had just stepped out of a high end fashion magazine, Mrs. Madeleine Wheeler strolled out onto the veranda and clasped her hands together delightedly at the sight of the couple.

"Ah! There you are! I was hoping you were still here. Jim, I am terribly late to meet Matthew for dinner, but I simply cannot find my ostrich skin journal. Do you, by chance, recall seeing it in your father's office? I dare not go to my book club meeting tomorrow without it."

"I think you left it in the dining room, Mrs. Wheeler," Trixie offered.

"Oh, Trixie, dear, how many times have I told you? It's perfectly alright for you to call me Mother, now." She patted her daughter-in-law on the shoulder and beamed proudly at her. "And, I am certainly lucky to have you around to help me, lately. Yes, I did have my journal in the dining room. How brilliant of you to remember!"

The kind and polished woman excused herself and quickly darted back into the house to seek out her possession.

"She really means that, you know." Jim said softly to his bride. "I don't know what she'll do without you here when the house is finished. Especially with Honey about to move out, too."

He thought of the unexpected bond between Trixie and his mother, which had recently formed in the months since they began living at Manor House to save money during the construction of their own home at Ten Acres. Jim knew the two women were really nothing alike, but their common love for him seemed to be enough for them to have built a strong relationship upon. It made his heart soar to know that the important women in his life cared as much about each other as they did about him.

"Well, it's not like we'll be moving far away, or anything." Trixie grinned. "She can visit us every day, if she likes."

Jim gave her a grimace and narrowed his eyes.

"Yeah…I don't think that would be such a good idea. I mean…we might be a little…busy."

With that, he grabbed her close and tried to resume the kiss his mother had interrupted. But, Trixie playfully put a finger to his lips to stop him.

"So, it's okay for you to bother Brian and Honey, but no one should bother us?"

"Precisely! Hey, they're just engaged. We're married. We can do it all over the house if we want to."

Jim could see the mixture of amusement and shock on Trixie's face and it made him almost giddy.

"What's gotten into you today? Not that I'm complaining, but…really, Jim. Mr. Honorable, himself!"

He leaned down, nuzzled his face into the soft joining of her neck and shoulder, and kissed his way up to whisper into her ear.

"I'm just excited about all my dreams coming true."

As if he'd felt a surge of lightning in his soul, Jim let his own words sink in. All of his dreams were, indeed, coming true.

After only a year and a half of marriage, Jim and Trixie had already opened a children's home and a successful private school, were soon to have their own custom-built home, and they had just discovered that morning that they were expecting their first child together.

He clasped his wife tighter and breathed in the joy of her body against his. The pure warmth and comfort of her presence, mixed with the knowledge of their tiny, tiny baby within her, filled him to overflowing. He couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"I'm so glad you're happy." Trixie breathed into his neck.

Detecting the slight touch of sadness in her voice, Jim pulled away to look down at her.

"Sweetheart, aren't your dreams coming true, too?"

"Of course. Your dreams are my dreams." Trixie moved away and sat down on a lounge chair. Jim noticed the ease with which she sat, and he wondered how long it would be before the small bump of her abdomen grew large enough to make sitting uncomfortable. Her smile told him that she meant what she said, but the furrow in her freckled brow made him aware that something was troubling her spirit.

"Is it the detective agency? You and Honey really don't have to give it up, you know…I mean…I never asked you to, and I'm sure Brian isn't going to expect Honey to just…"

"It isn't that," Trixie interrupted. She let out a long sigh and turned glistening eyes toward the man she loved. "Honey and I are ready to put all that aside and start our futures with our husbands." She smiled and gave a sort of little laugh while briefly touching her nearly flat stomach. "I think we outgrew our old dreams and got ourselves some new ones."

Jim sat down beside her and covered her hands with his own.

"Then what is it? Why so sad?"

Trixie's lips trembled as she fought to make her words express her thoughts.

"He never got to see any of his dreams realized. I just feel… guilty. It doesn't seem right that we're all so happy when Dan…" She couldn't finish the sentence. Couldn't say the truth. Wouldn't say that their friend was dead. Instead, she leaned forward and rested her forehead on Jim's chest awkwardly.

"It just doesn't seem…fair." She whispered.

Jim had, of course, been feeling the same sense of guilt, but he knew Dan wouldn't have wanted that for them. The tough teen from New York City had been the closest thing to a brother Jim had ever known. And, truly, he had wrestled with the concept of "why him, and not me?" But, in the five years since Dan succumbed to cancer, Jim had learned that living in the legacy of happiness his friend had wanted to leave for those he loved was more important than dwelling on despair.

"If you think for one minute Dan Mangan believed life was fair then you didn't know him very well." Jim said gently.

The immediacy of Trixie's eyes flying up to meet his told Jim that she was stunned by his words.

"You…you sound like Hallie."

"Good. She would be the one who'd know what Dan would have wanted."

Jim tightened his hold on his wife's hands and pulled her up with him to stand at the white railing of the veranda's edge.

"Believe me, there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him, too. But, our petty little dreams down here couldn't possibly compete with what he's got going on up there."

He pointed up over the railing and beyond the sloping hillside where a beautiful sunset was lighting the sky on fire.

"Heaven is the stuff that dreams are made of," he said with a catch in his voice.

In response to that, Trixie wrapped her arms around him and clung to him with a desperation that he understood all too well. Jim could feel her releasing all sadness and fears in the quiet tears she poured out against him. They mingled with his own.

From pure joy to sadness to joy again, Jim was struck by the amazing roller coaster of emotion his life had become that day. But he didn't regret a minute of it. As if Dan had stepped up beside him and brought him some divine wisdom from beyond the grave, a sudden sense of peace suddenly engulfed Jim. Stealing away the guilt, and replacing it with love.

_The next day…_

"I knew it! I told Honey I thought Trixie was pregnant!" Brian Belden clapped his brother-in-law on the shoulder and gave him a wide grin. "Are you going to want to know what it is?" The two men were drinking coffee in the great room at Manor House and discussing the exciting news.

"Slow down, man. You know we won't be able to find that out for a while, yet." Jim could tell Brian was very enthusiastic about this.

"Sorry, I'm just so happy for you two. I know it wasn't part of your plan right now, but seriously, if everyone waited until they were ready, then no one would ever have kids. Is Trixie happy about it or is she disappointed that it happened so soon?"

"Oh, you know your sister. She's always feeling a million things at once. I think she's ready for this, but she feels a little bit guilty, too."

Brian looked completely confused by that statement.

"Guilty?"

"Yeah…it's um…kind of …a Dan thing. And, with you and Honey about to get married, and Mart and Di so happy together, I think she's also worried about Hallie feeling…well…left out."

Jim could tell that Brian understood.

"I see. But I think Hallie's too busy right now to even think about being lonely. She's been helping Di with her interior decorating jobs and taking on some freelance mural painting on the side."

"Is she still dealing art for Nick Roberts at his gallery downtown?"

"I'm sure she is. She's been keeping herself pretty busy. I guess it helps with…moving on. But, I don't think she's even really gone out with anybody else since she dated Tad Webster for that short time a few years ago."

Jim felt a jolt to his system as he put his mug down and stared at his brother-in-law.

_Brian doesn't know? I thought everyone knew Hallie was seeing Regan._

"Brian, when was the last time you saw Hallie?" Jim asked cautiously.

"Hmmm. I don't know. I guess it's been a few months. You know I don't get to leave the hospital much these days, why?"

_Should I be the one to tell him this?_ Jim questioned himself.

He wasn't sure how to broach the topic with Brian, since he knew that Trixie had only just come to terms with the odd romantic pairing. To him, the match made sense. But, others in their social circle seemed to still be shocked at the idea. He wondered to himself; was it the eight years difference in their ages that bothered them? Or did it seem like a betrayal of Dan's memory?

Jim felt like he knew Brian very well, yet he honestly had no idea how the man would react to Hallie's relationship with Regan. He drew in a long breath and decided to test the waters.

"What would you say if I told you that Hallie has been seeing someone new?"

"Hey, if he makes her happy, I'd say that's great! Did Trixie tell you she's found someone?"

"Actually, um…you could say that." Jim hadn't intended for it to come out so cryptic.

Seeming to understand that Jim was hesitant to reveal the identity of Hallie's new beau, Brian shifted in his seat to get a better view of his brother-in-law and raised his eyebrows at him.

"Why do you say it like that? Is he not someone she should date?"

_Oh boy, how do I answer that?_

"Personally, I think he's perfect for her." Jim said honestly.

"So, Trixie doesn't like him, then." Brian guessed.

"Mmm. I wouldn't say that. She likes him, but she was a little shocked that Hallie would pick him."

A look of intrigue flashed across Brian's face.

"Do I know him?" He asked slowly with narrowed eyes.

"Yeah, you know him…" Jim felt as if he had backed himself into a corner, and he now had only one way to go. He hesitated again.

"Well, who is it?"

Jim opened his mouth to say the name when a strange look of understanding seemed to overtake Brian's face. The dark haired man's eyes suddenly opened wider and his jaw set tightly.

"Oh my Gosh! It's Regan!" Brian looked stunned at his own revelation. "I think she must have been trying to tell me the last time I saw her." He covered his mouth with his hand in disbelief and then let his fingers slide off slowly while his eyes took on a glassy look of contemplation.

"Jim, I just don't feel right about that." Brian confessed.

"Look, I know it seems weird, but…"

"No, I really don't think this is right!" Brian jumped up off the couch and started for the front door.

"Where are you going?"Jim asked quickly.

"I have to talk to Regan about this."

Jim felt a wave of panic rise in him at the thought of Brian inciting a shouting match with the hot-tempered Bill Regan.

"Wait!" Jim shouted after his friend. But, it was too late. Brian was already out the door and halfway to the stables by the time Jim could get near enough to him to say anything more.

When he entered the barn behind his brother-in-law, Jim stopped short at what he saw. Brian had interrupted what seemed to be a completely innocent kiss between the tall groom and the raven haired Hallie Belden.

Before anyone could speak or do anything to stop it, the most unlikely thing happened. Brian lunged forward, pushing Hallie aside, and then slammed his fist directly into Regan's jaw. The sound shook Jim from his momentary loss of movement.

"Brian! What are you doing?" Jim cried out, pulling back on the young man.

"Bill!" Hallie shrieked with concern.

As if the big man had known this moment would come, Bill surprised Jim by simply holding up his hands in a surrendering fashion and letting out a winded chuckle.

"Well, I guess that answers my question about how you were going to feel when you found out about us."


	12. I want the comfort he found

_Present Day: Trixie's POV_

"What do you mean you knew I'd feel this way?"

Trixie Frayne watched as her brother Brian threw his hands up and spun away from his oldest son Matt. The boy had been sent to her office to wait for his father who had been called to Ten Acres Academy to address the issue of the teen hitting another student during lunch.

"Of course I'm upset, Matt. This isn't like you." The older man stopped walking around the room and turned back to his son. "I know what Brandon said wasn't right, but you can't just lose your cool like this and not expect some punishment."

"But it's a big game, Dad! Uncle Jim said he'd think about still letting me play Friday night if you agreed to it. Look, I'm sorry, okay. I'll go to in-school suspension for the rest of the week. I promise. And…you can ground me. Please, I have to play in that game!"

"No, Matthew. I don't think that would be fair. You know the rules. No fighting or you sit out a game."

Matt's face fell, and he stared down at his hands. It was as if not playing football was worse than death.

"Our guys don't stand a chance now. With Daniel and me both gone…"

Trixie had to look away to keep from feeling sorry for the young man. She knew this was very difficult for him. Before she could stop herself from giving in to the temptation, she leaned down beside her nephew and gave him a quick wink.

"Oh, don't feel so bad, Matt. I happen to know that your father once lost his cool in a pretty bad way."

Without even looking up at him, she could feel Brian's stare telling her to keep quiet.

But, Trixie wasn't known for doing what others expected of her.

"Want to know what happened?" She asked her nephew with a small laugh.

"You wouldn't dare!" Brian barked out quickly.

Matt's eyes suddenly sparkled with intrigue.

"Is this about that time when you all were kids and Dad tried to make Uncle Martin run away and join the military?"

"Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about that one. Who told you that story?"

"Uncle Mart, of course."

Brian stepped closer to the both of them and flashed a serious look that made the boy and his aunt stop their chuckles quickly.

"Come on, Trix," he said softly, "this is serious. What if he'd really hurt that boy?"

Trixie knew her older brother was right. After all, what kind of assistant principal would she be if she didn't impress upon Matt the severity of his actions. But, at the same time, all her years of dealing with children and teens had taught her that mercy could sometimes be just as effective as reproach.

She knew by the look on Matt's face he'd never do anything like this again.

"Oh, I think Matt's learned his lesson, Brian." Trixie said with her business voice. She stepped behind her desk and picked up the discipline referral form the cafeteria worker filled out about the incident. "But, just in case he needs another reminder, I think it best for me to take Matthew up on his offer to serve in-school suspension for the rest of the week."

She heard the teen groan under his breath.

"Now, if you keep your end of the deal and make sure you don't punch out your friends anymore, I'll tell you about the time your father socked Regan in the face."

_Later that evening…(Brian's POV)_

An unusually cold autumn wind blew through the screens on the upstairs windows and made an eerie noise that permeated throughout the Belden family's extravagantly large townhouse. Before saying goodnight, Doctor Brian Belden sat on the edge of his son's bed and waited for the question he knew the boy was bound to ask him, now that they were alone.

"So, Aunt Trixie said it was because you caught him and Hallie kissing, but I know there had to be more to it than that. You two always seemed close to me. Why did you really hit Uncle Bill?" Matt looked up at his father and searched his face.

The reason hadn't been spoken out loud to many people before, and Brian still wasn't sure he wanted to go through with this. But, somehow, he knew Matt needed the answer. He needed to know that he wasn't the only one who'd felt like his cousin depended on him to set some things straight.

_Will Hallie hate me if I share this?_

Brian knew Matt wasn't the type to go and tell, but he also knew this was something Hallie hadn't ever even told Dan. He bit the bullet and started spilling the details before he could think twice about it.

"Once, when Dan was still alive, Hallie confided in me that she'd… lost her virginity… to someone who'd…well, kind of…hurt her. And it wasn't Dan. She wouldn't… tell me who it was, but she said she was terrified of Dan finding out… because she said it was… someone he knew."

Matt squirmed uncomfortably on his bed.

"What do you mean by…he…hurt her? Do you mean…um…rape?"

Brian wished he hadn't started this conversation.

"Honestly, Matt, she never would go into too much detail. That's what I assume, but…I still don't know the whole story."

"And you…thought it must have been Regan when you saw them kissing? But, why?"

"I don't know. At that moment, it had…sort of…made sense. The way she…tried so hard to keep it from Dan…I don't know. Looking back now, I realize how stupid that was. Regan would never have done something like that. I mean, he probably never even looked twice at Hallie until after Dan died. "

"Then, who do you think it was?"

"Luke." Brian said quickly.

Matt seemed to shudder at the name. He'd been told stories about the violent leader of The Cowhands, Dan's old gang. Brian didn't think he needed to say anything more.

After a short while of silence, Brian reached over and patted his son on the arm. "What's in the past is past," he said pointedly. "No more fights for either of us, okay?"

But, before he could rise to leave, Brian felt Matt grab his arm and bid him to stay.

"Dad, I…I won't say anything about this. Not even to Daniel."

"Thank you, son. I knew I could trust you."

"And, about Ashley…you know…Daniel's girlfriend…"

Brian felt his stomach churn. He held up his hand to stop Matt mid-sentence.

"I understand why you didn't tell us about that, too. It's okay."

Brian wanted to quickly end this discussion and leave before he lost his composure. He couldn't ever remember his own father becoming an emotional wreck in his presence, and he wasn't about to do such a thing in front of his own son.

"Sleep tight, and don't worry about anything else night."

He started to rise again.

"But, I can't help but worry." Matt's strangled voice stopped him. The boy swallowed hard and reached out to touch his father's arm again before continuing.

"Dad, I never realized how close to death we all are until Daniel got hurt. I mean…he really could have died out there if Uncle Mart and Uncle Bobby hadn't…"

"Matt, it's okay. You're tired, you've had a very eventful day, and everything seems worse when you're…"

"No, it's not because of that! Dad, what's Daniel gonna do if Ashley dies? Huh? What's he gonna do? He's crazy about her! I see you and Mom…heck… our whole family… freak out about Dan all the time, but…it was never really _real_ to me until now. I mean, I didn't know him, so…it didn't hurt…until…oh my Gosh! Dad, he was Daniel's father, and now he's dead. I just…I guess it never hit me until now. What are we gonna do if Ashley dies? Daniel's tough, but I don't think he could take that."

The boy fought back his tears furiously, and Brian had to bite down his own emotion to be what his son needed him to be at that moment.

"I know that you worry about Daniel, but don't. He's got enough of his father…and his great uncle… in him to survive anything."

"I…I don't know…"

"Well, I do. Look, did he ever…tell you about the treasure hunt Dan set up for Bobby?"

Matt looked stunned.

"How did you know about that?"

"Bobby showed a few of the letters to me once. I take it Daniel told you about how he recently helped Bobby find the last one?"

Matt fingered the edge of his blanket and chewed his lip. The boy's action was so reminiscent of his mother that it made Brian feel warm inside.

"Yeah, and I got to see some of the other letters, too. I was at the cabin helping out with patrol one day when Uncle Bobby gave Daniel a few of the things his dad left behind…I guess he thought he should have them. Stuff like his grandfather's old tin soldiers. It really meant something to Daniel."

Brian was beginning to understand what Matt's fears were all about, and he decided that his original plan to use the concept of the letters to comfort his son was not going to work.

"Did it scare you a little to see them? To know that the person who wrote them was about your age? And now, he's dead?"

Matt looked up at his father and nodded mutely.

"It's always a shock the first time you realize that everyone dies. Believe me, I know how you feel, Matt. I was about your age when it hit me."

"And now, you see a lot of death at work, don't you?" Matt asked quietly.

"Well, it's different with my patients, because they are older. Most of them are ready to go. You know, Matt, when the elderly die of natural causes they usually see things…like visions I guess. Sometimes, it's familiar places or items from their youth. If they can still communicate, some talk about bright colors or animals. A lot of them say they see people coming for them…you know… near the end. And, they always want to go with that person, too. It's really comforting."

"Was it like that with Dan?" Matt almost seemed afraid to ask.

Brian had to force himself to keep the reality of that memory from surfacing in his face. He knew Matt would be able to see how much that event had affected him, and he couldn't let himself be that vulnerable. He closed his eyes briefly.

"No, Matt. It was quiet and peaceful for Dan, but honestly…there wasn't much comfort in it. Hallie went nuts and Regan…he…he wasn't even there. Trixie and I didn't even have time to process what happened. We were too busy trying to keep Hallie together. She'd made herself be brave for too long, and I think maybe … it finally caught up with her."

_Why am I telling him all this? He'll never get to sleep, now! What kind of father am I? _Brian chastised himself.

Surprisingly, the candid revelation appeared to have given Matt some small moment of peace from his fears.

"I never knew your cousin had so many bad things happen to her." Matt said in awe. "I guess that's why Daniel is so tough, huh?"

"I guess so," Brian said with a smile. He looked at his son lovingly and saw a hint of his own father's face. He suddenly wanted to go call the man and seek his wisdom about all of this.

_Did I do this the same why Dad would have done with me?_

After a few minutes of silence, Matt's voice interrupted his father's thoughts.

"Do you think Daniel's wrong to go out with Ashley? I did…um…try to talk him out of it."

"I think that's something he needs to talk to his parents about."

"Are you gonna tell them? Or, do you think Uncle Jim already did?"

Brian let out a sigh and patted his son's hand.

"I think after today, Daniel will tell them himself."

"What if he doesn't?"

The older man had to shake his head and laugh. His son was a worrier just like he was.

"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it," he said gently.

The good doctor stood and switched off the bedside lamp with a quiet click and then stooped to kiss his oldest child on the top of the head.

"I love you, Matthew. That's why I tell all of you that every day. Because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow."

"I love you, too, Dad."

As Brian stepped down the hall to bid goodnight to his other two children, he began to imagine what sorts of questions they might have for him about what happened at school that day. He took a deep breath and tried to psych himself up for more difficult parenting.

_It's going to be a long night_, he thought to himself.

_**I'm feeling more and more like Dan…trying to send out my own "messages" before time runs out – to answer many questions, I'm not necessarily from any one place (part Brit – part other stuff –all American, now)– I travel – a lot. Soon, I'm to be in a location where I won't have access to a computer, and I want to get all of this out before I go – in case I can't get back for a really long time (it's a long story – again, sounds like Dan – but my going is a good thing – will help many people – can't quite disclose nature of trips)**_

_**Anyway, if I don't get it all out there, forgive me and stay tuned…some of you really have encouraged me to keep editing and posting – even when gaining access to do so has been VERY difficult.**_

_**Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll try to keep the torch burning a bit longer…**_


	13. Family serves as reminder of love pt1

WARNING: I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO REALLY EDIT THIS ONE – IT'S CHOPPY AND SUCH – ONLY HAVE ACCESS TO COMPUTER FOR A SHORT TIME TODAY AND WANTED TO UPLOAD SOMETHING – CHARACTERS AREN'T MINE - ENJOY

Present Day: Trixie's POV

_Oh yes, it's going to be a long night_, Trixie Frayne thought to herself.

She looked out the window of her kitchen, out across the courtyard that separated her family's private residence from their place of work, and she marveled at the autumn moon shining brightly over the rooftops of the Ten Acres Children's Home. It was all she could do keep from worrying about the new set of twins she and her husband had taken into care there earlier in the day.

_They probably won't sleep a wink._

She tried in vain to stop herself from conjuring up mental images of the toddlers' small faces looking nervously around the sleeping room, their small, pudgy arms clinging to the night staff, their tiny ears only half listening to the bedtime stories. She knew she couldn't take them all home with her at the end of the day, but it didn't make it any easier to leave them. Especially when they were new.

_They'll adjust. Children are so resilient, _she told herself_._

The petite blonde took her coffee and quietly padded to the cozy living room. Her husband Jim and her daughter Emily were already asleep for the night, and she was waiting up for her oldest daughter, Katie.

A soft mewing made the woman pause before sitting down in the recliner. It was the family cat, Sherlock. He was rolling playfully on his back on the sofa, trying to get his owner's attention, and it was obvious that he did not want Trixie to sit so far away from him.

"Oh Sherl," Trixie laughed, "Of course I'll sit with you and give you a good scratch." She took the fat feline into her lap while scooting onto the couch.

As she sat and rubbed her hands through her pet's soft fur, the late night stillness put Trixie in a pensive mood; she couldn't stop her mind from wandering. She thought about the current supply needs of the children's home and the private academy. She mused over the events of the staff meeting that morning. She began to analyze a conversation she had with her husband at lunch. All sorts of ideas ran rampant through her mind.

And then, the hushed moment reminded her of another night when her cousin had arrived very late to Crabapple Farm. It was the same day Trixie and Hallie had fought publicly while their friend Dan Mangan had been going through chemotherapy. It was the very day Trixie had vowed that she would never fight with her cousin again.

(Flashback)*****

"_Hallie, where have you been?" Trixie sat up quickly in her bed and questioned her cousin as the dark haired girl was quietly slipping into her room. "My parents have been worried sick. Did they talk to you downstairs?"_

"_Look, unlike you, everyone else in this house seems to understand that I've had a pretty long day – a day that started at about four o'clock this morning," she checked her watch, "…let me rephrase that…four o'clock yesterday morning, and ended up with me watching my boyfriend fighting for his life in some second rate hospital where I was sexually harassed by some sperm clinic sleazebag and I was called a whore by my cousin and…"_

"_That is not what I said!" Trixie huffed. "Why do you always twist my words around?"_

"_Whatever. The point is…I don't want to talk right now. I'm sorry you have to share your room with me, alright? If it makes you feel any better, I'll go stay with Di tomorrow. Let's just get some sleep."_

_Trixie was fuming, but she saw the other girl's exhaustion and knew it was no time to fan the flames. She slid over in the bed to make room for the other teen while Hallie went quietly to her bag to fetch her toothbrush. After the taller girl had finished her preparations for bed and had climbed in beside her cousin, she surprised Trixie by being the first to apologize._

"_I'm sorry, Trix. I didn't mean to yell at you. I've just really had a rough day."_

"_I know. I'm…I'm sorry, too. And I wasn't trying to call you a…you know. That's not what I said at all."_

_Hallie rolled over to face her._

"_But, that's how it felt. It was bad enough the way that Mike Colby looked at me when he talked about Dan's 'sexual history,' but to have you say I was bringing shame on our family…"_

"_I said I was sorry. You know, you should really watch what you say, Hallie."_

_Trixie thought of all the times she, herself, had said things that were rude or bold; however, she knew that vulgarity was not something anyone could accuse her of. Sometimes, she thought Hallie just said such things for shock value._

"_I guess maybe you're right about me." Hallie pressed her lips together and shut her eyes tightly to avoid shedding the tears that threatened to spill out. "Maybe…maybe I really am just a whore."_

"_Please stop saying that." Trixie begged quietly. She hated that word. "We all know you and Dan haven't done anything. You just said all those things to shut that Colby creep up. It's okay. Let's…just forget about it."_

_Trixie was surprised at the overwhelming emotions her cousin seemed to be fighting at the moment, and she wished the troubled girl would finally let herself break down and deal with them._

"_No, Trix, you don't understand," Hallie said softly. She slipped out of the bed and stood with her arms folded across her chest, her back to her cousin, and her head lifted defiantly to the wall as if in protest to some unseen force that threatened to make her cry._

"_I'm really not a nice girl," she said in a strangled voice. "I've…been with someone. That way."_

_Trixie felt herself gasp, and Hallie whirled around with a violent spin._

"_Oh, don't act like you're shocked. You are so naïve! I tried to tell you that day when you and Honey were bugging me about that song I was learning on the guitar. Don't you get it! I slept with Luke, okay? There. Now you know!"_

"_Hallie, what are you talking about? Did he hurt you?"_

"_No, it wasn't like that."_

_Trixie could tell she was lying. She may have done it willingly to save Dan or to gain Luke's protection from the other guys in the gang, but she could tell by the way Hallie said it that he'd still hurt her._

"_Why didn't you tell someone?" Trixie could hear the hurt in her own voice as she asked it._

"_I told you. It wasn't like he raped me or anything. I let him. You were right about me, okay. I guess I am a shame to our family, after all. Can we just forget the whole thing and go to sleep, now?"_

_The way Hallie wouldn't even look Trixie in the eye made the blonde feel as if she had been slapped. She couldn't believe what her cousin was telling her. How had she kept this a secret for so long? Did Dan know?_

_As if Hallie could read Trixie's mind, she gave a low sound from her throat and practically growled out a threat._

"_And, if you ever tell Dan, I promise I will never…NEVER…forgive you. It would kill him."_

_Trixie knew she was right._

"_No…I would never…I…I promise."_

"_Good. Now, go to sleep and forget about it."_

_But, Trixie couldn't forget about it. She couldn't stop herself from wondering how horrible it had been for her cousin to carry this secret for the last few years. So many things suddenly made sense to her. The way Hallie responded to Mike Colby. The way she seemed to resent it when Trixie complained about Jim's lack of physical affection toward her. The way she would never go near the Glen Road Inn. Trixie couldn't blame her. She wouldn't judge her. She wished she could take this horrible memory from her._

_And, suddenly, any desire Trixie ever had to win an argument against her cousin vanished into thin air. Gone was the competitive spirit that made the young girl want to be champion over her family member. No more would she let their differences come between them. For, Trixie now understood what dominated her cousin's heart: the need to protect those she loved. She was a stabilizer and a protector. No wonder they argued. Trixie hated to be protected. She didn't want to be balanced. Her need to solve problems and fix things went against Hallie's drive to sacrifice herself and take on the problems of others. It all became clear to Trixie._

_As she later stared at Hallie's profile on the pillow beside her, Trixie's mind recalled images of one of the girl's Nez Perce ancestors, the great Chief Joseph. She wore the same proud look upon her face. She had the same resolve to sacrifice for the greater good of others. Trixie thought about the famous words of that incredible man, and she decided it best to apply them to her relationship with Hallie. She looked at the girl beside her and silently declared, "I will fight no more, forever."_

(End Flashback)*****

Present Day

Trixie closed the book she wasn't really reading, laid her head back, and sighed heavily. She knew her cousin had long ago made her peace with God in relation to the broken deal she'd made with Him about not dating Dan. And she knew Hallie, with Regan's love, had long since vanquished her memories about the bargain she'd made with Luke, too. But, the woman couldn't stop herself from worrying about how recent events were affecting Hallie.

_How is she taking everything about Daniel and his new girlfriend? _ She pondered.

She silently prayed her cousin wouldn't do anything drastic to try to protect her son the way she'd done for his father all those years ago.

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO OF THIS – HOW DOES HALLIE FEEL ABOUT DANIEL'S GIRLFRIEND? PLUS, MORE HALLIE/REGAN ROMANCE FLASHBACKS TO COME


	14. Family serves as reminder pt 2

"Hallie, come on, now. There's no need to do anything so drastic!"

Diana Belden gave her husband's cousin a look of horror as the dark haired woman held up two fabric swatches with violently opposing colors and patterns.

"What?" Hallie Regan asked, feigning innocence. "You don't think one of these would look good for the curtains with the other as the upholstery?"

"And I thought your husband was color blind," Di quipped.

The two women laughed together.

"Poor Bill, visual arts really aren't his thing. He can't get out of the house with matching socks, but he can decipher mixed breeds in a horse just by its coloring."

Diana didn't miss the appreciation Hallie's voice held when speaking of Bill Regan. Despite what others had at one time deemed a very odd pairing, the married couple had become quite a success together over the years. They adored each other and ran the Sleepy R Ranch as if they were one person. As she dug through some more fabric squares in the bottom of her design kit, Di couldn't help but smile to herself with the happiness of seeing how proud Hallie was of her mate.

"Oh, I guess you'll keep him, then," Di teased.

"Hmmm. I guess so. But if he doesn't stop tracking mud into this house, I'm going to have to reconsider that."

The women let loose another round of laughter and fell to work again, sorting through samples of various shades and textures.

"Honestly, Di, I appreciate you coming over and helping me pick out some things to redecorate this room with. I think of all the jobs we've done for other people's houses, and I don't remember it being this difficult to choose." Hallie looked discouraged, taking in a sweeping gaze of the multiple design choices laid out on the sofa, the coffee table, the end tables, and most of the available floor space of her living room. She was clearly overwhelmed.

"It's always harder when you're designing for yourself," Di said with a grin. "You remember, it took me two months to get the idea for Laura and Lydia's room picked out when they were little."

"And look at them, now," Hallie sighed as she picked up a picture from the nearest table. The photograph was of her daughter Fiona, dressed in her Easter finest, standing between Diana and Mart's twins. The three girls were of the same age and looked almost like triplets. "Oh Di, when did our little girls get so big?"

It was Diana's turn to sigh. "I guess the same time we got old."

"Speak for yourself!" Hallie smirked and tossed a curtain tassel at her friend. The fair-skinned Diana quickly snatched the fringy item up and held it against a nearby swatch with a clashing hue.

"Oooh, now this is classy!"

Hallie made an appropriately disgusted face as she shook her head and chuckled.

"I may be old, but I'm not blind. That's definitely something Bill would like; therefore, it is absolutely not an option."

"I don't know, Isabella could probably find a way to make it work," Di snickered lovingly.

Her sister-in-law, Isabella, was a brilliantly talented architect, but she was beyond eccentric when it came to her fashion sense. Di had met the younger woman when she had been asked to speak to a drawing class at the local college, and she immediately knew that she had to introduce the beautiful intellect to her husband's little brother. They were perfect for each other. Both Bobby and Isabella would have probably preferred the hideous color combination Diana was now holding up in front of her grinning face.

"Sure, I should let her come over and help…and then all I'd have to do… would be to get little Angelica to pick out one of her famous mismatched outfits… for me to wear… when I reveal this new design to my family…and I'll be… the talk of the town!" Hallie sputtered out each phrase through fits of giggles.

As if they were intoxicated, the two women gave in to side splitting laughter and doubled over deliriously. It was in this state that Hallie's oldest son, Will, found them.

"Um…Mom? Di? What are you doing? Looks like you two are having just a little bit too much fun in here."

"Will! I didn't know you were coming by." Hallie jumped up from her place on the couch and threw her arms around her son. "What a wonderful surprise!"

"Good grief, Mom. I just saw you yesterday morning. You'd think it was a year the way you're squeezing me to death."

"I just needed to hug you today," Hallie said quietly into his chest. Will was nowhere near as broad as his father, but he was every bit as tall. His mother had to crane her neck to look up into the twenty-year-old's dark emerald eyes.

Knowing that Will understood Hallie's last statement as an indication she was worried about something, Di wondered if she should leave the two alone to talk about it. She was about to excuse herself to the bathroom when Will interrupted her plan by bringing the silent problem out into the open.

"I take it you know about Daniel and Ashley, now, huh?"

"I don't think I like the way you say it. As if they're engaged or…doing something they shouldn't…" Hallie gave her son a quizzical look and pulled away from him. "What do you know about it?"

"Mom," he whined, "You know I can't just spill stuff my brother's told me in confidence. Hey, this is Daniel, we're talking about here. He gets himself into scrapes, but he's not dishonorable. I mean, he's considering seminary, so I'm sure he's not about to…" The young man suddenly stopped as if he'd said something he wasn't supposed to say.

Di watched Hallie's eyes grow large with surprise.

"Seminary? What are you talking about?" Hallie put her hands on her hips.

_Uh oh. I've seen that look before,_ Di thought. She knew Will wasn't getting out of this until he told his mother everything.

"Oh Ma, don't freak out. I think Daniel's been called to ministry. It's really a good thing. Really."

Di felt an electrical shock go through her body at the words of her little cousin. It reminded her of the day one of her little sisters had rushed into the Lynch Estate with shining eyes and a strange looking box in her hand. Cara had helped Bobby find the witness cube in a treasure hunt that Daniel's father Dan Mangan had left for Bobby before the young man had passed away from cancer. As a result of finding the cache and reading the letter, which Bobby had angrily refused to finish reading and had given over to her, Cara had accepted Christ as her Savior. She used the cube to bring her twin sister Tara to Christ, as well as their brothers Larry and Terry.

Suddenly, Diana couldn't help but wonder how pleased her siblings would be if they knew what Daniel was thinking of doing. They had all been led to different callings; most of which had taken them far from Sleepyside, but they still kept in touch. Cara was a missionary's wife, and she had recently moved with her family to Honduras. Terry was a single father and a career military man who was currently stationed in Japan. Larry and Tara and their spouses all worked for a local airline: the men as pilots and the women as flight attendants. Diana was very proud of them and their families.

She searched Hallie's face to see if the dark-skinned woman was as enthusiastic about Daniel's revelation as she knew her siblings would be when she told them.

She was shocked to find no emotion registering there. Nothing flashing in the blackberry colored eyes. No tangible mood apparent on the woman's proud face.

All had gone frighteningly blank.

Di hadn't seen that look in a really long time.

"He made a deal with God…" Hallie breathed out in a parched whisper.

Before anyone could register what was happening, the middle-aged woman's dark eyes began to roll back into her head, and her tall, thin frame began to slack loosely in a rapid descent toward the floor. Will reacted just in time to prevent his mother's head from crashing onto the porcelain tiles as she lost all consciousness and fell limp in her son's arms.

_Ooooh! There are more twists and turns coming – just need more time to edit them. Now you know how Isabella and Bobby met, what happened to Di's brothers and sisters, and why Dan's Roman's Road letter didn't work on Bobby (maybe later I'll even let you see why he got mad and didn't read the rest of it). Watch for falling flashbacks!_


	15. Family serves pt 3

Hallie Regan couldn't stay awake.

She tried.

She fought the medications the doctor had ordered to be given to her. She fought the I.V. drip in her arm. She fought the overwhelming onslaught of memories and sensations that over-stimulated her brain when she slept. She fought. Hard.

But, all it did was tire her out more. She simply couldn't stay awake.

And, she certainly didn't want to sleep.

In sleep, there were dreams.

Some were pleasant. The smells of her childhood home mixed with the present joys of the ranch she shared with her husband and children. She rode horseback with Trixie, then Bill, then Dan, then Daniel…the scenes changed location and season without warning; without logic. There were faces and songs and moments of bliss. She heard her brothers' laughter, tasted her mother's cooking, and could feel the warmth of her husband's touch.

No, that was not a dream. He was there. Bill. His large hands taking her small one into their folds.

_Bill! Help me!_ She tried to scream out to him. She couldn't.

She couldn't wake.

_Bill!_

"Shhh. Darling. Everything is alright."

Had she cried out? Had he heard her silent plea? It was his voice. She would know it anywhere.

But, he hadn't called her "Babe." She was confused.

_Wait!_ Her fuzzy brain struggled to find balance. That was what Dan had always called her, not Regan.

She couldn't stay awake.

She didn't want to dream.

Some dreams were pleasant.

Some were not.

"Mom, I love you."

It was Daniel's voice.

She could feel his comforting presence. She couldn't open her eyes, but she could almost see the tears in his. Bill was no longer there. She knew it.

_How long have I been asleep?_

She tried to touch her son. She couldn't move. His presence was suddenly replaced by the overwhelming memory of his father's.

"Don't fight it, Babe." She heard him say. The voice was Dan's, but the evil, sneering face that suddenly accompanied the words belonged to Luke. The very smell of him invaded her senses. His image formed starkly before her and pressed her pounding head back with a violent kiss.

Instantly, Luke's face melted over hers as the terrifying nightmare jolted the woman back into consciousness, causing her to sit up violently on her hospital bed.

In the aftermath of the retreating vision, the pounding of her heart sent several monitors into an electric frenzy of lights and sound; nurses, medical technicians, and family members scrambled into and out of the room in a panic.

"Hallie!" She could hear Bill, but she couldn't see him.

"Mr. Regan, please wait outside," a nurse instructed from somewhere by the door.

"Bill!" Hallie croaked.

Her eyes flew to the viewing window of her hospital room where she could see the horrified faces of her three children staring at her from the hallway. Fiona was clinging to Will, and Daniel, as she had already somehow sensed, was crying silent streams of tears down his face.

"I'm alright," she managed, for their sake.

But she still could not see her husband. She needed him.

"Please, I'm alright. Where's Bill?" Her own voice sounded odd to her. Rusty. Old. Unused.

"I'm here!" From behind the mass of hospital staff, he appeared beside her.

"Mrs. Regan, you must lie back," the nurse demanded firmly. "You have been experiencing some abnormal heart rhythms and you shouldn't exert yourself."

"I just fainted. Nothing more. Please, let my children in."

With knowing glances back and forth between them, the throng of medical personnel continued to do the things they were doing. Checking wires, punching buttons, pulling data sheets, and poking and prodding her. They were reluctant to comply with her request.

_What is going on? _ Hallie grew nervous.

As if he'd read her mind, her husband answered her thoughts.

"Darling, they think you may have been having some heart palpitations when you passed out," Regan began slowly. "You've been really out of it for almost two days. They've kept you here to monitor you…and… we were just sitting here beside you… when… all of these machines started going off."

_Two days? What?_

She couldn't believe this. She was as healthy as ever before. She ate well, walked several miles every day, and she'd never had high cholesterol or elevated blood pressure. This was a mistake.

"No. It…it can't be my heart. I just fainted."

She knew the diagnosis was wrong. Or was it?

"Shhh. Darling. Everything is alright." Regan repeated the same phrase she recalled hearing him say in her dream.

Or had it been a dream at all?

Suddenly, she couldn't be sure of anything. Hallie shivered as she contemplated that any part of her recent imaginings might be real. She was confused. She was afraid. She didn't want to go back to sleep.

"Bill, please…please tell them. I'm fine. I want to leave." She quickly pushed away the tech who was about to inject something into her I.V. line. "Please…no more drugs. I don't… I don't want to sleep.

She sought her husband's gaze and saw concern in his deep green eyes.

"Hallie, you need to rest."

"Stay with me."

"I'm here."

The young man with the syringe stepped toward her again, and she gripped her husband's large forearm with haste.

"Please. I'll sleep on my own…I promise. Just, no more…no more drugs," she pleaded. She noticed Will had pulled Fiona and Daniel away from the window and was trying to lead them down the hall.

In response to her words, the medical technician sighed and stepped back from the older couple with a shake of his head.

"I don't think Dr. Brewer will like this very much…but…" He put the syringe down on a rolling tray and looked down at the patient with a serious glare. "You know you must rest, Mrs. Regan."

"I will. I will…please…just…no more drugs." Hallie immediately felt drained and could no longer keep her head lifted above the pillow. She let it slip back down and slowly exhaled a breath of relief. She hated medicine. She never responded well to it. Several of the painkillers she had been prescribed after her C-section surgery at Fiona's birth had made her deathly ill for days. A new thought popped into her brain.

"What did they give me on the ambulance?" She murmured sluggishly. She assumed by her presence in the hospital that Di and Will had panicked and called emergency services when she'd fainted at home.

"I don't think they gave you anything," Regan said quietly.

"Actually," a young nurse interrupted, looking down at Hallie's chart, "they gave you..."

"Check the meds…" Hallie blurted out quickly before she felt herself slipping into darkness. She could feel the pressure of Bill's hand clasping hers, but she could not make her body keep up with what was transpiring around her.

_Why doesn't he say something? What's happening?_

Hallie's semi-conscious mind could no longer contemplate anything beyond the warmth of sleep rapidly overtaking her or the comforting feeling of a well traced scar on her husband's forearm being slowly and familiarly massaged beneath her heavy fingers.

She knew the feel of the old injury well.

The jagged line on his skin served as a reminder of the day she knew she could not live without him. The day her family also came to realize how deep her love actually was for Dan's uncle.


	16. I won't question it

_This is a flashback in Hallie's POV: there's actually a flashback within this flashback – not trying to confuse anyone, but…just read it…_

"Are you kidding me? That's not deep enough! After all he's done for you? You gotta love him more than that!"

Martin Belden gave his younger sister a wink as he pushed her back toward her boyfriend who was still standing under the mistletoe and blushing a hue as scarlet as his own hair.

"Kiss him like you mean it this time, Trix!"

Trixie didn't wait for further encouragement. She gave a start and crashed her lips onto those of Jim Frayne with all the intensity of a woman who had been waiting for her love for years. It made everyone watching from the great room of Manor House give out several whoops and clap with joy.

"Now that was a kiss," Jim agreed when he could come up for air.

"My man doesn't complain," Trixie winked to the others and gave a satisfied smirk to her brother.

_I'll bet he didn't think she'd do it in front of everyone else, _their cousin Hallie thought to herself with a chuckle._ He should know better than to ever dare Trixie to do anything._

The young woman scanned the crowd of faces enjoying themselves at the annual Christmas party with the Wheelers, and she felt another nervous twitch in her stomach.

_He's still not here_.

Hallie was beginning to get scared.

Bill Regan had told her that morning that he was going to White Plains to pick up some supplies for the horses, but he had not yet returned. The gently falling snow accumulating outside would become a lot more threatening once it got dark, and she hoped the red-headed groom would be off the roads by then.

_He's a grown man. He can take care of himself._

She tried to reason her fears away, but she just couldn't stop herself from being anxious. She decided to mingle in with the others to keep her mind off of things.

It was bad enough that this was only the third Christmas since her boyfriend Dan Mangan passed away from cancer, but she was also now facing a lot of negativity from her family. They had been happy with her when she'd recently moved to Sleepyside to finish up her art degree and help Nick Roberts with his gallery downtown, but they weren't exactly thrilled with her decision to begin dating Dan's older uncle Bill Regan. Despite a large age difference, Hallie couldn't see what was so bad about it.

_We're perfect for each other, _Hallie thought.

She sat down to watch her little cousin Bobby play Monopoly with Larry and Terry Lynch, and her mind began to wander back to the day she first realized she was falling for Bill.

(Flashback)*****

_Hallie Belden watched the wind take her pathetic looking kite and slam it down into the muddy field ahead of her. It was comical and sad at the same time, and she wondered what her competitive older brothers would make of her dilapidated attempt at aviation._

"_I guess that wasn't the best try, was it?" She asked her companion with a snort._

_Bill Regan just shook his head and gave a good natured laugh. Hallie couldn't help but be grateful to hear the sound of it. She hadn't thought that either of them would ever have a reason to laugh again when Dan died. Immediately, she understood why Dan had made them promise him that they would take his box kite out and fly it together one day._

_(He must have known we'd need this…) Hallie thought to herself. _

_But, she wasn't so sure she should have tried to make her own kite on such short notice. It was certainly a disaster._

"_It needs a tail." Regan said knowingly. He cocked his head to the side and waited to see if she would take the challenge. It made Hallie more determined than ever to make her kite work._

"_Okay, Mr. Smarty Pants. I've got just the thing!" She pulled the ribbons from her long black hair, and snatched up the leftover aluminum foil from the picnic lunch her Aunt Helen had packed for her._

"_These should do the trick." The dark skinned girl bent down over the grassy plain and began attaching the silky streamers and the shiny film to the flimsy, paper creation._

_Having secured the last minute materials to her homemade contraption, the young woman quickly stood up and produced her work for inspection. The two of them burst into gales at the sight of her poor handiwork, and Hallie was suddenly flooded with warmth in the presence of the large man throwing back his red hair and filling the meadow with his deep, booming laugh._

_It made her feel good to know that she could entertain him._

_Regan shook his head once more and trotted over to his horse to get Dan's kite. His nephew had made it several years before, but he'd never had the chance to fly it. Seeing it again made Hallie's eyes begin to fill with tears. She had, since her boyfriend's death, learned to simply let herself cry, if she needed too. It hadn't exactly been easy for her to do._

_But, the sight of her glistening eyes didn't seem to deter Bill from taunting her into a bit of friendly sport. _

"_So, you think you can get that crazy looking mess up into the air, huh? I'll bet you can't. Let's see who can be first."_

"_Hey, that wasn't part of the deal. Dan wanted us to fly this thing together. My kite was just a silly joke. You know, I really didn't intend to fly it. But, of course, if you're scared I'll beat ya…"_

"_Oh, you think I'm scared, do you?"_

_The teasing and laughter continued as they bickered over who should fly which kite, and then neither one could get anything to lift up into the air. There hadn't been much wind, and despite the clear day, the weather just wasn't cooperating with them._

_Exhausted and doubled over with laughter, the two suddenly felt the need to collapse on the grass. Hallie was immediately aware of how close Regan was sitting to her. His familiar scent was only slightly similar to Dan's. She'd never noticed before how handsome the young man was. With a shy sort of glance, she tried to take in a sneak peak at the man beside her, hoping that he wouldn't notice her curiosity. It was as if she were really looking at him for the first time. He was so much bigger in girth and height than his nephew had been, but it did not really intimidate her as she knew it did many others. The quiet man's deep green eyes seemed to lock quickly on to Hallie's dark ones, and she felt an instant surge of electricity pass between them._

_(What was that?) she asked herself._

_As if nature had decided to mock the pair with an ironic moment, a stiff wind suddenly blew Hallie's loose hair up into the air and swirled it around in soft wisps about her face._

"_Oh, sure…now there's a wind…" Hallie said sarcastically._

_Regan gently reached out a hand to slip a few strands of ebony silk back behind her ear. His touch made her skin tingle. Realizing that Dan's uncle had probably never seen her with her hair down before, Hallie began to dismiss the odd way he was staring at her as simply his awareness of the new image and nothing more. But, she couldn't stop herself from staring back._

_Immediately, her mind began to run wild with panic and uncertainty as her body began to draw itself closer and closer to the man before her._

_(Stop! What are you doing?) Her brain screamed at her body to stop leaning toward him. Her heart was pounding violently. All she could think about was the odd way she had bonded with Regan during Dan's last months on earth. How they'd called each other with friendly support over the past few years since the young man's death. How she'd sent Bill news clippings about wrestling matches because she knew he liked that sort of thing. (Oh my Gosh! I can't fall for him! I just can't! It wouldn't be right!) _

_She nearly jumped out of her skin as the impending contact between her lips and Regan's was violently interrupted by the shrieking sound of her little cousin Bobby. _

"Bobby, what do you think you're doing?"

Terry Lynch's words jolted Hallie from her thoughts of the past and forced her to pay attention to the present.

"I'm rolling the dice. It's my turn."

"No it's not," Larry whined. "You aren't out of jail, yet."

"But, if I roll a double, I will be." The blonde boy's face screwed up in an intentional insult at his friend.

"Whatever…" Terry sighed. The three pre-teens continued their game while Hallie stood to walk away from them.

She began to wring her hands nervously at the thought of what might be keeping Bill.

When she realized that she was doing what Regan always did when he was frustrated, she gave out a choked laugh, causing Bobby to turn around and throw her a curious glance.

She hadn't wanted to draw any attention to her concern. Despite her rapidly growing fears, she didn't want to say anything to her friends and family about missing Bill at the party. In an attempt to avoid expressing what was making her shake on the inside, Hallie quickly moved toward the kitchen where she might not only find refuge, but could also possibly learn something about the missing horseman.

She was surprised when Bobby quickly flew around her and beat her to the swinging galley door.

"So, where are you going?" He asked cryptically.

"To the kitchen, Bobby. Is that alright with you? I wanted a drink."

"There was plenty of punch out there." The young boy pointed back to the great room with a decidedly snotty air. He was trying to insinuate that his cousin was up to something. "Where's your boyfriend?"

Hallie couldn't help but notice the slightly bitter way he'd said the last word, and it hurt her deeply.

_He still resents my relationship with Bill. Oh, why can't he see that Dan would have wanted this?_

"I…I don't know where he is." Hallie said honestly. She could tell that Bobby heard the uncertainty in her voice, and a look of genuine sympathy fell over his young face.

"Did you two have a fight?" His voice was soft.

"Oh, no…it…it's nothing like that," Hallie stammered. She wanted to kick herself for being so ashamed of her feelings for Bill when she was around Bobby. He was going to have to accept them at some point.

"Do you think he didn't want to come because everyone isn't exactly happy about the two of you?" Bobby asked thoughtfully.

Hallie was about to let the little boy have a piece of her mind when the bright ringing of a telephone suddenly interrupted her thoughts. Celia Delanoy, one of the Wheelers' staff, almost immediately emerged from the kitchen door before them, stepped quickly around the two Beldens, and began calling out for Helen Belden to come to the phone.

"It's Mr. Belden," Celia said in a tight voice. "He says it's an emergency."

Hallie felt her stomach drop, and she knew. It was Bill. Something was wrong. Something had happened to him. She instantly grabbed her cousin's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. She felt him stiffen up at her touch.

_Poor Bobby. He's afraid it's Uncle Peter, but it's not, _Hallie thought mournfully.

She didn't know how she knew the emergency involved Bill, or why she was certain her uncle would even know if such a thing was true, but she was completely sure. As sure as she had ever been about anything in her life. Something had happened to Bill. She knew it.

As Helen disappeared into the kitchen with Celia, Trixie and Jim slowly approached Hallie and Bobby with frightened faces. Honey Wheeler soon followed suit from the great room.

"What's going on?" Honey asked gently.

"Dad's on the phone," Bobby said in a shaky voice, "and it's an emergency." He pulled away from Hallie and tried not to look scared.

After what seemed like an eternity to Hallie, the older woman the Bobwhites lovingly referred to as Moms came out of the kitchen and moved to stand before her niece. She reached out, softly stroked the girl's dark hair, and gently let her hand rest on the young woman's shoulder.

"Hallie, dear, Bill's been in an accident…"

"I…know…" Hallie managed.

"You know? But…" Mrs. Belden looked confused.

"I know it doesn't make sense, but…I just…somehow…I knew something was wrong…" Hallie was suddenly gasping for breath as the reality of what she'd just said began to sink in. "Is he…oh God, please no…is he hurt?"

Helen gripped her niece gently and forced her to look up into her eyes.

"No, baby, he's going to be fine. Peter just happened to pass the scene right after the crash and saw Bill's truck was involved. A drunk driver ran him off the road, but he's fine. He's got one, long cut on his arm and some other bumps and bruises; nothing dangerous. The EMS crew treated him at the scene and released him there. They've been stuck waiting for a wrecker all this time. I imagine the snow made the move pretty difficult…"

Hallie had heard all she needed to hear. He was going to be fine. She broke down, sobbing into her aunt's arms while the rest of the partygoers began to trickle in behind and around them. Trixie, Jim, and the others were explaining the situation to those who were just joining them while Hallie was trying in vain to collect herself.

Over her aunt's shoulder, she noticed Bobby's shell-shocked face.

"Bobby," she choked out. "You just have…to understand…I…I love him. I'm sorry…we aren't trying to hurt anyone…"

"It's okay," Bobby said quietly. "I think I get it now. Dan even told me once he had someone picked out for Regan, but…I never thought it'd be…I mean…hey, I'm okay with it, now…if you are…I won't question it…"

Hallie met Trixie's gaze and noticed that her cousin was in agreement with her little brother. They understood. This was simply meant to be between Hallie and Bill, and even Dan must have seen it.

Hallie remembered the way a very sick Dan Mangan had joined his uncle's hands to those of his girlfriend's and placed them over his heart. She knew he would be okay with their love. She felt his blessing upon it fill her heart to overflowing. And, now, she knew her family was going to accept it, too. It was all too much to handle without more tears.

By the time Bill and Peter arrived to the party a while later, Hallie had cried off all her make-up, but it didn't stop her from running into the arms of the man she loved. She didn't care how she might have looked to him; she knew they were supposed to be together. As sure as she had been about his accident, she just simply knew their love was right. And, like Bobby, she wouldn't question it.


	17. Because I've seen Him

"I know you questioned it at first, but I'm telling you…this is right. I'm sure of it."

Bobby Belden took the clipboard from the counter in front of him and held it up for his older brother's inspection. He pointed to something he had written on the data sheet, quickly made a sweeping gesture at the array of potted vegetation behind him, and then threw up a hand to indicate a chart that had been posted on a makeshift message board affixed to the greenhouse wall.

"You can check it again if you like, but the numbers don't lie. The germination times on these seeds are not in keeping with our original findings, yet the variations in maturation still support our theory that…"

"Bobby, I'm not saying that I doubt you," Mart interrupted defensively. "I just meant that there wasn't enough data yet to be conclusive. We need more time to let the samples complete a cycle before we begin to verify anything."

When the younger man did not immediately wave the air dismissively and try to avoid the familiar confrontation, Mart decided that his brother was finally becoming comfortable with their professional relationship. It was a nice surprise.

"Sure. I agree. You just wait and see, though…I know we'll get the results I predicted." Bobby casually left his work station to check on the progress of some other seedlings across the room. "You'll owe me dinner when I get to say, 'I told you so.'"

"Oh, I will, will I? And what happens if I'm right and our first theory is disproved? What will I get?"

"Um…since you don't appreciate my beautiful wife's healthy cuisine…how about we _don't_ owe you dinner?"

Genuine warmth flowed between them as the two men laughed together.

"Somehow, it seems like you'll get the upper hand in this, no matter what. Bob, if you don't make it as a scientist, I'm sure you'd make a really great negotiator or a corporate salesman. Why, you could sell a bald man a comb and make him think it was _his_ idea."

"Oh, come now, Dr. Martin Belden, we all know who the con man is in this family. You're the one who scammed your fellow classmates out of their lunch money for one quick game of Pac Man on your wristwatch," Bobby snorted.

"Hey, what do you know about that? You were a just baby when that happened." Mart held up his hands questioningly, and as he did so, dark potting soil flew from the miniature spade he was holding.

"Such talents of yours are infamous," Bobby said with a laugh, dodging the dirt his brother had unwittingly pitched at him. "Just like your ability to make a mess wherever you go."

"Sorry about that. Hey, what are those little guys you've got growing over there?"

Mart immediately sensed his brother's discomfort at the question, and it made him even more curious about the little seedlings Bobby had been secretly nursing of late.

"Oh, nothing much, really. They're uh…sunflowers." The younger man shook back his blonde hair with a careless air and tried to change the subject by crossing over to look at what Mart was working on.

"You finished planting those new organic test samples yet or are you just making mud pies with my special potting mix?"

"I'm playing. Having fun, too." Mart couldn't resist the need to taunt his sibling. He also couldn't let go of his desire to know the details about the little flowers Bobby didn't want to discuss. "What's the plan for the sunflowers, Bob?"

Bobby turned away again and rubbed the stubble on his chin so that the top portion of his hand muffled his words as he spoke.

"Mer fr nn."

"What?"

"I said, they're for Dan." Bobby repeated it louder than he'd expected; the surprise on his face mirrored that of Mart's.

Then, an immediate understanding dawned in Mart's brain as he felt a surge of mixed emotions engulfing him all at once. Bobby was going to put the flowers on their friend's grave.

"I thought you didn't believe in all that mushy graveside stuff," he said softly, tears pricking the sides of his eyes.

"Yeah, well, I just thought he'd have liked them. I mean, they're more for Daniel and Hallie, really….you know…"

"And you call me a con artist…" Mart said with a gentle laugh. He was overjoyed to discover how quickly the old hurts and bitterness were melting away since Bobby had discovered Dan's final message to him.

_I knew it would help._

"Oh, don't look at me like that, Mart. It's not like I'm gonna be out there all the time like you and Trixie. I mean…okay, so I've even been to church a couple of times lately…alright. Does that shock you? Are you happy, now?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact I am." Mart stated emphatically. But, he couldn't stop the tears from sliding down his cheeks. His brother was finally discovering the healing power of faith.

Bobby shook his head and laughed at Mart's sympathy.

"Softy," he teased his brother.

"Brat."

"Four eyes."

Mart took off his newly acquired reading glasses and wiped the moisture from his eyes.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I am." The two men burst into emotion-filled laughter at Mart's repeated phrase. And, for the first time in years, Mart was confident that his brother was going to find peace with his grief – and with God.

In companionable silence, they worked for the next few hours, creating a quiet sense of understanding between them.

It was a much needed reprieve from the fears of the past few days when their cousin Hallie Regan had been hospitalized for abnormal heart rhythms. Mart closed his eyes and silently prayed that his wife and his cousin's son would find peace about what had happened to Hallie.

He knew they blamed themselves…


	18. Despite what it looked like

_Sometimes, there are moments in our lives which make us question what we know to be true. _

_And because what we know to be true makes us who we are, these periods of doubt can test us to the core. How we respond to them, shows the world what we are really made of._

For twenty year old Will Regan, this moment came as he caught his unconscious mother in his arms. Her limp body weighing heavily against his tall, thin frame caused him to slightly stumble. He heard his own voice cry out in panic and bark out an order for someone to call for help. He heard Diana Belden's gasp, saw her eyes grow wide at his command, and watched her frantically trying to dial 9-1-1 with trembling fingers. He felt his own shaking arms lift his mother and place her gently on the couch. It was all too surreal to be fully understood. He remembered praying harder than he'd ever prayed before and feeling completely helpless and terrified. Never had he seen Hallie Regan this vulnerable. His parents had always seemed indestructible to him. Never had he felt such pressure to do the right thing. And later, when he learned that a mistake had been made by the EMS crew who transported Hallie to the hospital in White Plains, Will experienced more guilt than he had ever known before. He wondered if he should have waited for his mother to wake up from her temporary shock before making the decision to call for an ambulance. She might never have had the heart palpitations that hospitalized her if it hadn't been for the wrong combination of medicines she received in transit.

And yet, despite the way he blamed himself, Will also knew that his parents were proud of him for taking charge of his siblings and running the family horse ranch during the days his mother was sick. He kept everything, and everyone, on track. His father, Bill, had pulled him aside and praised him in such a way that the young man thought he could have sprouted wings and flown through the air. His father's approval meant everything to him.

But, still - he felt guilty.

And he knew Di felt guilty, too.

_Maybe, I should talk with her about it,_ Will thought to himself a few days later.

He decided that he should ride out to the old Lynch Estate where Mart and Di now lived, but he had to make a delivery of hay out to Bobby at the gamekeeper's cabin first. When he got there, Will discovered that his mother's cousin had posted a sign on the cabin door which read, "Out Back."

The dark haired young man shook his head and laughed to himself.

_I wish I had a nickel for every hour that man has spent out in the greenhouse, _he mused.

However, he was surprised when he found Bobby's older brother Mart in the greenhouse, too. Will had always assumed that Mart was more of a supervisor in their joint projects, so he found it odd to walk in on the older man with his arms buried up to the elbows in a pile of organic potting soil mixed with manure.

"Um, Mart, that stuff looks a little…"

"What? Gross?" Mart gave the young man a wide grin and wriggled his messy gloves at his second cousin. "Yeah…it is…but plants sure love it. What are you up to, Will? How's your mom today?"

Will noticed that Bobby had also stopped working and was listening intently to learn about Hallie's health.

"I talked to her on the phone this morning, and she sounded fine. I think she's still a little tired, but that's probably normal. She's glad to be home. I'm just grateful she doesn't have any actual heart issues. We all thought she was having a heart attack for sure. At least, that's what it looked like."

"Hallie's a tough old girl," Bobby said with a laugh, "she'll outlive us all. Everything's going to be alright, now."

Something in the confidence of the blonde's tone comforted Will. He knew he shouldn't worry so much, even though to be protective was a big part of his personality. He realized that it was a trait he'd inherited from his mother.

"I…I'm sure you're right," Will conceded.

"And, what about your dad? I'll bet he's ready to strangle those paramedics, huh?" Mart finished his planting, slipped his grimy gloves off onto a potter's cart, and crossed to stand in front of the tall young man.

"Well…Daniel and I did have to…sort of…talk him down a bit when the doctors first told him what had happened. You know, my dad does have a tendency to…um…get a little angry at times."

The loud burst of laughter that followed Will's nervous confession took the young man by surprise.

_Why is that so funny?_ He wondered.

"Oh Will…we're sorry….we aren't laughing…at you…it's just… it's just…" Bobby couldn't finish his thought for doubling over in breathless gales.

"It's just the way you said it…" Mart finished for his brother. "Casually saying that Regan gets 'a little angry at times' is like saying that our mother is an okay cook…or…or…saying that I'm just a little bit profuse."

Despite understanding what Mart meant about Aunt Helen, Will didn't know what _profuse_ meant, and he also didn't see why his understatement had been so hilarious. The whole thing made him feel self-conscious around the two scientists. He knew that Mart and Bobby were both brilliant, and having them laugh at something he said intimidated him greatly.

_I guess it went over my head,_ Will thought bitterly.

He suddenly began to think about all the times he felt ignorant around his younger brother and sister, too. For Daniel and Fiona, school and learning had always been easy. But, for Will, it was a struggle. Like his father, he was good with his hands, could build or fix just about anything, and he understood horses better than he understood people. Unfortunately, he just wasn't very good with reading or writing. Complicated social nuances often left him in the dark, as well. He was a doer, not a thinker. Of course, he wasn't stupid; still, he always feared that others would learn about his difficulties with language and think he was somewhat slow. He tried to offset his weaknesses by being a hard worker and taking on mature responsibilities. It was a personal struggle he hadn't really shared with anyone else except his parents and his girlfriend.

Sensing Will's discomfort, Bobby quickly fought off his laughter for a moment and moved to make the young man feel more at ease.

"Will…I'm sorry. You have to understand, we…we were having some other emotional moments out here. You know, before you came. What you said was funny on top of that. We didn't mean any disrespect to you or your dad. Honest."

The familiar goofiness of the brothers set Will's mind at ease, and he decided not to let his insecurities stop him from doing what he came there to do.

"It's okay. I understand. Look, Poppa and I picked up some fresh hay today, so I brought you some for your horse. I'll go put it in your barn."

"Thanks, Will. You know, I appreciate all the work you do. I can't remember if the groom Mr. Wheeler had on staff after your dad left had ever once brought me hay. You're the best."

Despite the sappy nature of Bobby's words, Will couldn't help but feel proud of himself. He knew that he had been going over and above what was expected of him, and it was nice that others noticed. He felt himself blushing as he started back to the greenhouse door.

Suddenly, he stopped.

Bobby's little girl, Angelica, was standing in the doorway with a look of terror on her tiny face. She was ghostly pale and trembling.

"Jelly Bean?" Mart asked from behind Will. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I think...sompin's wrong… with…Mama…"

The four year old's soft voice was barely audible, but Bobby heard it well enough to immediately tear off his apron and gardening gloves and get halfway out the door by the end of his daughter's statement.

"Will, take 'Gelica," he ordered in a shaky voice, pushing his child to the young man as he ran past the preschooler and sprinted towards the cabin. He began calling his wife's name and praying in a panicked cry.

"Isabella? Oh God, please help her. Bella?"

It all seemed to happen in a blur.

Standing in the door frame of the greenhouse, Will felt his legs grow weak with fear, but he forced himself to stay calm for the sake of the small girl now clinging to him and looking up into his face with wide, wet eyes. He did not want to make another rash decision that could hurt someone.

"Angelica, sweetheart," Mart began in a slow attempt at sounding collected, "what happened?"

The little girl turned in Will's arms and gave her uncle a frightened stare.

"Mommy wented in the bathroom and I heard her making funny noises. It sounded like the cat when he choked on some fish bones. I knocked on the door, but she wouldn't say nothing. She had it shut tight and the knob won't turn…I can't get in… and she won't say nothing…"

As the child succumbed to her sobbing, Will pulled her tighter. It reminded him of holding his frightened sister at the hospital while the alarms on his mother's heart monitors were sounding and lighting up like the Fourth of July. The same churning of his stomach returned, and he was afraid that he wasn't strong enough to protect Angelica from being scared for her mother.

Both Will and Mart then jolted at the sound of a heavy impact coming from inside the cabin.

"Oh my God," Mart said quickly, "he's trying to break down the bathroom door."

The older man flew out of the glass building to aid his brother.

"Bob, don't!" He shouted.

It was as if Mart knew Isabella wasn't in any real danger, and the thought confused Will.

_If she's choking, why shouldn't he break in and help her?_ The young man pondered.

Half out of morbid curiosity and half because he was literally being pulled across the yard by the little girl who had just wriggled down out of his arms, Will walked in a dazed motion toward the cabin.

He stopped at the front door, which was standing wide open, and he blocked Angelica from going inside.

"Let's wait on the porch," he said quietly. He almost expected the feisty child to argue with him, but with timid steps, Angelica moved slowly to comply with his request. She climbed awkwardly onto the porch swing and sat so still she looked like tiny glass doll.

"Angelica," he said gently, "everything is going to be alright. Don't be scared, okay?"

Blonde curls bobbed up and down as she gave a slight nod in response. Her brave face made Will's heart even more desperate to help her. He thought of everything he'd wished others had told him while he had been trying to keep a stiff upper lip for his siblings at the hospital. He'd encouraged Daniel that it was okay to cry if he'd wanted, but he hadn't allowed himself the privilege. On the outside, Will knew everyone thought he had things under control, but it wasn't what it looked like. He was terrified. Even more than he'd been when Daniel had been injured earlier in the year. Suddenly, he knew what to say to the little girl before him.

"Jelly Belly," he stepped closer to her but didn't sit beside her, "you know that this isn't your fault, right?"

He'd struck a nerve, and he knew it. The child's face squinted up with brand new tears.

"But I couldn't get in! I shoulda helped her when she was makin' those funny noises, but I wasn't strong enough to open the door! It is my fault!" In the middle of anguished sobs, Angelica slammed her chubby little fists down on her legs, which ironically made only soft padding noises against her pink corduroy britches. "She might be dead, and it's all my fault."

That did it. Will couldn't watch this anymore. He quickly closed the space between them, scooped up the little girl, and sat down with her in his lap. He didn't even stop the tear that had escaped his own eye and was now rolling down his cheek.

"Oh, 'Gelica, that's not true," he soothed. "You came and got help. You did everything right. Please don't blame yourself. Your Mommy's going to be just fine. Come on, you're a very smart little girl, you know. Don't you think if this was something really bad your Daddy and Uncle Marty would have already come out here by now? Or, we would have heard them if they'd been in the living room calling for an ambulance or something. I promise. Everything is going to be alright."

As he finished his last sentence, Will looked up and noticed that Mart had appeared in the open doorway to the log cabin. He seemed oddly calm and was smiling at them.

"Hey guys, everything _is_ just fine." He extended his hand out to encourage Angelica to come to him and take it. "Come on, Jelly Bean, your Mama wants to talk to you."

Needing no second invitation, Angelica jumped from Will's lap and ran to her uncle. It was the first time Will felt he could breathe properly since he'd first seen the child out in the greenhouse.

Shyly, he followed the older man and his niece into the darkened cabin, slowly pulling the door closed behind him. But, he stopped when he realized that the figures in front of him were going down the hallway toward the back bedroom. Although while growing up he'd visited this house often, Will could count on one hand the times he'd ever gone to the bathroom at the end of that hall, and he didn't think he'd ever seen either of the bedrooms back there. He didn't want to intrude, so he quietly stepped aside as if he were going to sit down on the sofa in the living room.

But Mart had other ideas.

After ushering Angelica into the bedroom in front of him, the older man stepped back to the hall to motion for Will to join them.

It caught the young man off guard. However, he didn't want to be rude, either. Fearing what he might discover, Will slowly made his way down the corridor to where Mart had disappeared through another door.

It was a surprisingly sweet scene that awaited him.

Isabella was propped in a large bed with old fashioned quilts strewn over her legs. Her beautiful face was pale, but it radiated with something soft that Will couldn't quite place. She certainly didn't look frightened. Angelica was sitting on the bed beside her mother with their hands clasped together, and Bobby was in the same position on Isabella's other side.

The woman in the bed beamed up at the two men who had just entered the room, flashed another smile at her daughter, then shook the child's hand playfully in hers, and gave a small chuckle.

"How would you like to be a big sister, 'Gelica?" She asked breathlessly.

"You mean, right now?" The girl's eyes grew wide and a huge smile broke out across her face.

"Oh no, sweetheart, not today," her father corrected quickly. "It wouldn't be until after Christmas; after your birthday, even. Why, it's probably going to be close to Easter before the baby comes. It's growing in Mama's tummy. That's why she was a little sick today. But don't worry, everything is fine. You'll see."

Will took in a sharp gulp of air at the realization of what was going on in front of him.

"Yippee!" Angelica cried. "God answered my prayers! I told him I wanted a little sister, and he got me one!"

"Whoa, now, nobody said anything about the baby being a girl," Isabella interjected gently. "It could be a boy, you know."

The immediate frown of killjoy on Angelica's face made Will and Mart both giggle from the doorway.

"Could we take him back and 'schange him for a girl when he comes?" Angelica asked hopefully.

Again, the adults in the room burst into fits of laughter.

"I don't think God makes exchanges, darling," Mart said lovingly. "And that's a good thing, too. Your Uncle Brian and I would have exchanged your Aunt Trixie in a heartbeat."

The warmth that accompanied the laughter in the room at that moment suddenly made Will's wounded heart feel stronger. Isabella wasn't hurt, she was just pregnant. His own mother wasn't having heart problems, she had just had a scary reaction to some medications. All was right with his world again. Relief flooded his soul. He no longer felt so guilty and traumatized by the events of the past few days.

And then, another odd thought struck Will. In Bobby's frenzy to get to Isabella, he had actually prayed to God. It hadn't registered in Will's brain until that moment, and the comfort that came with the realization was enough to make the young man feel almost giddy with excitement.

_Bob Belden, Mr. Atheist himself, actually prayed to God. And meant it._

Will couldn't stop staring at the scene before him and feeling awe at what God had done to heal him and Bobby both.

And Will wasn't the only one who had noticed the gamekeeper's recent change of faith.

Mart was also amazed at his brother's uncharacteristic prayer. It made him want to know what sort of magic had been in Dan Mangan's final message to Bobby. Whatever it was, it had changed him completely.

As the beautiful little family in front of Mart and Will began excitedly discussing their coming addition, Mart began to remember a time in the past when he had witnessed another frightened husband in his family begging God to spare his wife while a precious new child was being brought into the world, and plans for a rather untraditional birth were also in the making…


	19. How he prepared

_Disclaimer: Trixie Belden characters aren't mine; just borrowing them_

_This is answer to Questions chapter entitled "How do you prepare?"_

_Flashback: Mart's POV_

"Talk about being non-traditional, Jim," Mart Belden uttered sarcastically as he took two offered Ibuprofen tablets from his brother-in-law. "I thought you were supposed to hand out cigars."

"You better be happy he isn't handing out punches," Bill Regan snickered from beside him.

"Regan's right, Mart. If that doctor in the delivery room had told me one more time to stay calm, he would be the one needing these pain relief pills right now, not me." Jim Frayne threw back his own dose of Tylenol and washed them down with a long swig of his coffee.

"Ugh, how do you drink that stuff?" Bill asked the younger man with a disgusted look on his face.

"Hey, I've been awake for nearly seventy two hours, I just became a dad, my wife's life has been in danger more than once today, and my head hurts so badly I can't even see straight. I couldn't taste the coffee right now if I wanted to."

"Then, why don't you stretch out here and try to sleep some? We'll wake you when the doctor comes back." Mart wanted to be as helpful as he could possibly be.

He began to realize that in his concern for his sister Trixie he had unwittingly ignored his brother-in-law's needs. Jim was a strong person, but he wasn't a super hero. Mart could see the strain of the past few days on the other man's young face. He was growing worried about him.

"I couldn't possibly sleep a wink. Katie's going to be fine, but Trixie isn't out of the woods, yet," Jim said quietly.

He flopped down on the other side of Mart and ran his hands through his disheveled, red hair. He needed a shower. Still, there was no way he was leaving or even closing his eyes for one minute until he knew his wife was no longer in danger of bleeding to death. She had been suffering from several different complications during labor and had taken a dangerous turn soon after delivery.

An anxious silence fell over the three men in the waiting room.

Mart began to wonder if his own wife and cousin were ever coming back from the bathroom. They seemed to have been gone a long time. When the two dark haired ladies finally came into view a few moments later, Mart almost leapt from his seat with relief.

"It's about time you two showed up," he jibed.

"We were wondering if we should send out a search party," Regan chimed in nervously.

"Oh, you know we couldn't get that close to the nursery window without stopping to take a peek. Katie still wasn't out there for us to see, yet. " Di held out a travel sized packet of Tylenol in Jim's direction. "I found these in the bathroom vending station. Do you think they will help with that headache of yours?"

"I appreciate it, Di, but the nurse just gave me a whole bottle. I think I scared her when I said it felt like my forehead was going to crack open. I told her if she wanted me to leave Trixie she had to get me some drugs."

"Yeah, and Regan and I were complaining about these hard chairs killing our backsides, so he shared some of his drugs with me," Mart confessed to his wife. "Of course, I still say they're pretty sad substitutes for the traditional cigar."

"Hmmph! You would complain, wouldn't you," Hallie Regan teased her cousin. "What do you care? You don't even smoke."

"It's the principle of the matter, my dear Hallie." Mart's sudden incredulity at her words was so silly and overly dramatic that it cut through some of the growing tension everyone had been feeling since Baby Katie had been delivered and Jim had been forced to leave the room so the medical staff could tend to the rapidly deteriorating Trixie. As everyone smiled at his remark, Mart was momentarily encouraged to continue diverting them from their fears, but he was interrupted by his beautiful wife.

"Has the doctor come back or said anything new, yet?" Di asked timidly.

"No news," Jim sighed in frustration.

"Don't worry," Hallie pat Jim's shoulder softly, "Trixie's stronger than any of us. She'll be fine."

Mart watched Jim cover his head in his hands. He thought he looked completely spent.

_My stupid attempts at humor aren't working, here, _Mart thought to himself. _How do I help him?_

He looked over at newlyweds Bill and Hallie who were clasping their hands together nervously and staring at him as if he should do something. He felt lost.

_What can I do? I'm just as worried about her as Jim is. She's my "almost twin." If anything ever happened to her…_

Mart suddenly felt nauseous.

Losing his best friend Dan to cancer five years before had nearly killed him inside. He knew he could never survive losing Trixie, too.

Immediately, his eyes met Diana's and he knew she could read his thoughts. She knew him better than he knew himself. Her gaze trembled with emotion as if willing him to reach out to his terrified brother-in-law. Mart decided he couldn't take the pressure any longer.

"Jim," he started. "Let's go for a walk. These chairs are making my bum flat."

At first, it looked as if the redhead was going to decline, but then Jim slowly stood up and coughed to hide his growing emotion.

"Okay," he said quietly.

They walked in silence for several hallways. The need to find a shred of natural sunlight pulled them toward a large picture window. Together, they stood, staring out at the busy parking lot below and thinking separate thoughts about the same subject.

"She's everything," Jim said softly, after a while.

"I know."

"I never knew I could be so happy and so scared at the same time."

"I know," Mart repeated.

"And, she's never complained. With all that's happened in the last few days, she hasn't complained once." Jim gave a small, strangled laugh as he spoke.

"That's pretty big for my sister, the queen of complainers." Mart felt a lump rising up as his own laugh caught in his throat.

The silence returned, and Mart wished his parents and little brother weren't stuck in Idaho trying to get a flight home. He needed them right now. He didn't know what to say to Jim. Didn't know what to do. He also wished his older brother Brian was not too busy working. He was a doctor in that same hospital, and he could possibly, at that moment, be standing directly over them on the floor above, but Mart suddenly felt as if he were as far away as anyone could be. Brian was Jim's best friend; he knew him better than anyone else.

_What would Brian say right now?_ Mart questioned himself.

Jim interrupted his thoughts.

"I think we'd better get back, Mart. In case the doctor comes out to tell us anything."

"Sure, sure. I just thought you needed a minute…"

"I did…thanks. It was exactly what I needed."

As the two men began to walk back toward the maternity ward, Jim reached over and clasped his brother-in-law's shoulder to give it a quick squeeze.

"Thanks for sticking with me through all of this," he said.

As if a burst of warmth he couldn't explain had immediately infiltrated his soul, Mart suddenly knew everything was going to be alright. He gave Jim a playful jab in the ribs and flashed him a genuine smile.

"That's what brothers are for."

_Later that afternoon…_

"I can't decide who she looks like the most," Madeleine Wheeler commented to her daughter.

"Oh, I definitely see Trixie in her," Honey Belden replied.

"No, she's got Jim's nose," Di pointed out.

"And his hair," Hallie giggled.

"But, her eyes look like my mother's," Mart argued.

The throng gathered around the nursery window was growing by the hour, and everyone was still amazed at how strange and beautiful little Katje Helen Frayne was. The baby slept on in her bassinet, unaware of the mass of family and friends who had come to see her for the first time.

"I think she looks like herself," Matthew Wheeler said with a smile for his new granddaughter. "And she's perfect."

"Perfectly perfect," Honey breathed.

Everyone laughed. Mart felt himself grow giddy with the excitement of the moment. He was an uncle. It felt amazing. And now that Trixie had grown stronger and was no longer in any danger, Mart could finally let that reality sink in.

_I'm an uncle!_

He grabbed Di's hand and squeezed it.

Knowing full well her husband's quirky ways, the young woman simply shook her head at him and leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You're an uncle," she vocalized his thoughts.

So, he kissed her back. But this one was on the lips.

"Hey, hey, now!" Bill Regan protested. "You two cut that out, or you'll be the next ones having a baby around here."

"Oh no, not until I finish this Masters degree program," Mart chuckled. "And I'm gonna go straight on through to my Doctorate, too. We don't have time for a baby, right now."

"Sounds like us," Honey said with a sigh.

"Sounds boring," Hallie teased.

"Well, what about you two, then?" Mart shot back. "I think Hallie would look hilarious all fat and pregnant, don't you, Regan?"

The older man's face suddenly turned as bright red as his hair. He stammered out an "um" but couldn't make any other response come out. Everyone laughed at his nervousness as Bill's employer, came to his rescue.

"They've only been married two months, Mart. Give them a little time together first before you wish parenthood on them," Matt Wheeler said.

"Yeah, and I'm not exactly what you'd call maternal, you know." Hallie gave a casual shrug as if becoming a mother was the last thing she'd ever want to do.

"Well, neither is Trixie," Mart cajoled, "but it sure looks like she's done a pretty good job so far."

Murmurs of agreement were given out as all eyes turned back to the precious little baby on the other side of the glass. Her tiny pink mouth opened up in a slight cooing yawn.

"Aww! She's so cute!" Honey exclaimed. "I can't wait to hold her."

"Not until Trixie does," Jim's voice came from behind them, causing the group to turn quickly to face him.

"Oh Jim, dear, how is she?" Madeleine quickly stepped forward to grab her son's hand. The concern on her face spoke for everyone there.

"Resting and begging to see her daughter. She's fine, Mom. Everything is just fine, now. I came to get Katie. The doctor said I could wheel her in to see her mommy for a minute. Just a minute, mind you."

The crowd of loved ones watched in wonder as the proud new father entered the nursery and carefully removed his little girl. It was a beautiful moment as he was pushing her bassinet out the door. He couldn't stop touching her little feet, smiling down at her, or saying her name. Mart could tell he was fighting back tears as he disappeared with her around the corner.

"He's going to be such a good father," Honey said lovingly.

Regan seemed to stiffen up at Honey's words, and Hallie quickly rubbed his shoulder as if comforting him.

_What's that all about?_ Mart wondered.

He didn't have to wait long to find out.

As the crowd of people in the hallway began to dissipate and spread out into several waiting areas, Mart noticed that his cousin and her husband were following him. It seemed as if they wanted to talk about something.

"What's up?" He asked them when they had found a quiet place off to the side.

Bill gave Hallie a nervous look, and she quickly took over the conversation.

"We wanted to ask your opinion about something," Hallie said in a rush.

"Okay… what?"

Hallie and her husband exchanged looks again.

_Oh, good grief. Get on with it._ Mart was now curious beyond belief.

"Do you think Dan would have wanted Bill and I to consider…um…having his child…one day?"

Mart felt the air rush out of his body.

Had he heard her correctly? Did she just say what he thought she said?

"What?"

"Oh, you heard me," Hallie fussed.

"I don't understand…"

"The Cryobank samples," Hallie explained quietly, so that no one else could hear. "Bill never… had the samples… destroyed. As far as we know, the account remains… just as Dan left it."

Mart could hear what Hallie was saying, and he could process the meaning of each word, but the overall concept of what she was trying to share with him was rapidly flying past him at the speed of light. He was still caught up on the first mentioning of Dan Mangan's name. He was still reeling from the idea of Dan having anything to do with Regan and Hallie having children together. He knew there was a logical point to his cousin's words, but all Mart could comprehend was the pain of his loss in the knowledge that his best friend was missing out on all the incredible things the Bobwhites were experiencing today. It wasn't fair. It hurt. He wasn't sure he could even contemplate what he was being asked.

"Hallie, I don't know…I don't think you should ask me this right now…I" Mart wanted to run away and hide from the sudden feeling that the room was growing smaller around him.

"See," Bill said quietly, "I knew he'd think it was a bad idea."

"No!" Mart said it louder than he'd intended. "I…I didn't say that…It's just…"

"We don't have to make any decisions right now, of course," Hallie continued, stepping closer to Mart in confidence, "but we've been talking about it …you know…thinking maybe we'll plan it out someday…when we're ready to start a family. It…it was something Dan had already sort of prepared for…"

Mart didn't know what to say. He felt a lump rising in his throat as the truth of his cousin's last statement hit him hard.

_Dan did plan on having a child with Hallie someday. _

"I think…" Mart started.

Suddenly, he couldn't speak.

The thought of what his cousin was planning was both beautiful and frightening at the same time. After swallowing over and over again, he was finally able to croak out a response.

"I need to get back to you on that."

Regan looked crestfallen, but Hallie only nodded sympathetically. She gently patted his arm and turned away, pulling Regan with her.

"Mart?" Di interrupted his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

He turned to face his wife as she approached, and he was met with a knowing glance.

"Hallie told you what they were thinking about, huh?" She asked.

Mart should have known his childhood sweetheart would be able to read him like a book.

_So that's what they were talking about so long in the bathroom, _Mart thought.

He put his arm around Di and squeezed her to him.

"Come on," Mart said for the second time that day, "let's go for a walk."


	20. It's okay, I get it

Still in flashback (hope I'm not confusing anyone – Trixie just gave birth to Katie and Hallie/Regan considering having Daniel)

Regan's POV

"Where did Mart and Di go? I thought I'd seen them here earlier."

Doctor Brian Belden had stolen a moment away from his hospital duties to check in on his sister and new niece, but he had not expected his brother and sister-in-law to be absent from the group of family and friends that had gathered in the hallway outside of Trixie Frayne's room.

"They…um…went for a walk," his cousin Hallie Regan said quietly.

Her husband Bill couldn't keep himself from shifting his weight nervously at her words; he knew why Mart and Di had excused themselves. He knew what they were discussing, and it made him feel dizzy.

_Maybe today wasn't a good time to do this,_ he lamented silently. _We should have waited for another time to ask Mart what he thought about our idea._

But, Hallie didn't seem too worried. Nonplused, she gave him an encouraging smile and went back to her conversation with the Wheeler's housekeeper Miss Trask.

Bill Regan suddenly felt out of place in the crowded corridor.

_Do I belong here? Am I really a part of this family? How did this all happen?_

The guilt he battled daily began to surface in his heart, and he had to clench his fists to resist the temptation to give in to it.

His eyes fell on the door to the recovery room. The beautiful bundle of love that had sparked all of this gathering had already been taken back to the nursery, and the new mother resting on the other side of the door had only been allowed a few visitors for a very few minutes each, due to her fragile condition. However, Regan could still feel a pervading sense of warmth surrounding that room.

He didn't think he deserved to be involved in such happiness without his nephew.

_Danny should be here…not me,_ he thought.

He felt his stomach lurch as he caught a glimpse of Mart and Diana coming down the hall towards them.

_Ready or not, here they come._

In an instant, Mart was beside him, but he couldn't read the younger man's face well enough to tell what he was thinking. Bill's anxiety was becoming unbearable.

"Hey, relax," Mart said with a gentle smile. He stepped close and engaged Bill in a private conversation away from the others. "I don't think it's a bad idea, okay? I just needed a minute to process what you guys were saying. You gotta admit; it's a pretty strange concept."

"Does it bother you?" Bill held his breath in fear of the answer.

"Oh no, I think he'd want you to do it. It's perfect, actually. There's nobody else on earth he'd rather have raising his child than you."

The thought made Regan feel warm and scared at the same time.

Bill could now tell that Mart had been crying, and he wondered if there was something his wife's cousin wasn't sharing with him. Something other than his sadness at Dan's absence.

"But?" Regan prompted.

"But, what?"

"Come on, I can tell there's something else." Regan could feel his throat tightening and he suddenly wished he hadn't pressed for more.

"It's just…" Mart seemed uncomfortable.

_Oh God, he's right. This is a stupid idea,_ Regan panicked. He waited for what seemed like an eternity before Mart spoke again.

"What are you going to tell the kid?" Mart continued on nervously.

"What do you mean? We'd tell him the truth, of course. Sooner or later, we'd have to explain that I'm not really…"

"Not about that." Mart interrupted. He paced away from Regan and stuffed his hands in his pockets roughly. The childlike gesture made Bill consider just how long he'd known the man standing before him. He'd seen this look many times when Mart was a young boy. Usually, when he felt embarrassed about something.

"I mean," Mart continued, "it's not just about Dan being the real father, but…about…well…about Dan as a person. How is this child supposed to know who he was? I can't help but wonder if Dan will have any meaning to him…or her. I think it's a great idea…don't get me wrong. It's just that…this kid won't have any connection with Dan. Not like we do."

Mart lifted his pale blue eyes, and Bill could see in them a raw sadness. The tint appeared to have been washed out from his tears and looked something like the weathered hue of a seafaring ship's watermark. Mart's blonde eyelashes, usually so light as to be transparent, were abnormally darkened by their wetness, causing them to stand out against his freckled cheeks. The entire picture of hurt was too much for Regan to look at, and he had to glance away.

"I guess…maybe I didn't think about that. But…if we talk about him all the time…"

Regan stopped himself.

He knew it was no use. Mart was right. It was wrong for them to bring Dan's child in the world when he wasn't going to be there to be a part of its life.

"You know what? Here's the thing." Mart pulled Regan's arm and led him even further away from all the others. "You gotta do this the right way. If you give it his name, maybe the kid will understand better. You know, use Mangan as a middle name or hyphenate it or something like that."

"Wait a minute," Regan felt confused, "I thought we just agreed this wasn't such a good idea."

"No, you have to do this. It's the right thing to do. You know that, don't you?"

"But, you just convinced me that…"

"Forget about all of that." Mart waved his hands in front of his face quickly, as if dismissing all of his earlier doubts. His voice was stronger, and a spark of determination had taken over the intense look of pain in his eyes. "The important thing is to make Dan a part of this kid's life before he learns he's his father. Like you said, talk about him all the time. Things like that."

Bill's mind was turning in all directions at Mart's sudden shift of opinion. He couldn't keep up. Mart's quick intellect often had that affect on people.

"Of course, you have to promise me something," Mart was saying now.

"What?"

"Don't have Dan's kid first. Put him in the middle, if you can."

"What?"

"You know, if you and Hallie decide to have your own children, too. Put Dan's child in the middle of them. So he won't feel out of place, see?"

But Regan didn't see. _Put it in the middle? How many kids does he think we're planning on having?_

"I think a lot of people are way off about middle children." Mart went on. "They get the impression that those kids act up because they have an identity crisis, but not me. Trix and I didn't have that middle child syndrome because we didn't know who we were. We were complete handfuls because we were secure enough in ourselves to branch out. Think about it. We didn't question our place in the family. And, that made us confident. Albeit probably too confident, mind you…"

"Mart, stop!" Bill interrupted the string of thoughts with a strained chuckle. He wasn't sure if Mart was kidding around with him or not. The usual rash of large words had not been used, but the scientific logic was unmistakable. Was Mart just being Mart, or was he really getting on board with this?

"I'm not sure what we're talking about, now," Regan confessed timidly.

"We're talking about you and Hallie having Dan's child." Mart smiled back with a glint in his eye. "Now, where were we?"

Bill had to shake his head and laugh at the roller coaster ride of emotions Mart was taking him through. He listened as the younger man suddenly took control, chatting on about the idea and planning out how he and Hallie should arrange the births of their children. The whole conversation felt a little surreal.

"…but you'll just have to let the kid know all about Dan every chance you get," Mart was saying.

"And I know exactly who I can call on to help me with that," Bill teased as he put an arm around the smaller man and steered him back toward their family down the hall. "Let's talk about it more another time." He felt emotionally drained and needed a distraction.

"Aw! I was just getting excited about it." Mart protested.

"Hey, this isn't going to happen any time soon. You realize that, right?" Regan suddenly stopped mid-stride. "After all, I wouldn't even know how to be a father. I never actually knew mine."

The younger man gave a wink and nodded. "Time solves everything," he said with a laugh.

But, Regan wasn't laughing. Mart's words echoed something from the past, taking him back to another time when he'd felt guilty and uncertain, and the possibility of a future with Hallie had made him question everything he thought he knew about himself…

_Yes, a flashback within a flashback is coming up! Regan's about to tell his side of the whole kite flying day (later that evening)_

_And…stay tuned for some more stuff about Daniel and Ashley_


	21. I can't believe this is happening

_Sometimes, there are places which hold significant meaning in our lives. _

For Bill Regan, there was one part of the Wheeler's stable that would always be special. What others saw as simply a wooden porch and staircase leading to an apartment above the barn, Bill saw as a place of quiet contemplation. It was where he liked to eat his breakfast each day. It was the height from which he could see the morning mist rise up from the lake to meet the orange sky of sunrise over the treetops in the distance. It was the vantage point from which he could view a perfect sunset each evening as he sat a weary body down for a momentary rest before supper. It was the place where he had been standing when the news came that his sister's son needed him. The place where he'd made the difficult decision to accept the troubled teen into his life, even though he was barely an adult himself. It was where he'd gone to grieve when Dan had succumbed to cancer. Where he'd found peace with all he'd lost.

And, years later, it was where he discovered the disturbing, yet beautiful, truth that he was falling in love with his deceased nephew's girlfriend.

The revelation hit him like a ton of bricks.

_Oh God, I can't believe this is happening,_ he thought to himself. _I almost kissed her, today!_

Sitting in on the top step at twilight and sipping on a cup of cool water, Regan felt a tingling sensation spreading through his body at the memory of what had transpired earlier that afternoon. The images came rapidly back to mind. Hallie Belden. Her raven hair loosened and flying about her gorgeous face. Her blackberry eyes dancing in the sunlight. Her face aglow with a genuine smile. She was laughing. She was shedding gentle tears. He could recall the smell of her hair as the wind blew strands of it against his warm cheek. He could feel the tickle of its fine wisps; could remember the texture of the strand he tucked behind her ear. The moment of contact when his finger had lightly brushed her tanned skin had electrified him. He knew she'd felt it, too.

_No!_ His mind shouted. _She's Danny's girl! It isn't right to think of her this way._

But, he couldn't stop himself. It had been the first time he'd thought of her as anything but Trixie Belden's cousin, or Peter Belden's niece, or Dan Mangan's girlfriend.

He could see she was a woman now. Beautiful, strong, and independent.

_And, she makes me laugh_, he smiled to himself.

He couldn't stop thinking about the joy of the afternoon. They had, over the course of the past two years, shared so much of their grief with one another that it felt only right that they should now find healing in each other's company. The significance of their promise to Dan, flying his kite to remember him, had brought them closer together. Surely, there was no harm in that.

But, the thought of the kiss that was nearly shared between them that day made him fear that he'd taken their friendship too far.

_How could I be so stupid? She'll never speak to me again._

He was grateful that Bobby's cries had interrupted them. In his acceptance of this, he imagined Hallie might have been so focused on the welfare of her little cousin that maybe she could have missed what almost happened between them. Perhaps, she had forgotten the moment already. Perhaps, all would be forgiven and forgotten without ever having to discuss it.

_And, if that were the case,_ Regan pondered, _would _I_ ever be able to forget?_ _Could I stand to be near her and not remember the spark I felt for her out in that field?_

He wasn't so sure he could.

The guilt of knowing he had no right to Hallie began to consume him, and he had to cover his face with his hands to try to suppress his feelings. He considered all the reasons why a romance with Hallie was out of the question. She was nearly nine years younger than he. She had been Dan's girlfriend. She was the niece of his employer's neighbor. She was almost out of college and had the promise of a future in the art world, while he had barely graduated high school and had no occupational skills beyond basic equestrian knowledge. He had nothing to offer her. Besides, he knew her family would forbid it.

Then, another frightening thought seized him.

_Matt would fire me and I'd have nowhere else to go._

The thought of Mathew Wheeler angry at him, for any reason, made him sick to his stomach. To Regan, the older man had become a father figure and friend. He'd been a solid and dependable help while Dan had been ill. He was the closest thing to family Bill had left in the world.

_I can't! I can't do this!_ He decided. _I can't let myself fall for her. She's off limits!_

He squashed down all desires to contact Hallie. To tell her how he felt about her. To ask her what she was feeling.

It was the way it had to be.

But, the loneliness that accompanied this revelation pulled his spirits down even lower. His shoulders and head dropped with them.

With his eyes down, he didn't see the figure that approached him from below, nor did he expect the voice that accompanied its presence at the foot of the stairs.

"I take it…this isn't a good time," Hallie said quietly.

Bill shot up from his perch on the step and nearly dropped his cup of water all over himself.

It was a comfort to him when Hallie simply giggled at his clumsiness and didn't make a move to ascend the stairs.

"I um…I was just about to get back to work, actually." Regan stammered.

"Could we…talk about something?" Hallie's voice was uncharacteristically timid, and it bothered Regan.

"Well, it's getting dark out, and your family's probably looking for you to get back to Crabapple Farm before…"

"I just came from there," Hallie interrupted him. "They know where I am."

_Oh Great! _ He thought. _What did she tell them? I'm going to find out why Dan's crazy old uncle tried to kiss me today? This is bad! _

He immediately thought about what would happen if Matthew Wheeler caught them talking at the door to his apartment, and he was once again scared of losing everything he had.

But, the girl below him seemed to already know what he was thinking.

"Don't worry, I won't come up there. I just…I just need to talk to you."

_Oh God, you made her too perfect for me. She knows me inside and out._

Knowing that he needed to settle this once and for all, he began climbing down towards her. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He knew what he had to do, and he would take the responsibility to do it.

But, he also knew he'd regret it for the rest of his life.

"How's Bobby?" Regan began when he reached the bottom step.

"Oh, he's fine," Hallie gave a wave of her hand. "He fell in the lake over on the back side. You know, over near Mr. Maypenny's. Said he saw a snake or something. He was just being dramatic, that's all."

"Good, I'm glad he's okay."

Her face grew serious, and Bill braced himself for her usually direct way of speaking.

_Oh Boy, here it comes._

But she surprised him by not even asking about the "almost" kiss.

"You know…Dan and I almost went too far once. Did he ever tell you about that?"

Bill felt as if he'd been sucker punched in the stomach. This wasn't something he wanted to think about. He knew Hallie and Dan had never had sex. Why did she have to make him imagine they'd even come close? His love for both of them made this concept too painful to consider right now.

"I don't think this is something we should be talking about…" Regan started.

"Why not?" She seemed confused. "If we're going to be in any kind of relationship, I think it's something you should know. And…also…you should know…about someone else I had… something…intimate with…once."

_Relationship? She thinks we're already in a relationship? How did this happen? God help me, I have to stop this now!_

"Hallie, we aren't…I mean…we can't. It wouldn't be right."

Hallie looked angry.

"Oh, I see," she said cooly. "You don't want me because I'm obviously not some pristine angel who's never been in that kind of situation with a guy. Okay, well, let's forget I even came here, then."

She had backed up slowly as she spoke and was now spinning away from him to stomp off.

But, Bill quickly jumped down from the lowest step and grabbed her wrist to pull her back to face him.

"No…Hallie, stop…" he began.

"No! You stop!" Hallie wrenched her small wrist free of his large grip. "I can't believe I came here thinking you cared about me."

She was rushing away and muttering violently as she retreated.

"I can't believe I was about to tell you something I never even told Dan!"

Her voice was hoarse with emotion, and the strangled way she sobbed Dan's name pushed Regan over the edge. Gone was his earlier resolve to keep her at arm's length.

He tried to catch up to her. To stop her and pull her to him. To make her understand that she could tell him anything.

But, she was across the yard and down the sloping hillside leading to Crabapple Farm, before he could even make any progress in her direction.

Torn between his responsibility to the animals in the stable behind him and his growing love for the woman who had just disappeared over the horizon in front of him, he stood silently for a long time in the graveled drive outside the barn door.

_Oh God, _he desperately prayed, _what do I do now?_


	22. It happened where willows weep

_Disclaimer: not my characters – just having fun with them_

_(Okay, this is still a flashback within a flashback – now we switch to Hallie's point of view – thanks for the reviews – I'd love to know what you think about this one!)_

Hallie Belden didn't know what to do, now.

She was angry and hurt and all alone. And she didn't think anyone would even know where to look for her.

She had changed course halfway to Crabapple Farm and had somehow made her way through the darkening forest to her favorite quiet spot: a long trench at the back of the Wheeler's game preserve.

But, the guiding moonlight that had helped her in her journey had just been extinguished by rolling storm clouds, and she had suddenly been plunged into darkness.

_Why did I leave Crabapple Farm without a flashlight?_ She silently berated herself. _I am so stupid!_

The dark haired young woman shifted her position to place a little more weight on her injured foot, which had been turned painfully under her as she had been climbing down to the floor of the crevice. It didn't feel broken. She leaned on it a bit more, and felt brave enough to try a step toward the exit of the trench. But a sudden jolt of pain surged through her instep and up her leg. She instinctively grabbed at the rocky wall beside her to brace her fall.

_Maybe I shouldn't do that again,_ she thought glumly.

_Now what?_

The wind began to pick up, swirling her now loose hair about her in a violent fashion, and she could almost taste the coming rain in the air.

_Just great!_ _As if this wasn't bad enough, it's gotta rain, too! _Her anger was fueled once more.

She snatched strands of hair from in front of her face, determinedly pushing them back so she could see better.

But, it was no use. Her hair was too long, and the night had become too dark.

_How am I going to get out of this one?_ She wondered.

Her mind was swirling with ideas. Had Regan tried to come after her? Had he tried to contact her at Crabapple Farm? She knew he wasn't right behind her when she'd stormed off from their argument earlier, so there was no way in her mind that he would be out looking for her now. Her hopes of being discovered began to sink.

How long would it be before anyone figured out that she wasn't at Manor House, as she had told Helen Belden she would be? In her mind, even her cousin Trixie wasn't a good enough detective to be able to get help to her this quickly.

In the distance, a clap of thunder broke out, and the after- roll brought a slow trembling to the earth beneath her feet. She didn't see the lightening that had sparked the delayed sound, but she was sure that there had been some.

And, it was heading her way.

She shuddered and tried to test her swelling foot once more. The ankle was sound, she was sure of that. It was just her foot that had suffered the pressure of the twisting motion. Of course, her entire weight had come down on it at an odd angle, and she knew that wasn't good. There were hundreds of tiny bones in the foot that could be broken or cracked. And she needed them to be strong enough to carry her out of there. Despite the current throbbing, she felt that the initial pain was beginning to fade.

Gripping the crevice walls, she stepped gingerly on her injured foot once more. It was going to work. She felt pretty confident, this time. So, she inched her way forward, feeling in the dark against the muddy cliffs around her. When her instep protested with jarring pain again, she gritted her teeth and pressed on.

_I'm not crawling out of here, like a dog,_ she thought angrily.

_And, I'm not crawling back to Bill Regan to apologize, either!_

Hot tears of humiliation began streaming down her dusty face at the thought of what she'd said to the Wheeler's groom earlier that evening. She'd never felt more vulnerable, and it had appeared to her that he didn't want to hear what she had to say. It had wounded her deeply.

_I'm not a stupid kid,_ she continued to rant to herself, _I know people would have a hard time with us being together. But, he acted like he didn't even want to try to make something work._

She thought of the way he'd stood up for her honor against Mike Colby, the Cryobank representative that had come to visit Dan in the hospital.

She couldn't believe Regan wasn't willing to stand and fight for her now.

_I thought…after today… when he almost…I thought he actually…._

_Oh, Hallie, don't be an idiot! _

She silently chastised herself as she groped along.

_Forget what you thought. He doesn't see you that way, and he never will._

She was sobbing with embarrassment, frustration, and pain by the time she made her way up to the forest area above the trench. Another roll of thunder could be heard in the distance.

And that was when she heard her name being called out.

Her heart seized up, and she felt her breath catch. It had sounded like Dan's voice.

"Hallie!"

She heard it again, only louder this time.

It was Regan.

In the darkness, she could hear the pounding of a horse's hooves growing nearer and nearer.

"Hallie? Are you out here?"

The man's fear for her safety was evident in the cracking of his voice as he called out her name repeatedly. Hallie was astonished.

_I'm dreaming. He's not actually coming to find me. Or, is he?_

But, the stabbing pain in the middle of her foot reminded her that she was, indeed, wide awake.

"Hallie?"

"I'm here!" She called back, forgetting her hurt pride and her vow to never speak to him again.

"Hallie?"

"Here!"

"Where?"

Was that anger or fear in his voice? She couldn't be sure.

Hallie felt of the ground beneath her, grabbed the first rock she could find, and threw it toward the sound of the man on horseback crashing through the underbrush. She knew the noise would startle his mount enough to make him aware of the direction of her presence.

It had worked.

The rider stopped, and the faint light of his flashlight bobbed up and down as he focused it towards her.

"Hallie? Hallie, say something!"

"I'm here," she waved her hand into the stream of light he sent out to her.

"Thank God!" He cried out. Dropping from his horse, he quickly pulled a rain poncho from his saddle bag, ran to her side, and fell on his knees before the foot she was now nursing.

"What happened? Did you step on something?" He asked quickly, offering her the poncho to wrap up in.

"No…I…it's fine, really." She brushed his hands and the poncho away. "I just sort of twisted it. How did you…I mean…how did you find me?"

Regan looked up at her and Hallie could see his emerald eyes trembling with emotion.

"I don't know. When I finally figured I should go after you, I started to head over to Crabapple Farm, but then I got this funny feeling that you weren't there. Dan once told me you liked to come out here to the fault trench, and I guessed you would want some time alone…but."

He stood up, making Hallie once again conscious of his intimidating size.

"But, it started to get really dark, and these clouds were rolling in pretty fast. I remembered you didn't have a light, and your legs were exposed in those shorts…I mean…you weren't wearing jeans or anything to protect you from getting scraped up out here in the dark…"

"So, you were worried about me?" Hallie's question finished for him.

Lightening blazed in the distance and the ground trembled with the thunder it made.

"Absolutely," Regan's voice was deep and gravely with emotion.

Hallie's heart flipped over in her chest. He had been worried about her. She suddenly wished she hadn't muddied up her face with her silly tears.

_I must look dreadful._

"Come on," he said gruffly, "let's get out of here before that lightning catches us under these trees."

He grabbed her arm and began to steer her toward his horse when Hallie involuntarily let out a cry from the pain in her foot.

She felt Regan stiffen up and turn to look at her with concern.

"Did I hurt your arm?" He asked guiltily.

"No, no, it's not that." Hallie clutched at the older man's forearm to steady herself as she shifted her weight off of her injury. "It's that twisted foot."

Before she could say another word, he scooped her up into his strong arms.

"Hold the light," He ordered, as he thrust the flashlight into her hand, carried her to his horse, and lifted her into the saddle. He swung up behind her and they were off at a rapid pace.

Hallie couldn't keep her wits about her. She was overwhelmed by how quickly this had all happened. One minute she was angry with Regan and never wanted to see him again, and the next, she was intoxicated by the feel of him pressed against her back, one arm clutching her securely around the waist.

He'd come for her.

Something about that had made all her earlier frustrations melt away.

"I'll have you back at Crabapple Farm in no time," Regan said gently at her ear.

But, Hallie didn't want to go back. She wanted to be with him. To tell him what she'd tried to tell him earlier.

She put her hand on the arm encircling her waist and tilted her head back so he could hear her.

"Please don't. I need to talk to you."

He pulled back on the reins to slow the horse and leaned close to her once more.

"Hallie, you're hurt. We need to get you home. That foot could be broken, and…"

"Bill, please!"

Hallie wasn't one to beg. And she certainly had never called him by his first name before.

She knew the strategy had gotten through to him, because he suddenly stopped the horse.

She could feel him breathing heavily behind her, his heart pounding against the upper part of her shoulders and neck. He sat very still, but he didn't speak. He was contemplating something.

"Please." She said again.

He pulled the horse around and turned them in the direction of Mr. Maypenny's.

Hallie wished she could see his face and know what he was thinking as they silently sped toward the cabin in the heart of the preserve. She knew he wanted to get her to safety and notify her aunt and uncle that she was alright, but she couldn't help but wonder if he didn't also want to hear her out. Wasn't he the least bit interested in what she had to say about this obvious attraction that was surfacing between them?

She felt his body growing tense as they neared their destination.

"We can use Mr. Maypenny's phone to let your family know you're safe," Regan said gently. "But, I'm not sure if…well…he might not be there."

Hallie understood why Regan was so nervous, now. He didn't want to be alone with her where someone could get the wrong idea about what was going on.

She felt her earlier anger begin to rise up again.

_Does he think I'll try to seduce him or something?_

Her insecurities about no longer being a virgin made her suddenly wish she hadn't begged him to talk. Without thinking about her wounded foot, she instantly reached forward to grab the reigns, pulled the horse to a stop, and slid down before Regan could stop her.

"Hallie, what are you doing?" He shouted.

"Look, if you don't even want to be alone with me, then that's fine. I can get back from here. Just let me keep the light." She hadn't intended her words to take on such a nasty tone, and she was glad she didn't break down and cry as she spoke.

"Are you crazy? Get back up here, and let's get going before the storm hits." He tried to reach down to catch her arm, but she wiggled clumsily away.

She limped two or three steps before she remembered why she had needed rescuing in the first place.

"Hallie! Damn it, get back here!" He swore.

She wasn't fazed by his temper. She'd seen it before.

"No! I know why you want to get rid of me so quickly. You're afraid I'll hurt your reputation. Okay, then don't take me to Maypenny's! I know where he keeps the spare key. I'll go alone and call Uncle Peter and Aunt Helen myself. Then you won't have to worry about your perfect image being polluted by someone as soiled as me..."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Regan interrupted her as he jumped down from the horse and spun her around to face him. She stood there staring at him defiantly, trying to come up with a decent response, but the way his handsome face seemed to beg her innocently to explain herself made Hallie wonder if he honestly didn't know why she was angry.

Before she could enlighten him, he did something she never expected.

As the long tentacle-like branches of a nearby weeping willow tree whipped around them in the stormy wind, he grabbed her shoulders, pulled her to him, and crashed his lips down roughly onto hers.

The emotional explosion took Hallie's breath away.

She wasn't sure if she should push him away or allow herself to melt into his powerful arms.

A sudden flash and pop of lightening forced her to do the latter. She clung to him desperately and started kissing him back.

"Hallie…" he murmured between kisses, "we…should stop…it's…it's starting to rain."

"Is it?" Hallie hadn't noticed. The electricity jolting through her body had made her completely ignorant to the pressing storm around her. There was something overwhelming about being in Regan's arms. Where Dan's body had always seemed to Hallie to be sleek and slightly muscular, Regan's was rugged, strong, and sexy. She felt oddly secure, rather than dominated by his crushing, passionate kisses.

"We…we have to…stop…and get to…safety." Regan persisted.

He reluctantly pulled his lips away and lifted her into his arms a second time. When they were up in the saddle again, he draped the poncho over her to protect her from the pelting drops that would sting them as they rode.

Hallie felt warmed by his care, despite the chilling rain.

"Are you alright?" He breathed in her ear.

It sent a thrill through her body.

"Yes. You?"

"I will be. As soon as I get you out of this storm."

She knew he meant it.

It didn't matter anymore what she thought of herself. She knew he wanted her.

She'd felt it in his kiss.

Not a lusty, reckless desire, but a deep and accepting want.

The kind that bonded people together forever.

She knew he didn't care about what had happened in her past; he wanted to be part of her future.

And she was surprised to discover that she truly, deeply, and passionately wanted him in her future, too.

…_Well, that's it for now…_

_I've got to sort of tweak some of my earlier work-_

_I have that "almost" sex scene between Dan and Hallie that she mentioned, but I didn't know where that should go – so, I'm not sure if I should even use it. It doesn't answer any questions or really fit in anywhere – let me know if anyone is interested (not graphic or anything at all, so don't get your hopes up)_

_I also have pieces of Hallie's conversation with Regan at Maypenny's cabin (happens just after this scene)_

_And – I have another sort of climb through the Bob-white family tree (Katie, Candace, and Ashley have a talk – more about Dan's paternal link to Daniel)_

_Who wants to see what?_


	23. return to the family tree

Present Day:

"So…are you saying we can expect to see him as a permanent part of your life in the future?"

Katie Frayne blushed at the young woman sitting across from her and nervously twisted a strawberry-blonde strand of hair around her slender finger.

"I'm saying we've talked a little bit about jewelry and such…" Katie responded coyly.

"Oooh, this is so exciting!" Candace McLeod burst out with wide eyes. "Do your parents know?"

"Hey, slow down!" Katie interjected quickly. "We're just talking about it, right now. I'm not expecting him to pop the question next week or anything."

"Maybe not, but if you've already got a ring in mind…I'm just saying…Christmas is only a month or so away." Candace winked and gave her boyfriend's cousin a playful swipe on the arm.

"Sheesh. Not so loud. My whole family is here." Katie feigned embarrassment.

The dramatic woman looked around the Ten Acres dining hall suspiciously and then gave Candace a friendly wink of her own.

"Yeah, and that would make quite a Thanksgiving announcement, wouldn't it?" Candace teased once more, but quietly this time.

"Especially since they all know Ryan so well. His father's a lawyer, too, and he's done a lot of work for my grandparents – on my dad's side. Will and I grew up with Ryan. Honestly, Candace, I don't think I've had a chance to tell everyone yet that we've been seeing each other. We aren't anything alike. I'm sure it'll be a shock for some of my family that we're even dating." She giggled. "I can't imagine how flipped out some of them would be if he ever asked me to marry him."

"But…you've talked about it…so…maybe…" The younger woman flashed another jovial grin.

"And so have you and Will, I'm sure," Katie shot back with raised eyebrows.

It was Candace's turn to sneak a look around and lower her voice.

"Well…yeah, but…you know it won't happen anytime soon for us," she said, her tone growing more serious. "I've still got two more years of college, and Will just got out on his own…we're taking our time."

Katie could sense that Candace was really in love with Will, and the thought warmed her heart.

"But, one day…you never know…" Katie drawled out the end of her taunt, and the two women laughed together happily. "You, too, could become a permanent member of this wild and crazy family."

With a wide, sweeping gesture, Katie swung her arms out to motion toward the massive throngs of her family members socializing and preparing for the annual Thanksgiving dinner they have always shared together at Ten Acres Academy. (It was the only place with enough tables to hold them all).

"Oh, yes," Candace replied with a soft smile, "And I would be honored."

"Hey, B.B.," Doctor Brian Belden suddenly appeared and tapped Katie gently on the shoulder, "Have you seen Maddie?"

"Ah, Uncle Brian, I think I saw her going into the kitchen with Emmie. But, that was a while ago." She smiled at Candace and lifted her palm to indicate the younger woman's presence. "You know Will's girlfriend Candace, don't you?"

"Yes, certainly. How nice to see you again," the older man said politely. He reached across the table and shook Candace's hand warmly.

"Thank you. I appreciate being invited to your family's Thanksgiving dinner."

Katie was pleased that Will had found a girl who could be both personable and polished, without ever being fake. She smiled up at her uncle and made her thoughts known.

"It's the first of many Thanksgivings she'll share with us, I hope," she said with a wag of her eyebrows.

"I couldn't agree more." Brian smiled. He turned away, giving a courteous wave, and then headed in the direction of the busy kitchen to find his daughter.

"What was that name he called you?" Candace asked shyly as soon as Brian was out of earshot.

"B.B. It's sort of a nickname." Katie blushed. "It means 'Bobwhite baby.' See, I was the first child born to any of the Bobwhites."

"Aw…how cute!"

"Yeah, I guess so. Katie is also sort of a nickname. Since my real name is Katje. How about you? Do you have a nickname?"

"Ug! yes. I have two older brothers, so my parents have always called me cute little girly nicknames. The most obvious is 'Candy', of course. And, then there's 'Princess' and 'Baby.' Stuff like that. Pretty embarrassing, actually."

"Nah. Sounds sweet."

"I haven't heard anyone call Will by a nickname, yet. Does he have one?" Candace asked, changing the subject.

"Sure. I think everyone has a nickname in this family. Most everyone calls Will 'Slim.' Because he's always been so darn skinny and tall." Katie laughed. "But, he's starting to fill out some the older he gets."

It was Candace's turn to blush.

"I think he looks just fine," she giggled.

Once more, Katie was thankful that Will had such a nice girl in his life. The two oldest "Bobwhite babies" had always been close, and Katie knew things about her second cousin that not many other people in their family knew about him. About how he was so internally self-conscious and sensitive that he always second-guessed himself. About how he put up a front of maturity and responsibility, but he was secretly afraid of failure.

Katie could tell that Candace loved Will for who he was on the inside, and that was good enough for her.

_He better hold on to this one_, she thought to herself.

"And, I guess your little sister's nickname is just as obvious as 'Candy', huh? 'Emmie' comes from the name Emily, right?" Candace's questions brought Katie out of her thoughts.

"Hm? Oh, yes. That's right. The name Emmie just seems to fit her better. It sounds as cute as she is, anyway."

"She is cute." Candace agreed. "Especially in those funny pumpkin pants she's wearing."

Katie covered her face with her hands and tried to stifle the explosive laughter that was pouring out of her mouth in an unladylike way.

"Aren't they horrible?" She asked under her breath. "My mom tried to talk her out of wearing them. Halloween is over, after all. But, you just can't always reason with Emmie. When my little cousin Angelica wears goofy stuff like that, it's okay. I mean, she's four. But Emmie's ten." Katie sighed and shook her head. "Heaven help us when my sister's sixteen and still dresses like that."

Candace bit her lip and leaned forward to speak in a voice of hush confidence.

"I know Will worries about how difficult life will be for Emmie when she's older. With her being autistic…and…not being able to really socialize very well and all. I'm sure you must worry about her, too."

_I knew I liked this one,_ Katie thought. _She gets it._

"Of course I do. And, it's funny that you should mention that, because Ryan and I were just talking about it a few days ago. I told him it was a good thing Emmie likes him. If we ever got serious enough to get married, he needed to know that she would most likely become our responsibility one day. I hate to say it, but my parents aren't going to be around forever, and Emmie will always need someone to look after her."

"And…is he…okay with that?" Candace seemed shy in asking such personal questions.

Katie felt her heart soar with love for the young man they were discussing.

"Yes," she replied with growing emotion. "He said he wouldn't have it any other way. And I know, he meant it, too."

As if they had known each other forever, the two women shared a knowing glance, and Katie was suddenly struck with the idea that she and Candace had now formed a strange sort of bond with one another.

The younger woman pushed a caramel colored curl back from her face and flashed Katie a bright smile.

"And you can be sure that Will and I wouldn't let you take on the responsibility of Emily alone," she said kindly. "I mean…that is…if I were lucky enough to be a permanent part of _his_ future."

"You mean, if _we're_ lucky enough." Kate returned the smile and the two women shared another friendly laugh.

"Oh boy, I hear the giggling of gossiping females," Daniel Regan's voice came from behind the two ladies as he and his girlfriend Ashley approached their table slowly. "The two of you must be up to something fun. May we join you?"

"Certainly," Katie jumped up to pull out a chair for her limping cousin. But, Daniel motioned for Ashley to take the seat, instead. The young girl hesitated and then took it with a gracious smile.

_He's such a gentleman,_ Katie thought to herself.

She still wasn't used to seeing the handsome teenager walking so awkwardly. Despite the warmth of the family gathering, a slight chill ran through her as she considered how miraculous it was that Daniel could even walk at all. His leg had been crushed by a poacher's trap in the spring, and it had taken him this long to just regain enough use to walk without a cane. He was slow and limped a lot, but he was walking. And that was more than many of his doctors had expected, considering the massive amounts of damage that had been done to his lower leg.

"I was just learning about all the nicknames in your family." Candace said to Daniel. "I'm sure Ashley is as curious as I am. Can you tell me some more of them?"

"Hmm. Let's see. You know Will is 'Slim,' right?"

Candace nodded and laughed. "I think it's perfect."

"Well, Brian is 'Doc,' Mart is 'Einstein,' and Cousin Trixie has so many nicknames I wouldn't even know where to start."

"That's true," Katie chimed in. "Dad calls Mom 'Shamus,' Regan calls her 'Freckles,' and Uncle Mart calls her his 'almost' twin."

"I'm sure she has more, but we're just not remembering them all." Daniel laughed.

"What about your mom, Daniel?" Ashley asked curiously. Katie noticed that the pale girl had a hauntingly beautiful face underneath the odd stubble of dirty blonde hair that was defiantly trying to re-grow on her head after being lost to chemotherapy for her Leukemia.

"She's the 'Indian Princess.'" Daniel replied with a grin. "But my dad likes to say that her Indian name is 'Frowning Wife.'"

Everyone giggled.

"And, what about Mart and Diana's twins? They sure look like Indian princesses."

Katie gazed at Laura and Lydia who were standing on the other side of the room with Daniel's younger sister Fiona.

"They are _very_ different from one another." Katie replied to Candace's question by way of explanation. "See, Laura is 'Motormouth' because she never shuts up, and Lydia is 'Miss. Lonelyheart' because she cares about everyone's problems."

"That's funny," Ashley giggled.

"Aunt Honey's name is already a nickname," Katie continued on, "because her real name is Madeleine. Just like her daughter Maddie. Her son Nick stutters when he's nervous, so we call him 'Porky Pig,' and her son Matt thinks he's God's gift to women, so he's 'Beefcake.' I think Uncle Mart started that one."

"I think your Uncle Mart starts most of them." Daniel chuckled. "He calls my dad 'Big Red,' he calls Fiona 'Fi Fi,' and he's the one that got everyone else calling little Angelica 'Jelly Bean,' 'Jelly Belly,' and 'Jelly Donut.' That poor kid is going to have a complex about sweets when she grows up."

Again, everyone laughed.

"What about you? What's your nickname, Daniel?" Candace questioned.

Katie was afraid someone was going to ask that. She held her breath, but she was surprised when Daniel didn't even flinch.

"I'm 'Speedy Gonzales.' You know, like the little mouse on the cartoons. I was a monster fast runner. I went to the state level in track my freshman year. The speed came in handy on the gridiron, too. I thought it was gonna land me a football scholarship for sure…"

Candace gasped.

"Oh, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to…I didn't realize…"

"It's okay, Candace," Daniel said soothingly. "It really doesn't bother me." He took Ashley's hand in his, gave her a special smile, and then turned back to his brother's girlfriend. "I've accepted the fact that I'll never run again. It's okay. Really."

Katie could tell that Candace was kicking herself mentally, so she quickly changed the subject.

"But, I hear that your riding therapy group has really taken off at breakneck speed, Daniel. Tell me more about it. It's called HEART, right?"

"Yep, and that's exactly what it is. My heart." He gave his girlfriend another smile. "To see these kids find something they can be happy about again…to look forward to…it's just…just…"

He was so overcome with emotion that his eyes glistened and his chest heaved with excitement.

The sight of it made Katie's own heart do a flip.

"Wow! You're really passionate about it," Katie smiled.

"You bet. And, this is just the start. There are other ranches in the Hudson Bay area that have agreed to host chapters of HEART, and I've been asked to help get them started. It's something I'm really good at."

Katie noticed the way Ashley beamed as she looked at Daniel.

"I haven't found anything you're not good at," she said to him proudly.

"Aw! How sweet!" Katie teased them with a good-natured clap of her hands.

"Hey, the more I learn about my real dad, the more I figure I've gotta have a few skills. It sounds like he was pretty good at a lot of different things, too. Or maybe everyone just thinks so because they choose to remember him that way."

"No," Katie said gently, "I get the same impression about Dan. Too many people in Sleepyside, and not just those in our family either, have said he was multi-talented. He must have been a very special person."

Daniel tilted his head and gave Candace a friendly smile.

"Did I confuse you just then when I talked about my 'real' dad?"

"Um…not exactly. Your brother sort of…explained the whole thing to me. I…think what your mom did was…very beautiful…and…brave, actually." She gave a sympathetic glance to Ashley who had nodded in agreement with her.

"Yes. I think so, too." Daniel murmured softly. "And, honestly…Ash and I…well…we…I mean…I…I…understand why my folks did it."

He gave Ashley a long look which told Katie that the two of them must have been discussing Daniel's biological father a lot lately.

_Oh, how frightening the thought must be for them,_ Katie thought. _Is she scared she might die, too? If she's had enough chemotherapy to lose her hair, then she probably can't have children either._

Katie suddenly wondered whether Daniel's relationship with Ashley was a good thing or bad.

As if she could read the young woman's mind, Ashley surprised Katie by voicing her ponderings aloud.

"Look, I'm not as sick as Daniel's dad was. I mean, this last round of chemo was purely a 'just in case' sort of thing. I'm in remission now, and my numbers are actually getting good. So, I don't worry about dying young. Many kids survive Leukemia from the stage I was in when it was discovered. But…still…if there was any sort of way I could have kids of my own someday…which, I can't…but, if I could…well…" She fiddled with the table cloth in front of her timidly as a heated blush crept over her pale face. "What I mean is…I think Daniel's dad would have been proud, and…he would have understood why his mom did it, too."

That was all Katie needed to hear.

She couldn't stop herself from reaching over and wrapping a sisterly arm around Ashley.

"I just love this one, Danny," she laughed.

Then, without releasing the painfully thin girl, she hung her other arm around Candace's shoulder.

"And, this one, too!"

After giving them each a special squeeze on the shoulder, she stood up and raised a plastic cup of punch in the air.

"Girls," she said with her own personal, dramatic flair.

"Welcome to the family!"

Meanwhile….a few tables away….


	24. meanwhile, a few tables away

Meanwhile….a few tables away….

"May I accompany you, my dear cousin, by acquiring the resting device to your left?"

Martin Belden bowed formally in front of Hallie Regan, all the while pushing up on his new glasses and blinking rapidly with a silly look of expectation.

"Oh, Mart, just sit down." Hallie laughed. She reached over and pulled out the chair beside her, and then gently poked the older man playfully on the arm as he took his seat.

"Ow! What was that for?" The overacting stirred no sympathy from the sullen looking woman.

"For being you," she teased quietly.

"And, I am just so good at it, too."

A strange sense of stillness fell over the two of them, and Mart knew something was wrong.

"I know that look," Mart said softly. "Hallie, what's bothering you? Talk to me."

The dark haired woman's eyes shot up.

"Wow," she replied quickly, "you're usually not the direct one. I thought that was my department."

"Well, you're sort of falling down on the job, then. Seriously, Hal…"

He noticed that her eyes quickly darted toward the direction of her middle child, Daniel, who was sitting with his girlfriend and a few of his cousins at a far table.

"Is it Daniel's new girlfriend?"

"No, no!" Hallie interjected quickly. "She's absolutely perfect for Daniel, it…it's not that. Really. Truly, Mart. It…it isn't that."

Her eyes lingered over the two young people who were talking and laughing with their peers as if they had no cares in the world, and Mart could tell by the look in her eyes that she did, in fact, worry about them.

But, he sensed that her concerns about Daniel and Ashley were not what kept her so isolated and forlorn today.

"Then, what is it?" Mart pushed gently. "What's got you over here pouting like someone stole your dog?"

She gave him a smirk and shook her head.

"I'm not pouting."

"Um hum, I call it pouting, Ma'am."

"Call it whatever you like, I'm just resting. Doc Brian's orders." She smirked again and crossed her arms defiantly.

The childishness in her actions made Mart chuckle, and he knew then that he had an audience.

"Hmmm. Let's see. If it's not the spiky haired new girlfriend, and nobody stole your dog, well…Oh! I know! You didn't see the Great Pumpkin on Halloween night, right? You sat out there all night long with Linus and missed Tricks or Treats, and…"

Hallie picked up a well folded cloth napkin from the table in front of her and tossed it at Mart playfully.

"That was Sally, you dope"

"Sally, Hallie…it's all the same to me." He let the rhymes drip from his tongue in a sing-song manner.

Then, he picked up the napkin and clicked his tongue with disapproval.

"Don't let Honey and my wife find out what you just did to their perfectly perfect napkins, Mrs. Regan," he scolded her.

"Well, then…here. Give it back. I'll fix it." She pretended to be just as impatient with him as he was feigning to be with her.

"Not until you spill the details about why your face is as drawn as a prune."

Hallie gave a mock gasp and stared incredulously at him.

"I can tell, Mr. Belden, that you must spend an awful lot of time sleeping on the couch. Has your beautiful wife never taught you that a woman, especially a middle aged woman, does not relish being compared to anything wrinkled? A prune? Really, sir, how dare you?"

She picked up another napkin from the place setting on her opposite side and shied it at Mart, too.

"Oh, I see how it is." Mart stood up, put on the same hilarious expression of pretend shock that Hallie wore, and lifted his nose with fake snobbery.

"However," he continued on. "I am far too gentlemanly to be baited into such a display of blatant violence, Mrs. Regan. I refuse to participate in this napkin war any further."

"Good. Then, go away." Hallie turned her back curtly, but couldn't hold in the giggle that escaped her lips. She tried to cover it up with a fake cough.

"Hah! Made you laugh!"

"Oh, shut up and sit down." Hallie reached up, took Mart's hand, and pulled him down beside her.

To his amazement, she didn't release it once he was seated. She held on to his hand as if she needed a small bit of comfort. The gesture bothered Mart a little.

Hallie never needed anything from anyone.

He squeezed her long fingers and made her look him in the eye.

"Hallie…what's going on? Are you sick? Is this about the heart thing?"

"Oh, Mart, stop it. I'm as healthy as a horse. It's nothing. Really. I just…"

Her eyes fell on Daniel once again.

"I just worry about him. I'm not sure he understands what he's saying…about…never mind."

Hallie looked as if she were about to get up and leave, so Mart covered their hands with his other one and pushed them down gently to rest on the table in front of them.

"You're not leaving this table until you tell me what's got you so upset."

He followed her gaze to stare at Daniel. The boy's likeness to his father was uncanny, and it nearly took Mart's breath away. He had to force his eyes back to his cousin so he wouldn't lose his cool and bawl like a baby.

"Please. Talk to me."

As if she had been holding on to whatever was bothering her just long enough so she could share it with him alone, Hallie leaned into Mart's shoulder and sighed heavily on him. He could feel her tremble a little and then steady herself as she relaxed against his body.

"Mart, do you remember that time we talked…out at…the cemetery? And…I said…I'd come to terms with…something I'd done…something I'd said?"

Mart could feel his heart beginning to pound faster and faster as he feared what she might say next.

"Well…I lied."


	25. Believe me, I still know how you feel

Flashback: Mart's POV

He shouldn't have been surprised.

Considering how close it was to Dan's birthday, and how dreary the cold, gray skies had been making everyone feel, he should have known he would have company that day out at the old cemetery.

And yet, he _was _surprised.

Because it was Hallie.

And she looked like she was struggling.

He didn't know what to say at first.

Imagine that. The mouth himself. The human dictionary didn't know what to say.

_Trixie would love it if she could see me now_, Mart Belden thought, as he stared silently at the trembling Hallie Regan who was slowly approaching him through the sea of tombstones.

It was almost hilarious to him how he couldn't make his mouth work. He was afraid to say anything that would make his cousin freak out like she did that day at the hospital several years before when Dan Mangan had slipped away from them.

No. He knew he could not stand to see that again.

Hallie froze in her place the moment she saw him, now giving Mart the fuel he needed for his signature teasing.

_Just keep it light,_ he told himself.

"Don't panic," he called out in a jovial tone, "I'm not a ghost. Just some crazy graduate student who got lost on his way to class."

He tried to flash his goofiest grin, but she didn't seem impressed.

"Brian always said you had no sense of direction, Mart." Hallie replied drily.

"What brings you out on this fine, spring day?" He held his arms out wide to indicate the uncharacteristically winter-like atmosphere around them.

Hallie snorted.

"Mmmm. Yes. Fine day, alright. I just couldn't resist this wonderful weather, you know. So bright and happy."

"Just like you."

"Mmmm. Yes." Hallie repeated.

_I don't know which is worse_, Mart thought to himself painfully, _when she finally lets loose and cries, or when she fights herself like this to hold it all in._

He could tell that his cousin had come there to be alone with her thoughts, and he was about to make up an excuse to leave when she suddenly did something he was not expecting.

She fell down on her knees in front of Dan's grave and started to pray.

Mart felt as if all the air in his body was being squeezed out of him.

This was not what he thought she would do at this moment. Hallie had never been an outwardly emotional or ceremonial person, and she had certainly never prayed in front of him.

It was a beautiful gesture, yet it left Mart feeling somewhat frightened and disturbed. Maybe it was the way she prayed with such abandon that it appeared as if her very life depended upon what she was mumbling. She didn't sway or rock, nor did she cry out. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary or joltingly intimidating about Hallie's stance. Yet, despite her still, quiet meditations, Mart's very soul was stirred within him.

Again, he was speechless.

After an uncomfortable wait, his cousin opened her eyes and looked up at him with a shaky expression.

"I'm sorry, Mart. I…I just…felt so…lost."

Her usually strong voice was barely a whisper.

"It's alright, Hallie." Mart could hear the husky emotion in his own voice, and the depth of it surprised him. It had sounded more like his father's voice than his own.

_That came out of me?_

Without hesitation, Hallie stood and moved to wrap her arms around her cousin's thin frame, burying her head into his chest. Her trembling had stopped, and Mart was relieved to discover that she was not crying against him, but simply holding him and allowing him to hold her.

Until it happened, he hadn't realized that he, also, had been greatly in need of a hug.

"I miss him, too." Mart said gently against her hair. He felt the young woman relax in his arms, and he slowly began rubbing small circles on her back as he held her. She patted him gently between his shoulder blades.

"You know, I don't regret falling for Bill, right? You know I love him." Hallie said it quietly as she pulled away. "It's not about that, you know?"

"I know." Mart nodded. "You just miss Dan. We all do. I can't imagine how much Regan misses him, too."

Hallie lowered her head and stared at the ground as if she were humiliated about something. The sight of it tore at Mart's heartstrings.

"I lost a baby, today." She stated numbly.

And Mart was blown away.

"You…you what? I'm sorry, did you just say…"

Hallie looked up at him now, her blackberry eyes hauntingly glassy and void of expression.

"I don't know what happened. Bill and I weren't even trying. We found out last week that we were pregnant, but when I went to the doctor today…he said…" Hallie shrugged. "He said…it was gone."

"Oh Hallie, I'm so, so sorry."

"I should have known something like this would happen," Hallie shook her head bitterly. "I should have known."

Mart pulled her to him once again and was surprised at how stiff she was this time.

"No. Don't think like that." Mart soothed as he rubbed her back again.

But, she didn't relax in his arms as she had done before.

_Oh no, she blames herself for this,_ Mart thought.

Hallie pulled back and turned away to sit on a nearby stone bench. Mart followed suit.

"When am I ever going to learn?" She whined pitifully. A sob caught in her throat.

"Learn what?" Mart slipped an arm around her small shoulders.

"To stop…trying to…bargain…with…God." Hallie lost control and bent over with tears spilling into and out of her trembling fingers.

It was more than Mart could take. He felt his own hot tears escaping and burning long trails down his face as he and Hallie clung to each other and cried.

Neither of them moved for a long while.

When he could finally speak again, Mart held Hallie at arm's length and began to try and make sense of the guilt that seemed to be ripping her apart.

"Hallie, bargaining and guilt are just normal parts of the grieving process. You've gotta believe that. And, now you're grieving for this baby, too? On top of being hormonal and everything else that's going on in your busy world right now, I think you have the right to feel the way you do. Believe me, I understand."

"Oh Mart, I haven't even told Bill, yet. I feel horrible. He's going to be so disappointed, and I don't exactly know how to explain this to you…but…but I know it's my fault."

Her despair touched a nerve, causing Mart to suddenly grip her shoulders and give her a gentle shake.

"Stop it, Hallie. Do you hear me?"

It came out a bit more sternly than he had intended.

"This is by no means your fault. These things…just happen. Like Dan getting sick, and that earthquake that happened in Japan last week, and…and Grandma forgetting who we are all the time, now. Bad things happen, and they're just a part of life. Troubles come. But, no one is to blame for them."

She jerked away from him and stood up quickly, hugging her arms tightly around herself as she slowly shuffled back to stand over Dan's grave.

"You…don't know…everything, Mart."

Despite the way her words deeply hurt him, Mart tried to keep himself open and available for her to share her feelings.

"Then, tell me…" he said softly.

"It's bad enough I broke a promise to Dan…" Hallie started bitterly. She closed her eyes and shook her head as if she were disgusted with herself. "I didn't ask Bill to destroy the Cryobank samples…like I knew he wanted. But, this… this is payback for something else. I know it is." She swallowed hard. "Because…no one gets away with lying to God."

Mart suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He didn't understand what she was talking about, but he could tell her pain ran deeper than the miscarriage she had just experienced or even Dan's death.

"I..I don't understand."

Hallie gave a sarcastic "hmph" and violently swiped at the tears in her eyes.

"You know what, forget it…it's okay. It doesn't matter. I'm really over it. Really. It's just like you said. I'm hormonal, I'm still grieving over Dan…I'm…just…not capable of making sense right now."

"Hallie…"

"It's okay. Alright? I'm okay. I just need…I need to go and tell Bill." Her actions were too quick and too drastically different from a moment before, and Mart knew instinctively that Hallie was putting up a front.

"Can I drive you?" He asked, concerned.

"No. Please," she gave him a genuine smile through stubborn tears, "you've been amazing. I'll be okay."

"Honestly?"

"Truly. I'm over it."

But, deep in his soul, Mart knew she wasn't.

As Hallie later made her way through the cemetery and back to her car, tripping blindly from an onslaught of uncontrollable tears, she couldn't stop thinking about the string of broken promises she was guilty of. Her burdened heart brought each of them to mind, one by one.

And, the one that squeezed her chest the most was the one she made to Dan one romantic evening when she honestly would have said or done anything to make him happy…


	26. I promise still know how you feel pt II

_This is a flashback within a flashback…After talking with Mart in the cemetery (which took place about a year after Bill and Hallie were married) Hallie is thinking back to a romantic evening she once shared with Dan…_

"Come on, now. You'd do anything to make me happy, right?" Dan Mangan teased his girlfriend. Hallie Belden was standing with her back to him, chin raised in defiance, and her arms folded across her chest. "Just this once. Please?"

The dark haired beauty had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"No!" She said with mock anger. "I don't cook."

"Well, neither does Trixie, but she's not too scared to give it a try." Dan replied.

Hallie swirled around and poked him provocatively in the chest.

"Oh, you think I'm scared, huh? Well, you're wrong, Mangan. Alright, I'll play this silly game. You'll see. I'll whip up a dish so good that half the state will be knocking each other down just to get a taste."

"That's my girl!" Dan laughed and pulled her quickly to him. He kissed her gently.

"Mmm. That's a good way to talk me into doing this for you," Hallie murmered.

"And there's more where that came from," he breathed against her cheek. Yet, despite her ache for another kiss, he pulled back and pointed to the little kitchenette of his uncle's apartment. "But you're going to have to earn it."

"You brute!" She stuck her tongue out at him.

"I've already got all the groceries we need to get started. So, um…as Mart would say…into the kitchen with you, wench!"

He laughingly dodged the couch pillow she threw at him and then followed her over to the small cooking area.

"Alright, but what is all this potluck stuff gonna be used for again?" Hallie asked as she helped Dan pull ingredients from the bags on the countertop.

"Well, you know our club helps out the local UNICEF organization, right? So, Honey and Trixie organized this dinner tomorrow night as a fund raiser. If we each pitch in to take care of the cooking, and the locals pay a small ticket price to eat, it's a win/win situation for everyone."

"Hmphf! Until someone gets sick off of Trixie's food," Hallie said with a smirk.

"Hey, I'm not about to get mixed up in your constant battles with your cousin. That's between the two of you, and I'm not picking sides."

"But, you gotta admit that you wouldn't dare touch something if you knew Trixie was the one who cooked it, right?"

"Are you kidding? Your Aunt Helen is the best cook in the county. Trixie's bound to have some of her genes in there somewhere."

Hallie felt a spark of jealousy rise in her even though she knew her boyfriend had nothing but platonic feelings for her spunky cousin. She began to set each item from the grocery store bag down harder on the countertop.

"Then, why don't you just ask Trixie to cook this special dish with you?" Her words came out with a nastier tone than she had intended, causing Dan to chuckle at her hypersensitivity.

He stepped behind Hallie and slipped his arms around her waist. After pushing aside her raven hair with his chin, he began nipping gently at the bare flesh on the back of her neck.

"Because, I don't need her the way I need you," he said huskily.

The sound and feel of his words sent shivers through her body. It was as if the deep vibration of his voice had penetrated her skin and rumbled down to stir her heart.

"And…I don't love her the way I love you," he whispered this time.

Hallie froze. He had told her several times before that he loved her. But, not like this.

Never so passionately and purely.

It melted away her resolve and caused her to forget what they were supposed to be doing.

As she leaned back against him and turned her face upward to meet his lips with her own, she felt her fingers slacken and drop the can she was holding.

"I need to pick that up," Hallie whispered when she finally pulled out of the kiss.

"Eh, it can wait."

Dan pulled her around to face him and quickly resumed kissing her, his body pressing closer to hers against the cabinetry.

Hallie couldn't think of anything else. The gentle touch of his lips, the tingling of her skin against him, the sultry smell of his cologne. She had never been so lost in him before.

"What if your uncle…came home…and caught us…making out in his kitchen?" Hallie asked between kisses. She was trying desperately to keep her wits about her.

"I don't think Uncle Bill will be back for a while. He's at Manor House going over my hospital bills with Mr. Wheeler."

Dan spontaneously grabbed her around the waist and swiftly lifted her up on the counter so he could be at eye level with her. Those dark orbs were smoky with a new look of desire that Hallie had never seen. To gaze into his handsome face made her so giddy that she involuntarily shivered when he finally broke the smoldering stare and continued to speak. The bobbing of his Adam's apple mesmerized her.

"They'll bicker for several more hours before Uncle Bill finally shuts up and lets Mr. Wheeler help us out"

He stood between her knees and cupped her face softly to bring her into another deep kiss. After a few more minutes of gentle oral exploration, he pulled away breathlessly.

"Mmm. Are you afraid I'll take advantage of the situation?"

His question made Hallie smile. Dan had never been physically aggressive with her, and she knew she had nothing to worry about.

"More like…I'm concerned for _your_ honor, sir," Hallie teased.

"Well, don't worry about that, dear lady. I'm sure the world could forgive me if I can't keep my hands to myself around such a breathtaking creature as you."

Hallie could see the flicker of his pulse quickening at his throat.

_He's really turned on,_ she thought in amazement.

It made her feel beautiful and special to know that she was the cause of it.

"But, too much excitement's not good for you, my love." She continued softly. "You are, after all, still dealing with a major illness, and…"

"And, I can't think of a better way to forget my troubles than to heat things up with you."

He stopped her from responding by engaging her in a stronger kiss, which began with his hands gripping her shoulders and ended with him pulling her hips forward so that they were meeting his own.

The sudden boldness of his actions shocked Hallie. This wasn't like him.

And, yet, she liked it.

_Let's see how far he'll go before he stops himself, _she silently decided_._

"And I thought you brought me here just to con me into cooking something for you." She said seductively, loving the blush that was creeping into his cheeks.

"Like I said, it's a nice distraction to heat things up with you."

"You bad boy, you," Hallie drawled.

The slow and gentle kissing that followed began to pick up in intensity the longer it continued; until, finally, at one point, Hallie was gasping for air and pawing Dan's chest to try and get him to stop long enough for her to breathe.

"I say we move this to the living room," she panted against his ear. She could feel him trembling and guessed he wasn't going to have the strength to go for more, but he surprised her by scooping her up off the counter and into his arms to carry her toward Regan's couch.

"I'm game, if you are."

Dan's voice was gentle and inviting, and even though she should have been panicked about letting things go too far, Hallie was too stimulated to stop what was happening.

She wanted it. She needed it. She needed for Dan to claim her and drown out her memories of Luke.

And, she could sense that he needed this, too.

After suffering so long and being so sick, he needed for something to feel good for a change.

Hallie wanted to be the one to make him feel good. To make him happy.

"So…I take it…you…don't want me to …cook for you…after all," she gasped under his burning kisses.

"Eh…it can wait," he panted.

All their inhibitions were suddenly lost as both of them fought for dominance. Kissing, touching, moving, and massaging each other; they were a frenzied jumble of lips and limbs writhing on the sofa. She was surprised and delighted that he wasn't putting a stop to it. And it excited her even more to think Dan might actually make love to her.

_Oh my gosh, I have to stop this,_ she thought weakly. _But, I don't want to!_

_What if we never get this chance again?_

Her sudden hunger to speed things up drove her to begin fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.

He seemed to be content in letting her strip him of it clumsily, as he made no move to help her, but he didn't stop her either. Now revealed to her, she noticed that his bare chest was pale from his illness, yet it was still muscular and sculpted enough to take her breath away. Hallie couldn't stop herself from running her hands all over it. She wished she knew what he was thinking.

"Oh Dan," she moaned, "Please say something."

"I'm almost afraid to," he grunted. "I'm afraid you'll stop."

She focused her eyes onto his to show him how serious she was.

"Not until you do," she stated firmly.

With that, he flipped her from where she had been on top of him and began shakily sliding her cardigan off her shoulders. It felt mind-numbingly slow to Hallie.

If she hadn't been practically pinned beneath him, she would have simply thrown off all her clothes to help him get it over with.

"Could you go any slower?" she teased.

"Perhaps," he smirked. His dark eyes twinkled with mischief.

"On second thought…don't even consider that. Just…keep going."

In her desperation to get her own flesh bare and in contact with his, she quickly reached between them and whipped off the sweater shell she had been wearing under her cardigan.

Dan's reactionary gasp was a mixture of pleasure and surprise.

_He really wasn't expecting to get this far,_ she thought; feeling satisfied that she'd unsettled him.

"Hallie…" he began.

"Shut up and keep kissing, Mangan," she hissed, roughly pulled his head down to hers.

He didn't fight it.

In fact, he let himself go completely as he plunged his tongue into her mouth and settled more and more of his weight on top of her, letting her feel exactly how much his lower body was enjoying this. With nothing between their chests but Hallie's thin, cotton camisole bra, each breath they breathed sent jolts of electrical shocks through them. She could hear his panting becoming more ragged. She could sense that he was coming to a point where a decision was going to have to be made.

"You…know…we can't do this," he whispered, pulling away to kiss a trail down the inside of her arm.

"Why not?" She let her hands slide around his trim middle to rest on the top of his jeans. He arched his back, leaned into her, and shuddered.

"Because…" his voice hitched.

"It's alright, Dan. I want to. And… it seems like your body is cooperating so far. If you think you can…I say go for it." She kissed him hard and pulled him closer by his belt loops.

"It wouldn't be right," he broke the kiss off with a primal growl.

"Why not?" She repeated with growing frustration, "Look, we both know you can't get me pregnant right now."

Suddenly, he grabbed her wrists to stop her from touching him, held her captive arms to meet at the elbows to form a sort of shield between her body and his, and turned his face to the side with a pained expression of tightly closed eyes.

_Oh no,_ she thought with self-loathing, _that hurt him. Why did I say it like that?_

"I…I mean…Oh, Dan…that's not what I meant…"

"It's okay," Dan choked out, "I know what you meant."

He didn't open his eyes nor did he release her, and Hallie was suddenly scared that he was becoming ill.

"Danny? Danny, talk to me. Are you…okay?"

He swallowed hard and sat still for a moment.

Despite his efforts to fight it off, a single tear slid down his cheek.

"I love you so much, Hal. I want this more than you know, but…I…I can't. I …I won't!"

He quickly let go of her wrists, grabbed his shirt from the arm of the sofa, and jerked away to stagger to the other side of the room; running a shaky hand through his disheveled black hair as he went.

Hallie stayed completely still, her heart pounding. She watched him struggle to get control of his emotions.

_What just happened?_

She was confused.

With what sounded like an angry sigh, he turned his back to her and violently pushed his fists into his shirt sleeves. It seemed that he was too wound up to refasten the buttons, so he just let the fabric hang loosely on him while he lowered his head and stood with his hands on his hips.

"I…love you too much to…to leave you with this. Do you…understand?"

But, Hallie didn't.

When she didn't answer him, he stepped back to make a half turn toward her.

"Hallie?"

"I'm listening."

But, he wouldn't turn to face her.

And, he wouldn't raise his head.

He just stood there with his hands on his hips, back half turned against her, eyes staring down at the floor as if defeated by something.

It made Hallie feel like she'd done something horrible to him. She was too remorseful to do anything but breathe. A sick numbness was pervading her insides.

After what felt like an eternity, his posture rapidly took on a decisive stance, and he began to speak.

"Babe, I want to talk to you about something, and I don't want you to argue with me, okay? I mean…don't say anything…just listen. Understand?"

He turned and locked eyes with her as she forced herself to nod mutely.

_Oh God, what is this?_ She panicked.

He crossed over to her, scooped up the pieces of her discarded sweater set, and handed them to her as he knelt down in front of her.

"Wait! Before you start, you…you _can_ sit down, you know," Hallie forced a laugh as she slipped her top back on and began to move her legs to make room for him on the sofa.

But, he didn't stir from where he knelt.

When she finally stopped squirming, he took both her hands in his and held them on top of her knees.

_I know this can't be a marriage proposal! What is he doing? _ Her thoughts raced.

"I won't be here when you come back for Easter," he said calmly.

And Hallie suddenly felt as if she were falling.

_No!_ Her mind screamed. _No! No! No! No!_

"Hallie, things are happening pretty fast, now, and…and I know it will all be over soon."

"Danny, no…" she bit back hysteria as he placed a finger to his lips to silence her.

"You promised. Just listen." He let the tears she refused to shed slip from his eyes unstopped.

"I love you, and I don't want you to regret a thing about our relationship when you marry someone else. As hard as it is to accept, I know you aren't mine to have and to hold, and someday…you'll be glad we didn't do this."

Hallie was violently shaking inside. She didn't want to hear this.

_God, please let this be a dream!_

Dan leaned forward and pressed his lips to the tops of her hands, resting his head momentarily in her lap before drawing enough strength to continue on with what he wanted to tell her.

He pulled back, gave a hard sniff, and looked up at the ceiling.

"The surgery didn't help, and…I knew it wouldn't. But…I…had to give Uncle Bill some hope and some sort of…peace that…that everything that could have been done to save me…had been done."

He looked at her with a warm smile of love and squeezed her hands in his.

"And I want you to have that peace, too. I do. About everything that concerns me. I want you to regret nothing. I want you to get married and have children…and go on with your life."

With a sadness in his voice that told Hallie he had his own regrets, Dan continued on.

"I need for you to promise me something. It's all I ask. And you know, I haven't asked for anything. I haven't bargained for more time…haven't asked for last minute miracles…"

_Oh, but I have,_ Hallie lamented silently to herself.

"Listen, that Cryobank account…it um…it will be under Uncle Bill's control after I'm gone. And, unless he has the samples destroyed, they could become accessible to complete strangers in the…um…public access gene pool, so to speak…"

He gave a sad laugh and smiled sideways up at her.

"Since I can't have babies with you, I don't want them with anybody else," he let the end of his words fade off in a pained whisper that tore her heart to pieces.

She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him to her. Trembling, she clutched him desperately in an attempt to make the horrible truth of his words go away.

She wanted to scream out _No!_ She wanted to beg him not to leave her.

Then, in her terrified state, she began to imagine that she could bring him back with her to Idaho and drive him to Vegas where they could get married and spend every single moment of his last days together as husband and wife.

_It could work!_ She tried to fool herself.

But, she knew it was all in vain.

So, she didn't even bother to voice her crazy idea.

After all, he said he didn't want to hear her argue with him, and he was now waiting for her to say something that would settle his mind. To give him the one bit of comfort he'd asked of anyone since he found out he had cancer.

He wanted her to promise that she'd convince his uncle to destroy the sperm samples he'd submitted when he thought he would live.

"Promise me, you'll make sure he doesn't forget to…to handle this for me. Please," Dan begged.

And, Hallie, not even stopping to consider that she might one day want to use the samples herself, did the only thing she could do to ease his suffering at that moment.

She looked into his deep brown eyes and said,

"I promise."


	27. Love finds you when you're lost

The silence between Mart and Hallie as they stared at their hands intertwined on the table felt oddly peaceful, despite the fact that they were simultaneously recalling bitter-sweet memories of the past.

Hallie pursed her lips together and tilted her head quizzically at her cousin while he gently squeezed her hands in his.

"Um…did you hear me, Mart?" She asked quietly.

"What? Oh…of course," Mart quickly started. "Yes, I remember that day at the cemetery."

"I…I said…I'd lied to you…"

Mart leaned forward to lock his blue eyes onto her dark ones and let her know that he was very serious about what he wanted to say.

"Look, Princess, I knew even then that you weren't over everything that was brewing in your heart, so relax, okay? No matter how illogical or irrational, I must admit that you are entitled to your guilty feelings. And, it's really no big deal that you lied to me, because you can bet I lied many times back then when people asked me if I was okay. Come on, Hal. Forgive yourself and move on. You've been through a lot, but, I also happen to know that Dan wouldn't want you beating yourself up about the past."

Hallie's eyes flew back to her son Daniel, causing Mart to smile and lean over to kiss her gently on the forehead.

"His accident had nothing to do with your broken promise to Dan, Hallie."

She pulled back in shock and stared at him as if seeing him for the first time in her life; he knew he was finally getting to the heart of her internal struggle.

"Nor did you have that miscarriage all those years ago because of it, either."

"But, I did something even worse than that, Mart. You…you just don't know."

Mart thought back to everything she had said that cold spring day so that he could form the right question.

"Okay, so, what did you do, then? You said you'd lied to God. Isn't that what you said that day? You obviously think God is punishing you. Am I right? So, tell me. What did you say that was so horrible that not even God could forgive you?"

But, Hallie surprised him by seemingly taking the conversation in a completely different direction.

"Did you know that they recently tore down that abandoned house on Old Telegraph Road?"

"Uh…that's hardly relevant to what we're discussing, isn't it? I mean…"

"It had an old well on the property that wasn't covered over with a well house or anything," Hallie continued. "I think it just had a wooden box of sorts covering it, so people would know where it was and not fall in."

"Okay…"

"That was where they were going to put him." Her voice quivered.

"Where, what, who…huh?"

Mart tried to make light of the situation, but Hallie wouldn't be tempted.

"That was where…Luke…and his gang…had planned to put Dan."

Mart felt his blood grow cold at the mention of Dan's old gang, The Cowhands.

"They were going to kill him, Mart. I heard them planning it, and they…they weren't just saying it to scare us. Dan was out cold from a beating, and I… pretended I couldn't hear them."

"Hallie, what are you talking about?"

"When Dan and I were kidnapped! Look, I'm not proud of what I did. But, it saved his life. And, I…I tried to keep my promise to God. I really did, but Dan wouldn't take no for an answer."

Mart could see the pleading look in his cousin's eyes, and he wondered if her own husband knew anything about what she was confessing to him now.

"Please, slow down. I don't understand what you're saying. What did you do to save Dan?"

"No, that's not important. I don't want to talk about what I did. I…I think I've made my peace about that. It's my broken promise to God that killed Dan…"

"What? Hallie, don't be ridiculous. God did not kill Dan to get back at you for some promise you didn't keep."

"You make it sound so stupid, but…but it's true…"

"It sounds stupid because it is stupid," Mart frowned. "Please, for heaven's sake, explain this illogical claptrap that you have sold yourself."

"When we were there, tied up at the Glen Road Inn, I begged God to save Dan, and I promised Him I wouldn't go out with Dan if He did it. But, I…I couldn't help myself. You know I turned him down several times before we actually started going out, but it didn't work. I tried to stop it, but…we…fell in love, and…"

"Oh, good grief! You're kidding me, right? Hallie, are you hearing yourself?"

"I was desperate to save him…you have no idea…"

"But, I do know this is unnecessary torture you have put yourself through all these years!" Mart was angry, now. "Listen to me, when you met him, Dan was most likely already sick with the cancer that killed him. Do you understand? You had nothing to do with it."

"But…there's more."

"No! I don't want to hear it. It's ludicrous!"

"But I…I…let…Luke…"

"Hallie, stop it!" Mart had been whisper-yelling each outburst to avoid attracting attention from other members of their family, but his increasing volume was now causing others to turn and stare at the couple seated at the back of the Ten Acres dining hall.

He gave them all a look that said, "Do not disturb" and went back to setting Hallie straight.

"You're crazy, you know that? Absolutely nuts. I can't believe you've let yourself obsess over this nonsense for so long. Does Regan know how you feel?"

Hallie gave a soft laugh.

"We're too much alike for any secrets. As crazy as it is, we both feel guilty. I guess…maybe for different reasons, but…it seems normal for us. You know, it's how we've dealt with it, somehow."

"To blame yourselves for something you had no control over? That's not normal, Hallie."

"I know," she whispered sadly.

She glanced at Daniel again, and this time her son smiled back at her with a sympathetic nod. Hallie sniffed and looked up at Mart.

"I guess, Daniel is really too much like me, also," she said with a hint of regret.

Mart knew the thing that Hallie was most upset about was about to be revealed, so he leaned in closer to hear it better.

"In what way?"

"I think he's made…his own desperate bargain...with God." Hallie choked out.

And, suddenly, everything made sense to Mart.

He dropped her hands and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Oh, no you don't. You're not going to cause Daniel to live his life with crippling guilt the way you have."

He shook his head at her.

"This is about him wanting to go into the ministry, isn't it? Is that what's got you so freaked out?

You think it was some sort of desperate deal he made when he was stuck in that trap, don't you? Well, you're wrong! I know, because I was there to pull him out of it. I saw the look on his face, and it's not what you think. The terror was over by that time, and there was nothing but peace. Listen to me, he didn't make that decision lightly, either. Your bargain may have been a split second decision made out of fear, but I can promise you his wasn't. Giving himself to God wasn't the easy way out of his situation. All he had to do was go to sleep. But he didn't. He fought hard to live, and you can believe that he'll keep his promise. I know he will. Because, that's who he is."

Mart could tell he had her attention, because Hallie was sitting stock still and slowly nodding in affirmation whenever he took pause.

"He's like Dan in his faith, Hallie. He'll be just fine. You'll see."

Mart let his voice drop down to nearly a whisper.

"You should take a lesson from him once and a while."

"I…I think you must… be right," Hallie stammered quietly.

"Well, I won't let it go to my head," Mart slightly teased.

Yet, just at that moment when it seemed that Hallie had finally settled her guilt, Mart could tell that her eyes still harbored doubt.

"But…but he's too young to really understand what he's saying. I mean, could someone his age even really know for sure if he's been called by God to…"

"Like I said before, you weren't there," Mart interrupted firmly.

"Yeah, but…"

"And you weren't there when Dan made his decision to give his life to God, either."

Mart could tell by Hallie's sudden reaction that Dan had never told her about that day. She looked up at him questioningly, and he knew he had to explain. Perhaps, if she knew Dan's faults, she could find a way to forgive herself for her own.

"He almost killed himself once…out by the bluffs. Did he ever tell you about that?" Mart asked gently.

Hallie just stared at him.

"I thought not. It wasn't very long after he first came to Sleepyside. I happened upon him just after he'd stopped himself from jumping, and I found him on his knees in prayer. It was how we first came to be friends. It was when he first realized that he was worth saving."

"Because you cared enough to listen?"

"No, because God loved him enough to save him. I was just lucky enough to show up in time to learn something from his revelation. I learned that we all get an opportunity for a second chance…if we'll only take it."

Hallie let her tears escape and roll down her cheeks silently as she closed her eyes and nodded.

"So, I shouldn't worry about how Daniel chooses to use his second chance, then, is that it?" She whispered.

"Something like that."

Hallie gave a small laugh through her tears.

"Thank you, Mart."

He pulled her to him and hugged her again, resting his chin on top of her head.

"No sweat, Indian Princess. Silly Martin heap glad to help. You cry no more."

The choppy nature of his war chief impression caused Hallie's head to bob underneath his own, and the two suddenly burst into laughter.

It felt good.

And then Mart thought about what Hallie had said to him that day at the cemetery after she had prayed.

"So, do you still feel lost?" He asked her.

"No. Love has a funny way of finding you and bringing you home."

"Mmm. I agree." He pulled away and noticed that everyone else had forgotten about them. They were all rushing about preparing for the Thanksgiving feast and no longer paying them any attention.

Feeling confident that no one was listening, he decided to ask another question that had been bothering him for many years.

"Hal, not to change the subject, but…why exactly did you and Regan ask my opinion when you were thinking about having Daniel?"

"Because we knew you were the first person Dan would have gone to if he had been the one thinking about it."

Mart shook his head and reached up to finger the cross he wore around his neck; Dan's cross, which he had given to Mart the day he died.

"Not the first," he whispered with a smile and a wink.

And, he could tell by the genuine sense of peace that flashed across her face as she sighed that Hallie not only agreed with him but was glad of that truth. Dan had trusted God above all else.

It was her turn to do the same.

"Seriously, Hallie, if you trusted me enough back then to give you an answer that Dan would have agreed with, then you must trust my judgment now and listen to me. I know, despite your guilt, you don't regret having Daniel, and all this nonsense about God being angry with you is just a delayed manifestation of your grief. It's time you get past that stage of the process and let it go. Dan wouldn't want you to feel this way, and God certainly doesn't want you to feel this way, either. Do you believe me?"

The smile that broke out across Hallie's face was genuine.

"Yes," she said, giving his hand a squeeze. "I do."

"Good." He laughed sarcastically. "You are, of course, the only person in the world who does, but hey, who's counting?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Mart could see his sister Trixie now coming slowly toward them with a knowing smile on her face.

_Perfect timing, Trix,_ he thought with relief. _I'll tag out and you can finish carrying her home._

"What brings you hither, my dear sibling?" He asked as he whirled around to face her.

"I'd like to borrow my cousin for a moment, if I may. You seem to have monopolized quite enough of her time, brother dear." Trixie gave her blonde curls a quick shake as she nodded toward the door of the dining hall.

"There's something I'd like to show you, Hallie, if you don't mind going with me to my office."

"Oooh! You're going to the Assistant Principal's office! What did you do, now, you bad girl?"

Mart gave Hallie's arm a playful shove as she stood up and smirked back at him.

"Shut up," she teased, "I already confessed my dark sins, remember? And you just told me they were all stupid."

"Well, because they are," he laughed. "But, we love you anyway."

"And I love you, too," she sighed. She bent down to squeeze his shoulder and kiss the top of his head as she walked by.

"Thanks, Mart," she repeated.

"You're welcome, Mrs. Regan."

Hallie and Trixie had barely stepped away before Mart called out to tease Hallie one last time.

"Oh, and Trix?" He said, holding up the unfolded napkins Hallie had tossed at him. "Go easy on her. This is her first napkin violation."

_Want to know what Trixie has to show Hallie? I'll give you a hint: it belonged to Dan. Stay tuned…_

_Plus, I'll get back to that scene between Hallie and Regan at Maypenny's cabin, and someone gets confused about some seemingly scandalous news._


	28. To find the answers, look up

Present Day: Trixie's POV

"So, what exactly _is_ the punishment for throwing elegantly folded napkins at a formal Thanksgiving gathering?" Hallie Regan asked jokingly as she followed her cousin Trixie Frayne across the courtyard of Ten Acres Academy.

"Well, I guess it would be a little too severe to make you clean the kitchen all by yourself…" Trixie started.

"Look, just don't make me sit by Aunt Alicia and watch her gum her food, okay? I think that's more than I can take today."

Trixie snapped her fingers in mock disappointment.

"Oh, darn! That is exactly what I had in mind, too." She let out a dramatic sigh and held the door of the administrative wing open for Hallie to pass through. "I guess I'll just have to let you off with a warning this time, since you are still recovering from your little _episode_ and all."

The shorter, blonde woman made a big production of holding up quotations and raising her high brows as she pronounced the word "episode," and it made both of them laugh a little.

"Oh, is that what everyone is calling it? Gee, thanks, Trix. The way you say it makes it sound like I overdosed myself. I don't even take an aspirin if I have a headache, and you know that. How humiliating!"

Trixie smiled as she led Hallie down the corridor to her office and unlocked the classic wooden door with the frosted window reading Headmistress/Assistant Principal.

"Hey, relax, Hallie. No one is actually calling it that. I was just teasing you. We all know it was the paramedics' fault you got sick."

"Yeah, but somehow Will still feels responsible. You know, that kid blames himself for the craziest things. He…"

Hallie suddenly stopped short the minute she stepped inside Trixie's office; a look of understanding dawned across her face.

"What's the matter?" Trixie asked with a grin. "Does he sound like someone else you know?"

Hallie just stood there with a look of shock and humility, and Trixie could tell that she was beginning to understand how unnecessary her own feelings of guilt really were.

It made Trixie reach out and pull her cousin close in a warm embrace.

"I'm sorry I eavesdropped on your conversation with Mart, but I was really worried about you. He was right when he said you shouldn't blame yourself, Hallie. Just like Will shouldn't blame himself for what happened to you."

Trixie could feel Hallie relaxing against her, so she squeezed her a little more tightly and briskly rubbed her back a few times before releasing her.

"You're right," Hallie said, pulling away with a sniff. "I…I guess I never realized how much these dumb ideas were affecting my children. It ends today. It has to. I…I have to let some things go."

"And I think I know something that will inspire you." Trixie said softly.

She walked to a door marked "Supply Closet" and pulled it open. After turning on the light and stepping aside so Hallie could see in, Trixie could hear her cousin's sharp intake of breath.

"I…I forgot you had that," Hallie whispered.

She stared at the object hanging in a large shadow box frame on the back wall of the walk-in supply closet.

It was a leather jacket.

A black leather jacket.

And it had belonged to Dan Mangan.

"I recently had it framed and put in here so that I would remember Dan every time I have to discipline a child in our school." Trixie said. "I look at it and think about the way everyone misjudged him because of this jacket. How some people just couldn't see what was underneath it. At one point, even me. I don't want to be that way with these kids. I want to be fair and take the time to see through all their survival techniques. To get beyond each façade before I determine how they should be punished. I would never want to make a kid feel as discouraged as Dan did when he first came here."

"He would have liked that," Hallie breathed.

She stepped forward and lightly touched the glass as if she were afraid it was going to crumble under her fingers.

"When he gave it to me, Dan had said he wanted me to have it because I was the one who started the whole process that led to him switching it for a Bobwhite jacket," Trixie continued. "Well, I don't know if I totally agree, but…"

"Oh, Trixie, you know it's true." Hallie interrupted. "If you hadn't begged him to help you get Bobby out of that hole, he would have gone back to New York City with Luke."

Trixie saw Hallie shudder as she said the old gang leader's name. And, she knew why, too.

"But, he didn't go back." Trixie said, wanting to avoid dwelling on that subject. "And he didn't look back, either. He let go of his past and kept working toward a brighter future. And, I think he would have wanted us all to do the same."

Hallie walked out of the closet and slowly sat down on the loveseat in Trixie's stylishly decorated office.

"Funny," she said sadly, "but…I…I always thought that was what I was doing. I learned to love again, I'm not afraid of death anymore, and I have three beautiful children. Honestly, Trixie, I'm not looking back. I'm very happy with Bill. I just don't understand why I've carried all this guilt for so long. Now that I think about it, it…it really doesn't make any sense."

"Grief never does. It's a pretty illogical process."

"Did you…ever…have guilt?"

Trixie closed the closet door behind her and crossed to sit down beside the dark haired woman on the couch.

"All the time. I felt guilty when I got married, because I knew Dan would never get to marry you. I felt guilty when I found out I was pregnant with Katie, because I didn't think he'd ever get to be a father. I felt guilty for being angry with you when you first starting going out with Regan, and then I felt guilty at your wedding because I wasn't even the least bit sad."

"You know, I don't think anyone was sad that day," Hallie smiled.

"Not a one. And I think the whole town showed up and cheered when Daniel was born." Trixie couldn't help but beam at the thought of that glorious day. "I truly don't know how you kept the secret from him for so long when so many people already knew Dan was his father."

Hallie sighed.

"It wasn't easy; that's for sure. And it sure does feel good to finally have it out in the open. He's handled it so well."

"Because he's strong. Like Dan." Trixie reached over and patted her cousin on the hand. "And he knows where to look when he needs an answer; so, don't worry about him anymore, okay? God's got it figured out. He'll take good care of him."

Hallie nodded in agreement and squeezed Trixie's hand.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Trixie rose from her seat and waved the air dismissively. "What was that you used to say? 'I don't hug or do that mushy stuff?' Let's drop the sad talk and get back to the party, okay? I think I hear a pecan pie calling me."

The taller woman laughed, as she too stood up and walked toward the door.

"I guess I _have_ gotten a little bit mushy in my old age," Hallie conceded.

"And stubborn. No, wait…you were always stubborn." Trixie teased.

"I take after my cousin," Hallie shot back.

"Oooh, just for that, I think I _will _seat you next to Aunt Alicia."

"No! Not that! Anything but that!"

The two women were giggling and walking back across the courtyard with linked arms when they first spotted the angry Bill Regan storming red faced out of the dining hall in front of them.

"Dad! Wait!" Daniel Mangan Regan cried out as he also emerged from the door.

The handsome teen was trying to catch up to the red haired giant, but his limp made it too difficult for him.

"Dad! Please, stop! Talk to me!"

"No!" Regan shouted, whirling around angrily. "If you think you're grown up enough to be a dad, then you certainly don't need any more advice from me."

Trixie watched in shock as Regan stomped over to where she and Hallie were standing. She was trying desperately to understand what was happening.

With clenched teeth, Regan muttered to his wife.

"I'm going for a walk to clear my head. Just whistle when it's time for dinner."

He shifted from foot to foot as if he wasn't sure he wanted to say more, but he seemed to have a need to explain something.

"Ashley's pregnant," he grunted.

And he stalked off leaving Trixie, Hallie, and even Daniel staring after him in shocked disbelief.


	29. Like a second, second chance

"I knew I'd find you here," Hallie Regan said softly to her husband.

Bill was sitting on the stump of an old willow tree, which had been hollowed out and carved to look like a sort of stool. Although the tree that was once there had long since died and fallen down, the remaining stump served as a reminder of something very special. This was the spot where Bill and Hallie had shared their first kiss.

Hallie smiled down at the man she loved and tried not to laugh at the silly way his large frame was folded in such an awkward position. It appeared as if he were a giant sitting on doll furniture.

"That can't be comfortable," she smirked.

"It's not."

"Then, get up and let's go back to the party."

"I don't think that's a good idea right now," Bill sighed and gave his wife a sheepish look. "Daniel's probably really mad at me, huh?"

"Oh, I think he'll get over it," Hallie said gently. She leaned against a fallen log resting at an angle against the tree to his right and crossed her arms lazily. "When I left him to find you, he had calmed down and was actually sort of laughing at how ridiculous this whole thing is. Honestly, dear, think about it. You know, it couldn't possibly be true, right?"

"Well, I've …sort of…realized that…since I've been sitting here…"

"I mean, why would you even think such a thing in the first place? Hello…Ashley's had enough chemo in her lifetime to kill a horse. Even if they were careless enough to be sexually active, which I completely trust they aren't, I don't think pregnancy is something we have to worry about with her."

Bill closed his eyes and shook his head in embarrassment.

"Look, I…okay I…I've figured that out now, but…well…you know…this is actually Nick's fault. He's the one who came over to me and said…"

"Nick?" Hallie interrupted. "Oh boy, this ought to be good." She couldn't help but chuckle inwardly at the thought of Brian Belden's youngest son who always seemed to stir up trouble by accident.

"It's true," Bill continued. "He went over to sit with Daniel and Ashley at their table and was listening to them talk about someone being pregnant and so…for some reason, he must have thought it was Ashley."

"Well, it's not." Hallie threw her hands up in frustration. "Don't you remember Will telling us about Isabella the other day when he came home for dinner? Isabella's pregnant, Bill. Not Ashley. Isabella!"

The two of them stared at each other for a tense moment and then suddenly burst out with riotous laughter. As awkward as the scene between Bill and Daniel had been, the preposterous nature of Bill's hasty conclusion was now hilarious to them. The more they tried not to laugh, the more they continued to giggle.

"I…I don't...suppose…Ashley will ever…want to come to…another family…dinner party with us, now…" Regan sputtered through his crazy laughter.

"Not without battle armor," Hallie sighed. She wiped away the tears that had escaped through her lids as she had been laughing and offered her hand to her husband who was now struggling to stand up. "Good grief, Bill. We sure know how to ruin a good time, don't we?"

"How's that?"

Now fully upright in front of her, he stood with his hands on his hips and tilted his head in mock innocence.

"Oh, you know. The way we let our emotions get the best of us."

"Hmmm. Maybe that's true." Bill said with a slow smile. "But, I guess it wouldn't be a real family gathering if one of us didn't get mad or shout at someone or…"

"…or pass out," Hallie finished for him.

They both gave another chuckle.

"No, let's don't make that last one a traditional thing, okay?" Regan let his smile die away as he slid his arms around her waist and pulled her to him. His expression suddenly got serious again. "You really scared me at the hospital, Hallie. I don't think I've ever been so terrified in my whole life."

"No sweat. I'm fine now."

"Well…you've always been fine..." he let his words drift off suggestively.

After staring at her for a few minutes and letting her shake her head at him, Bill bent to claim her lips in a gentle kiss. Hallie was pleasantly surprised at his actions despite her earlier frustration with his gross misunderstanding; she felt a little disappointed when he abruptly stopped and pulled back to look down at her with another serious stare.

"I guess Daniel's waiting for me to come and apologize, huh?" he asked pointedly.

"Probably not. I told him I'd explain things to you and calm you down. I'm sure he knows it could take some time."

"Oh, really? Because I'm just so unreasonable and all, right?"

"Something like that." Hallie raised her eyebrows in a teasing manner.

"I see how it is."

The loving couple drew closer to one another for another slow kiss. For Hallie, it was the perfect remedy for all the discomfort she had been feeling inside since she unloaded years worth of pent up guilt on her cousins. She had needed her husband's touch to make her catharsis complete. By the way he was anticipating her needs and responding accordingly, Hallie guessed he could feel her emotional release.

"You needed that, huh?" He whispered in her ear when he finally broke the kiss.

"So much."

"Yeah? And, does this have anything to do with you going off with Trixie earlier?"

He continued to kiss her, trailing down her face and neck, which made it difficult for Hallie to get out an answer to his question.

"I…uh…I...what?"

Regan gave a husky laugh and looked at her with a grin.

"She showed you the jacket, didn't she?"

"You knew she still had it?" Hallie couldn't help but feel a little betrayed.

"Who do you think made the frame for her?"

He gently lifted one finger under her chin to close her gaping mouth.

"Don't be upset. I told Trixie to wait until you were ready before she showed it to you again." He kissed her forehead. "Were you ready?"

Hallie remembered why this man had captured her heart so completely. He knew her as he knew himself. They were truly one.

"Yes. And, I think I'm not the only one who needs to let go of a little guilt."

Regan gave another sheepish grin and pulled her to him in a warm embrace.

"I think I already did. When you were lying in that hospital."

"Oh no. Not you, too," Hallie whined.

"No, don't panic. I didn't make any bargains with God or anything crazy like that."

Again, Hallie let her jaw slack in disbelief.

"You keep doing that and a fly is gonna get in," Bill teased.

"Were you listening to my conversation with Mart?"

"Didn't have to. We've talked about this before, you know."

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts, darling," he said with a smile. "And no more bargains, either. You know, what did it for me was seeing our son beat himself up over what happened to you when he had nothing to do with it. In fact, if what Di said is true, Will saved your life by catching you before your head hit the floor. He was a hero, but all he could do was blame himself. He sounded just like me. And, not just in my guilt about Dan, either. Sure, I've never gotten over not being there with him when he passed, but do you have any idea how many times I've kicked myself for taking Daniel's cell phone away from him the day before his accident? I know he wouldn't have had enough cell coverage in the preserve to have dialed for help, but for some reason I kept thinking it was my fault that he lay out here for three hours. It's crazy, Hal. And, I see it now." His arms tightened around her in a gentle squeeze, and he kissed the top of her head. "I'm just glad we're both seeing how stupid we've been, holding in all this guilt for so long."

"It feels good to just…let it go…doesn't it?" Hallie felt as if she were melting into Bill's strong chest as she relaxed against him. A weight had been lifted from them both.

"God, yes," he sighed. "Like a second, second chance."

Hallie couldn't help but smile as his words brought to mind another time when she wanted nothing more than to be lost in his embrace. When their love for each other had just been discovered, and their personal insecurities were first surfacing.

_I know it was a long time ago,_ she thought to herself, _but it seems like only yesterday…_


	30. I won't make the same mistake

Flashback: Hallie's POV

Despite the muggy warmth of the air outside, Mr. Maypenny's cabin felt cold to the rain-soaked couple that had just entered it. They quickly set about building a fire in the fireplace and putting a pot of coffee on to brew.

"I'm sure Mr. Maypenny won't mind," Bill Regan assured his young companion in the kitchen. "He'll probably want a cup for himself, when he gets back."

"I thought you didn't like coffee," Hallie Belden suddenly stated as she pulled down a few mugs from the cupboard.

The red haired man blushed at being caught in his chivalry.

"Well, I…I drink it…"

"But, you don't really like it," Hallie finished for him. She felt good knowing that Bill would drink something he didn't like just to help her feel comfortable.

"It's not my favorite. But, hey, it's warm."

Hallie smiled to herself at his basic logic. Truly, his simplicity was one of the things that had made him so endearing to her lately. She appreciated the way he didn't analyze the world too much. And, she found it refreshing that he focused on the functional purpose for things, rather than obsess about superficial appearances. Hallie preferred functional over flashy any day.

"So, um…where is he, anyway?" She asked, suddenly feeling nervous about her new feelings for Bill. "I mean, Mr. Maypenny, of course."

"Believe it or not, he's out shopping. You remember his nephew, David, right? Well, his birthday is coming up, and Mr. M. wanted to send him something special. I'm sure he'll get tired of the whole process soon enough and be back. He really hates going to town."

Hallie wasn't sure she wanted Mr. Maypenny to show up anytime soon. She wanted to have time to tell Bill what she'd tried to tell him earlier that night. Before she got angry and stormed off alone. Before she'd foolishly gone into a fault trench in the dark and twisted her foot. Before Bill had ridden out to rescue her like a knight on horseback and swept her off her feet.

"Come on," Regan broke through her thoughts. "Let's go call your aunt and uncle and let 'em know you're alright."

After Hallie casually explained the situation to her family and secretly prayed that the stormy rain would continue long enough for her to have an excuse to talk alone with Bill, the coffee was ready in the kitchen. The two young people wasted no time in settling down by the fire with their mugs.

"Thank you for coming for me," Hallie said softly.

"You're welcome," Regan smiled.

"I…I'm sorry I got so mad at you."

"I guess I'm pretty thick sometimes, because…honestly, I…I'm not sure why you got so worked up. Care to explain?"

It was Hallie's turn to blush.

"Um…which time?" She asked sheepishly.

"Well, let's start with the first time you got mad at me tonight. Out by my apartment steps."

His handsome grin had her feeling all mixed up, and what she wanted to explain to him was too important to misspeak, so she avoided his gaze for a moment in order to calm her nerves that she might say what she wanted to say.

"Okay. As you may recall, you were about to brush me off and tell me that we couldn't be together. But, I was trying to tell you something very important."

"About you and Dan, right?" Regan sobered as he seemed to remember what she'd said about her physical encounters with his deceased nephew. "You said the two of you almost went too far once."

Hallie nodded. She didn't want to go into that, right now. But, she was glad she had told him about it.

_Now to tell him the really bad stuff,_ Hallie thought miserably.

"Hallie," he broke into her thoughts. "I…I wasn't trying to brush you off, you know, it's just that…"

"I know," Hallie interrupted, "I get it. You don't want to get fired. I realized that when I was storming off in the woods. But, it had almost seemed like…I don't know…like you didn't even want to give us a chance. Like I wasn't worth the fight because I was telling you some stuff that made me look a little…um…like…um…like a floozy."

"Oh come on, Hallie. What are you talking about? You? A floozy?"

He put his mug down and moved closer to her.

"So, you almost went too far once. That's okay. It doesn't make you trash, and it doesn't make me see you any differently." He suddenly shifted in his place and Hallie could tell he was getting nervous, now. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you this but…um…I'm kind of not pure and perfect myself."

His revelation actually did make Hallie feel somewhat better.

"Who was the girl?" she asked shyly. "Joan?"

"Well…honestly…"

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I do want to. I want to tell you everything about me." He blushed and looked down at his big hands, which were hanging off the edges of his knees. "It happened when I was a teenager. One of the guys I grew up with in the orphanage kind of…set me up with her. It was one of those blind dates…um…sure things."

_Wow!_ Hallie thought. _I didn't know Regan even knew what a "sure thing" was._

She felt her own face growing flushed at the thought of what he might have looked like as a teenager. She imagined him as a broader, red-haired version of Dan. Her curiosity was peaked. Before she could stop herself, Hallie asked about his intimate encounter.

"Was it…good?"

"Hallie Belden!" Regan's eyes widened in shock.

She couldn't help but laugh at his prudish response.

"I'm not a child. We can discuss this. That is…if you're not too embarrassed."

He obviously was embarrassed, but he just chuckled along with her and shook his head.

"Well…it was…um…kind of…okay. Alright, look. I'm a guy, and so yes…it was good. It could have been the worst experience in the world, but as a guy, it would still be good for me." He laughed again. "I can't believe we're talking about this."

"Why not? I mean, we _have_ kissed and all. I think it's something I should know about you. Did you ever see her again?"

In the firelight, Hallie could see the regret in his eyes.

"I tried to ask her out again, but…she didn't seem all that interested. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember her name. I'm pretty horrible, huh?"

"No. Not at all." Hallie moved closer to him and sipped her coffee. "I think you're something special."

They sat in silence for a minute, each contemplating what to say next.

"So…uh…why did you get mad at me on the way here? When you jumped down off the horse and nearly scared me to death," Bill questioned.

"I scared you?"

"Yeah, you scared me. I thought you were about to get trampled. It was a pretty crazy stunt you pulled. You realize that don't you?"

"Maybe not. I'm really not that good with a horse, remember?" She thought back to that moment in the forest, but she didn't remember him being frightened. "You seemed more mad than scared to me. Is all your huffing and puffing a cover up for your insecurities? You get mad whenever you get scared?"

Bill seemed taken aback.

"Wow," he said thoughtfully, "I…I never thought about it that way. I guess I always thought it was my Irish temper. But, maybe…maybe there's something to that."

His green eyes locked on to hers for a moment before he continued on in a smooth, deep voice that stirred up butterflies in Hallie's stomach.

"And maybe you, dear lady, do the same thing by changing the subject. You never answered my question. Why did you get mad at me on the way here?"

"Because I could tell you didn't want to be alone with me," Hallie said quietly.

She knew she had him figured out through and through, and it seemed to shake him up a little.

"Only in order to protect you, Hallie. You have to believe that. But, you thought it was because of what you told me about you and Dan, didn't you?" He asked gently.

_Hmm. He's got me pretty figured out, too, _she marveled.

"Partly because of that, and partly because…well…there's more. And, it's something I never even told Dan."

"Then, maybe you shouldn't tell me, either."

"No. I want to tell you. I don't want to make the same mistakes with you that I made with Dan. I want…a fresh start."

Hallie could see that Regan was waiting for her to continue, so she took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to tell him about what happened with Luke. She wondered what damage it could do now.

_He's already scared of what everyone else might think. This couldn't possibly make things any worse._

"Look," she started. "I did something that I…well…I'm not proud of. And, despite how horrible it was, I can't say I totally regret it. Because, see…it…um…it saved Dan's life. For the time, anyway. And…it sort of …bought me a little protection, too."

Suddenly, she felt sick. She hadn't eaten any dinner, and the hot coffee hitting her empty stomach didn't help the nausea that always accompanied her thoughts about Luke. As she fought off the disgusting feeling, Regan reached over and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Hallie, are you alright? You look really pale."

"I'm fine. Thank you. I…"

She looked up into his worried gaze and immediately wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms. He was so strong and safe. Maybe it wasn't the proper thing to do, but it was all she could think about.

And, he must have sensed it, too.

Before she could say another word, he quickly took the mug from her hands, placed it on the end table, and pulled her close.

"This must be pretty bad, huh?" He whispered against her ear. "You…um…you look very upset."

"Just hold me, please," Hallie murmured. She could feel herself trembling.

"Whatever it is, I'm here, okay? I won't…judge you. You can tell me." His voice was soothing and kind.

Without moving from his arms, she drew a ragged breath and blurted it out.

"I slept with Luke."

She felt him stiffen up as he held her, and she fought the urge to pull away from him.

_He's just shocked. That's all. He won't reject me. I know it. He said he wouldn't judge me. He's not mad, he's just shocked._

After a few moments of tense silence, Bill slowly pulled back to look down in her eyes, and Hallie was suddenly frightened of the stormy look he was giving her.

"You…you should have told him, you know. Dan would have wanted to know about this."

"I know. But, honestly…I just…I couldn't. I'm so sorry…I…"

Regan quickly hopped up and spun away from her to pace a little bit back toward the kitchen area.

"Please don't be mad at me," Hallie said timidly.

"Mad at you?" Bill spat out as he turned back toward her. "I'm not mad at _you. _I'm…I'm wishing I could get my hands on Luke…that little…no good…" He clenched his fists and brought them down hard against his thighs with an angry growl. Then, he quickly stalked back to where she was sitting in front of the hearth and knelt down in front of her.

"Oh my God, Hallie, please tell me you told the police about this when they found you guys in the Inn."

"No, I…I didn't. It wasn't…like that. It wasn't rape. I…I went with him…willingly."

"To save Dan. You said so yourself. Oh my God…why didn't you tell anybody? Hallie, he threatened to kill the two of you, so you allowed it…but that's still rape!"

"No. It…it didn't exactly happen that way." Hallie was feeling lower than ever.

"Then, tell me how it happened, okay? Because this…this isn't sounding so good…" Bill shot up and away from her again to resume his frustrated pacing. He was wringing his hands and shaking his head furiously.

Hallie could feel her body trembling more violently now. She crossed her arms around herself and tried not to rock back in forth like a pathetic, little child.

"They…they were planning to kill him, and I overheard them. It wasn't a joke, Regan. They were going to do it. They had already decided where to hide his body. Luke said Dan had betrayed them for the last time and he…he knew too much…they had to get rid of him. I panicked. I knew I had to do something, so I pulled Luke aside, and I bargained with him to save Dan. But, I wasn't even thinking about what the others were planning to do to me after they got rid of Dan. I swear it! I didn't do it to save myself! Please believe me. Luke was the one who promised me that none of the others would touch me. That part of the deal was his idea, not mine. I swear! I didn't do it to save myself."

Bill looked at her as if she'd ripped his heart out.

"Oh, Hallie, I know it wasn't your fault…that's not what I'm saying…it's just…" He fell down in front of her again and swiftly pulled her into his lap. "Oh my God, you've lived with this all these years. And you were just…just a kid! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He must have hurt you. He did, didn't he? Oh, Hallie you should have told someone."

She broke down against him, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest.

"No," she choked out. "That was part of the deal. I promised I wouldn't tell the cops."

"Oh, Hallie," he groaned mournfully.

She could feel him shuddering a little as if he were crying, too, and it made her feel even more guilty.

"It's okay," she managed after a while, "I'm the one who chose to go through with it… to save Dan. Sure, it was…somewhat…horrible, and I still have nightmares sometimes, but… it gave me more time with Dan, so I…I can't completely regret it. Just…just don't hate me for it, okay, Bill? I don't think I could stand that."

He held her at arm's length and she could see the tears in his emerald eyes.

"I could never hate you. I …I love you. Do you hear me? I love you." He kissed her roughly.

Hallie suddenly felt as if her heart would explode from the intensity of this passion that was now passing between them. She was so overwhelmed she could do nothing more than kiss him back until they were both emotionally drained and breathless.

"Listen," he suddenly pulled back and gave her shoulders a quick shake, "I don't think any less of you because of this. Got that? I…understand everything now. I know why you were angry with me earlier. But, I love you, and you are worth fighting for. I promise. I'll fight for us, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered.

He pulled her into his chest again and held her tightly. His touch and his words did a lot to settle her growing fears. They sat like that for a long time before Hallie finally pulled away and led them to the sofa where they could sit more comfortably.

"Am I the only one who knows about this?" Bill asked after a while.

"No. I told Trixie once. While Dan was still very sick. We agreed that it would have killed him if he found out, so she promised she wouldn't say anything. And, then, one time I…sort of …freaked out on Brian and had to…tell him a few details. But, he doesn't know the whole story."

"What do you mean, you freaked out on him?"

Hallie hung her head, fearing another breakdown. She fought it off and tried to choose the right words to say so that she wouldn't reveal how very terrified she'd actually been that night.

"It was late one night at Crabapple Farm, and I had been having a nightmare about…you know…what I did with Luke…and I had gone to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I was coming out into the hall at the same time Brian was trying to come in…when…"

"When he startled you and you freaked out on him?"

"Yeah. Something like that." Hallie gave a little laugh. "He bugged me for over an hour about my reaction. I gotta hand it to him, he wasn't going to leave me alone until I told him what was up."

"And what did you tell him?"

Hallie sighed. "He could tell someone had scared me…you know…in that way…and so, I had to make sure he understood it wasn't Dan. I just told him my first…lover…so to speak…who Dan knew but didn't know I'd been with…hadn't exactly been gentle with me. And I told him I was scared of Dan finding out. That was all I said. It wasn't a lie. I just didn't tell him… everything."

"Hmph! This could be bad," Regan said with a shake of his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on. Think about it. You told Brian you had a scary sexual experience with someone Dan knew. When he finds out about us being together now, what do you think he's naturally going to assume?"

"Oh, please," Hallie said with a laugh, "Brian never jumps to conclusions. That's Trixie's department."

"Still, I have a sinking suspicion that he'll think it was me."

"Well, we'll know when he finds out about us." Hallie tried to think positively.

"Yeah…about that," Bill said slowly. "How are we gonna do this? I mean, how do you plan to tell everyone about us? I would like to avoid being strung up by your family…if that's at all possible."

Hallie sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Well, I actually think my parents already expect this. I mean, they pretty much know how I feel about you."

"And, they're okay with that?" Bill seemed surprised.

"I think after seeing the depression I went through…you know, when Dan passed…they're happy anytime I just get out of bed in the morning. For me to fall in love again is…a bonus. They already know how much we support each other. Trust me. They'll be okay with it."

"But Trixie's folks won't be, will they? I'm almost ten years older than you are."

Again Hallie sighed.

"I think it will take some time for them to get used to the idea. At least, for Uncle Peter, anyway. Aunt Helen is an old softie. I don't think she'll freak out for too long. It's Trixie I worry about. She's definitely not going to like it."

She sat up and gave him a smile before continuing on.

"How about we only tell Aunt Helen and Uncle Peter for now? Let's let them get comfortable with it, and then we can tell the others."

"Okay, but I have to tell Matt, too. Mr. Wheeler is like family, and…well, he needs to know. In fact, I need to tell him tonight."

"Should I come with you when you talk to him?"

"No. I think I should do it alone. But, we should go together to talk to your aunt and uncle." Bill stood up and went to the window. "Looks like the rain has let up. We could go now and talk to them when I drop you off."

"Or…we could stay here a little bit longer and…talk some more," Hallie said with a wag of her eyebrows.

"And risk Mr. Maypenny walking in on us? Honestly, Hallie, I don't think he's someone who needs to know about us first. It might be too much for him, right now."

"That's true. His health has really gone down fast since we lost Dan." She suddenly felt the familiar pang of grief in her chest, and she knew from the look on his face that Bill was feeling it, too.

"I'll bet he's laughing at us, right now," Bill said, crossing the room to sit down beside her again.

"Yeah. And wondering why it took us so long to figure out that we're good together."

"We are, aren't we?" Bill put his arm around her and gave her temple a quick kiss. "We're two mixed up messes of grief and guilt, but we make a pretty good team."

Hallie laughed. "A mixed up messy team. Ah, don't worry. We'll be okay. Time solves everything. Besides, it's like we're getting a second chance. And, Dan, of all people, would have appreciated that."

Regan pulled her close. She could feel the steady rhythm of his heart beating in his chest and the vibration of his deep voice as he spoke over her head.

"God, yes," he agreed.


	31. Interlude: rocky start to new love pt1

Present Day: Daniel's POV

"Oooh! Looks like somebody's got a date for the Christmas formal," fourteen year old Nick Belden teased.

He pretended to kiss the back of his hand several times and made obnoxious faces at his cousin Laura who had just come over and joined the group of Bobwhites' offspring sitting at their usual lunch table.

"Cut it out, Nick," Daniel Regan admonished. "Laura wouldn't go out with that Brandon Claremont if he were the last jerk on earth."

"Well…actually…" Laura gave a grimace and bit her lip nervously.

"Oh my gosh, Laura! Are you crazy? That creep?" Fiona Regan cried out. "You heard how rude he was to Daniel about Ashley. Please tell me you aren't thinking about going to the dance with him!"

Daniel and the others turned to get a glimpse of the boy Laura had just been talking with on the other side of the cafeteria.

"Come on, guys. He's really not all that bad…and…he's gorgeous…and he's a senior…and…"

"And, if he gets fresh with you, I'll rearrange his face… …again!" Matt Belden growled.

Everyone laughed, except for Laura and Matt's younger sister Maddie. The shy girl quickly reached out her small hand and placed it on her brother's muscular forearm. "Matt, that's not funny. It's wrestling season, and you don't want to get cut from the team…"

"Oh, Maddie, I was just kidding," Matt said with a laugh. "Believe me, I learned my lesson the last time I hit him. If sitting out a football game wasn't bad enough, I had to listen to one of our dad's famous guilt trip speeches. No more fighting for me, okay. I promise."

Again, everyone laughed.

This time, even Laura joined in the fun. But, she still looked uncertain.

"So, would you all hate me if I said yes and went with Brandon to the dance?" She reached across Lydia, her twin sister, to tap Daniel on the arm. "Hmm? Daniel? What do you think?"

The black haired teen shrugged and looked down at the table solemnly. Surely, he didn't want to hurt his cousin's feelings, but he wasn't too keen on the idea of her going on a date with the same guy who had made fun of him and his sick girlfriend. Besides, Brandon had been Daniel's biggest rival in every team sport he'd ever played in since pee wee football.

Before he could think to answer Laura's question, the young people were interrupted by the sudden presence of a very shy young man by the name of Cason McCrimmon. He was the school's chess club champion, a most talented violinist, and Daniel suspected he had a secret crush on Maddie.

"Hi everybody," Cason said shyly. "How's it going?"

The group of teens murmured various greetings. Daniel noticed the blush creeping across Maddie's face.

"Um…Maddie, I was wondering if…uh…you could maybe stay after school today and…um…help me out with my calculus," Cason continued nervously.

"Actually, I…I can't," Maddie said with disappointment. "I have to take my cousin Emily to our grandmother's house this afternoon."

By the looks of the sad "Oh" forming on Cason's lips, Daniel surmised that the timid blonde had been planning to get Maddie alone so he could ask her to the Christmas formal. He decided to intervene on the young man's behalf.

"I could take Emily to Crabapple Farm," Daniel volunteered quickly. "I have Mom's old car today."

"But, you promised we could stay late so I could practice for the spring musical tryouts," his sister Fiona whined.

"I can come back and get you, Fi. Or, you could even walk. It's cold out, but it's not that far away you know."

"Why do you need Maddie to help you with calculus?" Nick suddenly asked Cason, his mouth full of French fries. "_You're_ the one who beat _her_ out for the school's math award last year."

Daniel gave Nick a glaring stare and tried to kick the younger boy's shin under the table, but he missed and hit Matt's leg instead.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Sorry," Daniel said sheepishly.

"It's…um…it's okay, you guys," Cason stammered. "No big deal if you can't stay, Maddie. I guess…I'll uh… catch you all later."

Matt seemed to finally understand where all of this had been going, and he quickly jumped up to stop his sister's caller from leaving.

"Hey, Dude, what's the rush? Sit down, and chill with us. Look, I got a solution. Maddie can stay and hang with you, Danny can take Emmie to Crabapple Farm, and I'll just take Fiona and Maddie home after my wrestling practice. No sweat."

Cason and Maddie exchanged shy smiles.

_She deserves to be happy,_ Daniel thought to himself. _This is a good match._

"But, I thought you said Coach Dees cancelled your practice today." Nick gave his older brother a confused stare.

This time, both Daniel and Matt kicked Nick under the table, and neither one missed.

"Hey!" Nick reached down and rubbed his aching shin.

Everyone giggled again as Lydia gave Maddie a special wink.

Daniel, who had long been praying for Maddie to break out of her social fears, silently thanked God for this little miracle.

_He's exactly what she's needed, _he thought with a satisfied smile. _All is right with the world._

Later, at Crabapple Farm:

"Hey, Daniel," Peter Belden greeted his great nephew, "could you give me a hand, here?"

The older man, clinging to a long strand of holiday lights in one hand and the top of a stepladder with the other, beckoned the approaching teen closer with a nod of his gray head.

"Sure, Uncle Peter," Daniel called. He quickly limped his way over, leaving his cousin Emily to wander into the farmhouse alone.

"I think your GrandMoms is in the kitchen baking cookies, Em," Peter called after the young girl. He turned back to Daniel. "Oh well, she'll follow the smell of sweet stuff."

"Pulling out all the lights again this year, huh?" Daniel asked, lifting handfuls of the lights up to the older man so he could clip them to the eaves of the weathered farmhouse.

"Oh, you know how it is. I wouldn't bother, if it weren't for you kids. But, you all seem to just love 'em so."

"I know Emmie really does."

"Here," Peter commanded, "Step up on the other side of the ladder, and let's finish this last section."

Fearing that his lame leg might cause him to lose his balance, Daniel hesitated for a moment.

_Should I remind him of my injury?_

He thought of his great uncle's recent hip replacement surgery, and he decided to give the task a try.

_Well, I guess if he can get up there and balance, then so can I._

It made Daniel feel good to be treated as if nothing was wrong with him. He had been getting tired of the way others seemed to assume his weak limb made him unfit for most tasks.

Taking great care, Daniel joined the older man on the ladder and continued to help him hang Christmas lights.

"I thought Maddie was walking Em over this afternoon," Peter said after a while. "How did you get roped into coming?"

"Well…I think…she um…had some math work to do at school."

"Oh, I see. How about you? Are you doing okay in your studies?"

"Yes, sir," Daniel replied politely. "I guess I have a lot more time to focus on school now that I can't play sports. Really, though, I've never made bad grades. I'm sure I could do better, but…I have all A's and B's."

"That's good," Peter said kindly.

The thought of pleasing the elder Mr. Belden made Daniel feel warm with pride. He had always looked up to him, feeling that he was more like a grandfather than a great uncle. Of course, he also found it difficult to think of Bill Regan as his great uncle, too. As far as he was concerned, Dan Mangan may be his father, but Bill would always be his dad.

After a while of working together in companionable silence, Peter continued on with the small talk.

"Did you and your dad get that big star hung up on top of your barn again this year?" He asked.

Daniel laughed.

"Oh, yes sir. But, it wasn't easy, I can tell you that. Will got this crazy idea that we should borrow old Mr. Rowinger's cherry picker and hang it that way. Of course, he stuck me up in the basket, and then he nearly took out the top half of the barn with it when he couldn't figure out how to move the boom. To make a long story short, Will owes Dad a new weather vane."

More laughter erupted from them both as they stepped down to admire the last of their work.

"Yeah, that Will is a hard worker, alright. Matthew Wheeler says he's even better as a groom than Bill was when we first started." Peter stepped back and put his hands on his hips. "Ah! Look there! We're pretty good workers, ourselves. Those lights look about as good as one of those professional jobs. And it didn't break the bank!"

"Speaking of the bank, Uncle Peter," Daniel said shyly, "do you ever miss it at all?"

"Not anymore, son. I have really enjoyed my retirement. Especially since all you youngsters came along." He affectionately squeezed Daniel's shoulder momentarily as the two of them headed toward the back door which led into the kitchen. "Remember those fishing trips your dad and I used to set up for you boys every summer when you were little?"

"Do I ever! Seems like Will always got stung by something, Nick always fell in the water, and Matt and I were the only ones who ever caught anything. Those trips were crazy, but… I miss 'em. We should plan another one."

He suddenly stopped in front of one of the kitchen windows and remembered something Bobby Belden had told him about the scavenger hunt Dan had left for him before he died. Without thinking, he quickly slipped off his winter gloves and slid a bare hand under the old window sill.

"Careful, Daniel," Peter warned, "you'll get a splinter."

The teen pulled his hand back quickly, but not because he'd been poked by the aged wood. It was because he was shocked by how quickly he'd found what he was looking for. He'd felt the deep grooves of some numbers his real father had carved there many, many years before.

He felt his cheeks growing warm, thinking that his great uncle might not even know what his father had done to his house. But, when he looked up at the older man, he saw a light of understanding, and a knowing smile waiting for him. It was as if he had read his mind.

"It's okay. He asked me for permission before he did it." Peter's voice was soft and wistful. "My word, it seems so long ago. He wasn't much older than you. And, Lord, don't you look just like him!"

The older man sighed.

"He would be so proud of you, Daniel. I know Bill is. And, don't take it to heart what happened at Thanksgiving, okay? You know Bill's temper only seems worse than it is. He really does trust you."

"I know," Daniel said with a shrug. "But, it did kind of hurt. He should know me better than that."

"If it makes you feel any better, I once got just as angry with him about your mother. Did he ever tell you about it?"

"Wow, no!" Daniel exclaimed. "Did you… think they were…um…doing stuff they shouldn't have…before they got married?"

Now it was Peter's turn to blush.

"Come on, let's go in out of this cold weather, and I'll tell you about the night Bill told me he wanted to date your mother. Let's just say it didn't go as well as the day Dan asked for permission to cut on that window sill."

"Wow!" Daniel repeated.


	32. Rocky new start pt2

Flashback: Peter Belden's POV

"Wow? That's all you can say? Wow? Come on, Mart, I've never known you to be a single word kind of guy," twelve year old Bobby Belden teased his older brother. "Aw, quit your stalling, and just admit that you've been beat!"

"I…uh…wow!" Mart exclaimed for the second time.

Their parents laughed.

"I can't believe my little brother just beat me at Trivial Pursuit," Mart said with a shake of his head.

"Believe it, Old Man," Bobby bragged. "See what marriage has done to ya? Your brain's gone soft."

"Speaking of your sweet, new wife," Helen Belden said with a laugh, "when is she expecting you home, Mart?"

"Oh, she's out shopping with her mother, so I could stay gone for about a month before she'd even notice."

"Besides, she knows exactly where to find him, Moms. Until Di learns to cook better, he's not getting too far away from you. He's…uh…not in any hurry to cut those apron strings, if you know what I mean."

Bobby dodged the playful swipe his brother made at him, and the wrestling match was on.

"Boys!" Peter Belden bellowed from behind his newspaper. He had been patiently listening to the entire conversation and had anticipated their usual antics, but he was in no mood to put up with it tonight. A large investment had collapsed at his bank earlier that day, leaving him stressed out and irritable.

"Your father's very tired, boys," Helen quickly intervened. "Why don't you two come into the kitchen with me and get a drink. I have homemade lemonade, Mart."

"Nah, I really should go, Moms. Now that the storm is letting up a bit. I'm sure Regan will have Hallie back any minute now. I just stayed to make sure she was okay. I was worried when Honey said she'd never made it to Manor House."

Peter felt a gnawing feeling in his stomach growing at what Mart said. True, Hallie had told them earlier that she was going to the Wheeler's. And, according to Bill Regan, she had been caught in the storm somewhere out on the preserve. But, what he didn't understand was why Regan had taken his niece to Mr. Maypenny's cabin instead of Manor House. Surely she had been closer to the Wheeler's home than to the gamekeeper's cabin when he'd found her.

_Something doesn't seem right, _he thought to himself.

"Can you at least take Di some brownies? I made them because I knew Hallie was coming, but she hasn't touched a single one." Helen pulled her middle son into a warm embrace as he stood to leave.

"Yeah, she's been _busy_," Bobby snorted with his tone growing bitter in the last word.

His son's obvious disgust wasn't lost on Peter. _What's that all about? _He wondered.

"No thanks, Moms," Mart replied to Helen with a smile. "I'm sure Bobby can help you finish them off."

"Then, be careful, dear. And watch out for Regan and Hallie on the drive."

"Sure thing. Bye Dad!" Mart gently patted Peter on the shoulder as he passed where he was sitting in his favorite chair. The older man fought off the urge to pull his son into a tight hug and simply nodded a masculine goodbye. He didn't realize how much he missed his three older children until they came home to visit.

And that's when he sometimes wished they were all little once again.

_My, how time flies!_

After Mart's departure, Peter sighed and put down the paper he had been trying to read all evening. His heart was full of problems and heavy thoughts; so much so that he just couldn't seem to focus on anything. He stood and paced to the window to stare out at the slight drizzle that remained after the evening's heavy storm.

_There's something strange going on, and I'm not sure I want to know what it is. _

His mind was a blur of the day's events: Hallie coming all this way just to fly a kite Dan made, Hallie bringing home a wet and upset Bobby, Hallie suddenly skipping dinner to go to Manor House when Trixie wasn't even there, Hallie getting lost in the preserve and being picked up by Regan.

_I know she's still grieving over that poor boy, but…something's very odd about all of this,_ he thought.

"Man! Mart didn't even help me clean up the game!" Bobby interrupted his thoughts with a childish whine. The blonde bitterly slammed the Trivial Pursuit board into the box and started scooping up the playing pieces with a scowl on his freckled face.

"Robert Belden," Peter admonished, "I think you need to watch your tone."

"Yes sir," Bobby mumbled.

"Bobby, sweetheart, wasn't there a program you wanted to watch on T.V. tonight?" Helen reminded him.

"Oh! Yes! I forgot! Quick! What time is it?"

Peter checked his watch. "It's ten to eight."

"I still have time," the boy whooped excitedly. He flew to put the board game back in its place and ran over to the television set. Peter had to laugh at the way his youngest son was always mesmerized by the mixture of funny home videos that aired weekly.

_Who knew a bunch of clips of fainting groomsmen and dancing puppy dogs could keep a kid busy for a full hour!_

Feeling the eyes of his soul-mate upon him, Peter turned to see Helen beckoning for him to follow her into the kitchen. He was grateful for her brilliant plan to get him alone.

_She's such a gem! _

Once they were in the kitchen, she wrapped her arms around his middle and leaned into his chest with a sigh.

"What is it, Peter? There's more on your mind than just your work. What's got you so upset?"

"I don't even know, Helen. But, I plan to find out."

"Is it Bobby? He's going through so much right now, dear. He doesn't mean to be disrespectful."

"No, no. It's not that. I understand it's hard for him. I'm sure it's nothing. I'm just… tired, I suppose. I'll feel less anxious once Hallie's back in for the night and we can all get some rest."

He kissed the top of his wife's head and held her at arm's length so he could give her a comforting smile. Still, she appeared to be just as worried about their niece as he was.

"You…you don't think she'd…do anything to…hurt herself, do you?" Helen asked him softly.

Now, that was a possibility he'd never even considered. The surprise must have shown on his face, because his wife quickly started to back pedal to hide her personal fears.

"Not that I've seen anything that makes me think she would. It's just…well…you heard what your brother said about her being too depressed to even get out of bed. I worry that she's not taking care of herself. She got in town early this morning, and to my knowledge, she hasn't even eaten a bite all day!"

"And with your cooking to tempt her, that _is_ a tragedy," Peter teased as he bent to kiss her. He wanted to lighten the mood a little so he slowly started to lead her in a waltz-like sway with his cheek pressed to hers. "Don't trouble yourself, my darling," he whispered. "I'll worry enough for the both of us."

"Hmmm, for some reason that doesn't seem to comfort me much."

Their personal conversation was suddenly interrupted by the sound of an approaching horse. Exchanging knowing glances, the loving couple pulled apart and moved toward the back door to greet their coming guests.

But, neither of them was prepared for what could be seen through the window of the kitchen door.

Having already dismounted and attempting to assist Hallie down from the horse, Bill Regan was pulling the young woman close by the waist. Her eyes were locked onto his, and she clung to his arms as if she were desperate for his touch. They didn't kiss, but they didn't have to. Anyone watching them could have known by their expressions that something so deeply intimate had already been shared between them.

The scene made something inside of Peter explode with rage.

_How dare he? She's too young! Too vulnerable! He's taking advantage of her grief!_

Before Helen could stop him, he threw the door open, stomped down the steps of the back porch, and stood before them with his hands on his hips in anger.

"Thank you for bringing Hallie home, Bill," he growled, "but I think you should go now."

The two young people had already moved apart, yet Hallie seemed defiant in her stance.

"We need to talk to you and Aunt Helen, Uncle Peter," she said with a strong voice. "It's very important."

"I don't think I want to hear it, right now," Peter said cooly. He was trying very hard to keep his voice down so as not to attract Bobby's attention from inside. He also didn't want to get into a heated shouting match with the young groom whom he still respected, despite his current suspicion of his intentions. "We can discuss this another time. Bill, goodnight. Hallie, come inside."

"Mr. Belden…please…" Bill began.

"Perhaps, you really should go, Regan," Helen interrupted with a kind voice. She rushed to put a motherly arm around Hallie and tried to steer her toward the porch.

"No, Aunt Helen! You don't understand! This can't wait! We need to talk to you tonight."

"Oh my God, you're pregnant," Peter let out in a huff. He felt the weight of his thoughts pulling down on him even harder as he voiced them aloud. _So, he's why she's been coming so often in the past few months!_

"Now, just hold on a minute!" Regan stepped forward angrily, still holding his horse's reigns in his hands. "You thinking that _I_ could be so foolish and careless is one thing, but for anyone to assume such things about Hallie….well, that's something I just won't stand for!"

"Excuse me?" Peter stepped closer.

"You heard me, sir. Hallie is a respectable girl who would never do anything to dishonor herself or her family. I won't stand by and let you insult her this way. She's done nothing to warrant your distrust!"

"And, what am I to think of the two of you…just now…making goo goo eyes in the moonlight and hiding out alone at Maypenny's when you could just as easily have taken her to Manor House to wait out the storm? Huh? What am I to think of that, Bill? I can tell by the way you look at each other, something happened tonight. You can't lie to me! So, don't talk to me about trust!" Peter felt the anger in him rising higher and higher. He promised his brother Harold he'd look after Hallie whenever she was with him, and he wasn't about to let him down now.

"You want to know what happened tonight?" Hallie stepped between her uncle and her new love. "I discovered that my heart didn't completely die when Dan did. I learned that I was worth a second chance at happiness, and I'm ready to take it. It was nothing more than some candid confessions and a kiss by the fire, but it set me free from a prison of hurt! Is that so scandalous? Is that so wrong?"

"I think we should all go inside and talk this out calmly," Helen tried to inspire peace once more.

"There's nothing to talk about," Peter stated severely. "Hallie, whatever you think you feel right now is understandable, considering your loss, but you're too young and too mixed up. This isn't right, and it's over."

"Too young? She's twenty," Bill sputtered. "And, nothing's happened that you should worry about. I swear to you, I'd never…"

"I said it's over!" Peter shouted. "Now, get inside, young lady!"

"Oh, good grief, Uncle Peter. I'm going. But, only because I respect you. I'm not a child, you know. What Bill and I decide to do about our relationship is our business. And, we aren't going to do anything stupid, either. You're just going to have to get used to the idea. We're meant to be together. We know that now. It's going to happen, whether you like it or not."

She moved closer to Regan and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"I'll call you tomorrow," she said quietly.

"I'll be waiting," Regan whispered.

The vulnerable look that momentarily penetrated the young man's angry glare when Hallie was near caused Peter's heart to lurch in his chest.

_They don't know what they're doing. Neither one of them is ready for this. They'll only hurt each other more. I can't let that happen! She's been through enough already._

After Hallie and Helen had slipped back into the farmhouse, Peter gathered as much calm as he possibly could and tried once more to protect his brother's only daughter.

"I would appreciate it if you did not speak with Hallie again during her stay here, Bill. I think it's best…for both of you."

He prepared himself for the angry argument that would follow his request, but it didn't come.

Instead, much to his surprise, Bill Regan seemed to wilt like an overheated flower. The young man's face reminded Peter of the crushed look Dan Mangan had given his uncle just after the boy had saved Bobby and Trixie from a catamount and Bill had accused him of wielding his switchblade against the Belden children (when he had, in fact, been attempting to use it to protect them). The intense look of hurt on Bill's face now was too much for Peter to take.

"Don't look at me like that, Bill. You know this just cannot be."

"All I know is…I…I love her," Regan said softly.

And, without another word, he climbed back into his saddle and spurred his horse off at an alarming speed toward Manor House.


	33. It took a snowhill to make me see pt1

Present Day

"Um…so…when did you finally get used to the idea of my parents…uh…going out?" Daniel Regan asked shyly as he squirmed uncomfortably in his seat across from Peter Belden. Not only did it feel weird at that moment to find out that his great uncle had, at first, been opposed to the relationship between Hallie and Bill Regan, but he also couldn't get himself balanced very well on the kitchen bar stool he was attempting to perch upon.

"Well, Daniel, it happened when…Oh son, I'm sorry. Let's move over to the kitchen table to finish talking about this. Looks like that leg of yours is getting tired of keeping you pushed up on that stool? Why didn't you tell me? I was going on and on about the argument I had that night with Bill, and I didn't even think…"

"It's alright, Uncle Peter," Daniel interrupted. "I'm fine. Really. But, it would be nice to have a chair with a back on it."

Their relocation involved grabbing a few handfuls of the Christmas cookies Helen Belden and her granddaughter Emily had just made, and soon, amid their munching, Peter began once again to answer Daniel's question.

"Let's see here, now. You wanted to know when I finally got over being angry with Bill for courting your mother. Well, I guess the moment I realized it was a good thing for the two of them to be together was the day he had that accident coming back from White Plains. It was really cold outside…much like today, actually, and it had been snowing on and off pretty heavily all afternoon. It was the day of the Wheeler's annual Christmas party…"

Flashback: Peter's POV

"…_again, if you don't need to be out on the roads this afternoon, it is best to avoid the icy conditions and stay at home," _warned the radio announcer. _"Of course, there are still many last minute shoppers out there braving the snow and causing a lot of traffic around the Hudson Bay Mall. Let's check in with our traffic reporter…"_

Peter Belden reached up and turned off the radio on the dashboard with one quick motion. He was already creeping along slowly in a long line of cars, and he didn't feel like being reminded of the inconvenience.

_But, I'm nowhere near the mall, _Peter thought glumly. _There must be an accident up ahead somewhere_.

He sighed and tried to think positively about the situation. He knew he had plenty of gas, and his vehicle was warm and dry. As annoying as it was to be late for the Wheeler's Christmas party, Peter was thankful that he wasn't the one causing this traffic jam. He decided to say a quick prayer for the safety of anyone who might have been in the imagined accident ahead of him on the road.

And, then he started wishing he had a cell phone.

_They aren't just for the wealthy, anymore,_ Peter thought to himself.

True, he would have laughed uncontrollably if someone had told him years ago that he would one day even consider owning a cellular phone, but he, along with the times, had changed a lot in the past few years. Peter thought of the first car phone his neighbor Matthew Wheeler had installed in his limo. It had been a bulky and odd looking device. Nothing at all like the new, sleeker looking models people were buying up left and right. He remembered laughing at Matt's dependency on technology back then, but it now seemed that such convenient communication wasn't really a bad idea.

_I need to find a phone soon and let Helen know I'm alright. _ He suddenly realized. _If I don't, she'll worry._

He searched the roadsides for a convenience store as he drove along, and his mind wandered back to the topic of cell phones. He decided that in the new millennium, which was rapidly approaching, everyone would probably own a cell phone. His boss at work had even purchased one recently.

_And, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before our company expects us all to have one. _

As if the air around him had suddenly started to thicken, the thought of being constantly "on-call" with his job immediately made Peter feel overwhelmed and burdened. He wished his life could always be as simple as it was when he was home at Crabapple Farm. There, with his wife and children, the hustle and bustle of the business world did not exist. He was cherished and respected. He knew how to face each crazy situation his children got themselves tangled up in. It was real life. And, it was beautiful.

But, the bank business was, for Peter, a place of perpetual stress. Every day felt like a mental marathon where simply coming out even with all the others running the same rat race with you seemed like a huge victory. He was thankful that his son Mart was keeping him up-to-date with computers; otherwise, he would be like many of the other upper management members his age who were now being laid off for not being able to keep up. The new wave of computer-based banking was taking its toll on those who had learned the business the old way.

Truly, Peter was a stubborn survivor. He was determined to keep his successful place within the company, and so far, he was doing just that. He had put good use to the "can do" attitude his father had instilled in him, and he prayed every day that his children would learn enough from his example to make their own lives useful and full.

A stab of bitter sweet nostalgia suddenly filled Peter's heart with the thought of his offspring.

As quickly as the world around him was transforming, his children, too, were becoming something new and different to him. All of them were out on their own, save one. Mart was married to Diana, his high school sweetheart, and Trixie was running a detective agency with her best friend and roommate, Honey Wheeler; their lives were now entwined with the lives of other people. It was sad to have them gone from home so soon, yet it was also sometimes funny to watch them take on the responsibilities of their new roles. Had he not known Honey and Di so well, he might have been worried about the "almost-twins;" but, there was comfort in knowing the crazy antics of his two middle children were lovingly being reined in by their level-headed partners. His oldest son, Brian, was certainly faring well for himself, too. He was living in an apartment in the heart of Sleepyside, so he could be closer to the hospital where he was doing his residency. The pride of the family, Brian was about to make history as being one of the youngest people ever to complete the medical program at the local university. Peter couldn't help but swell up at the thought of Brian's accomplishments. Everyone in town looked up to the young man.

_I hope we don't put too much pressure on him,_ Peter suddenly thought. _He's really quite sensitive underneath all that maturity._

And, then his thoughts fell heavily on the subject of his youngest child, Bobby. The boy was facing the uncomfortable journey of puberty without his older brothers at home. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, he'd recently lost his personal hero to cancer.

_Dan Mangan's been gone for a few years now, and poor Bobby still can't seem to find any peace about it,_ Peter thought glumly._ I thought Hallie moving here would help, but…it's only made matters worse._

His niece, Hallie Belden, had recently moved from Idaho to Sleepyside to finish up her art degree and was now living in the apartment next door to Brian. Of course, Peter knew she didn't stay there much. Her new romantic relationship with the Wheeler's groom, Bill Regan, brought her out near Crabapple Farm quite often.

Often enough for Bobby to think she was now more interested in Dan's uncle than she had ever been in Dan.

_And that's a problem_, Peter sighed to himself. Images of an angry Bobby glaring at Hallie filled his head.

Although he didn't see Hallie's infatuation with Bill as a gross betrayal the way Bobby did, Peter was still in agreement with his son's negative assessment of the relationship. He based his opinion on the couple's age differences and the fact that the two of them had not had time to properly grieve over Dan's death. He thought it was just too soon...for the both of them.

Then, suddenly, a sickening sense of hopelessness began creeping into the Belden patriarch's stomach, causing him to seek out the radio again as a source of distraction from his troubling thoughts of Bobby and Hallie. _I just don't know how to help them,_ he thought sadly. He flipped through the channels, searching for Christmas music to lift his spirits.

And, that was when he saw the truck.

At least, the back part of it, anyway.

The front part had been completely covered over by snow that had been dislodged when the vehicle had slammed into the snowbank head-on.

But, whatever spare portion was now visible to Peter as he pulled up to the accident scene was still enough to spark recognition and cause the man's heart to seize up in his chest, his voice to catch in a strangled cry in the back of his throat, and his mind to ring out a protest of denial in his head.

_Oh God, please no!_ His terrified brain buzzed. _That's Bill's truck!_


	34. took a snowhill pt2

_Peter's Flashback (continued)_

Peter Belden shook with cold and fear as he tried to get someone, anyone, on the accident scene to tell him where Bill Regan was. He knew the young man was no longer in the truck. The busted back glass was obvious proof of that. But, if EMS crews had removed Bill from his wrecked truck, then Peter wondered, was he hurt badly enough to require a trip to the hospital? And, if he was, then which emergency room had he been taken to? Peter's frightened thoughts swirled in his head.

_If anything has happened to Bill…._he didn't want to think of what that could do to Hallie, now.

"Please!" He begged a firefighter who was pulling out hazmat equipment to clean up an oil puddle on the street. "I…I must know where the driver of that truck is! Is he hurt? Did they take him to the hospital?"

"Are you…a relative?" The young man asked with a tired sigh.

"I…uh…" Peter knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself. "He's my younger brother. Please!"

The man passed the contents of his hands to another fireman and took Peter aside.

"I think he refused transport, actually," the suited worker said casually. "Let's find out."

Leading Peter through a maze of emergency trucks and police cars, the young man stopped when he came upon a Battalion Chief who was barking orders into a radio on his shoulder.

"Chief," the young firefighter said after a while, "this guy's the brother of the big dude they pulled out of the truck. Do we know what happened to him? I know EMS took the chick from the sedan to the hospital, but did they take him, too?"

Peter's mind was racing. He hadn't seen a sedan. What was this man talking about? It had appeared to him that only Bill's vehicle had slid off the road into the snowbank. Where was this other car?

"Nah," the white collared chief said with a sniff. He turned to Peter. "Your brother's over there giving his statement." He pointed to another cluster of cop cars and then turned back to continue growling at the person on the other end of his radio.

Peter felt his legs turn to jelly. On one hand he was relieved to learn that Bill was not severely injured, but he couldn't stop fearing that the young man was now possibly feeling guilty that another person had been hurt in the accident.

_He must have slid into that other woman's car. Poor guy. He already carries a load of guilt about not being there with Danny when he passed away. He doesn't need this, too._

But, when he got closer to where Bill was standing with the police officers, guilt was not the expression Peter read in the younger man's handsome face.

It was anger.

"I already told you," Bill was saying in a frustrated voice, "it all happened too fast for me to know whether or not she was swerving uncontrollably! I saw her car coming over onto my side of the road, so I turned to avoid hitting her head-on. My truck slid off the side of the road and into the bank. End of story! Whether or not she was driving like she was drunk is something I can't tell you! Besides, what does it matter? You're the ones with the breathalyzer tests. Now that she's crashed and quit running, you can check for sure to see if she's drunk. I mean…come on! Why do you keep asking me the same questions over and over?"

"We just want to make sure we have a complete and accurate account of what happened, Mr. Regan," an older police officer said gently.

"Well, now you have everything you need. Can you please get me a tow truck, so I can get out of here?" Regan asked impatiently.

"We've already called for one," another police officer assured him. "It should be here, soon. Why don't you just sit in the back seat over here and try to calm down."

"I am calm," Bill said severely. "And, I'm not sitting in the back of that patrol car like some kind of criminal, either. She ran _me_ off the road, not the other way around. I'm not the one at fault here!"

Peter noted the long bandage running up the groom's muscular arm and the way the young man was suddenly rubbing it gingerly with a pained expression.

_He's hurt, _he thought, alarmed.

The older man couldn't stay back any longer.

"Bill!" He called out as he came closer. "Thank God I found you. Are you okay?"

Regan's mouth flew open and his green eyes were suddenly huge with surprise. If he hadn't been so completely worried about the young man, Peter would have laughed out loud at the groom's goofy reaction.

"Uh…Mr…"

"Now don't worry, little brother," Peter interrupted before Regan could call him Mr. Belden. "Your boss Mr. Wheeler won't be too upset that you didn't make it to his Christmas party. Like everyone else, he'll just be happy you walked away from this." He stepped close to put his arm across Bill's shoulder and pointed down at the bloody bandage between them. "Looks like a nasty cut you've got there. Shouldn't we go get you some stitches before we head home?"

"I uh…no, it's fine…uh…"

"Hah! Look at that. My brother at a loss for words. Thought I'd never see the day!" Peter gave Bill a wink and a playful squeeze to the shoulders. He could tell the young man was finally catching on to the ruse, so he quickly released him to stop jostling him around too much. "If he's all through, here," Peter said to the older police officer, "I can take him with me, and we'll leave you an address you can give to the tow truck driver when he…"

"No! No…I uh…that is…we can just wait for the truck to get pulled out of the snow, can't we Peter?" Regan stammered quickly.

His sudden hesitancy to leave made Peter suspicious.

"Come on, it's cold out here, and you've been through enough already. Don't you want to get warm? We can deal with the truck later."

"But…I…I left something…in the cab. Something…I…need," Bill hissed.

A flush of red the same color as Bill's hair crept up the young man's face, causing Peter's curiosity to peak.

_What in the world is he talking about?_

"He's done with his statement," the gray headed police officer said suddenly to Mr. Belden, "so you two can go if you want…or stay and wait for a tow…or whatever…" His voice faded as he went back to the report he was now writing on a clipboard.

Regan suddenly murmured a quick thank you, begged to be excused for a moment, and then pulled Peter aside to explain why he didn't want to abandon his pickup.

"I…uh…left Hallie's Christmas gift in the cab of the truck. And…see…it's kind of…personal. I really need to get it out. You know…before…anyone else…sees it.

Peter couldn't stop himself from going into his protective mode.

"If it's lingerie, I'm going to punch you," he growled.

"No! Peter! Oh my gosh, no! It's not that!"

The tension suddenly melted as Peter let out an exhausted laugh and shook his head.

"Then, I guess we'd better see if we can borrow something to shovel snow with."

"You…mean…just like that…you're gonna help me? I thought…I thought you hated me, right now."

The shock on Regan's face made Peter wince.

"I guess I _have_ been a little…rough…on you lately, huh?"

"You think?" Bill shot back with a sheepish grin.

A half hour later, after digging out one of the doors to the old pickup, a worn out and trembling Bill Regan was able to reach his good arm into the cab and pull out what looked like a large manila envelope.

"That's it?" Peter asked breathlessly. Surely he hadn't just shoveled all that snow for some flimsy old envelope. "This better be good, kid," he teased.

Regan ignored him as he dragged his tired body over to a rocky outcropping on the side of the road and heaved himself down on it. He held up the envelope and beckoned Peter over.

"You'll understand…when you see it," he panted. Removing his big hands from covering the logo printed on the front of the envelope, he turned the paper container over for the other man's inspection.

"Cryobank?" Peter read it and asked it at the same time. "Isn't that the…"

"What's the one thing in the world Hallie wants for Christmas, but no one can give her?" Regan interrupted with tears in his eyes. The sight of raw grief tore the older man's heart.

"Dan," Peter breathed.

And, suddenly everything was clear.

The large envelope Bill had in his hand contained the paperwork on Dan's frozen genetic samples which had been donated and stored before his death. It was why the young man had braved the snow to go all the way to White Plains. He was obviously planning on relinquishing control of them to Hallie. It was a beautiful gesture, and it revealed so much more to Peter than just Regan's undying love for his nephew.

_If he could actually give her back to Dan, he would. He loves her that much! So, instead, he's giving a part of Dan to Hallie._

It was then that Peter knew he had been wrong to oppose Bill and Hallie's love. Their romance was more than a feeble attempt to heal their broken hearts. He knew Bill would rather die than ever hurt his niece.

Their love was the real thing.

"Oh Bill, I'm…I'm so sorry," Peter said quietly. "And, I'm ashamed of the way I've acted. I…I just didn't want either of you to get hurt. You…you must understand…"

"I do." Bill said with a watery smile. "Hallie's just like that too. She'd do anything to protect someone she loves."

"Seems like she's not the only one." Peter nodded his head at the item in the groom's tight grasp. "It wasn't just your own embarrassment you were worried about with that paperwork being out in the open, was it?"

Regan blushed and gave a little chuckle.

"I guess I just can't stop looking out for him. Even though he's…" He couldn't say it. The truth of Dan's absence was too heavy on him to let him say the word "gone."

It was then that the tow truck was making its arrival on the scene, flashing beams of amber and white light across the wet pavement, and Peter was relieved. He didn't think he could take the depth of Bill's current emotions much longer. He needed a distraction and a chance to get warm before he could form the right words to say in order to help this young man. He made himself a promise that someday, soon, he would reach out to Bill and help him find some peace.

But, not like this. Not here.

"Come on," Peter said, gently pulling the other man up to a standing position and clapping him tenderly on the back. "That rig will have your old truck pulled out of there in a flash, and we need to try to find a phone so the womenfolk at Manor House won't fret themselves to death worrying about us."

"Okay, but…um…can I ask you something?" Regan looked around and lowered his voice so the others around them wouldn't hear.

"Sure. What's up?"

"I gather you told them I was your brother, right?"

Peter laughed.

"They wouldn't tell me where you were if I hadn't. Hey, don't worry. I made it clear you were my _little_ brother. No one would possibly think you were old like me."

But, then to Peter's surprise, Regan's eyes held disappointment instead of relief. _Hmmm. That's interesting._

"What?" he asked the younger man.

"Oh…nothing. Never mind."

"Come on. What did you want to ask me?"

"It's just…well…you did a really good job of acting like you were worried about me, and I wondered…was any of that real?"

The large man was wringing his hands nervously and shyly avoided Peter's gaze, which told the older man that he was desperately hoping the fear hadn't been just a mere part of the brotherly act.

_Once a family-starved orphan, always a family-starved orphan_, Peter silently observed.

It reminded him of the way Dan had always seemed to crave being included in the Belden family. To see the same need in Regan was somewhat unexpected. Still, Peter couldn't ignore it.

"Yeah, you big lug, I really was worried about you!" He suddenly blurted out rubbing his knuckles on top of Bill's carrot top. "But, don't go spreading it around, okay? I'll look like a big softie."

"Okay," Bill said with warm look of satisfaction. "And…um thanks. For caring about me…I mean."

"No problem. That's what family's for, right?"

Peter could tell his message had been received, because the younger man was swallowing hard and trying to hide his rapidly blinking eyes.

"Right," he choked out. "That's exactly what family is for."

_Stay tuned, and Merry Christmas!_


	35. time for end of year and beginning loves

Present Day: Daniel's POV

"Sometimes, I think God made families embarrassing in order to keep us humble," twenty three year old Katie Frayne murmured with an exasperated sigh.

The pink tinge of her blushing cheeks matched the flowing strawberry blonde hair bobbing on her shoulders as she dramatically shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Uncle Mart, Ryan and I are _not_ going to hire a skydiving Elvis impersonator to marry us!"

"It was just a suggestion," the older man replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

He pulled her into a warm hug and placed a quick kiss on the top of her head before releasing her to stand beside her new fiancé once again.

"But, seriously, B.B., congratulations." Mart shook hands with the handsome young man beside his niece, giving him a special wink. "Ryan, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Oh, yes sir. You know I've been around the Wheelers and the Beldens my whole life. I haven't been scared off yet."

Ryan Kensington, although a quiet, gentlemanly sort of fellow, seemed to be able to handle himself well enough around the brilliant joker Mart Belden. He fired off a few surprising comebacks to every jibe Mart unleashed on him, and it was clear that he was going to fit right in.

The entire exchange playing out in the Frayne family living room brought a hearty laugh from Daniel Regan, who was watching from a nearby couch.

"Just don't get so chummy with 'Doc Martin' over there that you offer to help him out in the research greenhouse, Ryan. He'll have you hand mixing some of his special recipe potting soil."

"And, why's that so bad?" Ryan asked Daniel innocently.

"Well…let's just say that one of the main ingredients is something Daniel and his family daily muck out of their horses' stalls," Katie snickered. She joined the others in laughing at the sour face Ryan made and delivered a loving squeeze to his arm as she started to lead him away.

"Come on, dear," she said smiling up at him, "we haven't shown the ring to Aunt Honey. I think she's helping Mama and GrandMoms in the kitchen."

"Now, you know the kitchen is never a good place to go if you're trying to avoid me," Mart called after them. "Especially when I know Moms has been in there."

Daniel chuckled to himself again as he watched the older man walk away to continue his mission of embarrassing the happy couple. The constant light-hearted teasing in his family never ceased to entertain him. Even with the multiple gatherings of the current holiday season, he hadn't grown tired of the cheesy pet names, the sappy accolades, or the zany repeated stories of The Bobwhites of the Glen in their glory days. Now, it seemed that the final party of the year had also turned out to be an engagement party. Daniel was having a great time watching the drama unfold.

It had only been two days since the annual Ten Acres Academy Christmas Ball where Ryan had publically proposed to a chaperoning Katie Frayne in front of most of her family and practically all the junior and senior high students. The news was still sort of a shock to many people because the couple, having been friends since childhood, had only recently started dating.

But, in Daniel's eyes, it was a perfect match. And, Ryan's sweet and humble proposal had been the perfect ending to what had been an incredible night for Daniel.

He closed his eyes and remembered how lovely his date had looked at the ball. His girlfriend Ashley had worn a red dress that sparkled, and her short sandy hair had been teased around a headband of silvery rhinestones. She had looked like an angel with stars trapped in her hair.

"This seat taken?" a deep voice interrupted Daniel's thoughts.

When he opened his eyes, the dark haired teen saw the figure of Matthew Wheeler standing before him, motioning to the place beside him on the sofa.

"Only by you, Poppa. I didn't see you when you got here. Where's Grammie?"

"Chasing down the bride-to-be, of course. I don't know what it is about women and jewelry, but she'd walk a mile of hot coals to get a look at that ring, right now. What are you doing over here all alone?"

Daniel tried to sound casual, not wanting to admit that he simply wasn't able to stand for long periods of time.

"Well, I was in the center of all the action a moment ago, but I guess it all moved to the kitchen without me. I was just daydreaming for a minute, I guess."

The kind, old man reached out a thin hand to pat the boy on the shoulder gently.

"Don't let it bother you, son. Happens to me all the time. One minute you know what's going on, and the next…you're behind the times and left in the dust."

The two shared a special smile, and Daniel was struck by how much he loved and respected this man, despite the fact that they weren't even really related.

"I heard you were crowned Mr. Christmas…or… er…something like that the other night," Matthew continued on as he sat down beside the youth.

"Oh, yes sir. It was Mr. Yuletide. I'm the new Mr. Yuletide. The whole thing was… kind of nice, I guess. Laura got the Miss Yuletide crown. She was really happy about it. Honestly, Poppa, all that stuff is just a popularity contest, and I think, maybe, a lot of the people who voted for me were just feeling sorry for me. You know…because of my…leg..."

"Nonsense!" Matthew interjected. "Why, everyone knows you and Matt have your pick of any girl in that whole school! I'd say you two take after your old grandfather, actually."

"Is that right?" Daniel teased him.

"Certainly. Just ask your Grammie!" He put his arm around the boy and gave his shoulders a quick squeeze. "And, don't worry about folks feeling sorry for you, kid. I happen to know a lot of people who still look up to you…even when you're sitting down."

The old man turned and nodded his head in the direction of Jim and Trixie's adopted daughter Emily.

The little ten year old was quietly sitting in the corner brushing a Barbie doll's hair while her four year old cousin Angelica prattled on beside her, making her dolls talk and interact with fuzzy haired trolls riding brightly colored ponies.

_He's right,_ Daniel thought warmly, _I'll always be a Superman to Emily. _

A brief pang of sadness suddenly swept through him as he mentally compared Emmie's adoration of him to the way Bobby Belden had followed after Dan Mangan years ago.

_I'm so glad Bob found his last message._

"Did you ever get any of that German chocolate cake we had at the Christmas party last week?" Matthew suddenly changed the subject.

"Mmmm, yes! It was amazing."

"Well, you don't have to wait long for more, because Maddie brought another one for us to enjoy after dinner tonight. She spoils us chocoholics, doesn't she?"

"She sure does," Daniel agreed. And, then another thought struck him. "Poppa? How did you propose to Grammie?"

"Oh, that was quite a long time ago. I did it with a silly old knock knock joke, actually. Looking back, I can't believe I was so corny. Anyway, I guess it worked!"

"Wait. I thought that was how Jim asked Trixie to marry him."

"It was. But, I'm the one who gave him the idea." Matthew gave a Barney Fife sniff and grinned smugly.

_Oh boy. My Poppa as a ladies' man. How funny!_

"I seem to remember someone telling me that Cousin Trixie didn't cooperate too well, either," Daniel recalled with a smile.

Mr. Wheeler shook his gray head and gave a hearty laugh.

"You can say that again! I was afraid the whole thing was going to fall apart when she announced that she hated knock knock jokes and started to leave the room, but Mart saved the day. He finally got her to say, 'who's there,' so Jim could finish the joke. Of course, when he said 'marry,' she didn't automatically say, 'marry who?' She thought because we were all at a Christmas party he was going to say, 'Mary and Joseph,' so she tried to beat him to the punch line." He chuckled again. "I thought Jim was going to explode. He got so nervous he shouted out, 'marry you,' instead of 'marry me.' Oh well. He finally got to the point, and she said yes. It was all a lot of fun."

"Was that the same night Uncle Peter helped Dad get home after he'd wrecked his truck in a snowbank?"

"Why…yes it was. How did you know about that?"

Daniel looked shyly across the room at his great uncle, still feeling a bit awkward about some of the details the older man had recently shared with him regarding his mother's early romance with Bill Regan.

"Uncle Peter was telling me about it last week. He…he said it was also when he…finally got used to the idea of…you know…my folks being together."

"Does it bother you to know that he didn't approve of the match at first?" Matthew asked sympathetically.

Daniel shifted nervously in his seat.

"A little. I mean…it was kind of a shock, really. After all the times Dad and Uncle Peter took us guys fishing, and they seemed so…close…it was just a shock."

"Don't let any of that bother you, Daniel. Those two _are_ close. It took some time, but they got there. You just have to remember, there's more than a few years difference between your parents, and Peter…well, he was just looking out for Hallie."

"But, _you_ obviously didn't have a problem with it. Or…did you?"

"Honestly, Daniel, I didn't know what to think about the whole thing at first. Bill came to me just after he'd argued with Peter about it, and I…I just kept thinking about what Dan…your real father…would have said to him. I knew from some things Dan had told me before he died that…he wanted your mother to move on and be happy with someone else. If they could find happiness together, and Dan would have approved…who was I to stand in their way?"

"Your support must have meant a lot to him," Daniel said, feeling somewhat relieved himself.

"Hmmm. Maybe. But, it wasn't all hearts and flowers during that conversation, mind you. I sat him down and had a serious discussion about what needed to happen. I guess…I was a little tough on him, too. But…it was what he needed. He knew I had his best interest at heart."

"Hmmph!" Daniel said with a sarcastic snort. "That sounds like what Dad always says to _me_ when _we_ have a serious discussion about what needs to happen. He always says he's got my best interest at heart, and I should remember that being a parent isn't any easier than being a kid."

"Sounds like he's done a pretty amazing job of parenting, then. Especially for someone who grew up without a dad." Mr. Wheeler's eyes misted a little as he gave the last statement softly.

"That's not entirely true. I mean…yes, he's turned out to be a good parent, but…even though he didn't have his own father, …he had you."

"And I was happy to be there for him." Matthew's mouth broke out into a wide smile. "Just as he's happy to be there for you."

"Poppa? What did you two talk about that night?"

"Well Daniel, it all happened like this…"


	36. a new plan made is a promise kept

Flashback: Matt Wheeler's POV

_I should have known it would happen like this._

Matthew Wheeler stood at the window of his study and watched the drizzling rain pour down the outer walls of the Manor House garage.

_Every time I have the vehicles washed and waxed it rains outside._

"Oh well," he murmured to himself.

He turned away from the window, sat back down at his massive mahogany desk, and began going over some paperwork requiring his signature. It didn't take long before he was finished with the task and back at the window again. This time, his gaze fell on the stables.

_Bill's apartment lights are still not on, yet,_ he observed. _And, I know he's not in the stable. Where can he be?_

The middle aged business man pensively rested a closed fist against his chin, supported under the elbow by his other arm across his middle. He looked to be contemplating the fate of the nation, as if he were the President standing in The Oval Office. His mind raced with concern for the young groom who was now more like family than an employee.

_Surely, he didn't take a horse out in this storm. He's too smart for that. But, then, where is he? His truck's still here._

It was then that he saw the flicker of a light bobbing up and down in the distance.

"What in the world?" Matthew asked himself under his breath.

With great care to avoid alarming anyone else in the household, he moved quietly to the back door of the mansion and slipped out to meet Bill Regan who was now galloping rapidly into the yard on horseback.

"Bill? Is that you? Is everything alright?"

The rider, obviously startled, quickly pulled his horse to a stop and sat panting in the darkness.

"It's…it's me. I'm sorry, Mr. Wheeler. I know I shouldn't have…taken a horse out…in this weather...but…Hallie Belden was stuck out in the preserve…and…"

"Say no more. You'd think that girl was as unlucky as her cousin. I'm sure her family is grateful to you for finding her and taking her home…that is…you did find her, didn't you?"

"Of course…you think I'd come back without her?" Regan replied shortly.

_Oh great. He's mad about something, I can tell. _

"Why don't you go get yourself dried off? You can tell me all about your adventure tomorrow," Matt offered kindly.

Suddenly, it seemed as if all the fight had gone out of the young man sitting on the horse in front of him. He hunched low in the saddle, shoulders slouched in defeat.

"If…you aren't too busy, right now…I…uh…I would actually like to speak to you tonight, sir." Regan's voice seemed to catch in his throat at the end, leading Matt to believe that something was, indeed, very wrong.

"Certainly. I'll be in my study. Just come on in when you're ready. I'll have Miss Trask bring us something warm to drink."

As Bill rode off into the stable, Matt turned toward the house with a heavy heart.

_I guess it's been a while since we had a talk about Dan. Seeing Hallie must have brought out some grief he needs to share. I just don't know how to help him when I can't stop missing the kid, myself. I pass his old room down the hall and think about him lying in there…so sick... _

Matt paused at the back door to say a heart-felt prayer before squaring his shoulders and going inside.

_Oh God, help me know what to say to this poor man, _he begged.

…Later on, in Matt's study…

"What? No coffee for you, Bill? Oh, I forgot. You don't drink coffee. Sorry about that. Then, have you ever tried one of these Belgian truffles before?" Matthew pointed to the twist-wrapped sweets in the candy dish on his desk. "They are some of the most delicious…"

"Uh…no sir" Regan interrupted nervously, "I mean…no thank you. I appreciate it, but I'm not one for chocolates either…"

"Not like Dan was, huh?" Matt asked softly. "Oh, that was my secret way of getting him to keep his medicine down on those really rough days, I'll tell you. He was a lot like me in that respect. When nothing else would tempt him…I'd give him chocolate, and he could never say no."

Matt watched Bill wringing his hands and squirming nervously in his seat, so he decided to help him get to the heart of the matter as quickly and painlessly as possible.

"You probably missed him a lot more today, having seen his girlfriend, yes? Is she having…a hard time, too?"

Bill looked about ready to jump out of his skin at this.

"Mr. Wheeler, listen, about Hallie…"

"Oh come on, now," Matt interrupted. "How many times have I told you? Call me Matt."

"Alright, Matt. I…uh…actually…seeing Hallie today is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about."

"I understand. I do. And, it's alright. I'm sure talking with her probably brought up a lot of different emotions for you…"

"You have no idea," Bill replied cryptically.

"Then tell me about it."

"Well…okay. Um…earlier today, we…uh…we flew Dan's kite…"

"You did? That's great! I know he really wanted you to do that. How nice!"

"Look, I know you're trying to help, but if you keep interrupting me, I'll never get this out, alright?" Bill sighed, exasperated.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bill. Go ahead. I'll keep my mouth shut." The older man had to bite his lip to keep from commenting further, thinking that he must look like his daughter Honey when she's trying to contain her own nervous chatter.

"See…the thing is…while we were out there today, …I… no, we…" Bill ran his hands through his red hair, gave a frustrated groan, and slapped his hands down quickly on the arms of his chair. He took a deep breath to finish his thought by rattling off a dozen ideas at once. "We realized something that we never noticed before and…well…she had to go, but she came back later…and…and then we argued…and…she went off in the preserve…and then I went after her…and…she hurt her foot…and the lightning was everywhere…so we hid out at Maypenny's 'till the storm passed…and then…you know…we talked…and…and…" He stopped.

"And what?" Matt prompted after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

"And… I'm in love with her." Bill blurted out.

"You…you what?" Matthew felt the smile fading from his face. He let his coffee mug slip down to rest on the desk in front of him.

"I've fallen for Hallie Belden. Oh, gosh, you gotta believe I didn't want to. It just…sort of…surfaced over the course of the past few years. But, I can't stop it. And now, I'm not so sure I want to, anymore. I know it's going to get tough, but she's worth it, Matt. She is! Except…well, her uncle isn't exactly…happy about it, right now. In fact, he sort of threw me off his place…"

"Woah! Slow down!" Matt suddenly felt as if the room was getting smaller. Was this actually happening? He knew this was a very serious matter. "You say you love Hallie, and …you…you've told Peter Belden about this?"

Bill nodded his head miserably.

"Just now. When I took her home. Oh, boy, what am I going to do?" The young groom put his head in his hands and stared at the floor. "He thinks it's wrong for us to be together. He doesn't trust us."

"Well, does…does Hallie return your love?"

"Yes. And, she agrees with me that Dan would have been okay with it."

Matt felt a sharp pain in his heart, realizing that Bill's words could be true.

_This could either be a terrible mistake or… a perfectly beautiful match _he mused_. _

"What did she say to Peter?"

"Basically, she told him she respected his opinion, but he was just going to have to get used to the idea."

As floored about all of this as Matt felt, he couldn't help but laugh at Bill's comment.

"Sounds like Miss Hallie, alright," he chuckled. "That young lady isn't one for tact, is she?"

Bill shook his head mournfully in agreement. When he looked up again, his wide emerald eyes were filled with uncertainty.

"Are you disappointed and mad at me, too? Are you…are you going to fire me?"

Again, Matthew was floored.

"Fire you? Why…whatever for? Bill, after all that Maddie and I have invested in you, after all the ways we've included you and Dan in our family… how could you ever even dream that I would do such a thing?"

"I…I don't know…it's just…"

"I'm shocked about this, of course," Matt interrupted, "and obviously the age difference is cause for some concern. However, Bill, I could never be mad at you for falling in love. Honestly, son, it's not as if she were a child. Hallie's a grown woman, now. If the two of you are certain what you feel is real, then I wish you all the joy in the world. And, I'm sure her family will eventually feel the same way…given time."

Matt could see the relief visibly taking over Bill's body. He looked as if he could finally breathe again.

"Of course, if you're ever going to erase any doubts Peter may have about your intentions being honest, then we'd better get busy," Matthew said with a firm voice. He decided it was time to give this young man a dose of tough love that could motivate him toward a brighter future.

"What do you mean?" The uncertainty in Bill's voice matched the look in his eyes.

"Let's face it; you're almost thirty years old, you have no college education, and you hold the same job as you did nearly a decade ago. That's no good. A nice girl needs more than that."

"Wow, when you put it that way…" Regan looked hurt.

"Come man, don't get offended. It's time to drop personal feelings and have a discussion about more important business." Matthew folded his hands on the desk in front of him and allowed all emotion to fade from his face. "Now that we've assessed where you are, let's discuss where you want to be five years from now. I seem to recall that you once told Dan you were planning on buying some land and starting your own horse ranch one day. I think that's an excellent idea. Although I know you had hoped to partner with Dan, I can honestly say that none of my other business partners have ever complained about me, and I do have a lot of experience in starting new ventures…"

"Wait. Are you saying you want to help me start my own ranch?"

Matt could see that Bill was beginning to catch on.

"That's precisely what I am saying. Now, don't go thinking this is a handout. I want full partnership to start with. I assure you, it won't be easy, and I'm expecting you to continue on here until you can turn enough profit on the ranch to give me my cut out of it, as well as support yourself…and perhaps a family. But, with proper planning, and finding the right location, I'm certain we can make a very lucrative business together. That is…until you buy me out and take over on your own."

Bill opened his mouth as if to protest, yet he couldn't seem to get anything out beyond a stammered, "But…"

"Naturally, we can't expect this all to happen right away." Matt decided to keep plowing on with his plan to give Regan more time to gather his wits. "We'll have to be very patient and put in a lot of hard work. And, perhaps, we'll have to do some boarding of horses from time to time; maybe start out using the property for other projects until the grounds can be perfectly tailored to our specific needs. I wonder if Mart Belden would like to rent some of our land to work on his spinach farming endeavors..."

"Our land? You mean the land we haven't even bought yet?" Bill gave a nervous laugh.

"Don't slow me down with details," Matt feigned a bit of light-hearted frustration to counteract the stern business voice he had been using to deliver his ideas. He stood up behind his desk , looked down his nose at Bill, and gave him a mixed look of severity and fatherly care. "You do trust me, don't you?"

"I…I guess so…I mean, yes sir…but…"

"No buts. Just business, Bill. Are you in or out?"

"Of course I'm in. It would be…stupid… and…completely ungrateful of me not to...to jump at this opportunity. It's just…so much has happened today…and…and I owe you so much already."

"You owe me nothing but to respect me enough to listen to me." Matt walked around to the front of the desk and sat down in the leather chair beside his employee. He let the sympathy in his heart surface on his face. "If you mean what you say…if you're truly in love with her, then it's time you stopped doing just enough to get by in this world and start working on your dreams. It's the only way you'll ever be the man you think she deserves. The man Peter knows she deserves."

"Do _you_ think I'm the man she deserves?" Bill asked quietly. Gone was the usual look of a harshly set jaw. He no longer appeared to have a short fuse ready to blow at any moment. Matt had only seen this depth of vulnerability in the young man a few, brief times before. Yet, he surmised this softer, less confident version of him was most likely the true Bill Regan.

_Poor soul. He's probably never been made to feel worthy in his entire life._

"I think…"Matthew paused. He knew he had to do this carefully. "I think you can be anything you put your mind to Bill. I think you're a hard worker, a talented horseman…and a loyal friend." He reached over and gave Regan's shoulder a brotherly clap. "And, honestly, after getting to know Dan as well as I did at the end of his life, I think there are a lot of things Hallie might never have understood about him. I'm not convinced you aren't the better match for her."

This brought Regan to the point of blinking back tears, and Matt knew he'd said the right thing.

_If his relationship with Hallie Belden is ever going to work, he can't go into it thinking he's second-best._

"Thank you, Matt," Bill whispered.

"Oh, don't thank me, yet. I'm going to hold your feet to the fire to keep you on track with your plans. You're probably going to wish you'd never told me any of this."

"I kinda already do. That boardroom face you were giving me a minute ago was a bit…intense."

The two men shared a good laugh as the young groom stood awkwardly to make his leave.

"Uh…Mr…uh…Matt?" Bill suddenly asked when he'd reached the door.

"Yes?"

"It isn't about the job or the education or…even about the money…is it? I mean, you said so yourself once that you and Mrs. Wheeler have had your own troubles along the way…even with all your business successes."

Matthew, now leaning against the front of his desk, folded his arms across his chest and cocked his head to the side.

"You're right. It's all about choices, not finances. If you're determined to love each other no matter what…you'll make it work. But it _is _important for you to be satisfied with yourself before you ask someone else to share a lifetime with you. And…you really aren't happy with yourself right now…are you?"

Bill swallowed hard and gave his employer a knowing nod.

"I guess I just hadn't realized it."

"Don't worry. You'll be where you want to be soon enough. Just be patient, stay focused, and don't rush anything."

"How am I ever…ever…going to repay you?" Regan murmured quietly. "I mean…for everything. For this…what you did for Danny…everything?"

"I ask you again, do you trust me?" Matt knew this issue was at the heart of what kept Bill Regan so isolated and alone.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have come here tonight. I wouldn't have wanted you to be the first to know."

Matt couldn't contain his smile any longer. It was what he needed to hear.

"Then repay me by making sure you don't forget to bring your kids by to see their old grandpa once and a while. That is, of course, if you and Hallie decide to have children someday."

It took a minute for the light of understanding to dawn in Bill's eyes, but when it did; it brought a slow, crooked smile to the young man's handsome face.

"You know, you're just barely old enough to be my father, and Mrs. Wheeler really looks young for her age…wouldn't you rather be known as a special aunt and uncle… or something like that?"

"Are you kidding? And blow another chance to spoil someone else's kids? Not on your life."

Bill gave a chuckle and nodded humbly.

And just when it seemed the somewhat embarrassed young man was about to turn and walk out of the room, he did something Matt had never expected.

He quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped his bulky arms around Matt in a big bear hug.

The older businessman was utterly shocked. He had never known Bill to touch anyone, aside from Dan.

"Woah! Give a man some warning before you squeeze the life out of him, next time," Matt laughed as Bill released him with an awkward smile.

"Sorry…I just…couldn't help myself."

"It's alright kid. I'm happy to be here for you. And, don't worry about Peter, okay? He'll understand. Give it time. Now, Harold Belden, on the other hand…"

"Who? Hallie's father? But, she said she thought he'd be okay with it! What do you mean?" Regan's voice was full of anxiety as he was being walked to the door by a now laughing Matt.

"I just wanted to see you panic again, Bill. Relax. It's all going to work out."

"Just for that, I'll make sure my children refer to you as 'the old man' or gramps," Regan teased back.

"But, if they say it with love, it will still be music to my ears," Matt replied. And, he meant it, too.

It was then that he realized his adopted son Jim Frayne was simply the first of three orphans he had learned to love as if they were his own sons. And, he was grateful to God for sending each of them his way.

_Lord, you must have known I needed them just as much as they needed me._

He silently continued his prayer after Bill had gone.

…_And God…be sure to let Dan know…I'm keeping my promise to him._


	37. boxing stemware and midnight chocolate

_As always…characters aren't mine…not trying to make money with them…you know the drill…_

_This is a flashback within a flashback: Matthew Wheeler was giving Regan some advice about Hallie, and it triggered this memory about a time when he made a very special promise to a dying Dan Mangan._

_Flashback: Matt's POV:_

"Um…are you praying or sleeping?"

The voice penetrated Matthew Wheeler's hazy brain, and caused his lolling head to jerk up. Opening his heavy eyelids, the wealthy businessman saw his son Jim standing at the door to his study.

"Dad?"

"Hmmmph? Oh, sorry about that Jim. I must have dozed off while I was…working in here."

The red headed young man gave Matthew a warm grin.

"You work too hard. Come on, it's getting late, and everyone else has already gone up to bed."

He opened the door wider to indicate that he wanted his father to follow him out of it.

"You go on ahead, son. I have some things I need to finish up, here."

"Anything I can help you with?"

Matthew was touched.

Trying not to let on that his heart had been melted by Jim's thoughtfulness, he simply waved the twenty-year-old off with a casual, "Nah, you go on up."

It wasn't that he didn't think Jim could help him. On the contrary, he knew his adopted son was probably the most level-headed and business minded college student he'd ever known. Yet, he thought it best not to involve Jim in the paperwork he was currently working on, because it dealt with Dan Mangan's medical information. The increasingly grim reality of their young friend's illness was something Matt didn't want his son to have to worry about tonight.

"Are you sure?" Jim checked again.

Suddenly, a loud shriek interrupted their conversation.

It had come from the back guest room, down the hall.

The same room Dan had been staying in since his immune system had become too weak to handle the damp air of Mr. Maypenny's old cabin.

Matt felt his adrenaline kick in, fear gripping him.

Without another word, he clambered from the room on Jim's heels. His heart pounded in his chest and his stomach lurched.

_Lord, please let Dan be okay,_ he prayed fervently. He raced down the hall on trembling legs.

As he entered the bedroom behind Jim, he immediately understood what was happening and reached out to stop his son from touching the young man who was writhing on the bed.

"He's…he's just dreaming," Matthew breathed out with a huge sigh of relief. But, the feeling quickly turned to concern, as he watched Dan struggle violently with an imaginary attacker.

_This can't be good for him,_ he thought.

"Jim, speak softly to him over on that side, and I'll see if I can wake him from over here. Try not to startle him," Matt said quietly.

But, they didn't get a chance to put their plan into action.

Before either man could move, Dan gave another shriek of terror and shot out his fist to shatter the water glass sitting on the nightstand beside his bed.

The sound of the breaking vessel jolted Matt into action, causing him to leap forward and subdue Dan's fists so that he wouldn't cut himself further on the jagged shards.

"Jim, quick! Help me hold him down… and keep him out of the glass!"

For a brief moment, Jim hesitated, causing Matt to wonder if it was because seeing Dan fight like this was bringing up painful memories from his own past. He knew the young red head had been physically abused by his stepfather, the same way Dan had suffered beatings when he was in foster care.

But, despite his initial reticence, Jim surprised Matt by quickly moving to comply with his commands; he took over Dan's left arm and pinned him gently to the mattress.

"No!" Dan wailed. "Please! Stop! Luke, stop it! Let us go!"

"Shhh," Matt tried to console him. "Dan, it's alright. Wake up, now."

"Hallie!" Dan's voice cracked as he strained it to its maximum volume.

The young man's rapidly moving eyelids suddenly flew open, and his chest began to heave with ragged breaths while he tried desperately to shake himself of his nightmare.

"Dan. Dan, listen to me. Everything is alright," Matthew said gently. "You're safe. You and Hallie both. You're safe."

_Poor kid, he must have been dreaming about those horrible Cowhands kidnapping him and his girlfriend at the Glen Road Inn._

He was reluctant to release his charge's arm before he knew for sure the battle was over.

Jim held on in the same manner. His eyes had been tightly shut as if he had been trying to make this frightening scene go away by simply refusing to look at it, but now he was starting to blink them open again.

"Dan. Can…can you hear us?" Jim tried to illicit a response.

"I…I…"The young man was still trembling and gasping for breath.

"It's okay, son," Matthew soothed. "It's okay."

He slowly relaxed his hold as Dan began to grow limp in his grasp, and Jim began to sit up to take stock of the damage that had been done.

"You…you've cut yourself, Dan," Jim panted. He dropped his friend's wrist and pointed to the bloody fingers on Dan's other hand.

"I…huh?" The look of confusion and hurt on Dan's face broke Matt's heart.

"Don't worry. They're tiny cuts. You did it when you knocked your water glass over. It's okay. We'll get that cleaned up in no time. Just let me just take a look to make sure there aren't any shards stuck in your skin…"

Matt reached out to inspect Dan's fist but was shocked when the young man jerked away in fear.

He noted the nineteen-yea-old's dark eyes were still glassy and they didn't seem to register any recognition.

_He's not fully awake yet,_ Matt thought glumly.

"Dan, it's okay," Jim now comforted from beside him. "Let Dad check your hand."

The younger boy shook his head blindly and suddenly tried to stand up, but he didn't get very far before exhaustion and fatigue made his weak legs buckle beneath him. He would have sat down hard on the floor if Jim hadn't quickly reached out and pulled him back to land on the bed again.

"No!" Dan bellowed, pushing his friend away with surprising strength. "Stop it! Leave me alone!"


	38. boxing stemware pt2

_Matthew Belden's flashback continued…_

"Matt, dear? Is everything alright in there?" Madeleine Wheeler's fragile voice now came timidly from the dark hallway. She and Honey were huddled together a few feet from the door, clearly uncertain about whether or not they should enter.

"It's…it's alright. Everything is fine. But, stay where you are. There's broken glass on the floor in here."

"Oh, Daddy, what happened?" Honey whimpered.

"Dan was having a bad dream and knocked over his water. It's nothing to worry about. Go back to bed now, love. Jim and I have it taken care of."

As if the little family discussion somehow managed to pull Dan from his trance, the dark haired teen shivered into complete consciousness and held his injured knuckles up in front of his face, trying to make sense of his situation.

"I…I'm sorry," he stammered, looking around frantically. "I…must have been dreaming…and…I…didn't know what I was doing…"

"It's alright, Dan. We know you didn't mean any harm." Jim whispered from close beside him.

"Jim's right, Danny. It was just an accident." Honey's sweet voice from the hall did a lot to calm the young man. Matt could see the muscles in his arms, shoulders, and neck beginning to relax.

"Come on, Honey," Mrs. Wheeler pulled her daughter away gently. "It's best to let your father handle this. Try to get some rest, Daniel," she called back as they retreated.

"Uh…thank you…Honey…Mrs. Wheeler…uh...I'm sorry I woke you…" Dan's confusion appeared to be melting away more and more with each phrase, but Matthew could tell it was a struggle for him to hold such polite conversation while his mind was still filled with lingering terrors from his dream. The teen continued to stare at the blood on his right hand, furiously blinking back tears that were threatening to well up.

Sensing Dan's embarrassment and need for space, Jim slowly moved away from his friend and busied himself with cleaning up the broken glass. He gave his father a knowing glance.

"I'll get this all cleaned up, Dad, if you…um…want to take a look at Dan's hand."

Matt knew he had to do this carefully, so he took his time in moving to sit closer to the youth on the bed. "You're not going to deliver me a right hook like you did that glass, are you?" He teased.

"Oh no sir," Dan's voice held a chuckle mixed with guilt. "I'm so sorry."

"Nonsense! Please don't mention it again. What's done is done. Now, let's see those cuts, shall we?"

He was pleased that Dan didn't flinch this time, but quickly surrendered his hand trustingly.

"It doesn't look like any glass got down in the cuts anywhere," Matt said, finally satisfied that the boy wasn't seriously hurt. "There must still be some alcohol pads and bandages in the bag we brought back from the hospital. Why don't you just lie back and try to rest for a minute while I go and get it?"

"Thank you," Dan whispered.

It was a simple response, but it meant a great deal to Matthew.

_No protests; no attempts to do it for himself. He's finally allowing me to take care of him._

Before long, Matthew was back with the supplies he needed to clean and bandage Dan's cut knuckles.

Jim had already finished his task of clearing away the debris from the shattered glass and was now sitting in the bedside chair, trying hard not to fall asleep.

"I've got this, Jim. You can go on up to bed," Matt said, getting straight to work on Dan's hand.

"Are you sure?" Jim hesitated again. He looked at Dan to make sure his friend didn't need him to stay.

"Don't worry about me, Jim. I'm fine now," Dan assured him.

"Well…alright. But, if you want to talk about it in the morning…you know I'm here."

"I know. Thanks. And…I'm…I'm glad you were here tonight. I mean…I know you can…understand."

"Anytime, Mangan. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

_I'm glad Jim was here, too, _Matt thought humbly as he finished wrapping Dan's hand. _I don't think I could have held Dan back all by myself. He was determined to fight, this time. _

"There now, Champ" he said when he'd finished. "Your boxing hand's good enough for a rematch. Only this time, since you beat the water glass, you're going to have to move up to heavyweight status and take on the lemonade pitcher."

Dan gave an embarrassed groan. "I thought you said not to mention it again."

"I said for _you_ not to mention it again. I never said _I_ couldn't remind you of it from time to time."

"Oh, great. Just one more expense for you and Uncle Bill to argue about," Dan groaned again.

"Now, I was just kidding, Dan. Let's forget all about that silly old glass. And anything else that might be troubling you tonight. Come on," he helped the young man pull the covers up over his legs, "you just lie back down here and get yourself a good night's sleep."

But, Dan almost seemed afraid to go back to sleep at that moment.

"Thank you, sir, but…I think…I might sit up…for just a bit," he said softly.

"I understand, son. Is there anything I can get for you? Shall I turn on the television in here?"

"No, thank you. But…um…could you…stay with me…for a while? I still feel…"

"Say no more," Matt exclaimed, eager to please. "How about I break out my latest box of chocolates? Come on…you know you can't say no to chocolate!"

Dan's weak body forced a grin on his tired lips.

"Well…since you twisted my arm…"

"Hah! You're just going to love this new batch, I've gotta tell you. Wait right here."

Matt flew to his office to get the latest imports, feeling grateful that his catnap earlier had given him enough energy to be ready for a late night chocolate fest.

He opened the richly decorated box in his hands as he was stepping back into Dan's room.

"Try one of these, Dan. They're drizzled in fudge."

He took one of the candies for himself before passing the box to the young man in the bed.

"Thanks, Mr. Wheeler," Dan whispered. "…for everything."

"You know you are more than welcome, Daniel."

He took the box as Dan offered it back to him, placed it on the nightstand, and sat down in the bedside chair to taste his treat. He looked up and noticed Dan's face was suddenly drawn in thought.

"I feel guilty sometimes, when I know that Mr. Maypenny is all alone at home without me…but…I sure appreciate you taking care of me like this…" Dan gave Matt a sad smile and took a bite of his candy.

"Will you stop with the same old grateful orphan speech?" Matt teased. "It makes the chocolates taste bad." He had learned to keep the mood light after one of Dan's episodes. Whether he was having a bout of nausea or a terrifying nightmare, Dan's ability to remain positive afterward often affected his physical recovery time.

"Mmmm. It didn't make these chocolates taste bad," Dan purred between bites. "That's the stuff! Where did you get these?"

"They're Swiss. Pretty good, huh? Hey, you know what I said before. As soon as we get you well again, I'm going to take us all to Europe and show you where some of our favorite chocolates are made. We'll take the Bobwhites with us, your Uncle Bill, why…I wonder if we could even talk old Mr. Maypenny into going, too."

"Not likely!" Dan snorted, gaining strength from the sugar in the treat. "I'll bet he's never flown in a plane in his entire life."

Matt smiled at the idea. "Oh Dan, I think you'd be surprised if you knew all the details of that man's life."

"I know what he wants me to know," Dan's voice was soft. "I guess we're a lot alike in that way."

The two men sat quietly for a while, each reflecting on his own special relationship with the old gamekeeper who lived at the heart of the preserve, when Matt decided he should probably offer Dan a chance to talk about his nightmare.

"You…uh…scared me earlier when I heard you screaming. I thought you'd seen a ghost or something."

The youth gave an embarrassed grimace. "Sorry about that."

"Want to talk about it?"

"What's to tell? It was another dream about…the gang. You've…you've seen me have them before, I'm sure."

"Well, put your mind at ease. Luke's in jail where he can't hurt you. So, you don't have to worry about that anymore. You're safe, now."

"You know," Dan suddenly looked agitated, "I don't even think it was really about that, this time…I mean…about Luke specifically." He twisted his bandaged hand in the bed clothes covering his legs. "I think, maybe…if I want to be honest about it, I probably had that dream right now because I'm…I'm worried about Hallie."

"Hallie?" Matthew wasn't sure he completely understood.

"See…the thing about that dream …what made it so scary was… I knew she was in danger, and…I… I couldn't protect her. I was outnumbered. She was so scared…and there was nothing I could do to stop it." Dan bit his lip and stared mournfully down at his hands in his lap. He picked at the bedspread for a moment, grabbed a fistful of the flowery covering with an exasperated sigh, and then squeezed the cloth as if he were getting a grip on his thoughts by gripping it so tightly. When his frustration seemed to be under control, he continued in a voice husky with emotion.

"It was…kind of like… the way the situation is with her now. She's really scared of losing me…but it's all out of my hands. There's nothing I can do."

Matthew marveled at Dan's selflessness.

_After all he's been through, he's worried about her._

"I just…I just wish what was happening to me right now didn't affect her so much," Dan continued. "I want her…to…to go on with her life and be happy. I don't want her to have any regrets when she looks back and thinks about me…" He paused for a minute and then mumbled, "…after I'm gone."

"Don't talk like that!" Matt snapped out more angrily than he'd intended. "You're not going to die, Dan Mangan. You're going to beat this! Look at you, why…you're already a hundred times stronger than you were before the surgery. And your hair's already grown back, too. "

"Sir, it's okay. I know the truth. You…don't have to try to fool me. And, you don't have to keep promising me future trips around the world to give me hope or make me forget what's happening. Don't get me wrong. It's a lot of fun, and I really love sharing this kind of time with you, but let's face it…I'm dying."

"No, you're not!" Matthew stood up defiantly like a spoiled child. "How can you say that?"

"Because it's true. And…I know you must believe it, too, or else…you wouldn't be working so hard to make me and everyone else believe otherwise. Look…I've read the doctor's reports, sir. Just as you have. And…I've seen you…praying over them in your office. You and I both know, if it weren't for you taking such good care of me…I'd have been gone long before now."

Matt suddenly felt a cold chill take over his spine. He could sense the bitter taste of bile in the back of his throat.

"That's…that's just not true," he managed to whisper through his discomfort.

_Keep it together, Matt,_ he scolded himself. _This kid needs you to be strong. You've gotta have more faith if he's ever going to have a chance to survive…_

"I know that look." Dan's voice broke into his thoughts. "And I know the feelings that go along with it, too. I know because it's exactly how I felt when I realized my mother wasn't going to make it. I thought I had to keep my chin up and never let anybody know that I knew the truth. I thought I could make the last of her life better for her if I never let on…"

"But… but you let those doctors cut you open and…and…suffered all that radiation…why? Why did you go through with all of this if you knew…if you knew it was all just a big waste of time?" Matt couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Because all the people who love me didn't see it that way. To them, it was something else they could do to make it better. I had to give them that."

Matt stared at the young man in front of him with new understanding.

It was the first time he'd ever actually seen Dan for who he was: a truly strong and selfless person. How different the calm and confident person before him now was compared with the trembling figure that he and Jim had held on to earlier.

"A minute ago you were terrified of a dream, but now…you aren't scared one wit about facing death. You're quite a man, Dan Mangan."

The tears he had been trying all evening to hold back slipped silently from Dan's eyes now.

"That means…a lot to me, sir. Especially…for you to…see me as…a man." He gave Matt a smile that tore his heart. "But, you're wrong about one thing, Mr. Wheeler. I am…a little bit scared."

_Oh Lord, please no. Not now. Please don't let him be scared, now. Not after he's been so brave._

"Don't get me wrong," Dan continued on quietly. "It's not that I'm scared for myself, really. It's thinking about what's going to happen to Uncle Bill and Hallie that scares me most. Like I said, I get worried about her being so scared. And, Uncle Bill…well…he's already put his whole life on hold since I came to Sleepyside. I mean, nothing personal, but…he can't be your stable groom forever. How's he ever going to get married and support a wife doing that?"

Matt chuckled through his own tears.

"Now, you shouldn't worry too much about all of that. You know Bill's got his own timing. He'll get around to all of that eventually."

"But, what if he doesn't? What if my death becomes just another excuse for him to put off dealing with his insecurities? You and I both know unless someone gives him a good push in the right direction, he'll never get off his duff and go after his dreams."

Again, Matt was amazed at this young man's insight and wisdom.

"I guess I never really thought much about Bill's future before," Matt admitted. "I probably would have just been content to let him stay here forever, if you hadn't said anything about it."

"See what I mean?" The two men laughed, and then when Dan had regained some composure, he looked up with pleading eyes. "So…I need for you to promise me something. Please, Mr. Wheeler. I'm sorry to ask one more thing on top of all you've already done, but…it would make all of this so much easier for me."

"Anything, Danny," Matt said gently. And he meant it. He stopped trying to hide his tears and sat down close again beside the bed.

"I know there's nothing you can do about my concerns for Hallie. I suppose she'll stay out in Idaho, and I'll just have to go on faith that Trixie will keep her on track."

"Oh boy, you _do_ have something to worry about if you think those two will get along long enough to keep each other straight," Matt couldn't help but tease.

Dan smirked in agreement. "But, at least they have each other. See, that's the thing. Hallie has parents, and brothers, and all the Beldens living here…but…well…where Uncle Bill is concerned… You're all he has."

The reality of that statement hit Matthew like a ton of bricks. It was the first time he'd ever realized how important he was to his employee.

"Please don't let him give up his dream of starting his own horse ranch, just because I won't be there to help him run it. Make him do it. Tell him, it's what I wanted."

"But, why don't you just tell him yourself?"

"Because I can't let him know I'm dying until it's too late. I can't let him live with that kind of knowledge the way I did. I'm sorry. I know I've put that burden on you, but…I can't do that to him. Let him believe I'm going to make it…all the way up to the end. Please. Can…can you promise me that?"

"I promise." Matt blubbered as he broke down. He sobbed quietly for a moment and then couldn't keep his distance anymore. He moved to sit beside Dan on the bed and pulled him into a fatherly embrace. He could feel the younger man's body shuddering as he also wept. They stayed that way for a little while. Pouring out their griefs and fears on each other's shoulders.

Later, after the pair had talked some more and found some peace with all that had been said, Matt turned back at the door before leaving to let Dan get some sleep.

"Dan, I really wasn't just making up false hopes when I told you I'd take you to Europe. I promise you. Why, we could even go tomorrow, if you want. I could get a private jet, and…"

Dan's laughter interrupted him.

"No,no,no. It's alright, sir. Really. Maybe, before the surgery, I would have taken you up on that. But, honestly, I just don't think I could make the trip, now. Besides, you're already giving me the one thing I really want. I need to know Uncle Bill will be alright when I'm gone."

"I promise you. I'll keep up with Bill like he was one of my own. No matter where he goes, I'll look out for him."

"Nothing fancy, of course. No Swiss chocolates or private jet rides, or anything," Dan teased.

"Of course not. We wouldn't want it all going to that big head of his, would we?" Matt sniffed. He couldn't stop thinking he was the one getting the blessing out of this promise, not Dan. "You're a good person, Dan. And…and…Maddie and I care a lot about you. We love you. I hope you'll always remember that."

"Yes, sir. Um…Mr. Wheeler?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, too."

Matt never knew a person's heart could soar and break at the same time.

"Good night, Dan. I'll…I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, sir."


	39. Chocolate Trip

Present Day:

"Now, don't think just because I love you I'm going to take it easy on you!"

Trixie Frayne grabbed the Wii remote from her husband and prepared to take her turn at the virtual bowling game the whole family had gathered in the living room to play.

"The only reason you beat me in the last tournament was because Isabella was on your team," Jim smirked at his wife.

"And, your point is?"

"She bowled on a professional women's bowling league in college! That's the point. I call that an unfair advantage!" The frown on Jim's face didn't last very long before Trixie reached out, grabbed him by the collar, and pressed her smiling lips to his.

"Oh Mom, come on!" Katie Frayne whined. "We don't need to see that!"

"Ew! Old folks making out!" Laura Belden covered her face dramatically.

Trixie and Jim pulled away from each other, laughing, and the Wii tournament continued on.

Helen Belden couldn't help but feel a satisfying warmth creep over her spirit as she watched the scene unfold before her. Her children and their families were gathered together in her daughter's home to celebrate the New Year and to congratulate her oldest granddaughter on her engagement; the atmosphere was immensely joyous.

_I am blessed beyond measure,_ Helen thought happily.

She let her eyes drift over the family room, taking in the legacy of love that she and her husband could claim as their own. Apart from the competitive group seated around the television set, there were other clusters of cherished souls; happy little mixtures of adults and teenagers talking and laughing. It was the most beautiful thing Helen had ever seen.

Then, her eyes fell upon her great nephew Daniel Regan, who was sitting across the hall in the formal living room.

Taking in the serious way the boy's head was bent in conversation with her neighbor and friend, Matthew Wheeler, Helen immediately felt a surge of bitter sweet understanding.

_He's giving him the ticket,_ she thought with a gasp.

She knew the silver box the teen was now holding contained a plane ticket that had been purchased long ago for Daniel's father, Dan Mangan. Unfortunately, Dan had died of cancer before Matthew could take the sick young man to Europe for a promised "chocolate trip."

"There's a new ticket to Paris in there," Madeleine Wheeler's voice surprised Helen from beside her. "Matthew bought it last week. He has business in France next month, so…he thought it would be the perfect time to…keep his promise. He had planned to give it to Daniel for Christmas, but he had to make sure Hallie and Bill were okay with his plans first." The frail looking old woman sat down carefully beside her friend, patting her wrinkled hand with her own arthritis riddled fingers.

"I think it's…perfect." Helen murmured, feeling a lump rise in her throat. She knew how much this trip was going to mean to Matt and to Daniel. "I'm sure they'll make themselves sick on sweets."

"Oh yes. We can count on that."

The two women laughed together comfortably. For a short time, they said nothing, but continued to watch the pair talking excitedly in the next room.

"I think this has all been very challenging for Daniel. His injury, learning the truth about his father… It will be good for him to get away and…think about something else for a while." Helen's happiness for the young man brought tears to her eyes.

"Yes. And, maybe, Matt will find the sense of closure he's been needing." Madeleine sighed. "You know, for years after Dan passed…Matt wouldn't let Marge change a thing in that room."

"Speaking of Marge, how _is_ Ms. Trask doing these days?" Helen quickly changed the subject. She didn't want to let the sorrows of the past overshadow the happiness of the night's occasions.

"Well, she seemed as fit as ever when we met for lunch last Tuesday. Of course, you know she's been doing some traveling, herself."

"Really? No, I did not know that. Where has she been?"

"Her most recent trip was to Hawaii, actually. Had a marvelous time."

"I've always wanted to see Hawaii," Helen said dreamily.

"Then, what are you waiting for? Matthew and I find excellent rates on cruises all the time. We could invite the Lynches to come along and…"

"Oh, Maddie, Peter and I couldn't possibly…" Helen stammered.

"For Heaven's sake, why not? Helen, look around you. Your children are grown and self sufficient. Your grandchildren are almost all teenagers. And, you can't blame it on Peter's hip anymore. He's more active now than he was before the replacement surgery. What's to keep you from enjoying yourself?"

"I…I don't know, Maddie. There's Bobby and Isabella's baby on the way now and…and Katie's wedding…"

"And, if you keep making up excuses, you'll never take an opportunity to go." Maddie gave her old friend a smile. "That baby won't be here for another five months, you know. As for Katie, well, I think we can agree that our granddaughter is too indecisive to have an entire wedding planned out by summer. We could get a spring sail date and be back in time to help Trixie plan the shower."

Helen laughed. "As shocking as it may sound, I doubt Trixie will even need our help. She's turned out to be quite a success, domestically. Can you believe it? I sometimes have a hard time imagining that my stubborn little tomboy is the same person who lovingly runs a children's home and doles out detention and cookies to students at the academy."

"See there, now? With everyone left in Trixie's capable hands, we are free to travel."

The two older women laughed and shared another special smile together.

"If there's anything Dan's death taught us…" Madeleine continued quietly, "it's that…we aren't guaranteed tomorrow. We need to enjoy today to its fullest. And, even though it took me a long time to realize how important family is, I still believe that we also have to have some independent time for ourselves. I've made it up to Honey for all the years I put my own needs above hers. Now that she's a happy wife and mother, she's made it clear to me that it is my turn to focus on me again."

Helen looked around her and knew Madeleine's words were true.

_Peter and I have never taken a vacation without the children. This could be a new adventure for us!_

"Alright, then. How do we get started?" Helen asked confidently.

"You really mean it? You'd go with us?"

"You just talked me into it. Are you going to try and change my mind, now?"

"Oh no, of course not! I'm ecstatic! This is going to be such a wonderful trip! I can't wait to tell Matthew!"

"Perhaps, I should warn Peter first," Helen said with a laugh. "Before you bombard him with ideas and itineraries."

"I saw him going into the kitchen," Maddie said hopefully.

Helen felt herself growing giddy. She shook her head and sighed.

"Alright, Mrs. Pushy. I shall see if I can find him." She rose to make her way to her daughter's kitchen when she noticed a very nervous Bill Regan standing at the family room door wringing his hands and staring across the hall at Mr. Wheeler and Daniel.

Her heart immediately went out to her niece's husband.

_This can't be easy for him,_ she thought tenderly.

"Well, hello there, Bill. Happy New Year," Helen pulled the large man into a warm embrace. She could feel him wilt against her for a brief moment.

"Happy New Year, Aunt Helen," he said softly. He gave her a forced smile, but she could see the uneasiness behind it. She knew he was emotional about Matthew's gift, and she wondered if there was also some tension still existing between Bill and Daniel over a misunderstanding that had occurred between them at Thanksgiving.

She was about to ask him if he wanted to talk about anything when her daughter interrupted them.

"Oh, Regan. There you are. I was hoping to find you not doing anything," Trixie said with a wag of her eyebrows.

"Uh Oh," Bill teased. "This sounds like an invitation to do some manual labor."

"Or to help her beat Jim at some crazy video game," Helen interjected.

"Moms! You're going to scare him off," Trixie laughed. She grabbed the older man's large forearm and began to pull him toward the other side of the room where his wife was standing with a curious look on her face.

"Uh…Trix…I'm sorry. I appreciate the offer and all, but…I don't play those…um…" Regan protested as he walked.

"Don't panic, Regan. I'm not asking you to play the Wii with us."

Helen could see the red head's upper body relax as he gave a sigh of relief.

"Actually, you were right the first time. I do have a sort of…job… I want to ask you to do for me. See, Moms let us borrow her large nativity set this year to decorate the courtyard for the Christmas Ball, and well…it won't fit in any of our storage areas, and it would be too troublesome for Dad to try and take it back to Crabapple Farm so…I was hoping that maybe you and Hallie would store it for me in your barn. If you have your truck, I'm sure you and Daniel could get it loaded up in no time…"

_Oh Trixie, that's perfect!_ Helen thought to herself. _It's exactly what Bill and Daniel need right now._

"Well…um…sure thing. I don't mind. But, if it's alright with you…I'll wait until daylight and get Will to help me load it sometime tomorrow. It's too dark out there now, and Daniel's leg has been giving him trouble…"

"Bill?" Hallie's soft voice interrupted him from the window where she had quietly slipped to stare out across the courtyard. "Come see what she's talking about."

Noticing the cryptic way his wife was speaking, Bill wasted no time in joining her at the window.

_It's been a long time since he's taken a good look at that nativity, _Helen considered. _I wonder if he will even recognize it._

But, he did.

Helen knew the moment the realization hit him, because his eyes doubled in size and he drew in a quick breath.

_Now, if he'll just get Daniel out there and help him to understand…_

As if he read Helen's thoughts, Bill turned from the window, gave his wife a knowing glance, and then nodded to Trixie in understanding.

"I see. No problem, Trixie. Daniel and I will go get it."

"Thanks, Regan," Trixie said with a smile.

"No…thank you," Bill whispered. He started to walk out of the room when suddenly he turned back and hugged Trixie and Helen both.

"Wow! Two hugs in one year!" Trixie teased. "You keep this up and we'll have to revoke your caveman license. Did you see that Hallie? Your husband willingly hugged us of his own free will."

"And he didn't turn to dust, either," Hallie said good-naturedly.

"Ugh!" Bill teased back, pretending to drag his knuckles as he moved away from the women to go and fetch Daniel.

Everyone laughed, and Helen was once again struck by the wonderful woman her daughter had become.

"You saved the day once more, Trixie," she put her arm around the woman gently.

"Well…it had to be done. Besides, you didn't have time to take care of that problem. You were on your way to talk Dad into taking you on a romantic cruise to Hawaii."

"Why, Beatrice Belden Frayne, were you eavesdropping?"

"Of course!" Trixie and Hallie exclaimed at the same time.


	40. Another special family

Present Day:

"Um…Dad? Is it my imagination or does this Mary look an awful lot like Cousin Trixie?"

Daniel Mangan Regan tilted the wooden nativity figure so that its face could be seen in the faint, outside lights of the Ten Acres Academy and Children's Home courtyard, causing Bill Regan to let out a hearty chuckle.

"I wondered when you'd notice. Honestly, Daniel, how many times have you seen this nativity at Crabapple Farm? In all these years, you've never recognized the likenesses of the Belden siblings in these faces before?"

"I guess not," Daniel said quietly. He ran his hand over the aged carvings of the holy scene he had been sent outside to help load into Bill's truck. "Hmmm. Uncle Peter must have made these a long time ago. Obviously Trixie is the Mary, and…let's see here…this Joseph has Brian's face. So, where's Mart?"

"He's one of the wise men over there," Bill laughed softly.

"More like a wise _guy_," Daniel quipped. "Let me guess….Bobby's the baby in the manger, huh?"

But, Daniel stopped smiling when he pulled open the swaddling clothes on the Jesus figure and found nothing but an old, shapeless lump of wood.

"I…I don't understand," he whispered.

"Bob's face is on one of those shepherds over there," Bill said quickly, ignoring Daniel's discomfort. "It looks just like Angelica, doesn't it?"

"But…that's weird. Why did Uncle Peter leave the baby unfinished? Its…well… the most important part of the whole scene, don't you think?"

Bill sighed in a ragged sort of way, leaving Daniel feeling suddenly uncomfortable in the New Year's evening chill.

"Uncle Peter didn't make this nativity scene, Daniel. Dan did."

The mention of his biological father's name sent a jolt of electricity through Daniel. He had almost anticipated Matthew Wheeler's earlier discussion about Dan; however, he never expected Bill to also want to talk about him tonight. For a moment, he was too stunned to respond.

"I remember…he made it for the Beldens the first Christmas he spent here in Sleepyside," Regan continued on. "Said…he wanted to do something nice for them because…they'd treated him as one of their own. He was about your age at the time, actually."

"Wow," Daniel breathed. He ran his hand along the sleeve of one of the wise men and tried to imagine carving such detailed figures all by himself. He looked up at Regan with a new understanding of why he'd been brought out here. "He was… really someone special, wasn't he?"

"Yes, Daniel. Just like you."

The tenderness of the moment was greatly appreciated, but being a guy, the teen couldn't let it last too long before turning it into a joke.

"Aw…gawrsh!" Daniel feigned a goofy look of embarrassment and gave Bill a light punch on the upper arm. "You're not so bad yourself, you know. I'll bet you even helped Dan make all of this, didn't you? I see your signature woodworking on that manger over there…"

He gave a big show with his hands around the outer edges of the wooden box as if he were trying to sell it on a home shopping network.

Bill just shook his head and laughed, seemingly glad that the tears he'd been blinking back were not going to get a chance to fall.

"Nope. This was all Dan's doing. Oh, stop your clowning and help me finish loading this on the truck, will ya?"

"Yes, sir!" Daniel saluted.

After a few minutes of working in silence, the boy could sense that the older man beside him still needed to get something off his chest. It was as if there was something he wanted to say, but he didn't know how to start. Daniel decided to get the ball rolling for him.

"So…I know you didn't just bring me out here to dismantle this thing and load it up. I mean…I'm a pretty slow worker these days with this leg and all. What gives, Dad? Did you just want me to know Dan made this…or…is there something else you wanted to talk about?"

Bill's ready smile was felt, more than seen, through the darkness.

_I know there's more. There's always more,_ Daniel thought to himself.

"Nothing gets by you, does it, Kid?" Regan teased.

"I guess I get that from you." The two of them made sappy faces at each other for a moment, rolling their eyes, until Daniel finally decided it was time to stop playing around. "But, seriously…what's up?" He placed a scuffed up wooden sheep in the bed of the truck and then stopped to rest against the side of the wheel cover.

"Honestly, son…" Bill slid a large piece of the barn backdrop into the truck and stopped to stand beside the teen. "I just wanted to let you know…how grateful I am that we could have you. And…how your mother and I are very proud of everything you've accomplished. I know we already talked about what happened at Thanksgiving, but…I still feel as if I've messed things up between us…and I…I just want to make things right."

"No, Dad. It's cool. I know why you were mad."

"Do you?"

"Yeah," Daniel laughed, "Mom explained it all to me. She says a lot of times when you're that mad, you're just scared for one of us."

The older man put his big hands on his hips with an incredulous look.

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yeah, that's so." Daniel jabbed Bill playfully in the ribs, causing the red headed man to grimace nostalgically.

_Hmmm. That must have been a Dan thing._

Daniel decided he didn't want to be a phantom of the young man everyone missed, so he made a mental note to avoid that move from now on.

_I'm proud he was my father, but I'm my own person. And, I don't want Dad's special memories of me mixed up with his memories of Dan._

"Maybe…you're mother's right," Bill quietly broke into Daniel's thoughts. "I was…a little bit afraid. I was scared that…that you were trying to grow up too fast. It bothers me to think you're getting to the point where… you might not need me anymore. Especially…now that you know the truth."

This concept was something Daniel had never considered before. He looked up into Bill's face and was surprised to see a new kind of softness there.

"I'll always need you," Daniel reassured him gently. "And…you'll always be my dad. Knowing that Dan's my biological father doesn't change that."

Regan started to say something in response, but then he turned back to sort through the items that had already been placed in the truck bed. Daniel just figured the man was trying to hide his growing emotions, so he also busied himself with going back for another piece of the nativity scene.

But, he stopped short when he noticed that Regan had retrieved the Joseph figure from the truck and was now cradling it gently in his arms as he walked toward the youth.

"Daniel, it…it means a lot to me that you still see me the same way you did before you knew the truth. And…I'm grateful…for Dan's sake…that you seem to want to know all about him, too. But…sometimes…" Bill put the figure down before him and patted its back gently. "Sometimes, I feel like Joseph must have felt all those years ago. Trying to be a good father when…when…well…you know…"

Daniel couldn't help but shake his head. He didn't know.

"Jesus wasn't actually Joseph's son, either, remember?"

"Yeah, but…" Daniel couldn't imagine where this conversation was going. "It's not like we aren't related at all. I mean, technically, you're my great uncle…like Uncle Peter."

Regan groaned and ran a hand through his red hair with a frustrated shove.

"No…that's not what I mean. What bothers me isn't about us being related or not being related. It's…" he sighed. "It's the feeling Joseph must have carried around with him… knowing that he could never compete with his son's real father."

For the second time that evening, Daniel was completely stunned.

_He thinks he has to compete with Dan? That's crazy! I never even met the man!_

"I get worried, sometimes, that…Dan could have done a much better job of raising you," Bill continued on in the face of the teen's silence. "After all, he had a father when he was small, and…I didn't. I had no idea what I was doing when you kids came along. I remember, years ago, watching Dan make Bobby's whole world light up, and I thought to myself, 'He's going to make one heck of a father, someday.' But…he never even got the chance to see you. Oh, Daniel, he would have loved you so much. And…he probably wouldn't have made all the mistakes I've made, either."

Now, it was Daniel's turn to be frustrated.

"Will you just stop it? Okay? Every parent makes mistakes. You're… talking crazy! And…it's…it's really confusing me! Ever since you told me the truth, you and Mom have acted like it makes you sad that I can't imagine Dan as my father, and…and now…you're jealous of him? I don't get it. Is this about me going to Paris with Poppa? Do you not want me to go?"

"What? No! Of course I want you to go. I think it's a great opportunity for you. I was only…I…I just…" Bill groaned again and turned his back so Daniel wouldn't see the tears forming in his pained emerald eyes. "I should have let your mother come out here with us. She would have known how to say this."

"Look," Daniel said, suddenly wanting to hurry up and go back inside. "We're almost finished putting all of this in the truck, so…let's just get this done and we can…talk later."

"I really need to get this out now, Daniel. Please."

Daniel had never known Regan to plead with him about anything. It was always Bill's way or no way at all. The vulnerability in the man now standing before him frightened him far more than the passionate anger he'd seen in him on the day of the Thanksgiving family dinner. It was too surreal for the teen to fully process, so he just stood there for a moment, hoping this would all go away.

When Daniel did not speak, Bill turned to face him.

"I'm not saying I'm jealous of Dan, okay? What I'm trying to say is…you deserve the best role model and father in the world, and…I'm sorry if I haven't always…measured up. I'm trying to admit my faults, here. To…acknowledge that…it's been a lot harder than I thought it would be, but…I did my best. I don't want you to have a hard time being the man you want to be because…I didn't know what I was doing. With Will…it's been easier. And not because our blood matches better, okay? It's not because of that. It's only because… Will is just like me."

Daniel laughed. "You can say that again."

"But…you...well…you're different."

"Because I'm Dan's or because I'm _like_ Dan?" Daniel held his breath and tried not to look anxious about the answer he had almost been too scared to ask for.

"Because you are like _you_. Unique and special and…wonderful." Regan's words reassured him gently. He moved closer and put his hand on the teen's shoulder, peering lovingly into his eyes.

"I have never compared you to Dan, and I won't start now." He held the gaze long enough for Daniel to feel his words and then pulled away, shoved his large hands into his coat pockets, and let out a tired sigh. "I guess I just can't stop comparing _myself_ to him…or any other father I've ever seen. Like I said before, I didn't have my own dad to learn from." He stood silent for a brief minute and then reached out to pick up the Joseph figure once again. "I just want to make sure you know…how hard I've tried. How sorry I am for all the times I fell short. How…grateful I am for you, even though I know I don't deserve you, and…how much…I…" Bill shrugged, trying to make the weight of his words seem less pressing, "…I want you to know how much…I love you."

Daniel couldn't help but smile at this. It was just like his dad to take an hour to say something so short and simple. And, of course, it wasn't the first time Bill had ever said it to him, either. But, this time, with the new understanding of the man's secret "Joseph complex," Daniel thought this was the best time he'd ever heard those words.

"I love you too, Dad."

The two of them stood quietly for a few minutes, letting their mutual affections be known in silence, and then Bill turned to place the Joseph figure back in the truck bed once more.

After all the pieces were safely tucked away for the trip to The Sleepy R Ranch, Daniel thought of something.

"You know, at first, it kind of disturbed me that the Jesus statue wasn't finished, but… now that I think about it, I can see how hard it would be to imagine what the God of the universe would look like as a baby. Maybe, Dan did that on purpose."

"Could be." Regan agreed. "Jesus was the greatest gift, after all. Perhaps, Dan thought it was better to let everyone imagine their own version of what was underneath the wrapping." He reached over and put his arm around Daniel as the two began to walk back toward the back door of the Frayne home. "I guess that technically makes you the second miraculous birth in my life."

The two laughed together.

Then, Daniel thought of something else.

"Yeah, Uncle Peter told me about the way you sort of…gave me to Mom for Christmas one year. You know…how you…gave her the paperwork on Dan's…um…"

"Well…actually," Bill interrupted, "I chickened out and only gave her a bracelet that year. It just felt too soon, you know. We were still only dating. And, it was a good thing I didn't spring all of that on her so soon, because, well…you almost didn't happen, as it was. We had a kind of…fight about the whole thing when I did finally give it to her."

Daniel stopped walking and looked up at Bill incredulously.

"You never told me that," he said, feeling a little hurt.

"Yeah…well, it was something else that happened a lot like Joseph's story. Only, instead of me being the one whose doubts were erased by a dream, it was your mother who had a sort of…encounter with an angel." Regan's eyes widened at the end of his phrase, causing Daniel to feel that there was far more to this story than what was being said.

"Okay…I know it's really cold out here, but…I've gotta hear this," Daniel said quickly.

"How about we go inside and get your mother, and some hot chocolate, and…we can talk about it out in the sunroom?"

"Sounds…warm," Daniel laughed, "I'm in."

Bill tousled the boy's thick black hair and felt himself relaxing in his son's presence for the first time since his horrible misunderstanding at Thanksgiving. The tension between them was gone for good.

As the two walked side by side, Bill thought about the story he and Hallie were about to share with Daniel for the first time, and he couldn't help but say a quick prayer.

_God, you've given us so much. Thank you. I can't believe how close we came to missing out on this blessing. I'm glad you know better than we do. _


	41. Gift of him pt1

"I would have thought you'd know better than that," Hallie Regan whispered to her new husband.

She opened her eyes and caught him standing at the bedroom door, quickly slipping something behind his back. "If the sound of your big clunking boots didn't give you away, the smell of gardenias certainly did, Bill."

"No one could ever pull one over on you, huh?" He laughed softly.

"And, don't you forget it," she teased. The raven haired beauty propped herself up in their bed and looked him up and down. "It's not my birthday, and it's certainly not our anniversary. We haven't even been married two full months yet, so…what are the flowers for?"

"Because…I love you," Bill Regan stated simply.

It was something he'd never imagined could happen to him. It was something he never thought he deserved. But, sure as he was standing there in the light of dawn, he was in love. And, he knew the woman he adored loved him in return. The joy of it had caused him to uncharacteristically gather flowers for her during his early morning ride.

"Do you like any of these?" He pulled the bouquet out from its hiding place behind him and felt a surge of satisfaction when he saw Hallie's eyes light up.

"Oh! How beautiful!" She tenderly took them from him, fingering and smelling each one.

"The back meadow is full of different kinds. Must have been a regular garden to someone who owned the land before us." Regan smiled at her joy.

"Then, we should keep it as a garden," Hallie decided, mesmerized by the wide array of colors, shapes, and textures in her hands.

Suddenly, her brow furrowed, and she looked up expectantly at Bill.

"You don't already have plans for that pasture, do you?"

"No. Not at all. And I promise I won't let Mart plow down the flowers to plant his spinach, either." Regan sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned close to engage Hallie in a tender kiss.

"Sounds good." Hallie's words were soft murmurs against his lips as the two began to lose themselves in each other.

"Ugggh!" Regan suddenly groaned and forced himself to pull away from her. "We've _got _to stop this or I won't have everything ready for Matt's visit tomorrow." He let his laughter show her he wasn't angry, but he couldn't stop his frustration from showing in his hands. They immediately began to wring themselves as soon as he released his hold on her.

"Nervous?" She asked softly.

"A little," Regan admitted. Although Matthew Wheeler was now his business partner and no longer his employer, having the older man come to check the progress of their newly established horse ranch made the younger man feel as if he were still a subordinate. He was anxious at the thought of possibly disappointing Matthew in any way.

_I just don't want to let him down_.

"He'll love what you've done, Darling," Hallie encouraged, "I just know it." She reached up, smoothed a stray lock of red hair from his brow, pulled him close, and kissed him once more. "There's no one else on earth who could have done any better with this place than you. This is your calling."

"I couldn't have done it without you."

"We make a pretty good team."

"Yeah."

More gentle kissing followed his response, causing Hallie to giggle against his mouth.

"I thought you said you had something to do."

"It can wait," Bill breathed.

Immediately, his words brought a gasp from Hallie, and she pulled back when he touched her again.

"What's wrong?" Regan asked, knowing already by the look on her face that she was thinking about Dan.

"Nothing," she lied. "I don't want to stop you from your work."

"Come on. You know I don't buy that. What is it? Something I just said reminded you of Dan, didn't it?"

Hallie's face flushed, and she tried to change the subject by jumping up and gathering her things for a shower.

"No, no. It's nothing. I …I slept too late, and we both have things we have to do…"

Bill caught her waist as she tried to move past him, pulling her carefully into his lap.

"Now, you're the one who should know better," he said softly in her ear. He nuzzled the back of her neck as she melted against him.

Neither of them moved for a moment, and then Hallie sat back, swallowed down a choking sob, and lifted her sorrowful blackberry eyes to his green ones.

"I promised you I'd never compare you to him. I…don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"Whatever it is…you can tell me. Just like that night at Maypenny's. Remember? I didn't judge you then, and I won't judge you now." Bill was surprised at how secure he actually felt in that statement. Their marriage had given him new confidence.

As if she thought he needed further reassurance, Hallie wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"I love you so much. I do. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes," Bill said gently into her hair. He knew she loved him. And he also knew the guilt she was feeling, because he often felt it, too. It was hard for them to enjoy their love when they still missed Dan.

"It's not because of…the time he said it…it's just…the words were the same, and…"

By the way she was trying so hard to minimize her emotions, Bill decided he knew what this was all about.

"Let me guess…it was something he said that night when…as you put it…the two of you almost went too far. Is that it?"

His wife's soft chuckle through her watery smile was answer enough to his question.

"I don't compare you to him…I promise you. I mean… Dan and I never even…"

"It's okay," Bill soothed. "I understand."

And he did.

That's what made the moment so poignant for them both. There was a deep and comfortable knowledge passing between them which needed no further explanation. In light of that truth, they sat in silence a while longer, clinging to one another. Then, Hallie spoke again.

"Bill?"

"Yes?"

"There's something else that happened the night Dan and I made out in your old apartment. I…I've been trying to find the right time to talk to you about it, but…it never felt right. Something has always stopped me. And, lately, I've been seeing and hearing things that seem like signs for me to go ahead and do this. Things like what you said a minute ago, and how it sounded…just like Dan. But, I…I just don't even know how to…begin."

Bill could tell his wife was profoundly troubled by what was on her mind and it broke his heart.

"Like I said before, you can tell me anything."

Hallie slowly traced his angular jaw line with a gracefully long finger and let out a small sigh.

"Dan made me promise that I'd remind you to…destroy his sperm samples. He said he didn't want to have children with anyone else but me, and…he was afraid if you didn't have them destroyed, the samples might wind up with the general donations to the clinic."

Bill could feel himself relaxing a bit, knowing that he had already taken care of this issue a few years ago.

"Hallie, don't worry. Okay? It's been taken care of. I pulled his paperwork not too long ago and sealed his records so that nobody outside of the two of us can ever access the samples. I even planned to give the whole folder to you for Christmas once…well…it's around here somewhere. Safe and sound. No worries."

"But…you didn't have them destroyed?" The disappointment on her face puzzled her husband.

"Well…no. I guess I just didn't think it was…necessary."

"Why not?"

"Because…I don't know…I just didn't. But, I made sure they were protected. That's all that matters." He closed his big hands over her small ones and gave her a comforting smile. "Let's not worry about it anymore right now. You kept your promise, and Dan would be grateful. All is well."

But, all didn't seem too well with Hallie at the moment. She swiftly pulled herself up and away from Bill with a stiff jerky motion, folding her arms across her chest and turning away so he could not see her face.

"I know it may not seem like a big deal to you, but…it is to me," she started cooly. "It was the only thing he asked me to do for him. I can't let him down, now."

"But you aren't letting him down. You promised him you'd remind me, and you did. Really, Sweetheart, what's the difference? Whether the clinic destroys the samples or not, no one else can access them, and that's all he was worried about, right? So… you kept your promise. See? Done deal. There's no need to go and throw away the only part of him we have left."

He heard a sharp intake of breath come from Hallie as the truth of his words fell on her heart. She turned around to face him with tears in her eyes.

"Is that really why you didn't have them destroyed? You…wanted to…hold on to him a while longer?"

Bill swallowed hard, knowing she was right.

"I guess…yeah. Something like that." He stood up and stepped toward her, but she shrank back.

"No! We can't!" She suddenly blurted out. "It…it wouldn't be right."

"What are you talking about?" Bill was completely confused by her sudden anger and fear.

"You kept them for us to use, didn't you? For us to…to have Dan's baby. Oh Bill, we…we can't!"

"Hallie, I honestly never even considered that." He felt a strange sickness in his stomach at the implication of her words. He wasn't ready to have his own offspring and become a father, much less raise up the children of anyone else. "Calm down. I wasn't thinking about that at the time. Believe me."

"But…you admit…you could be thinking about it now."

"Only because you brought it up! Good grief!"

"I knew I should have talked to you about this sooner," Hallie turned away from him and muttered to herself. She started to gather up her things for the shower once more, snatching items and banging drawers to indicate that she was agitated. "If I had just gone and mentioned the whole thing to you like I promised Dan…back before you did all of this…"

"What?" Bill prodded. "What would have happened? You think I would have destroyed them then? I'm not ready to let them go, now. What makes you think I would have given them up then?"

"This is insane. Completely insane! You know that, don't you?"

"You're the one who's crazy if you think I sealed Dan's file so we could use his samples ourselves. I was trying to protect him!"

"I'm going to get a shower." She suddenly shoved past him and stormed toward the bathroom, accidently dropping a shirt from the pile of items in her hands.

As Bill reached down to assist her, she yanked the clothing up before he could get to it.

"I thought you…had to go…feed the horses…or…something," she muttered angrily.

"And, I thought you missed him, too," Bill scowled back.

She turned and met his hurt glare with one of her own before moving toward the bathroom door again.

"I do. But...keeping the samples won't bring him back. Or stop the pain. It just makes the hurt… last longer."

"Fine!" Bill shouted in defeat. "I'll call up Cryobank tomorrow and make you happy!"

"Fine!" Hallie shouted back.

"Fine!"

Bill struggled to hide the emotion choking him and pricking his eyes as he stomped his way out of the bedroom and down the hallway. Although he was fully aware that his wife would be sobbing in the shower while he pushed on with the daunting list of chores he had to complete that afternoon, he couldn't make himself return to her right away to redress his angry words.

_I thought she, of all people, could understand,_ his mind grumbled.

Little did he know, she was about to gain a whole new perspective with a little help from above.


	42. The Rose

_Oh God, help me, _Hallie Belden silently begged.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, combing her long, wet hair and desperately crying out for some divine sense of peace.

"I don't know what to do, now."

Her whispered lamentation broke the hush of the still room. A room that an hour before had been filled with the promise of a new day for two young lovers, but now was filled with the strangled air of uncertainty.

She was torn between her personal desires and her loyalty.

In her mind, there was no question as to what Dan Mangan, her deceased boyfriend, had asked her to do. But, in her heart, she couldn't stop herself from wanting something else.

_Bill said he'd never even thought of that. But…I have, _Hallie admitted to herself.

She had thought of the idea of having Dan's child almost every day since the day he told her about the existence of his sperm samples.

_Oh God, I know what I promised him, but…_

Her thoughts halted, and she broke down in mournful sobs, knowing that she had no right to beg God's help when she had broken promises to Him, too.

And then, rather suddenly, the strong scent of gardenias wafted into her nostrils for the second time that morning. The sensation caused Hallie to turn and look at the bouquet of flowers her husband had hastily tossed onto their dresser when he had exited earlier in anger.

She was drawn to it.

She picked up the vibrant mix of colors and gasped at what she saw.

Or, rather, what she didn't see.

There wasn't a single gardenia to be found in the entire bouquet!

Her hands shook as she carefully placed the gathered flowers back on the dresser and slowly pulled away from them.

Her heart pounded, and her head swam.

Before her mind could process the very notion, her body immediately became aware of a presence in the room. It was overwhelmingly real. Unmistakably close.

And she knew by the scent who it was…


	43. The Rose part 2

"Nanna Rose?"

Hallie's timid voice was as unsteady as her trembling body.

"Are you…here?"

A gentle breeze outside blew a few stray rose petals from a neighboring bush onto the windowpane, causing Hallie's heart to flip over in her chest. The action appeared to be the confirmation she was looking for.

Instantly, she thought of all the stories her mother's Nez Perce relatives had told her when she was a little girl. Stories of the guiding spirits of ancestors roaming the earth, visiting loved ones in need, and helping them in their life's journey.

She gasped.

_Nanna Rose! It…it must be you!_

Hallie was both frightened and deeply moved. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before.

Yet, despite the completely unbelievable nature of it all, she couldn't deny the fact that she was nearly suffocating from the presence of her late grandmother.

"Oh, Nanna. You were always there for me. You always had such wonderful advice. Show me what to do! I'm so confused!"

Hallie didn't care if talking to the air was crazy. She was sensing some much needed comfort in the essence surrounding her. Real or imaginary, she knew this would help her get her thoughts straight.

"I have to keep the promise I made to Dan," she continued to wail. "I have to! I'd…I'd rather die than ever betray him again. But…what if Bill is right? What if…we've already done what he wanted us to do…and…and we're free to... to… No! No, that wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be right for me to have Dan's child without him here. And…it wouldn't be fair to Bill for me to do that, either. We can't! We have to destroy the samples. It's the only way…right? Oh, please…please tell me that I'm right. Help me!"

As if in response to her plea, the air suddenly stirred around her, and Hallie felt the ground beneath her feet rumble for a few moments. The vibrations, which were obviously a result of horses running in the fields nearby, caused Bill's old stereo system to turn on by itself, as if done by invisible hands.

And, the song that filled the air made Hallie laugh and cry at the same time.

It was Bette Midler's "The Rose."

"Oh Nanna," Hallie breathed; her mind was flooded with memories of the old woman she had loved so dearly.

Rose Cloudtell had been her mother's mother. A descendent of the great Nez Perce leader Chief Joseph. She had passed away a few years before Dan, leaving Hallie with the first of several holes in her heart. For it had been Rose, alone, who had understood many of Hallie's personality quirks. For hours, Rose and Hallie would sit on the porch of the old woman's home, smelling her prize winning gardenias and telling "brothers tales;" each of them had been the only girl in a family of boys. Hallie recalled how her grandmother would brush her hair with a delicate silver brush her father had given her. It had been used so often, the coloration on the handle had long since tarnished, but the beautiful roses etched all over the object could still be clearly seen. Rose would tell Hallie that her father had named her for the special flowers on the brush because he believed she had bloomed from the thorns of his troubled past, setting him free forever.

Tears streamed down Hallie's face as the lyrics of the song suddenly spoke out in unison with the ideas racing through her mind.

"_I say love… it is a flower  
and you… its only seed"_

"But, Nanna, it…it wouldn't be right," Hallie moaned. And the song gave back an answer.

"_It's the heart afraid of breaking  
that never learns to dance…  
It's the dream afraid of waking …that never takes the chance  
It's the one who won't be taken…  
who cannot seem to give…  
and the soul afraid of dying… that never learns to live."_

"Oh Nanna, I know Dan has earned the right to his own little rose, but _I_ don't deserve to be set free from these thorns. I betrayed him when I went with Luke that day. Don't you see?"

Undaunted, the song continued its message of comfort.

"_When the night has been too lonely  
and the road has been too long…  
and you think that love is only  
for the lucky… and the strong  
Just remember …in the winter… far beneath the bitter snows…  
lies the seed  
that with the sun's love…  
in the spring…  
becomes the rose"_

The words hit Hallie so hard, she stumbled back to land on the bed again, and her hand came to rest on the silver brush she had been using on her hair.

Nanna Rose's silver brush.

She didn't try to stop the sobs that were now racking her shoulders violently. The answer to her dilemma couldn't have been any clearer if Dan had been the one delivering it.

And, considering her new bond with Bill, she was actually grateful God had chosen her grandmother, instead of Dan, to be the one to tell her what she had already imagined to be possible in her heart.

She would give birth to Dan's child one day. It was meant to be. She knew it now.

But, she didn't know if anyone else could ever understand it.

Not even Bill.

"How do I…get him to understand?" Hallie choked out.

The sweet sound of the song that had been playing on the radio was now being replaced by soft static, and as abruptly as the fragrance signaling Rose's presence had come, it was gone again.

Hallie felt a great emptiness for a moment. Fearing that she might inadvertently hear "Love is the Answer" being played, she quickly crossed the room to turn off the stereo.

_I just can't hear that song. Not now. Please, God. Not now._

She let out a sigh of relief when the radio did not come back on, and then she moved back to the bed to continue brushing her hair.

_But, how do I tell Bill I've changed my mind?_ She pondered wearily. She wished Nanna Rose's presence had not left her so soon.

_And ,once I get Bill to agree to this…what will the Bobwhites think of our idea? How will we tell them?_

She was imagining what Dan would suggest, were he there to advise her, when the image of her cousin Mart suddenly popped into her mind.

_Dan always went to Mart when he needed advice, _Hallie thought.

She put her brush down, intending to pick up the phone and give Mart a call, but the sudden sound of the phone ringing stopped her mid-reach.

_Okay, God, if that's Mart on the line, you're really cooking today._

But, it wasn't her jovial cousin's voice Hallie heard when she answered the telephone.

It was Jim Frayne's.

"Hallie? Oh, thank God you're home! It's time! I mean…I'm taking Trixie to the hospital, right now. She's…she's having the baby!"


	44. one sock, two sock, old sock, blue sock

_**Note: These characters (with the exception of the BWG's offspring) are not mine. They belong to Random House.**_

_Sometimes, there are places which hold significant meaning in our lives. _

For sixteen year old Laura Belden, this place was a tree house in the backyard which had originally belonged to her twin uncles. As little girls, Laura and her own twin sister Lydia had spent countless hours transforming every boyish feature into the ultimate girl getaway. It had been a magical place. A place where fashion dolls came to life, unicorns danced on rainbows, glitter could make anything beautiful, and whispered dreams were kept secret in the diaries of sisters' hearts. It was the place where Laura had first learned to blow a bubble with chewing gum, where she had confessed her first crush, and where she'd held her first slumber party.

Unfortunately, it was also the last place where she felt truly close to her sister.

Time and personality differences had been causing the twins to drift farther and farther apart; leaving Laura feeling nostalgic about their childhood days in the old wooden tree house.

She ran a slender finger over the railing of the outer decking as she strolled casually on its rickety planking. Her heart felt burdened by more than just her feelings of detachment from her twin.

_I hope it's still in here, _the dark haired girl thought to herself as she climbed inside.

The little pink object she was searching for was quickly located, but before she could sit down to examine it, a noise from below startled her.

"Lydia?" Laura called out.

She slipped her head out of the small doorway, expecting to see her sister, only to find her Uncle Bobby staring up at her with a strange look of surprise.

"Oh! Laura! What are you doing up there?" Bob Belden asked quickly. Laura thought his voice sounded a little husky, and she wondered if he missed her uncles whenever he passed by the old play fort. Larry and Terry Lynch had been his childhood pals, and the three of them had built the tree house together.

"I…I came up here to get something. Were you trying to find Dad?" Laura guessed.

"Well…yes, actually. But…he wasn't out in the potting shed. Do you happen to know where he is?"

The teen remembered her father, Martin Belden, had an appointment with some scientists from a local university, so she told her uncle about it.

"But, I think he told Mom he would be back in time for dinner," she added helpfully. "Maybe you'll catch him if you stick around."

It wasn't uncommon, after all, for Bobby to have dinner with his brother's family.

"That's okay. I really should be getting back to the preserve. But, thank you, anyway. I have a lot of work to do. I just wanted to drop off some new data about our spinach mite research, and…say,…what's that you're holding?"

Laura felt the heat creeping up her neck, and she tried to play off the embarrassing blush with a characteristic suck of her teeth and a dramatic roll of her violet eyes.

"This? Oh…um…I just happened to see it lying around up here. It's my…uh…Precious Moments Bible. Aunt Cara gave it to me when I was really little." The pretty teen gave the small pink covered book a casual flop as her hand waved the air.

But Bobby didn't buy it.

"And, that's not what you went up there to find?" The slow grin spreading across his handsome, tanned face caused Laura to give an exasperated huff and roll her eyes once more.

"Whatever, Uncle Bobby! I outgrew this baby version a long time ago. I have a really cool teen study Bible, now." She didn't want to look childish in front of an adult, and she knew her father's brother had always been a proud atheist, but those weren't the only reasons Laura didn't want to go into detail about her sudden need for retrieving the old children's edition of the Bible.

"So…that wouldn't be some sort of…embarrassing note hanging out of it either, I suppose," Bobby teased her again.

Laura wanted to throw something at him.

"Ooh! You…you," she started.

"Careful," Bobby warned with a laugh, "You're holding a holy book. Don't say something you'll regret later."

The young girl couldn't help but laugh at his quick wit. To prove her uncle wrong, she pulled out the multicolored piece of paper that was protruding from the book, carefully folding and bending some of its edges as she did so, and then held its cube-like shape up for the man below her to view.

"See! It's _not_ a note, Nosey!" She giggled. "It's a witness cube."

Suddenly, Bobby's smile disappeared.

"Where…where did you…get that? Did Cara give that to you, too?"

The strange sort of way the man was choking on his words made Laura feel uncomfortable.

"Well…no. Not exactly. She taught Lydia and me how to make them. Lydia's was bigger, of course. But, mine had brighter colors, and…"

She stopped when she realized that the man below her wasn't listening. He was staring into space with a sad, far off look.

"Um…Uncle Bobby? Are you okay?"

"What? Oh, of course, Sweetie. Everything's fine. I just…" He looked as if he were about to brush her off and go back toward the house, but then he surprised her by reaching up a hand and beckoning for her to come down to him. "You know what? No. I'm not okay. It seems that we both need someone to talk to right now, so…why don't you come down from there and…let's sit on the back patio for a minute. Does that sound good to you?"

Laura suddenly didn't know what to say.

And that was completely unlike her.

She could imagine her father laughing at her and saying, "My Motormouth has been struck speechless? Oh No! It's the end of the world!"

"Well…uh…sure. That sounds…good to me… I guess," Laura finally managed to stammer at Bobby after a moment of stunned silence.

She climbed down the old strips of wood serving as a ladder on the side of the tree and wondered how in the world her father's brother could have guessed that something was troubling her. After making it to the bottom step, she hopped down to stand awkwardly beside the blonde headed man.

"Okay. Let's go sit down, then" she said, trying to sound casual as she led the way to the patio. Laura's heart began to beat faster with the thought of sharing out loud what was bothering her.

But, before she could say anything, her uncle surprised her by starting the conversation the very minute they were seated.

"Um, Laura,…did you know … your Aunt Cara was the first girl I ever kissed?"

Again, Laura was struck mute.

"It happened right up there in that tree house, actually. I was about eleven years old at the time."

"No way!" Laura found her voice again.

"Uh, huh. And, it was the same day we first saw one of those witness cubes, too." Bobby's voice suddenly took on a regretful tone. "She was helping me find a letter my friend Dan had left for me, and the cube was in it, and…well…the kiss just sort of happened. Unfortunately…after that, I was so wrapped up in how it made me feel that… I didn't understand what was happening to her because of the cube. Looking back now, I guess I got jealous of her new faith. It was like she chose God over me, and I was too selfish to be happy for her. Honestly…I stormed off like an idiot, and it was years before I ever really sat down and talked to Cara about anything. Pretty stupid, huh?"

Laura blinked a few times in astonishment before answering him.

"O…M…G! You are totally lying to me!"

"No, Laura, I'm not," Bobby said softly.

"But…but what about Aunt Isabella? Does she know about any of this?"

The man beside her chuckled and patted her shoulder kindly.

"Oh, of course she knows. And, she knows it was all just an innocent first kiss. I don't think I ever really thought of Cara as a potential girlfriend, truthfully. It was just a silly crush. We're tremendous friends, now. But…with all the other things going on in my life at that time…I guess…I guess I took everything the wrong way back then. "

"And, is that why…you…um…never wanted anything to do with God?" Laura asked shyly.

Her uncle shifted uncomfortably in his deck chair, staring thoughtfully across the lawn at the tree house.

"One of many reasons…I guess." He turned back to her and gave her a fatherly smile. "But, don't you worry about that. A lot has changed since those days. I've changed. And…thankfully…God is still working on me. I've even been taking my family to church, recently. I guess that's…uh…that's part of what I wanted to talk to your dad about."

The implications of his words weren't lost on the teen, and Laura immediately felt her heavy heart filling with a lighter warmth that couldn't be explained. She wanted to blurt out the million thoughts swarming in her brain, yet she fought off the urge so that the opportunity to witness to him wouldn't be lost.

Unfortunately, the obnoxious sound of a Lady GaGa ringtone suddenly interrupted her plan.

"I am SO sorry, Uncle Bobby. Let me…um…turn that off," Laura snatched her cell phone out of her pocket, checked the caller I.D., and then quickly hit the "off" button. "It's Brandon. I'll just…call him back, later." She wanted to crawl under her chair and hide in embarrassment. This was her chance to prove to her family that she wasn't the airheaded socialite everyone thought she was, and she certainly didn't want to blow it, now.

"Brandon, huh?" Bobby said with raised eyebrows. "Isn't that the same guy Matt punched in the face at school? Please tell me you're not going out with him just because he drives that really nice sports car."

_So much for changing my image,_ Laura thought.

"Look, it's not what you think," Laura said quickly. "I mean, yeah, he's the same guy Matt had a fight with, but…but, he's not as bad as everyone thinks he is. And, no, I'm not going out with him because of his car. Brandon is actually very sweet. He's had it really rough, too, you know. People would see that if they ever just took the time to get to know him. His dad ran out on them when he was a baby, and the only reason he's at Ten Acres is because his grandmother helps his mom pay the tuition. Of course, that car he drives looks new, but it's really a cast off his rich boss at the Mattress Outlet gave him to fix up. He's had to work hard for everything he gets. And…see…Daniel doesn't always get why Brandon's such a jerk around him all the time, but I do. He's obviously jealous of Daniel. And, I guess I can see why. It's like Brandon never even had one good dad, and…now... Daniel's got two."

She suddenly stopped, realizing that her uncle was staring at her with wide eyes and a gaping mouth.

"Well…it's true," she mumbled in finishing. She wished he hadn't said all of that.

_Motormouth strikes again,_ she lamented to herself.

"Wow," Bobby said after a brief silence. "Sounds like Brandon's lucky to have you on his side."

"And, whether anyone else agrees or not, I feel lucky to have him on mine," Laura stated firmly.

"Hey, I get it. I do. Just don't…fell like you have to…rush into anything," Bobby said softly. "You're still very young, and Brandon's probably going to be going away to school next year. So…don't fall too hard for him, okay?"

"I won't," she encouraged him with a smile.

"Besides, you might…discover someone better for you later in life; kind of the way I did when I met Isabella."

His words brought another fit of rolling eyes from his niece.

"Or, I could wind up weird and all alone like your cousin Knut. You know, Fiona once told me his girlfriend Gloria left him standing at the altar years ago, and he's never even dated one girl since! All that fame as a writer, and he's got no one to love. How tragic!" She couldn't help but let her eyes grow wide with the thrill of the gossip she was sharing.

"Come on, Laura, that's not true," Bobby broke into a laugh again. "Knut's gone out with a lot of other women. In fact, he's seeing one lady right now who has two grown children. They all spent Christmas together at his ski chalet in Denver. You shouldn't believe the junk people write about him in magazines."

Once again, Laura felt naive and childish. All she could do in response was let out a wilted, "Oh."

But, Bobby didn't seem to notice her embarrassment. He gave her shoulder another gentle pat.

"Is…uh…your concern about winding up 'weird and all alone' what made you go out to the tree house for your Bible?" He guessed. "Or…does it have anything to do with the stuff you just told me about Brandon?"

"What? Oh, no. It's not about any of that. It's…um…see…I wanted to find the Bible so I could…"

_Wow. How do I say this? Especially now that I know he might be interested in God._

Laura closed her eyes for a moment to pray for the right words that would explain her dilemma without scaring Uncle Bobby away from anything spiritual.

"I wanted to find the Bible so I could give the cube to Ashley," she finally said, biting her lip nervously. "I wasn't sure if she was saved or not."

Bobby seemed deeply moved by her words.

"That's very sweet of you," he whispered.

"What? No lecture about pushy Christians trying to butt into everyone's life?" she teased.

"Not today. I'm trying to cut back."

Laura recognized the phrase as one her father often used when he was trying to keep things light, so she followed suit by sticking her tongue out at Bobby like she used to do when she was younger. If nothing else, she hoped it would keep him from being so serious he would be offended by her religious zeal.

"That's good. I'm not in the mood for one of your lectures, anyhow," she smirked. "I got more than my share of the one you gave when you subbed for old Mr. Meinet's science class last week."

"I just wonder what's got you so interested in Ashley's spiritual welfare all of a sudden," Bobby's voice shifted into a quietly serious tone. "Has something happened?"

"You mean…you don't know?" The idea made Laura uneasy. She thought everyone in her family knew. Everyone, that is, except for Daniel.

Bobby's frightened nod answered her question.

"Ashley's in the hospital. And…she's not doing so well. She went in with pneumonia just after Daniel and Poppa flew out of town." Despite all her efforts, the young girl couldn't mask the concern in her voice.

"Oh no. That's not good," Bobby breathed. "Does Daniel know about this?"

His niece shook her raven pony tail sadly.

"No, and she doesn't want anyone to tell him, either. She's afraid he'll try to leave Paris and come home from his trip early."

For a moment, the two of them sat in tense silence, and then Bobby sprang up with a determined air.

"Well, then, I think we'd better get going."

"Get going? Where?" Laura was confused.

"To the hospital, of course. You said you wanted to give the cube to Ashley, and…I…" he paused to swallow back his emotions, "I'm ready to see how that thing works."

"But…but, you said you needed to get back to the preserve, and…"

"Forget what I said," Bobby interrupted her with nervous energy. "Isabella and Angelica won't mind if I'm a little late getting home. I think it's important that we do this. It's taken me over twenty years to understand what Dan wanted so desperately for me to see, and…well…we don't know if Ashley has that kind of time."

Realizing how painfully familiar all of this must be for her uncle, Laura reached out to take his hand and gave it a sympathetic squeeze when she rose from her seat.

"Thanks, Uncle Bobby," she said.

"You're welcome, Sweetie. Now, come on. We need to tell your mom where we're going." He was patting down the pockets of his explorer vest, searching for his keys, when he suddenly stopped to pull a tiny object from one of them. It was an old, blue baby sock.

"What's that for?" Laura questioned. She could see the article of clothing was quite faded, and it looked as if it had been riding in Bobby's breast pocket for a considerable time, now.

Bobby's face was suddenly overtaken by a glowing blush and a wide grin.

"Luck," he said with a laugh. "I'm hoping the new baby will be a boy. Call it superstition if you want, but…it's really more…about tradition."

"Why?" Laura asked as she opened the back door to the old Lynch Estate. "Was that sock yours when you were a baby?"

The smile on the man's face deepened and his eyes glistened as he held the door open for her to pass through in front of him.

"Believe it or not, it's even older than I am. Tell you what. Wait until we're in the car, and then… I'll tell you all about it…"


	45. one sock part 2

"Wait 'til later, and you'll tell me all about it? Are you kidding me? You know I have absolutely no patience, Bobby Belden." Trixie Frayne gave her youngest brother a light smack on the shoulder. "Just tell me, now!"

"Not here," Bobby mumbled under his breath at her. The young man tugged self-consciously at his college sweatshirt and looked around the room to see if anyone else was listening to their conversation. He had every intention of giving his sister a satisfactory answer to her question, but not in front of their entire family.

"Just tell me if you even liked her or not," Trixie persisted, "Di seems to think she's perfect for you."

"Good grief, Trix, will you please just drop it? I said I'd tell you everything, and I will." He wound his way through several people, trying to lose her in the crowded living room of Crabapple Farm, but eventually found himself coming face to face with his big sister again as he neared the entrance to the kitchen.

"Did you ask her out for a second date?" She pestered him once more.

Bobby let out an exasperated groan and pushed past her. He could hear her giggling behind him as he made his way into the sanctuary of the next room alone.

_Why is my love life suddenly so interesting to everyone?_ He pondered.

Of course, he did have to admit that his sister-in-law Diana had been right about one thing. Isabella Pierce _was_ the perfect girl for him. And, it had only taken one date for Bobby to see it, too. Still, he didn't want to rush into anything. And he definitely didn't want the whole house full of guests to give him grief about the blind date he'd been on the night before. He decided the best way to avoid any more questions was to step out the back door for a minute to get some fresh air.

However, he hadn't been out on the porch long before he realized that he wasn't completely alone in the darkness.

"So, the noise finally got to you, too, huh?" A deep voice asked from the shadows.

"What? Oh…uh…Regan, what are you doing out here?" Bobby had known instantly who the speaker was. The timber of his words sounded so joltingly similar to Dan Mangan's, and yet so heartbreakingly different.

"Same as you, kid. Just trying to find some peace and quiet. Hey…don't get me wrong; I love it when Cap and Sue come to town and we all cram into your folks' place to see them. But…well…this old farmhouse wasn't meant to hold so many people, and…I …I guess I'm not one for large crowds."

Bobby could certainly respect that. He knew the orphaned Bill Regan didn't grow up in a big family the way he did. But, he thought the older man should have gotten used to it by now. After all, it had been over seven years since Bill married Bobby's cousin Hallie.

"I guess it wasn't the noise in there that bothered me so much," Bobby said in response to the man's first question. "It was the constant stream of females bugging me about my date last night that drove me out here."

He could hear Regan snickering from where he leaned against the far railing.

"Oh, yes. Those nosey Belden women," he snorted. "They don't let up, do they?"

"Not a one of them."

"So, how did it go, then? You're date, I mean?"

"Now, don't you start in on me, too," Bobby pretended to complain. He was secretly glad that the older man cared enough to ask, but he still didn't feel like sharing a lot of private information with him. In an effort to keep the conversation moving, he shrugged his shoulders and feigned boredom with the topic. "Honestly, Regan, the date was fine. No big deal. Di set me up with a nice girl, and…I think we're gonna go out again on Friday."

"That's good," Regan said simply.

The understatement was appreciated, and Bobby took the opportunity to change the subject.

"So…um…did you see what I did to Mr. Maypenny's shed last week? The new extension to the roof is going to keep more of his firewood dry for the winter. Actually, I've been meaning to do it for a few months, but…I got busy with my classes at school."

"That was really nice of you, Bobby. I'm sure Mr. Maypenny is grateful for all the things you've been doing for him, lately."

"Yeah…well…it's not like he's getting any younger," Bobby murmured regretfully. "I wish I could do more for him. I've got one semester left before I'm done with my program, and then I'll come home and really give him a hand."

"You know…you don't have to do that," Bill's voice sounded tired. "There are plenty of us around here to take care of Mr. Maypenny. You should…go and do the things _you_ want to do after college."

"But…that _is_ what I want to do," Bobby insisted.

"Why? Because you think it's what Dan would want?"

Such a direct statement wasn't what Bobby expected from Bill at that moment. Hallie's no-nonsense way of speaking was clearly rubbing off on him.

"Wow…um…maybe that's part of it," he said slowly with uncertainty. "But…I don't think it's too much to ask of me in the way of honoring him."

"Don't you think he would want you to feel free to pursue your own life?"

It was a challenge to everything the young blonde had been so sure of a few moments before, and he wasn't sure he liked it.

"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but…don't worry, okay? I'm not putting my future on hold, and I'm not doing all this just because of Dan. I actually like working with Maypenny. And, environmental science is exactly what I'm interested in. So…relax, alright? I really _want_ to be a gamekeeper."

"Hey, no problem. Just looking out for you; that's all." Regan moved a few steps toward the younger man, allowing his face to be seen more clearly, and Bobby detected a mixture of sadness and worry in his expression. "I…guess…I haven't had much of a chance to talk to you since Hallie and I told everyone about the new baby, huh?"

Bobby didn't answer him. The topic of Hallie currently being pregnant with Dan's child was another popular conversation thread he'd been trying to avoid when he was inside.

"Does the idea…um…scare you as much as it does me?" Regan asked quietly.

Bobby was stunned.

_Scared? He's scared? Why in the world would he agree to this, if he's scared? _

"Well…I wouldn't exactly say I was…_scared_ by the whole thing, but…it's…not something I have a solid grip on quite yet," Bobby answered him slowly. He wondered of Regan was having second thoughts about what they'd done.

"Yeah, I guess it's probably a difficult thing to accept at first," Bill nodded. "Of course…I know it's what Dan would have wanted us to do." He gave a lopsided grin as he repeated Bobby's own words back to him. "And, I don't think it's too much to ask of us in the way of honoring him."

"Then, why does it scare you so much?" The younger man grimaced after voicing the question. He'd been thinking it to himself and had not intended to speak it out loud.

The smile on the redhead vanished, and Regan took a long, weary breath, blowing it out slowly before speaking again.

"I think the reason why this whole thing scares me is because… I wish Dan could be here in my place. And … I'm afraid his child will grow up to wish it, too."

If anyone else in the world had said this to Bobby, he wouldn't have understood a word of it, nor would he have been so entirely moved. However, coming from Bill Regan, the large, hard-looking man who often appeared as if he could turn back a tornado by simply staring angrily at it, this sentiment struck deep into the heart of all the hurts Bobby had been shoving down and glossing over for more than a decade.

_Oh my God, he's right! It's guilt. I'm just as scared as he is, and… it's…it's because of guilt._

The younger man had to turn his face aside to hide the tears that were suddenly welling up.

"Hey, Bobby. I didn't mean to upset you…" Bill started.

"It's okay," Bobby sniffled like a child. And, for the first time in many years, it _was_ okay. "I…I guess I totally understand what you're saying. But, I think…for me…it's about being afraid that I won't be able to pass on to this kid all the wise advise Dan gave me, because…I…I…" he forced out the last few words as he swallowed down his sobs, "…I haven't followed it for myself."

A deep sense of release followed his own confession, surprising Bobby, and he found himself feeling grateful that he was having this conversation with Regan.

_Who knew? The one person I wanted to talk about this with the least has helped me out the most._

"I think I know what you mean, kid," Bill's words interrupted his thoughts. "But, hey, you have to believe me when I say that Dan would be very proud of you, right now. Whether you've followed his advice or not. He'd …he'd still be… very proud of you."

The strain in the older man's voice as it died away indicated to Bobby that he was also growing emotional.

"Thanks, Regan," Bobby whispered. "That means a lot to me."

When he felt strong enough to speak without crying, he decided he should return the favor and try to assuage Regan's fears, too.

"And, for what it's worth…I know Dan's kid will see how lucky he is to have you for a father, even after he grows up and learns about Dan. After all, Dan always said that you were the one man he looked up to the most."

Now, it was Regan's turn to sniff back tears.

"Wow. Thanks, kid." The redhead coughed to hide his sob. "I…um…thanks."

"No problem."

Both men stood silently staring out over the darkened backyard of Crabapple Farms for a while longer, taking control of their sadness and gaining strength from the revelations they had shared with one another. It wasn't too long before the younger man felt the need to get the conversation going once again.

"Have you and Hallie…thought about some names, yet?" Bobby asked casually.

"Well…obviously, if it's a boy, we'll name him Daniel. I guess we figured because Will is _my_ namesake, and this baby will be Dan's…you get it."

"Sure. I get it. And, I guess if it's a girl, you'll probably, name her Danielle, right?"

A startling snort suddenly escaped Bill's nostrils at the question.

"I wish! You're cousin has it in her head that we should name the baby Rose if it's a girl. I'm sorry, but…Rose just sounds like an old person's name. I don't think I could name her that."

"Okay…so, you don't like Rose," Bobby held up his hands in mock surrender. "What other name would _you_ want to name her, if the baby turned out to be a girl?"

Regan smiled.

"I like the name Fiona. It was my grandmother's name and my sister's middle name. Seeing that this will be my sister's grandchild, I think it would make sense to name it after her."

"Yeah, I can see that. And, it sounds a lot better than Rose, I think."

Suddenly, Regan moved closer to Bobby, reaching into his breast pocket to pull out something in a secretive sort of way.

"I'm hoping I won't have even to worry about coming up with a girl name, now that I've got _this_ in my pocket," the horseman said with a laugh.

"What is that?" Bobby squinted in the dark to get a closer look at the small, blue object being held up in Regan's big hand.

"It's…kind of…a good luck charm."

"Looks like a baby sock to me."

"Well…it is, but…it's worked before…"

Bobby shook his head and laughed. "Oh, I see. You carried that thing around in your pocket for nine months, and Will turned out to be a boy. So…you just naturally assumed it would work for this baby, too? Wow! I thought Catholics didn't believe in luck. Just patron saints and stuff like that."

Regan looked hurt.

"First of all, not all Irish are Catholic, Bobby. And, I don't exactly believe in luck, either…it's more like…tradition."

"Tradition? Come on, Will's only three years old. You mean you're looking to _start_ a tradition, not _carry on_ a tradition."

Again, frustration showed on Bill's freckled face.

"_I _wasn't the one who started it. Tim Mangan was. This is Dan's baby sock. See?"

A quiet sense of awe immediately silenced Bobby as he slowly moved closer to view the tiny blue fabric. Clearly, it was faded and not of a contemporary style.

Suddenly, Bobby _did_ see.

"Oh. So…um…if that was Dan's sock…and you didn't know him when he was a baby, then, how'd you get it?"

"It was in Dan's baby book. My sister had given it to him before she passed away, and he brought it with him to Sleepyside when he moved here. Hallie and I went looking through it after Will was born, to get some ideas about starting his baby book, and…well…we found the sock in the book. Apparently, Tim had carried a pair in his pocket, but only one of them was saved."

Again, all that Bobby could muster was a quiet, "Oh."

"You think it's stupid, don't you?" Regan asked, crossing his arms defensively.

"No! Oh, no! I don't think it's stupid at all! I just…I don't know what else to say."

"Well…maybe it _is_ stupid," the big man mumbled as he pocketed his family treasure again. He turned away as if he were about to go back inside, but Bobby reached out to stop him.

"No. Please don't go away mad. I think it's a great tradition. I do. You just…caught me off guard, that's all. It still smarts to… to think about him…sometimes. You know?"

Regan turned back, but he didn't say anything. He just nodded quietly to indicate his agreement and to show that there were no hard feelings.

"Yeah…um…" Bobby continued, feeling somewhat awkward now, "so…uh…if I ever have a kid of my own someday…then, uh…maybe I could even…borrow the sock? Or do you think if would even work for me…since, I'm not technically family…"

"Of course you're family!" The big man suddenly laughed out loud again. "And, you're absolutely welcome to use it, when the time is right." He reached over and gave a playful rub of his knuckles on the top of Bobby's head, reminiscent of Dan's old way of teasing him. The unexpected gesture made the younger man feel surprisingly light of heart, despite the weight of the earlier conversation.

"But, you know…" Regan continued as the two men turned to walk into the warm light of the Crapapple Farm kitchen. "If we're gonna do this whole tradition thing right, you've gotta take good care of this sock when it's your turn to carry it. Daniel's going to need it when he becomes a father, someday."

The two men shared a special smile, causing Bobby to feel secure enough to tease his cousin's husband once more.

"You mean…_Rose_ is going to need it."

"Not funny," Regan smirked.


	46. Love squared

_February of present year: Bobby's POV_

Sometimes, there are moments in our lives which make us question what we know to be true.

And because what we know to be true makes us who we are, these periods of doubt can test us to the core. How we respond to them, shows the world what we are really made of.

For Bob Belden, these moments in life had always been met head on with the scientific logic he'd been educated with. Having completed his graduate degree with a perfect 4.0, he was known in the research community as a respectably objective scientist. He had always relied on proven truths to explain the inconsistencies of life. He had always felt secure in his atheism.

But, as he and his niece Laura stepped off the elevator onto the cancer floor of the Sleepyside Regional Hospital, Bobby began to ask himself a frightening question: _What if everything I ever thought to be true about God and the universe is wrong?_

His mind reeled.

_If God wasn't real enough to be there for me when I needed him the most, why is He suddenly taking every opportunity to interrupt my life now? _

He tried not to remember the day when he lost all faith in God. Didn't want to think about the terrifying sound of his cousin Hallie's screams. The icy chill gripping his heart with the realization that his beloved friend Dan Mangan was dead. He wanted to forget the moment he'd broken free from his mother to respond to Hallie's voice, rushed to the doorway, and discovered his siblings struggling to hold their hysterical cousin back. _Why are they trying to keep her away from him? _ He had wondered.

Now, as he stood in the same place, experiencing the same sights and hospital smells as when he was a ten-year-old boy being forced to wait in the hallway, he did his best to resist the memories his brain was immediately recalling. He didn't want to relive the desperation. Didn't want to imagine himself as an innocent boy pathetically begging God to save Dan; the silent pleas for God to send an army of doctors and nurses into the young man's hospital room to revive him; to fix the problem; to make everything better. Most of all…he didn't want to remember the way he felt when he realized that God wasn't responding.

But, remember it all… he did.

It was painfully and hauntingly real.

And yet, despite the old feelings of abandonment threatening to overtake him, he was surprised to find that anger was no longer a part of the experience. Gone was the bitter rage he once felt when he concluded that a good and loving God simply couldn't exist at all if someone as devoted as Dan could slip into death without a hint of supernatural intervention.

He no longer hated the possibility of God taking Dan out of this world.

In fact, for the first time in over twenty years, the very thought of a Heavenly Father calling His child home somehow brought Bobby a small sense of peace.

_Could there really be such a God? _

_Could it be that He didn't abandon me that day, but that…in ignoring my prayers…He simply answered Dan's?_

The sobering thoughts made it easier for Bobby to keep his legs moving down the corridor toward Ashley's recovery room. With every step, he gained confidence.

_If there is a God, and Dan is with Him, then I'm ready to see what Dan tried to show me by giving me the witness cube. I'm ready to know why he believed._

He followed Laura down the hall, knowing that the next time he passed this way… he wouldn't be the same person.


	47. love cubed

_Bobby's POV continued…_

"Trixie? What are you doing here?" Bobby couldn't help but stare at his older sister who was standing on the other side of the hospital room with her daughter Emily.

"Well," she feigned insult, "I'm happy to see you, too!"

"Sorry. It's just…"

"Unexpected of me?" Trixie finished for him. "Oh Bob, you of all people should know; spontaneity is my middle name."

Everyone, including the pale teen in the bed, gave a laugh at her accurate statement. The spunky Mrs. Frayne was certainly known for being unpredictable.

"Of course, it's completely normal for _you_ to be here, I guess," Trixie continued to smile through her sarcasm. "And, with only one of Mart's twins too, I see." She hugged Laura Belden as the youth came around the bed to stand beside her aunt. "I didn't even know you girls could be split up like this without experiencing withdrawal symptoms."

"Hardy har har, Aunt Trixie. You're funny. Seriously, Uncle Bobby wasn't planning on coming here. I guess I kind of kidnapped him. He stopped by the house, looking for Dad, and I talked him into bringing me so I could give something to Ashley," Laura gave her uncle a special smile when she said the word "kidnapped" because they both knew it was actually Bobby's idea to come.

"I'm just glad you came," Ashley said looking up at them with a faint sparkle in her eyes. "My mom left about an hour ago to get a nap, and I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself until Emily and Mrs. Frayne stopped in. Now, you're here, too. I feel so popular!"

Bobby thought the sandy haired girl looked surprisingly healthy, despite having been deathly ill with pneumonia only a few days before. Obviously, the worst was over, and the young Leukemia survivor would be headed home soon.

"But…um… it _does_ seem weird to see you without your sister, Laura," Ashley continued. "Where _is_ Lydia, anyway?"

"She's at our Grammie's house for one of her book club meetings. I was supposed to go, too…but…"

"But, you didn't actually read the book, huh?" The freckles on the older blonde woman's nose crinkled up as Trixie smirked lovingly at her niece.

"I did, too!" Laura whined. "Well…the last chapter, anyway."

Again, everyone laughed.

"So, then…what was it you came all this way to bring me?" Ashley asked shyly, pointing at the object Laura held in her small hands.

"Oh," Laura blushed, "well…I thought you might need some…uh…comfort…in a sort of…um…spiritual way, so I…I…brought you…"

"I know what that is!" Emily Frayne suddenly interrupted. The autistic girl moved swiftly from behind her mother to take the witness cube from her cousin. "I can make the Jesus box work. Let me show you. Let me show you."

"Emmmie, that was very rude!"

"It's okay, Aunt Trixie. She won't hurt it." Laura was well accustomed to the eleven-year-old's quirky behavior.

"Still, she should know better than to interrupt people or to take things away from them like that," Trixie gave her daughter a disapproving glare.

However, Emily was oblivious to any look or word. While Bobby looked on with an increasingly nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach, the child stared ahead in her usual, glassy-eyed manner and began to manipulate the colored paper box in her hands. Methodically, she folded and inverted the origami shape until she had the outer panels all shrouded in black. Her small frame rocked a little, back and forth, as she finished.

"Look, Ashley. Look. Do you know how it works? Daniel showed me how it works. I can show you. I can show you."

"Yes, that would be great, Emily. Show me."

It was clear to Bobby that Ashley was just being nice. She seemed to already be familiar with the cube. And, why shouldn't she be? She was, after all, Daniel's girlfriend, and if she had spent any time with him he would have naturally shared his faith with her.

"See the black?" Emily began. "The black is sin. We are all sinful. We all do bad things. Sin separates us from God. God can't be with us because of sin. Sin is bad. Sin is bad."

The little girl held up the shape and recited, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23."

"Very good, Em," Trixie beamed proudly.

"Not done yet, Mama. There's more. See? Not done."

Emily pulled two outer tabs, causing the black panels to flip inward and reveal a new splash of red. There were three scriptures printed in the midst of the surrounding blocks of scarlet, and Bobby wasn't surprised to see that one of them was John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him might not perish but have everlasting life." He had seen that verse many times before. However, the other two verses were unfamiliar to him. He leaned closer to read them as Emily held the cube up for inspection.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord, Romans 6:23."

"But God demonstrated his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, Romans 5:8."

The little girl's face turned sad as she continued her demonstration, "We deserve to die 'cause of our sin, but Jesus died in our place. It was God's gift, see? He gave Jesus to die so that we didn't have to. The red is His blood. He bled to pay for the bad things we do. By ourselves, we could never pay the price, and we could never be good enough to be with God. "

Listening politely, Bobby knew he should be moved by the ancient ideas alone, yet it was the deep sadness in his little niece's face that actually began to stir his heart. It made him think of his own daughter Angelica.

_I could never give my child's life to save anyone else. Especially someone as undeserving as me. Could it be that God really loves us that much? I can't even imagine such a love._

"So, step one, then," Trixie said, breaking into his thoughts, "is to admit that we need God's gift of eternal life through Jesus. We must admit we are sinners who need forgiveness."

_Okay, that's not too hard to do,_ Bobby thought to himself.

He nodded to indicate that he understood, but he didn't say anything. He wondered if he was supposed to. His internal musing almost caused him to miss the next color transformation Emily performed on the box, but he looked up just in time to see the girl's tiny fingers give the last fold that left the outer walls of the shape a brilliant white.

"Oh, I like this verse," Laura interjected before Emily could speak. She pointed at the words written on the white panels which read, "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost, Titus 3:5."

Then, she smiled at Bobby.

"It's just like Dad's favorite hymn at church. 'What can wash me white as snow? Nothing but the blood of Jesus," she sang out softly.

At the mention of the song, Ashley gave a small laugh and blushed. "I could sure use a physical 'washing and regeneration' right now. I can't wait to get out of this hospital and get home to my shower."

The gentle laughter that followed her comment did a lot to calm Bobby's growing anxiety, and it made him realize just how much all of this was affecting him, emotionally.

_Get a grip on yourself, Bob,_ he thought. _This isn't the first time someone's tried to spout scripture at you. Stay calm! You don't have to make any decisions if you don't want to._

In an effort to keep his fidgeting hands still, he shoved them quickly into his pockets. Emily, of course, paid no attention to his growing discomfort but kept moving forward with her presentation.

"The white is purity," the little girl continued. "It shows how Jesus took away our sins and made us clean for Heaven." She caused a flip of one side and a fold to another, and in a moment, the white panels of the cube were expertly transformed into blocks of gold.

"The Bible says the streets of Heaven are made of gold." Emily held the cube up once more. "See? Streets of gold. Jesus fixed things so that we can go there. All we have to do is accept Him and what He did for us, and sin won't keep us out of Heaven anymore." Suddenly, her little brows furrowed in thought, and she looked as if she were about to cry. "This one's too hard for me to say. Uncle Bobby? Can you read it for me? Can you? Can you read it?"

The gamekeeper's breath caught in his throat at the invitation to get involved. He didn't think he was ready for such a request, but he couldn't deny the precious child before him. She had never before addressed him in such a direct way. Trembling, he reached out and took the witness cube from his niece's hand to read the scripture written on the golden paper.

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life, John 5:24."

"Do you know what it means?" Trixie's question to her brother was soft."I mean…do you understand?"

"I…I think I do." But, Bobby's highly trained, scientific mind wouldn't let his newly opened heart contemplate anything more at that moment than the geometric wonder of the folded object in his hand. He immediately became engrossed in the mathematical properties of the shape, allowing its complexity to distract him from its spiritual message. Turning it over and over again in his hands, he calculated the probable number of colored panels and decided that he'd no doubt seen every hidden verse the multifaceted cube had to share.

The realization left him feeling somewhat disappointed.

_That's it? That's all? I thought there'd be more. _

Just as he was tempted to cling to his old bitterness and abandon all hope of faith, Emily did something surprising.

The child awkwardly stepped in front of her uncle, took the cube gently from his hands, and held it to her chest. Still rocking slightly back and forth, she smiled up at him and whispered, "This is the best part. The best part. The best part."

With a quick shuffle and a few more folds, the cube was instantly transformed into the shape of a cross with beveled looking edges.

Of course, it wasn't just the mathematic improbability of the transformation that blew Bobby away; it was the picture that was pasted to the center of the paper cross. The image had been cut from a magazine; most likely one of those commonplace ads selling collectable glass figurines and cheesy sofa paintings, and… it depicted a man being held up from behind by the figure of Jesus.

The man held a hammer in one hand and a nail in the other.

The man looked completely broken by guilt and sorrow and unable to stand on his own.

The man…much to Bobby's alarm…looked an awful lot like Dan Mangan.

He audibly gasped when he saw it.

"See the colors?" Emily asked proudly, unaware of the way the cutout image was making her uncle feel. "The black color on this side of the cross doesn't touch the white or yellow on the other side. And, no matter how you fold it, the black can't touch the white or yellow. But, the red…the red touches everything. See? See? Sin can't get into Heaven, and Jesus' blood fixes everything. See? Do you see?"

"Yes…um…I see," Bobby breathed, reaching out for the colorful paper cross. "May I have a closer look at that again… for a moment, please?"

The child's eyes danced as she passed the object to him, and Trixie tried to hide her growing emotion by covering her mouth with her hands. Bobby wondered if she was upset because of the picture or because of his reaction to it.

"You did a great job, Em," Ashley encouraged the little girl to try and diffuse the tension in the room. "I know Daniel will be proud of you when I tell him what a great job you did. Thank you for showing me how the cube works. And, thank you Laura, for bringing it to me."

"You're welcome," Laura said softly. She gave a slight shrug and looked up at Bobby with the same concerned stare his sister was casting at him.

Of course, he couldn't be bothered with their sympathies at the moment. He was too busy trying to make sense of the object he was holding.

"How did you…I mean…this shape…I don't see how it's possible from the original structure…"

He stopped when he noticed the verse printed below the image was John 3:16 again. _Why is this verse so important?_

"There are twenty-five words in that verse; twenty-five folds in the cross; twenty five panels of the cube…" Emily began, as if reading his mind.

"But, it's an even-sided object!" Bobby interrupted. "That's impossible!"

"Twenty-five words in that verse: twenty-five folds in the cross; twenty-five panels of the cube; twenty five years that were lost…"

"What? What did you just say? Emily, what did you just say?" He had not intended to sound so gruff with the child, but he needed to hear the last of her words again.

_Did she just say what I thought she said? It couldn't be!_

"Twenty-five words in that verse; twenty-five folds in the cross; twenty-five panels of the cube; twenty five years that were lost."

Bobby suddenly felt as if he'd been struck by lightning. It had been exactly twenty-five years since he'd torn up the coordinates to Dan's final cache.

_How could she have known?_

"There are twelve words before the word 'Son' and twelve words after it. Twelve tribes of the children of Isreal…"

"And, I was twelve when I found the cube Dan left for me."

It was as if a light came on in the darkness. God had finally begun to speak to him in a language he could understand…math. Bobby quickly began to check the verse in his hands, and sure enough, the thirteenth word was "Son." The numerical patterns were easily seen by his autistic niece, yet he'd never noticed them before.

_Okay, you've got my attention, God. I know this message was meant for me. But, what now?_

Gingerly, he reached out a finger and touched the pasted picture of the man in Jesus' grasp. The likeness in the image sent a million thoughts racing through his mind.

_Did Dan feel such abandon when he surrendered his life to God? Why does this man look so guilty? Does this imply that we are all individually responsible for Jesus' suffering? Why does Jesus look so peaceful while this man appears to be so devastated? The title of the painting says "Forgiven." Is that what it means to be forgiven? To fall so humbly into His arms? Am I imagining things, or does it look like the man's feet are barely even touching the ground?_

Suddenly, the image of Mart, Trixie, and Brian clinging to Hallie by Dan's bedside all those years ago flashed in his mind.

_Oh, God, they weren't holding her back! They were holding her UP! Love holds us up! When we can't stand alone, love comes along and holds us up. _

"You…you were holding Hallie _up,_" he said aloud to Trixie, at last.

But, his sister wasn't listening. She was staring wide eyed at her daughter with a look of complete amazement.

"Trixie?"

The petite blonde turned to him, blinking back tears.

"Oh Bob, you…you do see what Emily is trying to say, don't you?" Her voice trembled with emotion.  
"This is what Dan tried to explain to you. You get it, now, right?" The look on her face was so pleading and expectant that he wanted to be completely truthful with her.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I…I want to understand. But…I still have questions."

He thought of the cross and how it stood as a reminder of the shame and punishment all believers are spared because of Jesus. It symbolized the sacrifice, the redemption, and God's unconditional forgiveness. Instantly, Bobby recalled the compass Dan Mangan gave him all those years ago. Dan had said the preacher who'd owned it had always kept it with him, but never used it.

_Because it served as a daily reminder that he didn't need it._

He was beginning to understand. The cross wasn't a crutch for the weak. It was a beautiful reminder of what Jesus saved us from.

It serves as a daily reminder that we won't have to face judgment the way Jesus did. _Because_ of what Jesus did on the cross.

"Trixie…I…I think I _do_ understand, now," Bobby stammered slowly.

She surprised him by giving in and crying unashamedly in front of them all.

"Well, thank God for that!" She shouted through her tears, suddenly grabbing Laura's hand in hers. "I don't know how, but Emmie knew it all along. She knew someone was going to 'see Jesus' today, as she put it. But…I had no idea she meant you! I just thought…I mean…when she pestered me all day to bring her here…I just thought she wanted us to come here to pray for Ashley. I never thought…Oh Bobby!" The older woman dropped Laura's hand and sprang forward to clasp her younger brother in her arms. "Bob, Dan would be so proud of you! This is what he wanted you to see! You…you do see the truth, now, don't you?"

And, for the first time, he honestly did. He held his sister and wept tears of joy and sadness; hurt and healing; tears of pain and peace.

"I see it, Trix. Dan was right about everything. There is a God. And, I know for sure now that Dan is with Him."

"Oh, Bobby!" Trixie cried out again. "I'm so glad you finally understand."

He held her for a moment longer before pulling back and looking down into her shining blue eyes.

"Look…I…uh…I know I'm supposed to pray a special prayer, now, or something like that, but…um…"

"It's okay," Trixie halted him, "if you're not ready, we can wait."

"It's not that. I am ready. It's just…I want Mart to be there with me when I do it."

"Daddy will be so happy!" Laura blurted. There were tears streaming down her pretty face, too. "He prays for you every night, Uncle Bobby. He does. Every night."

Somehow, Bobby had already known that. Deep in his heart.

"Of course," Trixie sniffed, "You'll probably want Isabella and Angelica to be there with you, too."

"And Daniel," Bobby nodded. "I'll wait for Daniel to get back from Paris."

"Oh, this is all so exciting!" Ashley squeezed the bed clothes as she clasped her hands together happily. "Daniel has been praying for you, too, Mr. Belden. I can't wait for him to know what God's shown you today."

"Thanks to Emily," Bobby said, acknowledging his little niece. The girl was nodding her head repeatedly and smiling up at him. "I have to admit; the numbers helped, Em. Thanks."

"Numbers speak to me. They speak to me. God makes numbers to speak to me," Emily's words fell away into a peaceful mumble as she nodded once more.

"Well…they spoke to me, too. Imagine that. God speaks math."

"Of course He does, silly," Laura giggled. "God invented math."

"The way Mart tells it, you'd think _he_ invented math."

The room erupted in watery laughter at Tixie's joke.

"Imagine that," Bobby repeated again. He couldn't believe how suddenly light his heart felt. "I've been so angry for so long…I never thought I could ever…wow!...imagine that. It's amazing what prayer and a little unconditional love can do."

"You mean, love squared," Laura teased, pointing at the witness cube in his hand.

"No, love cubed," Ashley chimed in.

"Or…more like," Bobby said with a smile, "love… to infinity!"

_Alright, everyone…I've run out of all of my chapters, and I don't have time to write anymore. I can maybe scribble out one more chapter to sew up any loose ends. Or…I can end it here._

_Tell me what you absolutely HAVE to know, and I'll try to give it to you in one more chapter – Or…if anyone wants to continue the story from here….feel free ;-)_


End file.
